Cutting: What Made You Do It the First Time? What'd You Use?

  • xxFlyingFreexx

    xxFlyingFreexx (100)

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    I've been cutting for close to three and a half years. And after finding out that one of my friends also cuts I'm kind of curious to find out why others cut.

    The first time I cut I was in the 7th grade. I started having flash-backs from when I was raped and asulted by my older cousin. I cut to cope with the painful memories. I used the sharp tip of a Math Compus. It was only a scratch then, but it's gotten worse since. I use exacto blades now and most times they're deep and close to stiches. I really wish I could stop, but I don't have anything else to cope and I'm addicted....

    What made you cut the first time? What'd you use?
    April 1st, 2012 at 05:10am
  • xxFlyingFreexx

    xxFlyingFreexx (100)

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    openess online is easy. no one knows who i am. no one can confront me in person about what I post, because I'll never confront any of you. openess online gets out what you can't say in real life. It's a shame that you have to be so negative. :/
    April 2nd, 2012 at 04:28am
  • faster.

    faster. (300)

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    Though I completely understand what you mean about how openness online is easy, after looking at your profile it does seem a little odd that the first things you really say about yourself are that you're a cutter with an eating disorder. I'm not trying to be negative or rude in anyway, but it does kind of seem like a cry for help (or... well... that goes without saying, I guess). Just saying...

    Also, I think there's already a cutting thread, though I'm not 100% sure whether or not it's in the "personal" forum or not. Maybe try searching for it and posting this in there?
    April 4th, 2012 at 03:56am
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    I think it's in the Health forum.
    April 4th, 2012 at 05:50am
  • AndreaRenee

    AndreaRenee (100)

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    i stopped a while back but get crazy urges to do so. I cut my hip a few times but my first wrist cut was on New Years eve when i was 15. my family was downstairs "celebrating (arguing and pretending to give a shit what was going on in times square)" and I was up in my room with a bread knife.

    there an answer for your questions. i am not questioning your openness. some people just need to get shit off their chest. i understand.
    May 11th, 2012 at 06:07am
  • Lysol Massacrist

    Lysol Massacrist (150)

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    I was twelve an my mom'd told me about a year before about who my real dad was. I didn't actually care. I'd been suspecting it for years. But it was a huge identity change, so I just.. did. At this point I think it was a spite thing. I wanted to make her look at me differently after she had forced me to look at myself differently, and I got that.

    The first time was scissors, but I used pencil sharpener blades for the most part. These days I only cut if I feel like I need to see blood, but I can usually keep the taste in my mouth by biting my lips, so I don't really do it often.
    May 11th, 2012 at 06:51am
  • lyndsifer.

    lyndsifer. (105)

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    The first time I cut was when I was 11 years old. I did it because my mother was beginning to fall back into the behavior and decisions that made my childhood a living hell, and I couldn't take it anymore. I believe I broke apart a razor and used the blade.
    June 30th, 2012 at 02:30am
  • aye captain

    aye captain (100)

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    My cousin died. That started me spiraling into self harm. Not just cutting, but eraser burning too (which sounds stupid, but it leaves the nastiest wound and it's really painful...)
    June 30th, 2012 at 03:49am
  • Albluerose

    Albluerose (205)

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    Cutting is hard to stop. When i was in freshman year of high school. I had a boyfriend somewhat good grades. But I was stressed out. I had mother was dealing whith her Ian issues, drug issues. This causes me to cut. It was never to deeo but it was enough to bleed and Make the pain go away for the time, soon enough I stopped. I started smoking and drinking. I was a big pot head , I started skipping school. Now this was in 11 th grade. I stopped cutting in 10th. I still had stress and it is still tempting.but I am a mother now, so I can't make those mistakes. I don't smoke or drink. I don't party and I got my g.e.d . As I said it is still tempting. I used to use the things they gave us to get splinters out of our skin, they didn't watch to see if we tossed it or not. It was so small I slipped in my pocket and walked out. I used to get mad and one time held a light buld and punched my wall, it shattered in my hand. Not to bad. *srry for any errors. I am using my phone..*
    July 14th, 2012 at 07:04am
  • kyndakkcix

    kyndakkcix (100)

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    Im 13 and my cousin (Jacq) is 17. She's like my sister. I see her everyday. I heard her and my grandma talking bout her cutting herself. And today I notice she's been wearing long sleeves every time I see her...We were having fun and messing around she reached up to pull her sleeve back down and that's when I see one of the cuts. I guess it didn't hit me till now. She went in the bathroom alil later and she hasn't came out I heard noises and I'm scared that shes cutting herself. I'm to scared to talk about it but I wanna help her. I need some help. Please someone tell me what to do.
    July 14th, 2012 at 08:29am
  • Valiente

    Valiente (200)

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    I started cutting two years ago. I was in a really bad place in my life. My dad had started hitting me, I was struggling with anorexia and bulimia, I had a drug problem, and I was starting to have flashbacks of the time I was almost raped. A lot of my friends had told me about how cutting helped them, so I tried it. I used shards of glass, scissors, and a pocket knife my friend gave me. I was addicted until March of this year, when I finally had enough of the craziness that came with my newest addiction. I stopped cutting in March and finally started getting help. I'm so glad I did Smile -A
    July 14th, 2012 at 09:08am
  • Airi.

    Airi. (2240)

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    kyndakkcix:
    Im 13 and my cousin (Jacq) is 17. She's like my sister. I see her everyday. I heard her and my grandma talking bout her cutting herself. And today I notice she's been wearing long sleeves every time I see her...We were having fun and messing around she reached up to pull her sleeve back down and that's when I see one of the cuts. I guess it didn't hit me till now. She went in the bathroom alil later and she hasn't came out I heard noises and I'm scared that shes cutting herself. I'm to scared to talk about it but I wanna help her. I need some help. Please someone tell me what to do.
    I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Having someone you care so deeply for hurting themselves can be one of the hardest things in life to deal with. It's never an easy thing to deal with. In your situation, just going by the information you've given, I think the best thing you can do for Jacq right now is try to talk to her about it. Give her some comfort and remind her she's not alone. Give her a shoulder to cry on when she needs it. For a lot of people, having someone by their side and helping them can be a big aid in their path to recovery. But of course, everyone is different and what works for one may not work for another. Self-harm can be a scary subject, especially for someone as young as yourself, but you're going to need to gain the courage to talk to her about it.

    If you can't talk to her directly, is there perhaps an adult you trust that you can talk to about getting her help? But either way, in order to help her, you're going to need to conquer your fears and talk to either her or a trusted adult about her problem. If you can find out why she's hurting herself, it can help you help her. Knowing why someone has resorted to self-harm can be a big help.

    But I digress... The best thing you may be able to do for Jacq right now is to either talk to her about it and try to get her to open up to you or talk to a trusted adult who you think could help you help her. I wish the both of you the best of luck in this, it's a hard situation to have to go through. Arms
    Towards the topic...

    I have had self-harm habits since I was a small child but I didn't begin cutting myself until I was fourteen. The bullying I was going through at the time played a big part in why I began resorting to it. I hated everything about myself, I felt like I deserved it. The bullying only contributed to making me feel like I deserved it. And I still do feel that way. While I use cutting as a way to cope from time to time, it's most often used as a "punishment" of sorts for myself. When I get upset with myself for whatever reason, I get urges to hurt myself in some way. I hate myself so much and I often get upset with myself, even if it may be over small things that wouldn't matter to others. I feel like I deserve nothing less than this. There are times when I feel like I deserve more than what I already put myself through.

    I have tried to stop cutting many times and I have relapsed many times. The most I've gone is six months but back in March, I relapsed again and have been unable to gain control back. But I'm lucky to have recently found a wonderful person who is standing by my side and is helping me recover from this. I won't say what I've used to cut myself with though because I don't feel comfortable saying that. I don't want to give anyone any ideas on things they could use.
    July 14th, 2012 at 09:46am
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    It was seventh grade and shit (can I say that?) was really hard. I didn't know what to do anymore, so I started rubbing an eraser on my inner arm as hard as I possibly could. That wasn't enough, though, so I started cutting with a pencil.
    Four years later, I'm still cutting, but I've moved on from pencils, safety pins, and paper clips. I now use a box cutter.
    I don't like cutting, but it's the only escape I have.
    I would go more in depth about what was happening, but this is the internet and everything, so I'd rather not.
    July 17th, 2012 at 09:28am
  • lumy.

    lumy. (100)

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    Meh. I started cutting when I was about 12, 13, something like that. Stuff was really difficult. I've struggled with depression since I was about 10; started self harming when I was 11, by burning myself with an eraser(which really freaking hurts, and leaves a nasty wound).

    My addiction only worsened when my parents, my school, and my therapist found out I cut, when I was 14. A lot of people at my school called me 'emo', my teachers pitied me, and my parents made fun of me. I didn't trust my therapist, and I never talked to her about stuff. She just assumed that since I talked to her(mostly lies) and cried a lot on the day everyone found out, I'd automatically trust her.

    I used scissors the first time I cut, and from then on it was sometimes scissors, but usually a blade from a razor, or a knife.

    I don't cut anymore; for the last year, I've been trying to stop. I haven't cut in about a month and a half. I'd like to say I don't self harm anymore at all, but if I get filled with a bunch of self loathe, which happens sometimes, I'll punch things, with only the intent of hurting myself, or if I get a bruise or something, I make it way worse. I can't control that, it scares me.
    July 17th, 2012 at 04:05pm
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    Because I have Bipolar.
    July 17th, 2012 at 05:15pm
  • Wuthering Heights.

    Wuthering Heights. (100)

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    I was 12.
    I was alone, lonely, and struggling with existence.
    Scissors and compasses.

    And then again, when I was 16.
    I was stressed about my future.
    Razor blades.

    I don't cut anymore.

    If anyone wants to talk, by the way, PM me. I'll always listen.
    July 17th, 2012 at 07:05pm
  • Mrs. Whirly

    Mrs. Whirly (155)

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    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    Post traumatic stress disorder.

    Because I am a failure in my eyes but people say I am not.

    I'm not good enough. I've gotten to the point where cutting doesn't help anymore and when I've lost that then I have nothing.
    July 23rd, 2012 at 09:03am
  • I Feel Like Koda

    I Feel Like Koda (100)

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    I was 11. I had a problem with the fact that I existed. If I had died very literally almost no one on this planet would have cared. I had no friends. Not a single one. I still cut. I'm working on not. I have friends, a few. I don't like that I exist though.

    I started out by scratching very violently with my nails at my forearm. Then I moved on to kitchen knives and razor blades.
    July 23rd, 2012 at 02:12pm
  • dally winston.

    dally winston. (100)

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    I was 12 when I started, mainly because of all the stress at home. I have a junkie for a dad, and a mom who doesn't give a shit about me. I had no one other than my grandma. I started cutting in the fall of 7th grade.

    When I met my now-ex, David, I stopped cutting. I was doing really good, too! One whole year of not taking a blade to my wrists, legs, sides, etc. It was short-lived, though, sadly. David abused me throughout our relationship, cheated on me, four times, and made my life hell after we broke up. I started back up again. This was last year in 2011.

    As of right now, I am two months cut-free. I feel great about myself. I'm not ashamed of my scars. They remind me of how I overcame everything. I'm stronger.
    July 23rd, 2012 at 08:29pm
  • Lee Hi;

    Lee Hi; (285)

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    I started cutting in the 8th grade not long after my break up from my first boyfriend. At first I used a pin but then moved on to a pencil. I never made myself bleed, though, because I live in Florida and I couldn't constantly wear long-sleeved shirts, so I don't have any physical scars. I relapsed my 9th grade year and it took me a while to stop. The worse that year was when I got caught for skipping a class. It seemed trivial but at the moment it was like the final straw to all my dismay. I grabbed a stick from outside and stuffed it in my bag. Instead of going to the discipline building I took a detour to the bathroom. Once there I sliced both of my forearms so badly that all I could see was red. After my friend took to cutting, however, I promised myself that I would stop and help her through it. I relapsed once again in 10th grade but once I made the cut I thought to myself, 'What the hell am I doing?' I haven't done it since then but every once in a great while I still get those urges. I just have to remind myself that I'm stronger than the voices.

    I don't have the best reason for cutting, I guess you could say. I thought ( I knew) I was ugly and chubby, my grades were poor and I thought no one cared. It was kinda the same for my relapses but I had more pressure to succeed in school and do good.
    July 24th, 2012 at 12:22am