A Boy Who Likes a Boy Is a Dead Boy

Steve frowned, shaking his head. His friend didn't have him convinced in the slightest. "You've been acting differently." He said. "And it's not just today. You've been like this for a while now." His friend might have others fooled, but Steve wasn't in that group at all. Bucky was his oldest friend, they'd known each other since they were kids, so certainly he would know if his friend was acting differently. "I'm going to ask you again, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing!" It came out a little more sternly that he had hoped, almost snapping at his friend this time. It jaded him slightly, hearing himself speak to Steve in such a way... But there was just so much to hide, and so much at stake... And he wasn't prepared to tell him just yet. Bucky had barely come to terms with it all himself, let alone being prepared to tell someone else what was going on inside his mind. For a brief moment, it occurred to him to lie. To tell Steve he was just struggling with the fact he didn't have a family now that he was getting older... But that seemed just as bad as yelling at him.

Steve's eyes widened slightly in surprise at his friend's tone. Bucky had never snapped at him like that before. Honestly, his friend's behavior just now only proved him right even further. Something was bothering him. Steve didn't know what it was, but it was definitely something. "If it's nothing, why are you getting so defensive?" He asked. He knew that he probably should have just dropped the subject altogether by now, but he could be pretty stubborn and hard-headed when he wanted to be.

The fact Steve wasn't just dropping the subject was getting to Bucky slightly. Sure, he was probably just concerned, and worried about his friend... And Bucky would do the same if he was worried about Steve. "Because you won't let it go!" He sighed in frustration, bringing a hand up to push hair from his face. Now the adrenaline was wearing off, he was becoming more aware of his injuries, his fingers aching from the scraped knuckles he had suffered. "I'm just..." He could feel it coming forward, the urge to lie. It wasn't something he was proud of, but he just wanted the conversation to be over already. "I miss my dad, alright?"

Steve knew that he was probably only making the situation worse right now. He was pushing his friend way too much, and he knew it, but he was honestly just trying to help. He couldn't help if Bucky didn't tell him what was bothering him. "Maybe I would if you'd just talk to me!" His voice raised slightly. They never really argued. Sure, sometimes they had differences in opinion, but they didn't argue too much. And, if they did, it was never anything really serious. Neither of them really stayed mad at the other for very long. The expression on his face softened slightly at his friend's later words. "Why didn't you just say so, Buck?"

It wasn't necessarily a lie. Or at least that's how Bucky tried to justify it to himself. He'd lost both parents at a young age, and it was hard to find his own footing without them. He only acted like he had everything figured out... Not having parents for support made finding his own identity far more difficult. This didn't seem like something he'd ever be comfortable talking to his parents about anyway. He had never known them well enough to know how they'd react to this sort of thing... All he knew was that they loved him, so maybe they would have helped him through. "Because there's no use crying over it," He muttered, pulling his sleeve down over his hand so he could wipe some dry blood from his nose. "Missing them doesn't bring them back." It was a cynical view, one far too bleak for someone his age... But it was the mentality he had been brought up with in an orphanage. Crying, kicking, and screaming didn't bring anyone back... It only pushed people away.

Steve kind of felt bad for pestering Bucky the way he had now. He usually wouldn't, but he'd just kind of been fed up with the answers his friend had been giving him. They'd all seemed like excuses, bullshit ones at that. But now he felt bad. The thought that his friend might be lying hadn't even crossed his mind. He'd never accuse Bucky of lying about missing either of his parents. It was honestly usually an untouchable subject. Neither of them really spoke about their parents very much at all. "You still could've told me...we could've talked about it."

Steve was right. Bucky could have spoken to him about it, if it had really been the reason he was acting so strange. He did miss his parents, and that never really left him... But he had grown used to living with the absence they had left. He'd been too young to understand that they weren't coming back, or where they had even gone... Nor had he had time to actually mourn the loss of his parents. There were other things to do, and other things that occupied his mind when he was so young... And he had Steve. Through thick and thin, he had always had his best friend. "I don't feel like I need to talk to you..." He muttered past his sleeve. "You've always been the only family I needed."

Steve nodded. "If something's bothering you, it's worth talking to someone about it, Buck." He said. He understood where his friend was coming from, they were both really all the other had had for a really long time, but he wanted Bucky to know that he was there if needed to talk to someone. "I'm always here if you need to talk. It doesn't matter what it's about, alright?"

The fact Steve was willing to be there for Bucky, no matter what, sent a pang of guilt through him. He had lied, even when he knew Steve was probably the least judgemental person he had ever met. If Bucky felt this way about anyone else, anyone but Steve, he would have been more open about it... But he just wasn't ready to admit how he was feeling. Not when it was about his best friend. He nodded after a moment, blowing out another sigh. "Alright... Thanks, punk."

Bucky was all Steve really had. He was his best friend but, as Bucky had said earlier, they were like family. And that was why he'd always be there for him. No matter what. "You don't need to thank me, Buck." He said, shaking his head slightly. "I'm with you 'til the end of the line." He smiled slightly. It was just something that the two had started saying to each other a few years back.

The personal statement struck Bucky a little harder than he'd ever imagined it would. It was true, they'd had each other's backs for as long as they had known each other. Bucky couldn't remember a time when he wasn't looking out of Steve, or when Steve was looking out for him... And now Bucky was keeping secrets. He was rendered silent for a moment before giving his friend a small smile. "Alright, punk..." He laughed softly, ruffling Steve's hair gently. "Let's go... I think the new Batman comic's out."

[You're purposely having Bucky call him a punk more frequently now, aren't you? ]

Steve was kind of relieved when he saw that small smile form on his friend's lips. It meant that, for the time being, things were okay. He was glad that he'd figured out what was bothering his friend, or so he thought anyway. He would honestly never even accuse Bucky of lying to him. He laughed quietly, swatting his friend's hand away when he ruffled his hair. "What're we waiting for then?" He asked, a smile on his face.

[YEAP. ]

"You're buying." Bucky stated simply, his hands now in his trouser pockets as they headed off in search of the new comic. Nothing really seemed like it mattered now, none of the stuff he had worried about or the things he was hiding. They would remain hidden for now, and he was happy with that. He was going to cling to those moments of happiness whilst he could. The black eye, the pain in his nose and knuckles, the growing ache in his ribs... It all seemed so trivial now that he was able to smile with Steve.

[ Can I just say that I forgot how much I love '40's slang until I watched Agent Carter last night? And I missed so many of the characters, oh my god]

"I guess that's fair. You did buy me that egg cream the other day." Steve said as they headed down the street. He didn't mind buying the comic. He and Bucky were kind of one in the same. Neither of them really had much, but they made do with what they did have, and they looked out for each other. That was just how it had always been for them.

[40's slang is the best... I really, really need to watch it ]

Bucky felt ridiculous hiding things from Steve, considering how inseparable they truly were. He had no one else, even when things got truly rough. It was always Bucky and Steve... He didn't even feel like he needed someone else. Steve was all he could ask for in a friend. He was perfectly capable of socialising with other people, and making other friends... But he didn't feel the need to, truthfully. "We can just buy one," Bucky shrugged casually. "I'll even let you read it first."

[I love it! Haha.]

"Nah, it's alright. You can read it first. I read the last one we got first." Steve said as they continued walking. He didn't suspect a thing from Bucky. The excuse he'd given was a realistic and plausible one. His friend hadn't given him any reason to believe that he was being anything but truthful with him. "Just don't take too long reading it. I heard this one's going to be really good."

Bucky mused for a moment as they walked along, some guilt weighing down on him as he thought about the lies he had told Steve. It was entirely plausible, and he did miss having his parents... But it was still a lie in that very moment. "Hey, about we read it together?" He suggested after a pause. It had been a long time since they had done that sort of thing, and he still remembered those times fondly. They'd been kids, and they lived for the release of their favourite comics. They'd gather together as many pennies as they could find, clumsily count it all up until they had enough between them, and run to the nearest news stand to buy a copy between them. "We can even set up a blanket fort if you want. I think I still have that flashlight..."

[You're clearly trying to kill me. Now I'm picturing Steve and Bucky as kids, making a blanket fort late at night, reading a Batman comic together, and having to do so in hushed voices because it's past their bedtime ]

Steve was honestly kind of surprised by his friend's suggestion. It was something that they hadn't done since they were kids, and thinking about how things had been back then made him smile. "I'd like that actually." He said. Maybe this would make things better, help them to remember how things used to be back then. Steve felt as though things used to be so much simpler and less stressful. He never had to worry about going out on dates that never ended well, or worrying about meatheads like McCluskey. It was just so much easier, and he sometimes wished that he could go back there. "We can take some of the couch cushions down too, sleep on the floor just like we used to."

[That's exactly what I was thinking ]

Bucky definitely missed those days, when everything was just childish play and they didn't have to worry about anything else. Sure, he had started to worry about his friend from a young age. Steve had never been in the best health... But Bucky never really had to worry about it so much when they were just kids. It was only when he came to really understand it all that he worried. But it didn't deter him from being friends with Steve. If his friend was too sick to do anything, Bucky would spend his time gathering up as much loose change as possible. Once he had enough, he'd buy a copy for them and go to see him. Even if Steve was too ill to sit up and read the comic, Bucky would read it all to him. He would do the voices, and even act it out if that's what it took. Even when Steve was too weak to stay awake, Bucky would sit on the bed next to him, and quietly read it all to him. "I think I've got enough for some junk food too..."