What Is the Biggest Form of Sexism You've Encountered?

catinabottle:

And yes, I do know "the reality of rape culture adversely affects the lives of millions of women." I simply said I don't believe America is a rape culture. I didn't say anything ABOUT rape culture. I just said I don't think America is a rape culture.

It's hard to say whether or not America has a rape culture though. America is a large country with a lot of different viewpoints. Whether or not a rape culture exists in the U.S really depends on which area of the U.S you are talking about. Some areas of this country don't have much of a rape culture but unfortunately, other areas of America do have one. Rape does occur a lot in America and far too often, the victim is blamed for the crime or the rapist gets let off. America is a lot better than certain other countries, I will agree there, but that doesn't mean we don't have a problem with this still. We do still have a problem with it and it shouldn't be ignored or brushed off.

In a way, I both agree and disagree with you. Like I mentioned, whether or not America has a rape culture really depends on which area of the country you're talking about.

dru chases the wind.:

@ catinabottle
Until the 70s, a man could legally rape his wife because she was "his" wife.

And even today, a wife claiming she was raped by her husband is something no prosecutor wants to touch because they know how hard it will be to get a conviction. It baffles me that one's relationship to the rapist is even something people consider, seeing as how most rape victims know their rapist on some level, friend, acquaintance or family.

Airi.:

In a way, I both agree and disagree with you. Like I mentioned, whether or not America has a rape culture really depends on which area of the country you're talking about.

I'm not sure geographic area is even the concern, but the fact that so many young people in this thread are so in tune with women's rights and the reality of sexual abuse shows to me that efforts to end sexual violence and educate people are working, and the idea that everyone normalizes rape and demonizes victims just isn't true. Sexual abuse, rape and the abuse of women is a huge problem, a devastating problem even, but is rape ingrained in our culture to the sense that it's a norm (in the sociological meaning of the term)? No, I don't think so. If it were, we wouldn't be talking about it.

@ Kurtni
Oh I do definitely agree with what you're saying. America has come a very long way in learning how to end sexual violence. I didn't mean for it to sound like I was trying to say this country has a habit of demonizing the victims because I know we as a country have come a long way from doing that and that it isn't the normal for us. I guess what I was more trying to say is that certain parts of the country have more of a habit of doing it than others. I sort of feel like I'm not making much sense right now. I'm sorry, I don't even really know what I'm trying to say on this anymore. I do definitely agree with what you're saying though.

Not really a big deal but it still hurt.
My dad wouldn't train me as a mechanic as a child (I didn't really care for the field but any opportunity to bond with my father interested me), but when he realized that my brother had no interest in cars he asked if I wanted to learn, but when my brother expressed interest again, my dad ditched me.
Then a few months after my dad was yelling at my brother for messing something up with a car and I heard him say "I don't tell ______ to do this, because she's a girl!"

Kurtni:

I'm not sure geographic area is even the concern, but the fact that so many young people in this thread are so in tune with women's rights and the reality of sexual abuse shows to me that efforts to end sexual violence and educate people are working, and the idea that everyone normalizes rape and demonizes victims just isn't true. Sexual abuse, rape and the abuse of women is a huge problem, a devastating problem even, but is rape ingrained in our culture to the sense that it's a norm (in the sociological meaning of the term)? No, I don't think so. If it were, we wouldn't be talking about it.

Isn't denying the normalization of rape-like behaviours rather dismissive of the feelings of people (women and men) who suffer abuse? I don't think most sexual abuse sufferers view their attack(s) as anything other than a random act of violence committed by a very bad person (95% of the time, a straight man), but what they understand to be caused by society-wide thoughts and attitudes towards sex(uality), their bodies and the place straight men occupy in society is the constant revictimization - not just from the legal and justice system, from police officers and doctors, but from random guys who think it's okay to try to grope you in public, from dates who think it's okay to try to bully or trick you into sleeping with them, from random people talking about how abuse 'devastates' / 'breaks' / 'soils' you permanently, from everybody's slut-shaming / victim blaming attitudes, etc. It's strange that those feelings of rage and pain are dismissed because expressing them is somehow 'offensive' to men or to people working to eradicate sexual abuse (but if they were really doing a good job, we wouldn't be talking about it?), although, ultimately, it fits right in with most efforts to 'end sexual violence and educate people' - they too usually dismiss the experiences of people who have actually been through abuse as less important than the feelings of people who are trying to 'save' them.

Well, I just want to say this because I've had male friends who are abused by their partners, and of course, there are people striving to make this not invisible to the rest of the world, and it needs to not be invisible anymore.

We discussed this in my Health classes as well, the fact that rape and spousal abuse are often attributed to women rather than to both men and women. And I'm sick of it. We have all of these statistics that talk about how often women are raped, and we seem them on this thread, but what about men? Are we ever going to have clear statistics on that? The world has just heaped this image upon their shoulders that they should be the strong ones, the ones who take everything in stride. How can they feel safe enough to report something like rape or spousal abuse? And I'm not talking just between male, homosexual relationships. I've had male friends who were being physically abused by their girlfriends who were too worried about the stigma of saying anything and the fact they believe no one will take them seriously. And because society has presented this image that women are so much more fragile than men, they are taught they are not supposed to hit woman, and so, they do not even defend themselves.

Men can be raped, too. It might be less common, though with reasons I've stated above, we might never know, but it does happen, and yet, rape is a crime that society wants to paint as always victimizing a woman. While I do sympathize with female victims and believe rape as a whole has to be stopped, I sympathize with men, too. It's a terrible crime that should happen to no one, but we have to face the reality that it effects both men and women, not just women, and we have to be ready to deal with it on that scale. That means that, if women can have shelters to run to, men should have them, too.

I believe in men and women being equal in all aspects, and that means treating them the same no matter what. Which means if a guy comes in, shaking and saying his partner's been abusing him and he needs somewhere to go, he should have somewhere to go. It's not fair that we only focus on women. That doesn't make the problem go away, it just makes the known statistical numbers go down, and while that might look good on paper, in reality, it's nothing. You can't sit with a male victim and tell him all of these things and expect him to care when he's suffering from rape or abuse. It's not enough.

We need to realize, also, that women can be predators, too, and that needs to be stopped as well. If men can't grope women, women can't grope men. Instead, it's been painted that it's okay that women are sexually harassing men while men can't do it back. For once, and I can't believe I'm saying this because I hated this movie, Horrible Bosses showed an excellent example of it not being okay when Jennifer Aniston's character was sexually harassing her employee and blackmailing him into having sex. No matter how the media makes it look, sexual harassment on both ends is bad.

I'm still in high school. When we're in session, you see it happen all the time. The guys come up and touch a girl inappropriately, and she and her friends get up in his face or go to the principal, but if a girl does it to a guy, he's made to fee like it's no big deal even if he is uncomfortable with it. When one of the guys I know did go to the counselor, who was a female, his claims were brushed off like it was nothing, and it was something.

If we're going to take steps to lessen what's happening to women, we need to take steps to lessen what's happening to men, too. That's not an opinion, that's a fact. It's also 4:52 in the morning here, so if I don't make sense in some places, let me know, and I'll clarfiy.

TeamTonyVincent:

We discussed this in my Health classes as well, the fact that rape and spousal abuse are often attributed to women rather than to both men and women. And I'm sick of it. We have all of these statistics that talk about how often women are raped, and we seem them on this thread, but what about men? Are we ever going to have clear statistics on that?

We do have statistics on male rape victims, I just don't think you're going to like them. They all suggest that, exactly like women, men are most often raped by other (usually straight) men - not, as you're trying to imply, by evil old girlfriends.

@ TeamTonyVincent
What Andy said. But, unfortunately, I doubt our statistics are anywhere near complete because of the stigma attached to male/male rape and the majority of victims probably never tell anyone/report.

Men definitely can be raped, but they are most often raped by other men and not raped as often as women.

@karfka.
No, that's another thing altogether. I know very well men can be raped by men. It's happened to one of my male friends. But what I'm saying is, it can happen both ways, and we don't have clear statistics on either because of the stigma attached to it.

Male/male rape has more statistics, and they're certainly clearer, but that has a stigma attached to it as well, and I know for a fact my friend's claim was never followed up on despite a trip to the hospital and a performed rape kit.

@dru chases the wind.
Exactly, and I wish that stigma would just go away.

In my highschool thers approximately 200 students. The guys make all sorts of "get back in the kitchen" jokes, and treat us pretty much as though we were animals.
Most days I have 1-3 guys "hitting" on me in each class. They "claim" girls.
It's kind of sickening.

Some of the things these guys do is borderline sexual harrassment and the worst part is they KNOW it and still behave this way.

@ Boom HERE I Am
I found out how freaking progressive my boyfriend's school was the other day. If a guy snapped a girl's bra, he got out of school suspension for sexual harassment. If anyone asked someone out as a joke, same thing. Guys weren't allowed to make any rude "typical" middle school comments about girls (or vice versa) and it was taken incredibly seriously. I was so proud.

---

I think of the of the worst things is something I just remembered the other day. When I was about 12, my mom was 29 (she had me young). She was, and still is, very pretty and attractive. She had a pierced belly button and was "skinny" and sometimes she wore cropped or midriff shirts. She wasn't dressing "slutty", she just showed her belly and her ring. (She still wears her jeans too high and she did then, too. )

Anyway, I remember her showing up at the park one day when my stepdad had been watching us and she had run to the store for something. And she was crying and apparently three guys had followed my mom around the store, whistling at her and making really inappropriate comments. When she told them to stop, they told her if she didn't want the attention she shouldn't dress that way. (We were in a fucking beach town.) She was crying and she was holding her hands over where her shirt showed her stomach and my stepdad wanted to go kill someone.

My mother was also sexually harassed at work and when she told him to stop, he told her that she shouldn't wear thongs if she doesn't want guys to look at her ass. (Like that logic makes any sense.)

My mom experienced less sexual harassment as a stripper.

@ dru will wait.
The only time my school responds to what the boys do is if a parent calls in a complaint.

Some people call me "gay" because I don't wear sagging pants or curse or pick fights with others like "most of the men do". They even call me "girly" because I was being nice to them in my way of talking ( and no I'm not acting all girly or anything, I just talk as I did as a kid, just with more sense).

When I tell people that I am a second degree black belt, they always say, but you're a girl? Are there other guys there that are stronger than you and lower ranks? I find it ridiculous that being a girl to other people means that I can't do things guy can do, with equality.

@ mymomislysolcrazy
I say the next time someone does that, you show them how you earned that black belt.

@ the drupocalypse.
I consider it every time, but usually it's in school, and I can't afford suspension, so I always decide it wouldn't be the best decision xD

Being told I have "no self-respect" because of the way I dress. Being told to put my boobs "away" just because I have cleavage- which I can't avoid seeing as I'm a busty kinda girl. Being told when I was skinny that I didn't have a "womanly" figure. Being told when I was chubby that I have "man" figure.

I wanted to try out for football but my parents refused me try out because Im a girl

I was running errands with my parents some time last year, shortly after I had decided to change my major, and my dad made a comment about how he wanted me to be "one of the most respected female physicists," so I just turned, looked him square in the eye, and said this:
"I don't. I just want to be one of the most respected physicists. Period."
I never realized how sexist my dad is until I grew up.