Dirty Little Secret [CLOSED]

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Brian felt torn, wanting to go and get Jimmy and Matt so they could try and get through to Johnny, and honouring one of his best friend’s reasons for keeping it quiet. He felt lost, like a fish out of water – this wasn’t anything he had had to deal with before. He’d often thought about ending his own life, when his parents were too busy fighting amongst themselves to even check to see if he was okay – but Jimmy got him through it, he became Brian’s rock. Johnny needed someone like that, someone to lean on. Jimmy wasn’t the right person for the job, even he could see that it would do more harm than good. But Zack could.

“Hey, Zee, you think he needs stiches?” Chewing on his thumb nail, he watched Johnny closely.

Zack turned to look at Brian, the rhythm down on his knees on the bathroom floor. He checked over the injuries and nodded his head, solemnly. “Yeah, I think so. How are we gonna get him out of here without the others knowing?”

“I don’t need to go to no hospital, just patch me up and I’ll go to bed.”

“You do need to go, just to get checked out and stitched up, man. I’ll make sure the others don’t find out, I promise.” Exhaling on a sigh, Brian pushed off the door and went to the bunk area to check the other two were still sleeping. Surprisingly, they had both slept through the whole thing. Gathering a spare set of clothes for Johnny and a jacket for Zack, Brian grabbed the keys to one of the crew’s car and legged it out of there before anyone heard or saw him. “Okay, let’s go. The others are still sleeping, no one else knows.” Helping Johnny up off the floor, he walked behind them and grabbed a duffel bag to put the clothes in, throwing it onto his shoulder before he looked to the back of the bus and shut all the lights off. With Johnny buckled into the car, he climbed into the driver’s side, opening the passenger door for Zack to get in. “We’re gonna need to come up with a story for the hospital staff, man, we’re pretty well known now.” He looked to Zack, seeing worry flood the rhythm’s eyes. “Hey, it’s okay. He’s gonna be okay.” His hand hovered over Zack’s, but he pulled back, thinking better of it.

Upon reaching the hospital, Johnny moved to get out of the car and Zacky started to take his seatbelt off.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going with y-"

"I can handle it by myself Zee."

"But-"

"I can handle it. Besides, you were talking about how we're more known. If more than one of us is in there, it might just draw more attention. You guys can wait in the waiting room or whatever."

"We're just worried about you Johnny." Brian chimed in.

"I'll just make some excuse up. It wouldn't be the first time." Johnny responded looking at Zacky slightly. "I'll see you soon."

Zacky sighed and nodded as he watched his friend walk away from the car and into the hospital.

"What did he mean by that?"

@ heretic.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Brian frowned, watching the bassist into the hospital before turning to Zack. "I don't think you wanna know, Zee. Come on, let's go get some coffee." They left the car - Brian making sure it was locked up, he didn't need car theft on his plate as well - and headed into the reception area, careful to keep their heads down and hoods up. Finding a sign for a canteen, they headed down a long corridor, taking several turns before the smell of freshly brewed coffee hit their noses.

Johnny waited around the corner, watching his friends retreating backs before they disappeared from view. Checking left then right, he pulled the collar of his jacket higher around his neck and left the hospital, head down, arms wrapped around his middle. Hoping he could just vanish.

---

Relaxing in the plastic chair, Brian sighed, shrugging off his coat as he took a sip of the warm liquid. It felt good going down, warming him up from the inside out. "Want a smoke?" he asked, glancing up from his phone.

"Sure, I got some in the car." Zack grabbed his half filled cup and wrapped his hands around them, he just couldn't get warm. They both glanced in the direction of the ER as they passed through, wondering if Johnny was being seen to or not.

After waiting for nearly an hour, Zacky began feeling worried.

"He should be out by now. What if something's wrong? What if-"

"Zacky, everything is probably fine. They're probably just making sure nothing else is wrong with him." Brian said trying to reassure him.

Zacky got up from his seat and walked over to the receptionist. "I'm looking for Johnny Seward. He came in about an hour ago."

The receptionist typed the name into the computer but could not find anything. "I'm sorry sir, there is no patient here with that name."

"What? How can you say that-"

"Zack, we got to go. It's Johnny." Brian said getting his attention. Zacky all but ran out of the hospital. He wasn't sure what happened, but he had a bad feeling.

---

Johnny curled up into a ball and winced as he tried to breathe normally. After escaping from the hospital, he ran to a nearby park and started walking only to run into a group of guys who had surrounded him and beat him up. He looked down at his arm. He knew he didn't need stitches but Brian insisted on bringing him to the hospital and Zacky for some reason went along with it despite knowing that he had been in the hospital for cuts that looked a whole lot worse than they did now.

"Johnny!" he heard his name being called. Looking left, he saw Brian and Zacky running over to him.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"I got beat up. What else is new?"

"You were supposed to be at the hospital with us. You were supposed to-"

"I know what you wanted me to do, but it wasn't bad enough to need stitches. Not like you would have listened." he said mumbling the last part more to himself.

"Johnny, we're just worried about you." Zacky said moving to help the bassist up off the ground.

"Can we just pretend none of this ever happened?" Johnny asked looking at them and looking at Brian in particular. He still wasn't sure if he could fully trust the lead again, or if he would go back and tell Jimmy everything.

"We could try." Zacky said answering for the both of them. "Now let's get back to the bus shall we?"

"But Zack, he should see a d-"

"Let's head back to the bus Brian." Zacky said. He was concerned for Johnny, but the longer they were gone, the sooner Matt or Jimmy would wake up and know they were gone. Sighing a little, Brian nodded his head and headed back to the car.

Once they had returned to the bus, they all quietly got back on and tried sneaking back to their bunks when a voice startled them.

"And where have you three been?"

@ heretic.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Brian jerked his head up at the sound of Matt's voice, his eyes comically wide. "Uhh, we all went for a smoke?"

Zack rolled his eyes and headed further onto the bus. "Brian was already outside when we went out for one, decided to go get some coffee, too. Sorry if we woke you up."

Matt looked at them all through narrowed eyes but nodded and let them past him, they did smell of smoke. Brian slipped the set of keys he'd used back onto the keyring at the front of the bus without anyone seeing him and headed for the bathroom. He needed a long, hot shower and sleep. Lots of sleep.

Zack nudged Johnny in the direction of the bunks, avoiding Matt's questioning stares. "We'll talk in the morning, alright?"

"Whatever," came as a mumbled reply.

As the next morning approached Johnny dreaded getting out of bed. He did not want to talk about what happened at all with Zacky, but he knew if he didn't do it now, he knew he would just keep pestering him until he told him everything.

"Johnny can we-"

"Where are the others?" Johnny asked looking at the rhythm.

"They're still sleeping."

Sighing a little, he crawled out of his bunk and headed to the back of the bus.

"Zacky, I-"

"Before you even say anything, yes we do need to talk about this. You promised you wouldn't do that again. I know the others know nothing about the last time but I was with you and I was so worried about losing you. When I saw what I did last night, I was afraid we were going to lose you. That's why I went along with what Brian said and made you go to the hospital."

"You know it's been way worse than that. You should have just told Brian I was fine and we wouldn't have had to lie to Matt." Johnny said as he slumped on the couch.

"You said you were going to get checked out, and we sat there waiting for you and I had to find out you didn't even check in and that you called Brian to tell him you were in the park. You had me even more worried about you."

"You didn't have to worry about me. If you had just told Brian I was fine, we wouldn't have gone to the hospital and none of that would have happened. Besides, you heard him. If someone found out I was there, word would probably get out and that's the last thing I want for any of us." he said.

"I'm sorry." Zacky said looking down at his hands, feeling a bit guilty. If he had only said something then maybe none of this would have happened.

"I'm not mad at you Zee. I know you were only looking out for me. I do have one question to ask though."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that Brian will really be able to not tell Jimmy about all of this?"

@ heretic.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
A few days passed and nothing more was said about what Johnny had attempted to do, but Brian kept his eye on the younger bassist, subtly watching to see if there was a change in his friend’s behaviour. He noticed little things, minute actions that no one else seemed to pick up on. The band continued to play each show they were scheduled at, continued to wow each crowd and make sure their fans were happy, but Brian knew that Johnny was keeping things to himself. Internalising his problems.

The lead battled with himself, torn between honouring Johnny’s request that he keep quiet, and letting one of the others know what was going on so they could help. He saw the way Johnny looked at Jimmy after each show, the way the bassist’s eyes would linger on the drummer, just a little too long to be anything friendly. One night, after they’d played to a sell-out audience, Brian decided to take matters into his own hands and have a little talk with his old friend.

Following the drummer back stage, he sat his guitar down ready to be put away and grabbed a bottle of water. “Hey Jim, you got a minute?”

Jimmy frowned. “Sure, what’s up?”

“Wanna go grab a drink with me?” Jimmy opened his mouth to speak, but Brian cut him off. “I’m not gonna try anything, I just wanna talk.”

Shrugging, Jimmy nodded and followed the guitarist out of a side door. They found a bar a few blocks away, seemingly quiet and unnoticeable. Walking to the bar, Brian ordered two beers and a bag of nuts, strolling through the empty tables to the one Jimmy had picked. It was in the corner, hidden away slightly so they could remain unknown.

“So,” Jimmy murmured, taking one of the bottles, “whadya wanna talk about?”

“Johnny.” Brian got straight to the point. “More specifically, you and Johnny. You miss him?”

The drummer’s striking blue eyes snapped up to Brian’s face, narrowing. “You know I do, why? What’s this about?”

“Nothing, I just...” Sighing, Brian began to pick at the label on his bottle. “I see the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I just wanna help.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek, hoping Jimmy wasn’t in the mood to interrogate him.

“What’s going on, Brian? You’re being vague, too vague. I know you, what aren’t you telling me?”

Brian’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Nothing’s going on, I’m just worried about the both of you. Maybe you should talk to him.”

Jimmy sighed, wistfully. “He made it perfectly clear that there was nothing between us anymore, Bri. I fucked up, remember?” Glancing briefly at Brian, he turned his attention to the bar. “Want another drink?”

"Sure, I'll take another beer." Brian knew that if he kept on, Jimmy would eventually get pissed off at him, but he had to try. "Maybe he's calmed down now, you never know unless you try."

"Fine, I'll talk to him, if you'll quit whining."

Jimmy had a feeling Brian was hiding something else from him, but he decided to ignore that feeling and go talk to Johnny.

"Johnny?"

"What do you want Jimmy?" Johnny asked looking up at the taller man as he put the laptop down.

"Do you think we could talk?"

"We're talking now aren't we?"

"I meant about us." Jimmy said watching the bassist cringe a little at the mention of the word "us".

"Jimmy-"

"I miss you Johnny, I really do."

"Jimmy, I miss you too but I don't know if I can do this again." he said looking down at his hands and tugging at his sleeve of his hoodie a little bit.

"Just give me one more chance. Please?"

@ heretic.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Johnny sighed, the fight leaving him. He really wanted to give Jimmy another chance, but he was so scared of being let down, again. “Let’s go out, just me and you, go get a drink and a bite to eat.”

“Yeah? Okay, sure, let’s go!” Jimmy beamed, the spring back in his step.

“I’m not promising anything, so don’t get your hopes up. Let’s just get together and talk.” He had to laugh at Jimmy’s enthusiasm but he was still a little nervous. A part of him thought he should have been punishing Jimmy still, hurting him as much as he hurt, but that would get them nowhere. He wanted to be the bigger man and move on from it. Besides, he missed the crazy drummer too much.

--

“Do you remember that time Matt got chased by that clown? Fucking hilarious, man! Matt shit his pants!”

Johnny laughed, for the first time in months, he felt so carefree and light. “Yeah, I remember. God, who would have thought that hulking great guy would be so scared of clowns?” Snorting, he picked up his bottle of beer and took a hearty sip.

There were half empty plates and dishes all over the table, Jimmy ordering almost everything on the menu. Snagging a breadstick, Johnny chewed on it, mulling over the evening. It had been good, no interruptions or awkwardness, it was like nothing had ever happened between them.

The walk home from the bar was filled with the same laughter and good conversation, Johnny even allowing Jimmy to hold his hand. The bus was quiet when they got back, both boys slipping down the hall to their bunks, whispering a “good night” to each other. Johnny was just drifting off when he felt something poking him in the cheek, frowning before opening his eyes to see a smiling Jimmy Sullivan.

“Whadya want Jim?”

“Can’t sleep, too much fizzy pop.” He grinned, his eyes dancing with mirth and humour. “Can I sit with you for a bit?”

In his sleepy state, Johnny scooted over and lifted up the covers, letting the drummer climb into his bed. “Just don’t stink my bed out with your toxic ass!”

“Yes boss!” Jimmy hunkered down next to the bassist, hesitating before resting his arm across the younger man’s waist.

The next morning came and Jimmy walked out to the front of the bus and saw Brian sitting on the couch.

"Morning." Brian said smiling at the drummer.

"Hey," Jimmy said as he scratched at the back of his neck. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, what is it?" Brian questioned feeling a bit puzzled.

"Well you know how we were talking the other day and you said you were worried about Johnny?"

"I said I was worried about both of you, but yes. What about it?"

"You were being very vague and I'm just wondering if you know something that I don't. Is something wrong with Johnny?"

"What? No, I was just worried because-"

"Tell the truth Gates. Is something going on that I should know about?"

Brian bit his lip and looked at him, unsure if he should tell him the truth or try lying to him.

"I don't know if I-"

"You know you can tell me anything and if something is wrong with him, I need to know Bri."

Sighing as running a hand through his hair, he decided he'd tell him the truth. "If I tell you, you can't tell Johnny I said anything."

"What is it?"

"He's been hurting himself Jim. Zacky found him a few nights ago and he had cuts all over his arms."

"That's not true. Johnny would never do something like that." Jimmy said shaking his head.

"But it is true. I'm sorry but-"

"You're lying! If he'd ever done something like that I would know. This is all some sort of fucked up joke to you isn't it?"

"Not at all, I just thought you should-" he groaned in frustration as the drummer stormed towards the back of the bus. He told him the truth and he didn't believe him. He was just hoping he made the right decision in telling him.

--

After about fifteen minutes of calming himself down, he decided to go wake up Johnny. As he pulled the curtain back, he noticed Johnny sprawled out with his arms stretching over the edge of the bed. At a quick glance he could have sworn he had seen a mark on the bassist's wrist before shaking the thought away. Brian was just trying to get inside his head and he wasn't going to let that happen. Johnny would never do something like hurt himself right?

"Jimmy? What are you doing?" Johnny mumbled as he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I uh...I was just going to see if you wanted to spend the day with me. We don't have a show until tomorrow so maybe we could just hang out or something?"

@ heretic.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
"Kay, lemme wake up first." Johnny was aware of Jimmy's eyes on him, averting his own as he pulled the blanket up and covered himself.

Jimmy frowned, shrugging off his concern. “Okay, cool. I’ll go wait outside.” He could tell something was up with the bassist, he just didn’t know what exactly it was. His earlier conversation with Brian flashed through his mind, but he refused to believe that Johnny would ever hurt himself. Besides, they’d been together too long for him not to notice something like that.

Grabbing his jacket and phone, he went to wait outside the bus, randomly kicking stones at his feet. He felt like his gut was trying to tell him something, but he wasn’t sure what that was, or if he even wanted to know. Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he smiled as Johnny came down the steps and nudged him with his elbow, stealing his cigarettes.

That was the Johnny he knew, happy and carefree.

“Wanna go to the fun fair? I heard there’s one in town.”

Johnny huffed out a laugh, lighting a cigarette. “Sure, why not?”

Clapping his hands in glee, Jimmy ran on ahead, Johnny laughing at the skipping and dancing, shaking his head. Jimmy was a giant man child.

After sampling every piece of candy known to man, going on every ride, at least twice, they ended up on the Ferris wheel. Getting comfortable, Jimmy put his feet up on the metal bar, crossing them at the ankles and making the cart rock. “Rev, I swear to god!”

The drummer smirked. “Not afraid, are you Johnny boy? Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

“The only thing you’ll be protecting is your ass when I kick it off this thing, now sit still!”

“Oooh, touchy!” He laughed as Johnny elbowed him in the ribs, coughing and spluttering. “Alright, alright! I’ll stay still.”

The ride started up, each cart moving slowly in a circle before theirs got to the very top. It stopped, letting them take in the sights and sounds of the current city they were in. The lights twinkled like tiny dancing fairies, glimmering and shining brightly. “It’s beautiful up here,” Jimmy whispered, shifting closer to Johnny.

“It is.” Johnny swallowed and turned to look at the drummer, surprised at their close proximity. Licking his lips, he looked up into shimmering crystal blue, his own darting down to Jimmy’s lips before flicking back to his eyes. His breath caught in his throat at the intensity of those eyes, warmth and other untold emotions swimming in those blue depths. They were so close, he could feel Jimmy’s warm breath against his face, his skin prickling at the possibilities. “Jim?”

Jimmy stared back at Johnny, not daring to break eye contact or even breathe in the wrong way. “Yeah?”

“I think I-” The cart began to move, the moment passing. Both sighed, shifting back to their original positions, wondering what could have happened had they not been interrupted.

Silence filled the air as they returned to the bus. Neither of them had said a word since the ferris wheel. As they stepped onto the bus, Johnny looked over at him and smiled.

"I had a nice time Jimmy."

"Me too."

More silence filled the air as the pair of them weren't quite sure what to say to each other.

"I'm uh, I'm gonna go to bed now." Johnny said.

"Goodnight." Jimmy replied as he stepped in front of the shorter man and kissed him.

@ elizabeth bathory.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Jimmy groaned softly, blinking himself awake, the early morning sun streaming through the thin gap in the curtains. He frowned, not recognising the bunk he was in, or the warm body pressed against him. Craning his neck, he glances over his shoulder and smiled at a peacefully sleeping Johnny Christ, the events of the night before coming back to him. He’d been about to climb into his own bunk when he heard his name being called quietly, sticking his head out of the curtains to see Johnny grinning back at him. The bassist had requested him as a spooning partner for the night, arguing that he was too big to be the little spoon – but he gave in, it wasn’t long ago that Johnny barely looked at him, never mind speaking. He’d take anything he could get.

They spent most of the night whispering amongst themselves, talking about the old days, when they were young and very dumb. He’d made Johnny laugh at their antics, the bassist wiping the tears out of his eyes, a genuinely happy smile on his face. Jimmy had missed that, more than anything.

Jimmy was about to roll over and wake Johnny up with a raspberry to the cheek, when something caught his eye. He rubbed at his eyes, thinking he was seeing things but when he took his hand away, the marks were still there. Angry, dark red cuts on Johnny’s arms, some old, some looked like they were done recently. He sat up, heart beginning to race in his chest, wondering, hoping he hadn’t been the reason they were there.

“Jim?”

Looking back over his shoulder, he looked Johnny in the eye, then at the cuts, back to his face. “Why would you do something like that?” He shook his head, rubbing at a spot on his forehead. “Brian said you had, but I didn’t believe him, thought you were smarter than that.”

“Wait, Brian told you?!”

Jimmy didn’t get the chance to reply, to defend his best friend. Johnny jumped out of bed, not bothering to cover himself up. “Brian Haner Jr, get your ass out here!”

Brian was making coffee when he heard Johnny shout his name. And he did not sound happy in the slightest. Stepping away from the counter and moving towards the couch, he saw Johnny standing in his boxers with his scars and cuts on display for anyone and everyone to see.

"Johnny, he's gonna see you if you don't-"

"He's already seen me but apparently he didn't even need to see them because you already fucking told him about it even after you told me you wouldn't!" Johnny glared at the lead as he moved closer.

"He had a right to know. I couldn't-"

"That was not your secret to tell! You promised me you would keep your mouth shut about it and what do you do? You go and blab to him anyway!"

"But-"

"I trusted you. But apparently I made a mistake in doing that."

"What's going on out here?" Zacky's concerned voice drew their attention for a moment. Matt not far behind also entered the room before stopping in his tracks when he saw Johnny.

"Johnny what the hell happened to you?" Matt questioned as his eyes widened.

"I hurt myself okay?! But you probably already knew that because of Sir Blabs-a-lot!"

Johnny just shook his head and turned his heated gaze back on Brian.

"You happy now? Everyone fucking knows how fucked I am!" Johnny said before storming out of the room and back to his bunk.

@ heretic.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Johnny muttered angrily to himself as he grabbed a bag, stuffing clothes he didn't even need into it before zipping it back up. He pushed past the rest of the band, waving off Zack's protests and Jimmy's concerned eyes as he stormed off the bus. They all knew how much of a fuck up he was now, it wouldn't be long before they were letting him down gently and looking for his replacement. Well, he'd save them all the trouble and just leave.

Huffing out a breath, he pulled his hoodie tighter around himself and stalked down the road, hitching his bag higher onto his shoulder. The material rubbed against his latest handiwork, but he ignored the pain and kept walking. He had no idea where he was going, or how he was getting there, just kept walking. Ignoring stares and looks from other people, he kept his head down and trudged along the highway, distracted by the thoughts in his head.

He was so distracted, that he hadn't realised he was swaying into the middle of the road, hot, salty tears obstructing his vision. He looked up but it was too late, a set of bright, blearing headlights were coming towards him. He tried holding up a hand to signal the driver to stop, but it was no use, it was too late. The last thought Johnny had before everything went dark, was that no one would know where he was, how to find him, how to save him.

@ heretic.

"Dammit Johnny answer the phone!" Zacky said before hanging up the phone again.

"He's still not answering?" Matt questioned as he stepped back onto the bus.

"No answer. It's been a couple hours since Johnny left and we still can't find him. What if something happened?"

Matt walked over to the shorter guitarist and pulled him into a hug.

"We're gonna find him okay? He couldn't have gone too far." Matt said.

"Any luck?" Jimmy said coming onto the bus. Zacky looked over at the drummer and shook his head. He knew how terrified he was and even tried to go after Johnny, but nothing helped. He swore he could see his heart break more as he slumped on the couch.

"This is all my fault," Jimmy muttered. "If I hadn't opened my mouth-"

"No Jim. If Gates didn't open his mouth, Johnny would still be here with us. He trusted him to not say anything but he couldn't do that."

"He had a right to know." Brian chimed in. He felt bad enough as it was but to hear Zacky talk about him like that, it only made him feel worse.

"It wasn't your secret to tell. He would have told him when he was ready and he wasn't yet. He trusted you."

"I-"

"Guys wait, this might be him." Matt silenced the others as he answered his cell phone. After a few moments, his face had begun to grow pale as he was shaking his head. He hung up the phone and was still shaking his head as he moved to sit down.

"Matt? What's wrong? Was that Johnny?"

"That was someone calling from the hospital a few miles from here. Johnny was hit by a car."

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Johnny groaned as he came around, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He squinted against the brightness of the room he found himself in, fear creeping up on him steadily as he tried to work out where the hell he was. A door opening pulled him out of his head, Johnny glancing over to see a nurse walk towards him, with his friends nervously hovering behind her.

"what the hell happened to me?" He asked, his voice croaky, like he hadn't spoken for years. "And Jim, why the hell are you stood all the way over there? Get over here and give me a kiss!"

Jimmy stared at the smaller man with wide eyes. It wasn't long ago that Johnny had stormed off of the bus, or even since they had their last argument. Had he forgotten about all of it?

"Patients talk like that all the time when they're on pain meds. I'll go get the doctor to come check in on him." The nurse laughed a little as she left the room giving the others time to visit with their friend. Little did she know, that Johnny meant every word of it.

"You had us worried man." Zacky said as he gazed at his friend.

"I did? What did I do?" Johnny questioned the green eyed man before looking down at his bandaged arms as his eyes widened. "I didn't try to kill myself again did I?"

Everyone but Zacky stared at the bassist with shock. He had tried before? Brian and Jimmy felt more guilty than they had before.

"Again? Wh-"

"No Johnny, you didn't do that." Zacky interrupted the drummer. He was the only one who had known about Johnny's past attempts until now.

"But my arms-"

"Y-You got hit by a car Johnny. You probably just got cut by the person's windshield or s-something." Matt stuttered still in shock over what Johnny said.

"How much do you remember J?"

@ heretic.

@ Xxzackysangel6661Xx
Johnny frowned, eyes narrowing at the shifty looks his friends were exchanging. There was something they weren't telling him. "I remember the kick ass show we did, can't seem to remember which city, and then it's a big blank." He winced at the pulling of his ribs, sucking in a deep breath at the pain that lanced through his middle.

"Seriously, Jim, do I smell or something? Come here."

Jimmy looked to the others for guidance, eyes comically wide. "Hey," he murmured, hovering next to the bassist. "How you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a car. Literally." Jimmy couldn't help but guffaw at that, but the laughter seemed to die on his tongue as Johnny grabbed at his hand and linked their fingers together. "Did I forget our anniversary? Is that why you're being weird with me?" His voice has lowered considerably, wobbling with insecurity and doubt.

"Anniversary? Uhhh, sooo...I'm your boyfriend?"

"Of course, dummy. Now, can I have a proper kiss or do I have to beg you?"

Jimmy gulped, looking like a small animal trapped in a corner. Shrugging at the others, he lowered himself and let Johnny pull him down, feeling mixed emotions at the familiar feel of Johnny's lips against his own.

"Zacky? Can I see you and Brian in the hall?" Matt asked as he moved to step out of the room.
"What's the matter Shads? Can't handle two guys kissing?" Johnny teased the singer. I guess he even forgot that he once kissed him as well. How much was he forgetting?

"I think he just wants to talk about tour stuff since you're hurt and all." Zacky said hating that he had to lie to the smaller man. "We'll leave you two to talk. "

As they stepped into the hallway, Zacky let out a sigh and leaned against the wall. Brian and Matt soon followed and shut the door behind them.

"He tried killing himself before?" Matt opened his mouth after a few minutes of silence passed between them.

"Yeah, he has Matt." Zacky spoke up biting his lip a little as he thought back to that moment.

"Why didn't you tell us he did that before? We could have helped him." Brian said.

"It wasn't my place to say, and I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone. Unlike you Gates, I don't break my promises. If you hadn't told Jimmy what he did we wouldn't be here and Johnny wouldn't have ended up possibly forgetting everything. Johnny would have told him when he was ready on his own terms, but you didn't even give him that chance." Zacky snapped.

"Zacky I-"

"Now is not the time to focus on that okay? We have to worry about Johnny. He clearly doesn't remember a whole lot about what's happened this tour. Not to mention even before all of this, he never acted like that with Jimmy in front of us before we found out about them, so that part may just be the meds. But he's going to need us. I just feel bad that he's going to have to find out about everything all over again." Matt said as he paced back and forth.

"No he's not."

@ heretic.