Slut-Shaming

@ sobre mi cadaver
I read that story yesterday while doing my usual Jezebel-browsing and holy shit. I was so disgusted I had to just get up and walk away from the computer for a while. I could not stop ranting and raging about it. Easily one of the most horrific news stories I've read in a while. And the quotes from the police, friends of the boys, the boys themselves... Fucking Christ.

AP 304 had this thing about sexism at concerts. Part of it was slut-shaming, talking about girls being called whores for dressing a certain way. I replied and hey, not AP 305 has a little anti-slut-shaming blurb. One step at a time.

@ ptvjaime
That is awesome! I pointed that out to be my boyfriend the other day when he asked what the point of sending letters to TV shows was.

Dru! You've returned. And thank you, milady. Yeah, you have to get the message out there somehow. Letters help, especially sent to media and even moreso when they're well articulated. Otherwise no one takes you seriously.

@ptvjaime
I think that it's really good that you took the time to write that letter, that's how you get people to take you seriously!
I believe that slut-shaming is wrong and I hate it when some people are wearing clothes and have their own style and then others are too quick to judge and jump straight to slut.

@ close dru's eyes.
Id just like to say I love what you've said in this thread and agree whole heartedly with much of what you have said.

It disturbs me that anybody could believe slut shaming isn't 'real'. After being raped at 14 I wasn't able to press charges because i was told point blank by the therapist that I would lose. It scared me out of any desire to even try. In the eyes of my state it was my own fault. I was not intoxicated in any way, shape or form. In the end I was thrown down the boys basement stairs then dragged back up, taken to the back door, and told to "run left" in the fucking snow. My earring still lies in his basement. But that was my fault, it seems because I wore "provocative" clothing. I simply loved my body and felt safe with a friend, and my clothing in honesty wasn't even "revealing" much at all. The girl i called to pick me up from the gas station i arrived at spread that rumor like butter, and guess who became the school slut? After a year i had to move 200 miles away from my moms house because threatening calls, facebook messagez from fake profiles, anf plenty of text messages calling me names were s re than enough motivation to leaves

So whoever has the nerve to tell me rape victims aren't slut shamed, should keep in mind that just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean its not real. Some of these posts have just angered me immensely.

I don't think what you wear has anything to do with being a slut. In my opinion, I've always believed that a 'slut' was a person who slept around without a second thought. Self respect and morals don't have much to do with the situation either, the big picture is pregnancy, STDs, and cheating. It could also be an emotional problem where someone seeks another one's comfort or they get attached and the other person abandons them. It's not always girls, but it's not always guys. Both genders are equal in this topic.

@ JeremyTheThirteenth
Hmmmm... from your definition it sounds like there is no "real" definition for the word slut, just whatever a specific person has deemed sexually "immoral". Maybe we should just stop using the word 'slut' to judge people for things that are none of our business.

I have a question about slut-shaming, and I'm not trying to speak from a judgy or biased viewpoint, I'm genuinely just curious on how to handle a situation that's going on.

My friend isn't sleeping around, but she has hooked up with a lot of guys since breaking up with her boyfriend in August. I think (and I counted because I was curious) about 15 guys or so? Usually, I encourage my friends to get some because I don't think others should be berated for their needs/wants/feelings/whatever the word is, but I don't think that she has been with so many guys because she wants to, per say, but I think it's because she has strict parents and wants to rebel from them and she can't say no to guys either.

What I'm trying to ask is, would it be wrong to confront her about her actions (I know it's her life and she can do what she pleases, but she makes fun of girls who get around (so to speak), and to see the tables being turned I find it odd), because she's not hooking up for the 'right' reasons, per say?

Also, to be clear, slut-shaming is when you shame someone for having a higher libido than others or sleeping around because you are horny, yes/no? That's what I always thought it meant, but feel free to debate or whatever

@ swell
Slut-shaming can be that, but you can slut shame for any variety of reasons such as simply being female or wearing a shirt someone deems 'too tight'.

I think the situation you're talking about isn't slut-shaming. You aren't judging your friend, but you are concerned for her well-being because she is participating in a high-risk activity she has stated she's not 'into' on a previous basis.

I would try to just talk to her about the situation and come at it from a friend point of view, not a 'want to help fix it' point of view because that will give you your next step. Ask her what she's getting out of her encounters. Is it sexual gratification? Or maybe she feels desired? Or maybe she feels like shit in the morning but doesn't have anyone to talk to. I think if you talk to her and ask her why then all the rest of the answers will fall into place better.

There's nothing wrong with hooking up a lot if it's really want you want to do, but if it isn't then it's really not the best choice.

@ close dru's eyes.
This is exactly the kind of help I wanted! Thank you!

Slut-shaming is pretty stupid then, I have to say. Who cares if your shirt is too tight? Who cares about someone else's sexualness (wrong word but you get my drift)? As long as it doesn't affect other people I don't know why others should care about one person's actions.

I think it should be called sex shaming because the word slut is just so negative and not everybody feels comfortable reclaiming such a word. I am against sex shaming, people are entitled to have as much sex as they wish to or have as little sex as they wish to. As long as they feel comfortable and all parties in it consent to it happily then it's all good.

@ JJ;
Using the phrase "slut shaming" has nothing to do with reclaiming the word. That's a separate issue.

I just do not see why humans have to argue so much, jfc.
Let girls fuck, let dudes fuck, let cats fuck, who cares. It's in nature and adaptation to have sex, so by all means fucking do it if it poses no danger and you're protected from STIs.

Slut-shaming is defined as making a person feel inadequate for their sexual history and/or style of dress. Personally, it pisses me off because a) I've been slut-shamed my whole life for being comfortable enough to accentuate my breasts and b) asking someone to cover up because you're uncomfortable is like asking a transgender person to stick to the gender they were assigned to at birth. It's offensive and it makes people feel bad for being themselves

You can slut shame a person for pretty much anything. There's slut shaming for getting your period, swearing, being a woman, talking to men, flirting when you are single, being on birth control for any reason, playing games that men think are for "them", etc.

@dru is beautiful.

To me I think they go together. When people say slut shaming, some people who are used to calling others sluts may decide to start saying ''she's a slut but don't shame her''. I hope that makes sense because I think each of them affect each other. I have heard people say stop slut shaming rape survivors, which makes me feel ill because I feel the phrasing is not right and it's in a different context. That's my opinion, I personally dislike using the phrase ''slut shaming'' because it feels problematic to me, but I won't stop others using it.

@ JJ;
People slut shame rape victims all the time. It isn't about shaming people who are sluts. There is no such a thing as a slut. It is a word with no definition. The definition is made up on the spot by the person choosing to use the word. This is about the shaming of people for anything perceived that can be used to call a person a slut.

And rape victims are often slut shamed by being told they asked for it by their clothes or their actions or by the words of people in my town who said "no one can rape a Denton" about the girl who was raped in the art room.

@dru is beautiful.

I agree that no one is a slut because the concept is so ridiculous, I know people shame survivors of rape but I was saying that I hope I don't sound too odd on why I dislike the term. I would never shame anyone for sex etc. I just don't like the term and it feels problematic to me and I'm very uncomfortable with the phrase. I'm probably not making much sense but I just wanted to say that it upsets me, that's all.

@ JJ;
I guess that makes sense. But it's like saying that you don't like the word "discrimination" so you're going to put ice cream in its place. No one else will understand what you mean when you say you hate ice cream.