The (Giving) Comment Swap Thread

The Real Mitt Romney:

without my knowing it - this should either be "without me knowing it" or "without knowing it". I'm not all too sure but I do think it should be phrased "without me knowing it" due to your tense.

You did a great job entirely. I like that you include a flashback to the day they met and he way you characterized Jimmy. Right from the beginning I was cheering for things to go his way. I like the way he's a little sassy when he suggest to Zacky that he doesn't want a social life.

He could almost be sleeping, except for the tubes wrapped around his arms and torso, and he could almost be dead, except for the beeping coming from one of the machines, signaling the beating of his heart, and the gentle rising and falling of his chest. That has to be my favorite lines throughout the entire oneshot. It's so dramatic yet calm at the same time.

I like that Jimmy acknowledges he's always alone now. Right from that sentence I felt like he almost accepted the way Johnny's now existing. Also, you almost got a few very manly, of course tears out of me at the end.

I hate but love that Jimmy has accepted Johnny will never come back to him. I love it because I feel like Jimmy's an easily character to relate to, he understands that life must go on, you can't always dwell in past events. I hate it because he's so easy to relate to, he expresses his feeling so realistically that I wanted him to have it all.

Overall, I feel you really pulled me into the story. You gave just the right amount of background information + characterized Jimmy though out the different time periods well enough for me to feel that he'd changed, even before he went on to explain it.

kim wonshik.:

I really like the beginning of the first chapter because of how you set it up. It's at something so personal like a wedding, but Jeffrey's just so detached from it all because he's not really a family guy. Then you add to that by talking about how his mom talked him into it, but it's more than her talking to him about going, it's because she manipulated him into it. And I absolutely loved that sort of analogy of him being a black sheep covered in white paint!

When I was reading through all the family's interactions, I just felt kinda tense and uncomfortable because Jeff didn't really wanna be there. And I think the way you wrote them made the characters really jump off the page too! And then the way you ended the chapter is just great because you're left dying to know about what he's going to call about.

I think that this story has a lot of potential and I hope you'll continue it!

bellamy blake:

Ugh, I completely adored this I loved how you chose to let this piece unravel in that stream-of-consciousness manner because it definitely felt much more organic that way. I feel like this is certainly one of those instances that everyone can relate to, even if it’s not something that happens regularly, because everyone’s been overwhelmed by anxiety, the uncertainty, and the pressure at least once in their lives, and I felt like the characterization of your lead definitely came into place in how she chose to cope with it. I loved how you showed her drawing strength from those who were important to her in her life.

Another aspect of this that really stood out to me was the realistic manner in which you ended it. No, not everything’s magically perfect, and yes, she’s still wavering in the aftermath of a breakdown, but there’s still that glimmer of hope, that tiny act of bravery in how she puts herself back together and begins to carry on with her day.

This was definitely a heart-wrenching read, but nonetheless, it was beautiful

kim wonshik.:

You know you're a legend with your descriptions, right? Please tell me you know this.

I love how you start this off with "This silence is unnerving." It's enough to get a good scene going, but then you kind of expand on that and help build the atmosphere up by talking about how it's "swelling" up with that tense sort of air that just drowned out everything. It's freaking brilliant! And now I finally realize that this is about Supernatural.

It's amazing how you've gotten their characters down, by the way. Their silence with one another and the awkwardness of not knowing what to say is just great because I can really imagine this happening in an episode. And you always delve deep into their thoughts, which is something I always really like because it helps them seem more real, and with that said I think you actually summed up Sam's thinking process quite well. With him being the more rational, level-headed brother most of the time, him thinking through all the little details before speaking just sounds like something that has his name written all over it.

And then when Dean speaks and everything feels like it's back to normal, your descriptions just kill me again with their perfection. My favorite has to be about how the conditioning unit is "spitting out a broken song" because WHO THINKS OF SOMETHING THAT GENIUS. I can't with you or your wonderful writing.

But then as Sam grows serious with his apology, my heart kind of breaks at how I envision him talking to Dean. And when Dean replies, it makes everything better because I just know Dean would say something like that to Sam.

I don't know why you don't like it, or are unsure if you do or not. This was great, Victoria!