A Boy Who Likes a Boy Is a Dead Boy

What had happened before still wasn't far from Bucky's mind. He was worried about the people he had left behind at the bar, the man who had grabbed a hold of him and pushed him out before things became worse for him; underage and in an illegal bar? It was the sort of thing that could result in a kid like him ending up dead, or worse... Outed. For now, he wanted to pretend nothing had happened. If anyone asked, he had been jumped by some football head, that's all... But he was sure the beating was going to catch up with his body eventually. Bucky sighed, taking a bite of his liquorice. "I don't even know who I am anymore." It was a comment he made in humour, to continue their little joke of a conversation... But it struck him just how true it seemed to be.

Steve chuckled softly. "Your whole life is a lie now, isn't it?" He asked, still going along with the conversation. He had no idea just how true his friend's statement was. He had no idea what his friend was going through right now. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind, and why would it? Steve had no reason to believe that Bucky was lying to him. He trusted his friend, and he was certain that his friend trusted him. He would never expect Bucky to lie to him, and that was probably the only reason his friend had gotten away with it.

"Oh, definitely." Bucky continued, kicking at a loose rock on the sidewalk. "This changes everything I ever thought I knew about myself." It was strange, feeling as though he didn't know himself anymore. He had gone through the majority of his life feeling pretty self-assured. Sure, he didn't have the best of situations, but he rarely complained. It was all character building, and it made him who he was... But he didn't know exactly who that was anymore. He used to be just Bucky, the guy who could get a lot of dates and win a lot of fights... Now it felt like it was all beginning to slip away from him.

Bucky was always the strong one. Steve didn't rely on him to, but he was always the one saving his hyde when he decided to open his mouth. It was something he did a lot, constantly saying the wrong thing to McCluskey or one of the other goons at school. And who was always there to get him out of there before he got in way too far over his head? Bucky. He was always there to take care of him when he got sick. Always there trying to set him up on a date, much to Steve's dismay. So he would never imagine Bucky falling apart at the seams or going through some sort of a crisis like this. Not that he knew there was anything really going on for that matter. "Well, if anyone can figure it out, I'm sure you can."

"Careful, Steve," Bucky laughed softly. "Keep makin' comments like that and someone's gonna think you're in love with me." It was a stupid joke, one that Bucky instantly regretted making. His own words cut into him far worse than any dumb comment McCluskey could come up with. It was as if he was projecting his own problems onto Steve, deflecting from the thoughts he was struggling with himself. Best case scenario, Steve would one day turn around and admit he was going through the same thing Bucky was... But he very highly doubted that day was going to come any time soon.

Steve laughed quietly, shaking his head in response to his friend's words. He didn't realize just how much his friend regretted making that comment. He didn't realize just how much it bothered him either. "Yeah, because that's definitely a plausible idea." He said sarcastically. If knew the truth, he wouldn't have made that comment, but, the thing was, he didn't know the truth. He didn't know that Bucky's feelings for him were much more than that of a best friend.

The only thing Bucky could do in such a situation was laugh, just laugh it off before Steve even had the chance to realise that something was bothering him once again. Deflection worked, that's what he had learnt. As much as it cut into him, it worked... It took the attention off of himself. That was all he needed. If people weren't paying attention to him, they would never realise what was going on beneath the surface. "Hey, I don't know..." He mused aloud, a convincing smile on his face. "I am pretty irresistible."

Steve laughed once more, shaking his head. "Yeah, I'm not so sure about that." He said, grinning slightly. He didn't realize just how much comments like that could bother his friend. Why would he think that Bucky would take something like that personally? They were best friends, they ragged on each other constantly. Of course, Steve didn't realize just how much it all really did bother his friend at times, particularly comments and discussions like this one.

Bucky had brought it on himself. As much as he wanted to hear Steve turn around one day and admit that he did feel the same way, he knew it wasn't going to happen. He needed to be reminded of that, or at least he thought so. It was like some sort of punishment on himself, to remind him that the things he was thinking were wrong. "Hey, c'mon," Bucky scoffed, fishing another piece of liquorice out of the packet. "Even McCluskey wants a piece of me... That's what he's so frustrated about."

"McCluskey, really?" Steve chuckled softly, shaking his head. "I'm not so sure about that...where exactly did you come up with this theory? I know kids who pick on other kids usually pick on those kids because they like them, but we're not five, Buck." He chuckled once more. "I doubt McCluskey wants a piece of you."

"I'm certain he does want a piece of me..." Bucky muttered, taking a bite from the piece of candy he held between his fingers. "He just... wants to tear it out of me." He laughed, shaking his head. "Okay fine, McCluskey and I are never going to be... civil with each other. But I can live with that." Bucky gave a casual shrug again, looking down at Steve. "I don't need a friend like that when I've got you."

Steve shook his head. "I really don't see it, Buck." He said, chuckling slightly. He knew that his friend wasn't being serious, that much was fairly obvious. "If you ever became friends with McCluskey, I think Hell might've frozen over." Those two just were never going to be civil with each other. It just wasn't possible.

"You never know... Maybe he'll suddenly develop some more brain cells and realise how amazing I am." Bucky grinned, turning down their street so they could head home. Despite how long it had been since they'd done it, Bucky was looking forward to sharing a comic book with Steve, and setting up a fort in the living room like the kids they truly were. He was taking himself too seriously as of late, and letting things get on top of him... This would either clear his mind, and make him even more confused. He hoped it would be the former.

"I think that's even less likely." Steve said, chuckling softly. "He's never going to develop anymore brain cells...I'm not even sure if he has any to begin with...it sure doesn't seem that way sometimes." He grinned slightly. He was honestly looking forward to spending time with Bucky. Not that they didn't spend time with each other anymore, they just didn't do things like this anymore. It was little kid stuff, but it was nice knowing that neither of them was completely opposed to it.

"Any he did have were probably knocked out when he was playin' football." He scoffed, rolling his eyes. McCluskey was probably the biggest pain they knew at school... But he was also the dumbest. It always seemed a miracle when he passed the years, considering he always seemed to fail the work. That being said, Bucky sometimes didn't put in anywhere near as enough effort as he should have done... But at least he wasn't stupid.

Steve chuckled softly. "Yeah, you're probably right." He agreed. Until he met McCluskey, he'd never really thought it possible for a person to be that stupid, but McCluskey was just something else he supposed. How he managed to get through school was beyond him, though he guessed that had something to say about the education system more than anything else.

In a way, Bucky felt somewhat sorry for McCluskey. The way he saw it, the goon must have a pretty dissatisfying life in order to warrant him picking on other kids. He'd always been the bully in school, and it was the only reason he was popular... Once they all grew up a bit more, he'd realise what an idiot he was. "Still, not gonna stop us having fun." Bucky smiled, approaching the door to Steve's home.

Steve smiled, shaking his head. "You're right, it definitely won't." He said. They were still going to have no matter what McCluskey or any other bully out there had to say. They weren't going to let people like that bother them or let them ruin their fun at all. That was something that Steve was sure of.

"You got your key?" Bucky half teased as he nodded towards the front door of Steve's house. There had been quite a few occasions when Steve had realised he had locked himself out of the house, or left his key somewhere he probably shouldn't have done. He'd almost lost count of the times he had climbed in through a window and opened the door fro the inside.

"Of course I have my key..." Steve paused, fumbling around in the pockets of his trousers, which hung off of his small frame, searching for the key to the front door. "I swear I have it here somewhere..." A few moments later, he pulled it out from within the depths of one of the pockets. "See? I told ya I had it, Buck."