Slut-Shaming

This is a topic that has caused more than enough confusion for me, so I'd like to hear what your definition and thoughts are on "slut-shaming."

It's hard to give an opinion when the opinion isn't mine to give. Society has pushed into our minds the definition of a slut and given it a bad label. For the longest time I figured anyone who goes around sleeping with a bunch of people, regardless of gender, is setting a bad message for themselves.

I don't get the whole "slut-shaming" thing. I was raised that calling someone a slut means that person is a manipulator and sleeps around for personal gain (as in not for love). If someone is acting like that then I'm going to refer to them as a slut. It's not really even society in my opinion. It's how we were raised, or who we were influenced by. Some individuals choose to show their bodies excessively, sleep around (and when I say that I mean selling their bodies, or giving sex for objects or promotions and to have sex to have notches on the bedpost or to have a certain amount of notches) and use others. That's their choice in life. Like how others choose to show their bodies occasionally, sleep with only those they love and be a genuine person.

This whole "don't be mean or judge people for sleeping around or showing their tits" thing is really old. Every person I know who fit the definition of a slut (my family's definition) as judged me for being modest, talk down to me and treated me like crap because I don't live their lifestyle. I do not do that to them, sure I call them a slut, but I don't tell them they need to change. What makes it worse is its okay for certain types of people to do those things. No one really minds a nice looking person showing their bodies off. We actually pay people to do that and we now encourage teenagers to do it. Now if a less appealing person does it, all hell breaks loose. If I call a nice looking person a slut I get told I'm jealous. When I call a not so nice looking person a slut, others add on and tell that person how ugly they are. It's stupid to me. It really is.

To me there is no such thing as slut-shamming. If someone wants to degrade themselves fine. The only time I see or heard of someone hating another or talking shit about a girl for being a slut is because said slut did something to that person. The shut might have stole a boyfriend, make fun of them or something along those lines. Sure people get called sluts everyday for no reason, but no one is actually hating and bullying someone for being a slut. They hate and bully when the slut fucks with them, like anyone would if they were being treated like shit. Regardless if the other was a slut or not.

Some call it immature to call another person a slut, but I can say the same thing about calling people fat, ugly, stupid, a bitch or any other name like that. No one is perfect and we all call each other names, even if its only in our heads.

That's just my thoughts on the subject.

I think that if a person wants to have sex with multiple people to enjoy themselves, they are welcome to do so. I don't think it's my place to judge a person who wishes to have more partners than I. I know that the lifestyle is not for me, but there is no harm in enjoying another's presence in a strictly physical manner.

@ Psychotic Secrets
Thank you so much for posting your thoughts! I whole-heartedly agree with you. I get chided by one of my friends constantly for judging other girls who I view as dressing and acting like they want a different kind of attention from their peers. I completely understand the whole, "girls can be proud of the body they have" but how does that justify a behavior that lacks morals and decency? And if you are proud of your body and sexuality, you don't need to parade it around. What happened to modesty? I suppose to some I can come off as a bitter old woman with traditional views.

Slut-shaming is the act of calling out a women (to her face or behind her back) for perceived sexual impropriety. This is calling a girl a slut because you think her clothes are inappropriate. This is calling a girl a whore because you think she has too many sexual partners. This is deciding that your sexual values are the only right ones and using them to judge other people.

Slut-shaming is very real. It's what causes you to not be allowed to wear strapless dresses to prom. It's what causes you to look down your nose at a girl who is having sex with someone she isn't dating. It's what causes you to look down your nose at people like me who have four-ways and walk around in miniskirts.

Guess what? My body and those of other women is not yours to judge. My sexual life and that of other women is not yours to judge.

And anytime someone does by shaming a woman, they are slut-shaming.

Anyone who thinks it doesn't exist either doesn't understand or just doesn't care.

Name Of Misery.:

I think that if a person wants to have sex with multiple people to enjoy themselves, they are welcome to do so. I don't think it's my place to judge a person who wishes to have more partners than I. I know that the lifestyle is not for me, but there is no harm in enjoying another's presence in a strictly physical manner.

You are also right in your opinion. My best friend has sex with tons of people, and I know she's a good person with values. I suppose it all depends on how someone goes about what they practice.

@ fat lamb
Whose morals? Why do your morals need to dictate my life? Why should I, a twenty-five year old women, be forced to bend to the sexual values of a seventeen year old girl? Why do you get to decide what a woman does with her body? Why do you get to decide what is appropriate for another woman to wear? Who put you in this position of power where you get to decide what everyone's sexual values should be?

@ dru's troubled soul
Where is the line drawn I suppose is the question. It's just a concept that confuses me because I thought both genders were looked down upon for the matter but I suppose it's only women that are the focus in slut-shaming.

@ dru's troubled soul
Well it's hard to give respect to a man or woman that, like Psychotic Secrets said, "is a manipulator and sleeps around for personal gain."

@ fat lamb
Why do you get to draw the line? I have a lot of sexual behaviors several would consider to be immoral. I've had over ten one night stands. My boyfriend and I enjoy having sex with other couples. I went to a retreat last weekend where I walked around in a bra and panties and my boyfriend participated in a nude relay. I enjoy wearing miniskirts and crop tops. I see no problem with letting strangers touch my body in intimate ways. Why should someone else get to judge or shame me for these behaviors? No one is forcing them to partake? Why do they get to judge what my sexual values should be?

A slut is just someone who is having more sex than you.

@ fat lamb
So don't respect their sexual decisions. Why label them a slut? Why judge their sex life at all? If you're not fucking them is it any of your business?

@ dru's troubled soul
I'm not attacking you or in the very least trying to. I'm just trying to understand the concept. And don't degrade me for my age. Age has nothing to do with it and you do not know my sexual experiences myself. I'm not in any "position of power" here. I'm just questioning things I have been raised to believe.

@ fat lamb
I don't think a seventeen year old should have the same sexual values as a twenty five year old either. The point I was trying to make with that is that the sexual values of one person in a completely different walk of life would NEED to be different than those of a person in a completely different walk of life. I shouldn't have the same sexual values as I did in high school (and I don't) and high schoolers shouldn't have the same sexual values as me. And I shouldn't base them off yours,

And it is a position of power when you think that your sexual values are the highest ones and everyone else must be held to them.

When we discussed slut-shaming at the slutwalk, we focused on how it effects girls that have been raped or sexually harassed. Most of the slut-shaming comes from the fact that those people "deserve" what they get because they were asking for it. The common reasoning where: they way they were dressed, they were flirting so much and I knew they wanted it, or, she was so drunk and wanted it.

It's power play, it's gross.

@ dru's troubled soul
It is a very difficult subject to discuss in a society that not only is hypersexual in its media coverage and advertising, but at the same time makes the topic that much taboo and shameful. That is why it's been a new thing for me to suddenly grasp all the "slut-shaming" that's been popping up everywhere.

@ fat lamb
There is a powerful feminist movement happening right now in regards to slut-shaming and rape culture. I think it's wonderful that people are coming to terms with the fact that women can be sexual creatures beholden to no one but themselves.

@ fat lamb

Modesty has died. It really has. I was raised with it being wrong and digesting to flaunt myself. It took me sixteen years to wear a shirt that was concidered low cut. Morals aren't like they used to be. I completely understand not wanting to cover up everything, but don't flaunt. That's what irks me. Sure men and woman can wear what they wish but there is a line between wearing come thing comfortable and being indecent. That's just how I was raised and if I have children, I will raise them the same way.

But like I said, the slut-shaming isn't even real. The only people who get "shamed" are the ones who deserve it. Like they will go out of their way to ruin someone else's day, cheat and lie to people. They should be told that's wrong. Because it is. Being called a slut doesn't mean someone is shaming another person, they are describing that person. Like when someone calls another person a bitch or a douche bag, they are discribing words. Until I see proof first hand (not some stupid articles on the Internet, news or something as unreliable as that) I will remain to think slut-shamming is fake. I have yet to see a innocent person being shamed, bullied or hurt just because he/she was a slut. No, they get shamed, bullied and hurt because they did something to someone else and they are getting a taste of their own medication. They just happened to be a slut and they used that excuse because they can't cope with the idea they hurt someone's feelings.

Like let's use Sarah and Jill. Sarah is a dictionary discribed slut. Jill lives her life on the average side. Well lets say there is Bob. Bob is Jill's love of her life. But Sarah being the cold hearted woman she is, attempts to steal away Bob because she can't stand the fact a man doesn't like her. Jill gets angry and writes "slut" all over Sarah's Facebook. Jill only harassed Sarah because Sarash kept hitting on Jill's boyfriend. That would make any girl angry. But Sarah will try to play the victim and say she was bullied because she was a slut. Sarah was called names because she was hurting Jill, not because she was a slut. Sarah just happened to be a slut.

So I have yet to see a case with Jill harassing and bullying Sarah only because she was a slut. Like if Jill never met Sarah before and only heard rumors or something about Sarah's sluttiness. That shit doesn't happen. Jill only reacted to Sarah because Sarah provoked her. That THAT is what happens most of the time.

You have every right to think its immoral to be a slut. Those are your rights as a human being. Just like how I think this shaming stuff is fake. It's an opinion and you have a right to express it. Plus it's not like you are going out to murder all the sluts or something stupid and illegal as that.

@ Psychotic Secrets
"But like I said, the slut-shaming isn't even real. The only people who get "shamed" are the ones who deserve it."

Rape victims are slut shamed. How do they deserve it?

I have been slut shamed for wearing certain clothes or for sleeping with people I wasn't dating. How do I deserve it?

Slut shaming happens to a lot of people who don't fit your definition of "deserving it".

I got rumors started about me in eighth grade that I slept with guys for twenty-six cents. I didn't bully anyone, sleep with anyone, have a boyfriend, or anything. I was just weird.

I don't know where you think that people only slut shame girls who are, like, sleeping with other people's boyfriends or something, but your information is flawed.

@ dru's troubled soul
And not to mention that it is why we have a rape culture.

@ Psychotic Secrets
But it does exist. There are a lot of academic papers written about this and how it fuels rape cultureJust look here for the results.

It influences that type of thinking that immediately places the blame on the woman for being sexually harassed or assaulted. When on trial, it's women who are put on the stand and the type of questions they are asked are what they did to provoke the man or what they didn't do to prevent it.

Examples are "What were you wearing?", "Were you drinking?" "You led him on" (this normally when the girl was going to have sex but later changed her mind, something that she can do and it's within her rights, but something that places the blame on her for "leading" him on).

Slut-shaming exists and it affects us as women, how we learn to prevent rape as opposed to men learning NOT to rape. How we have to take precautions, fear dressing up some way even though we like how we look like, not being able to drink because if something happens it will be blamed on us, not being able to change our minds because we're leading someone on. It affects our every day life because we have to be living with this paranoia that "omg, I left my water unattended for a second, someone might have slipped a drug on it and it'd be my fault for living my drink unattended", or "this dude is following me because of how I'm dressed; I should have put pants instead of a skirt".

It's tangible and it's something we have to live through every single day of our lives.

@ dru's trouble soul

See, you just answered your own question. You were bullied for being "weird". Not for being a slut, they only called you one to bully you. And again, you were shamed for wearing clothes others thought weren't modest enough, not because you were a slut. And I have yet to see a rape victim being called a slut for being raped. They might have been called a slut because they are a slut, or whoever called them that doesn't think they were really raped.

My information isn't flawed. My information is the truth. Every person in my life who was called a slut was called one because he/she were acting like a slut.