The Devil Took Your Memory

It felt like Natalia had been gone for hours, and Bucky couldn't bring himself to relax for a single moment of it. He resolved to sitting in the corner, opposite to the door as he waited for her to come back. There wasn't even any guarantee that she would come back. They could have taken her anywhere, done anything to her... And he felt utterly helpless. He had been determined to protect her, and keep her from suffering the same things that he had... And it felt as though he had completely failed her. When the door finally swung open, Bucky was immediately on his feet, prepared to fight his way out of the cell if he had to. They weren't keeping Natalia from him for any longer.

Natalia didn't know how long she'd been gone. Time seemed to have passed by differently while she was in that room. More slowly. Of course that's how it worked. When she just wanted things to be over, for it to end, time seemed to drag on forever. And it still seemed to drag now too. The walk down the corridor seemed longer now. Once she reached the cell, the agent who had escorted her down the hall, pushed open the door. Silently, she stepped inside, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Natalia," Bucky breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped inside, but the relief was only short lived. Something wasn't right. She lacked energy, and emotion for that matter. He took a few quick steps forward, his hands immediately coming to hold her arms lightly. "Natalia..." He spoke again, his tone one of genuine concern. Considering what they had done to him, and how little care they had shown for him, Bucky was beyond concerned. All that mattered in that moment was ensuring that she was okay. "Please... Пожалуйста, говорите мне... Natalia..."

Natalia flinched slightly when he placed his hands on her arms. She couldn't help it. While she wasn't showing any actual emotion, her entire body was on high alert. She might not have been feeling, in fear of what would happen if she did, but that didn't mean she wasn't on edge. She was silent as she looked up to him, her eyes almost staring right through him. It didn't even fully register that he was trying to talk to her until she heard her name the third time around. "Я не могу ..."

As soon as he felt her flinch under his touch, Bucky lifted his hands away from her skin. He could tell just how fragile she seemed to be in that moment, and the last thing he wanted to do was push her over the edge. There was a look on her face that he knew all too well. The looking straight past someone, even when looking at them, the absent stares and the far away thoughts. A thousand yard stare. He had seen it on the men he had spent time with in the trenches, and the men who had been captured by Hydra... He had even seen it staring back at him in mirrors. Trauma. Shell shock. Any minute now, it was all bound to catch up with her, and he wasn't sure how she would be able to handle it. "Мне жаль," He murmured, wrapping one arm around her back before bending at his knee and using the other arm to sweep her up into a bridal carry. Bucky didn't want to risk her collapsing, and falling onto the cold hard ground. "Мне так жаль ... Я держу тебя. Я держу тебя сейчас..."

In a matter of seconds, Natalia went from feeling nothing at all, to feeling everything all at once. It hit her like a ton of bricks. Everything that had been done to her in that room, the way they treated her like some sort of a lab rat, it all hit her. And it was way too much for her to handle. She opened her mouth to say something, to try to explain what had happened and how she was feeling, but instead of words, a soft sob escaped her lips. "Я не могу ..."

Fighting for himself no longer seemed like it was enough. Bucky was going to have to do much more to ensure that he fought for Natalia as well... He didn't want them to get hold of her again, but at the same time, it felt like there was very little that he could do to prevent it. Glancing around the cell as he held her tightly, Bucky realised there was hardly anything available to make her comfortable. They had used her, then tossed her back in the cell as if she was nothing to them. He settled on carrying her over to the corner, standing with his back against the wall so that he could carefully lower them both down onto the ground. He held her in his lap, bending his knees up to form some sort of cradle around her. Moving an arm from around her briefly, he pulled the only thin blanket that they had up from the floor, and around the both of them. He needed to keep her warm, and safe, the two things Hydra had never provided for either of them. "Я держу тебя ..." He repeated softly, both his arms around her once more. "Я держу тебя ..."

In any other instance, Natalia wouldn't have broken down like this. She would've kept it all in and refused to show any sign of weakness. Because, in her eyes, this was weakness, but she couldn't help it. She wished that she couldn't feel, that she was just numb and indifferent to it all, but she wasn't, and even when she held herself together, it wasn't likely she'd ever be. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks, sobs wracking her entire body, as she stayed there in Bucky's arms.

Bucky remained silent as he held her against his own body, hoping that he was doing enough to keep her warm. He didn't imagine that the metal arm did much to help, especially not when it was a constant reminder of just what Hydra was capable of. His stare was fixed on the door now that he had settled them into the corner, hiding them like a lion willing to attack if anyone came near their cub. He had let her down once, through cheap tricks and dirty play on Hydra's behalf. They weren't going to get their hands on her any time soon, not now he had her back. Listening to Natalia cry was slowly breaking him down, and he could feel tears stinging his own eyes. Grasping for ideas on how he could comfort her, Bucky fell back onto the only thing he knew. It had worked when Steve was sick, and hurting. Admittedly, they had a record player, but Bucky would have to do with what little they had available to them. If they were in any other situation, he would probably have felt like an idiot for what he was about to do, but he felt like it was the only thing he could do in that moment. "Somewhere over the rainbow..." He started to sing softly, in a lulled tone as he kept his eyes fixed on the door. It was always a song about dreaming of being somewhere else, and he knew it was what they both wanted. "Way up high..."

Natalia didn't know how anyone could do something like this to another human being. They hadn't treated her like a person though. She was treated more like a lab rat. She didn't really know what most of the experiments they conducted did to her, and she didn't want to know either. The mere thought only caused even more tears to fall down her cheeks. She felt safe in Bucky's arms though. It was in that moment that she realized that she felt safest when she was with him.

The worst part of it all was knowing that Hydra would still be watching them, as Bucky tried his hardest to calm her back down. It was probably something they wanted to see. They wanted to monitor compassion, and empathy. And they wanted to stamp it out. Continuing the song, Bucky rubbed Natalia's arm slowly, still ensuring that she was wrapped in the blanket. He didn't mind feeling cold. He had spent enough time adapting to it, and his main focus was making sure that Natalia was safe. It was going to be a while before she relaxed again, and he knew she would have her guard well up for the next couple of days. When he had fleeting memories of what they had done to him, it was always a strange mix of fear, and hatred. The best thing for Natalia's shock would probably be for her to sleep, but he knew how difficult that would be for her from now on.

It was sickening. The way they treated people and disposed of them like they were nothing. Performing experiments and such like they were lab rats. It made Natalia sick to her stomach. She never knew what Hydra was capable of, and she wished that she still didn't. Her sobs quieted, though she didn't stop crying straight away. She couldn't remember the last time she'd broken down like this. It wasn't a common occurrence for her, and that only showed just how broken and shaken she really was right now.

Other than sitting and holding her like this, Bucky wasn't entirely sure what he could do to comfort Natalia. He may have been aware of what Hydra were capable of, but he had no idea how to help her. He had gone through it all alone. There was no one there for him once he was tossed back into the room, and he had to learn to overcome it all alone. Closing his eyes, Bucky rolled his head back against the wall, his hand gently stroking Natalia's hair. He supposed there was nothing that he could say that would make any of it better, and all he could do right now was be there for her. If she wanted to talk to him about what happened, she would. He just needed to know that she knew he was there for her, whenever she needed him.

Natalia was silent for a while. She was just too shaken up and distraught to say anything at all. After an unknown amount of time had passed by, it could've been minutes or it could've been hours, she found herself drifting off to sleep. It was something that she was almost positive would've been impossible if she didn't have Bucky there with her. But he was there, and she felt the safest she had felt in a really long time in his arms.

Some relief came over Bucky as he realised Natalia was finally drifting off to sleep. He doubted that it would be the most restful sleep, but it was still better for her than just laying awake in his arms and going over everything that they had done to her. In a way, Bucky felt as though he had failed her... It was only a matter of time before she was exposed to Hydra's doings, but he had hoped that every day was going to be a day where she wasn't. He had left her unprepared for it, though there was little he could do to help her ready herself for whatever it was they had planned. He stayed still as she drifted to sleep, his fingers intertwined in her red hair as he tried his best to comfort her.

Sleep soon took over. Natalia was sure that it wouldn't be the best night's sleep that she'd gotten and, if it weren't for Bucky, she'd probably be too afraid to close her eyes long enough to sleep. She could only hope that what had happened, what they'd done to her, would allude her for at least a little while. She knew that it was hopeful thinking though, and that it wasn't very likely.

Once Natalia fell asleep in his arms, Bucky didn't take his eyes away from the door. If they wanted to take her again, they would have to pry her away from his body. Beyond the disappointment, and distress for what had happened to her, was pure rage. More than anything, Bucky was disgusted with whatever it was they had done to her. She was so young, and too innocent for this world. He didn't care what had happened on the outside, or what had attracted Hydra to her, she didn't deserve any of it. He held her tight against his own body, staring at the door in anticipation for someone to return. Bucky was wiling to stay awake all night if he had to.

Natalia slept soundly for maybe two or so hours before the nightmares started happening. She was brought back to her time in the lab, forced to relive everything that they'd done to her. It was all just an extremely traumatic experience. She didn't understand how anyone could experiment on another human being the way that Hydra had experimented on her. "Нет ... пожалуйста, не надо." She whimpered.

The two hours seemed to tick by so slowly as Bucky sat in the corner of the room, cradling Natalia in his arms. He was in constant anticipation of the agents coming back into the room, and threatening to take her away from him once more. He didn't doubt that they were watching them right now, and if it suited them, they would probably take her just to toy with him. As soon as he heard her voice, his attention finally broke from the door in order to glance down at her. It took him a moment to figure out her words, but as soon as he did, it broke his heart. They had scarred this girl, both mentally and physically. "Natalia..." He whispered softly, not wanting to prologue her suffering. "Это время, чтобы проснуться..."

Natalia was reliving memories that she wished that she'd never experienced in the first place. Hydra had scarred her. They had broken down a girl who had always been so tough. It wasn't like she'd really had a normal childhood or anything like that. She wasn't a spoiled princess or anything like that. She could handle life and its curveballs but this was different. This was taking things to a whole other level, one that had been taken way too far. "Нет ... пожалуйста ... не надо ..."