My dad's been telling me I'm an empath for a while. It's only recently that I've started to listen and try to understand it, since it's gotten to a point where it is so overwhelming and triggers panic attacks easily. I tend to take on the emotions of the people around me, particularly if I'm close to them. It gets to the point where I have a difficult time distinguishing what is actually my emotions versus other people's. And when I'm around a lot of people for an extended period of time, it tends to drain me, to the point of physical and emotional exhaustion, and I essentially become a zombie. I also have the propensity to taken on the syntax of the person I'm talking to - their accents/way they talk and formulate sentences. It's entirely involuntary and I get really scared that one day someone is going to think I'm mocking them when I really cannot stop.
It's funny because even though I've subconsciously dealt with this my whole life, it's only now that I'm starting to connect the dots and sort of see/understand why my emotions have always been so fluid, and why I've confused even myself with my own actions.
Right after coming to terms with this, I started watching the show 'Hannibal' and felt a very strong connection with the character of Will Graham. The way he describes his emotions as well as how he uses his empathy resonate very deeply within me. Certain scenes in the show actually gave me panic attacks because it was so well written and acted that I was reflecting Will Graham. It was slightly terrifying, but I love the show too much to stop watching. I've also read the book it was based off of,
Red Dragon by Thomas Harris, and experienced a similar reaction. The way Will Graham is written is just...that's the way I feel and think, goodness.
As for paranormal things - a group of friends from Frightland (a haunted attraction I've been involved with for a very long time) decided to put together a paranormal investigatory group because of the rumors of Frightland being haunted. My mom and I joined on a whim, if only to just hang out with them because they're cool people, and...wow, it's been quite interesting. During the investigation of Frightland we were paired off in two's and three's to look at different areas in smaller groups. My partner, a woman named Alicia, and I both experienced two full-body apparitions at the same time; once, by the side of a fake horse and carriage, just walking, and the second time, running straight forward as though to attack us by the side of a silo along a barn. To this day, I still feel uneasy near that silo, to the point of almost tears I can't stay around it. It fills me with such weird emotions of both fear and sadness.
We also did an investigation of a nearby anime store. While nothing happened to me personally, being in the store drained me
so badly. We were only there for a few hours, early on in the evening, and when I arrived I was completely rested and feeling fine. But just as the night progressed I felt heavier and heavier, and like I could barely keep my eyes open. And I also got really cold, which made zero sense because it was the middle of May and already incredibly warm. The sun had only been down a few hours. Most of the people there were actually warm, and feeling too hot - one girl stripped down to her spaghetti strap undershirt. But I couldn't stop shivering, and finally asked if anyone had an extra coat. My friend JB had a heavy parka in the backseat of his car, and I was
still cold under that, but it at least stopped my shivering. I was so out of it that I tried to get a cup of juice and didn't have enough of a grip on the cup that I spilled juice everywhere (and I must have looked it too because JB rushed forward to clean it up for me and was looking at me a bit concerned).
I also
hated the back room of the store. I did not want to be anywhere near it, I deliberately avoided being near it or even looking in that direction. Even with the lights on, it unsettled me, and when we turned the lights off it was downright terrifying. I was told later that the people who came in during the "witching hour" shift had a lot of issues with the back room, where two people actually blacked out and went crazy for a period of time.
On top of all that, my dad's side of the family (particularly his mom, my grandma whom I refer to as "Rainbow") is very spiritual. Not really all that religious, just...spiritual. It's hard to explain. Rainbow is also an empath, and I'm pretty sure my dad is too. And I'm also pretty sure my sister is "a sensitive" as well, if you will, but just...in a different way, I can't really explain it. It's all a bit peculiar. But anyways one night I got up to use the bathroom from a dead sleep and didn't bother to close the door, and happened to look over into my parents room. They had their door open too, and I could see the edge of their bed - and there was somebody sitting on it. At first I thought it was my dad waiting to use the bathroom or something. But it was a completely black silhouette, and it slowly turned his head and just
stared at me.
It scared the shit out of me, tbh. I saw it again a few more nights. I called Rainbow and asked, and she called them shadow figures, and said that my dad's had them around him his whole life. She sent me sage, and I went through the whole house burning it in every room. The next day, I saw another shadow figure, only it was in the middle of the day and it was outside in the backyard, looking into the windows, as if wanting to be inside.
And wow this is a really long post, sorry about that. Um last thing: I kind of made a blog to talk about these things too (although I'm not very active on it, not as active as I should be at least) but if you guys are curious it's
here.