The Devil Took Your Memory

Hearing her voice once more, Bucky instinctively pulled his hand away from her hair, worrying momentarily that he was the one causing her discomfort. This was different to anything he'd had to face before... He was so used to comforting Steve when he was sick, but this was entirely new to him. When he'd experienced his own traumas, he'd simply shut down, and refused to confront them. He pushed it all as far back in his mind as he could. He felt conflicted; he wanted to take her away from those memories as soon as he could... But he didn't want to startle her when she was already so fragile. "Natalia," He spoke a little louder this time, hoping it would be enough to rouse her. "Please wake up..."

Natalia wasn't in the cell with Bucky, she was back in the lab, strapped down to a table. She had never felt so helpless or afraid before in her life. "Нет..." She whispered. "Нет, нет, пожалуйста!" Now her words were more than just a whisper. The distress and fear was evident in her voice and written across her face. "Кто-то мне помочь! Пожалуйста!" She was nearly in hysterics at this point. She could hear someone other than the scientists in the lab with her, but she couldn't make out what they were saying or who they were.

Bucky was starting to feel that he didn't have a choice, and he had always sworn to himself that he would never put Natalia in harm's way... But with her current state of mind, he felt he had no other option. Positioning her so she was essentially straddled across his lap, he held Natalia up by her shoulders, giving her a rather unconfident shake at first. "Natalia!" He almost yelled this time, hesitating for a moment before giving her a more firm shake. "Это я, это Баки ... Открой глаза, пожалуйста!"

Natalia's eyes shot open, a startled gasp escaping her lips. Tears welled up in her eyes, and it took everything in her not to break down like she had earlier. She had been so sure that she'd been back in the lab. It had been so vivid and real. Her heart was pounding, and it was clear that she was shaken up. "Bucky я--" She stopped.

Bucky shook his head, his right hand coming up to gently cup Natalia's face. His expression bordered the panic and worry that she had on her own. "Вы не должны ничего говорить ..." He understood how she was feeling, more than anyone else would be able to. Having been through it himself, he was just relieved that he could be there for Natalia. Bucky had been alone through it all... But Natalia didn't have to be. "Я здесь ... Теперь ты в безопасности."

If she was with anyone else, she wouldn't have shown this much weakness. That's what Natalia kept on telling herself anyway. She felt safe with Bucky. She knew that he'd protect her, but that didn't mean that what she'd been through wouldn't plague her thoughts. It was pretty obvious that this whole thing had shaken her up quite a bit. "Почему?" Her voice was just barely above a whisper. "Почему они это делают?"

The question unsettled Bucky slightly, mainly because he didn't have an answer. And he wasn't sure he wanted one either. He didn't know if answers would make things easier, or more difficult to process. Other than what he had experienced in the war, he didn't know what Hydra were planning... Things seemed different now. They were advancing quicker, and he didn't know why. "Я не знаю ..." He admitted, his voice just as low as hers as he spoke. "И я не уверен что я хочу знать."

"Я не понимаю, как люди могут делать такие вещи с другими людьми ... это больной." Natalia spat, the disgust evident in her voice. She just didn't understand it at all. Of course, she supposed that it was better that she didn't understand it. She didn't want to see into the minds of those terrible, sick, twisted people. She never wanted to understand why they did what they did.

"Я не понимаю, как люди могут делать такие вещи с другими людьми ... это больной." Natalia spat, the disgust evident in her voice. She just didn't understand it at all. Of course, she supposed that it was better that she didn't understand it. She didn't want to see into the minds of those terrible, sick, twisted people. She never wanted to understand why they did what they did.

"Я не понимаю как они могут сделать это с людьми как вы ..." He spoke quietly, looking down into his own lap for a moment before rolling his head back against the wall. Bucky completely understood, and sympathised with, Natalia's anger. It was a completely reasonable response. They were being exploited, the both of them... And there was nothing they could do. There was no foreseeable way of fighting back. Every protest they made was playing right into their hands, like they were predicting their every move. "Наталья ... Я знаю, это трудно ... Но гнев играет только в то, что они хотят."

"Люди, как я?" Natalia repeated slowly, her gaze shifting up to his face. She couldn't help being angry and disgusted. She just didn't understand why they would do such inhumane things. She really never wanted to understand that, but she did wonder. "Что ты имеешь в виду?" She asked curiously. A soft sigh escaped her lips a few moments later. "Я знаю ... это просто трудно не гневаться."

It was inevitable, no matter how hard Bucky tried to avoid it, that he was becoming attached to Natalia. With her arrival, he had immediately taken her under his own protection... and he still wasn't sure if it was a test. If she had been placed in here to test his reaction. Perhaps they were planning to literally tear his humanity away from him, through her. "Вы не заслуживаете этого..." He explained softly, maintaining eye contract with her as he did. "Вы здесь не место."

Natalia had been unsure about Bucky at first. She didn't trust very easily, and he'd been a complete stranger in an unknown place. She learned rather quickly that she could trust him though, and an attachment seemed to develop soon after that. "И вы будете делать?" She asked quietly, punctuating her words with a raised eyebrow. "Я не покупать его. Я не верю в это." She shook her head.

"Эй, я боролся против этих парней в войне ..." He scoffed, rolling his head back against the wall again. Bucky had lost count of how long he had spent in the room now, how long it had actually been since the war. Natalia had let him know what year it was, but it still felt like yesterday that he... died. "Я должен сделать что-то, чтобы мочиться их." To him, it made sense that they had targeted him. They had already been experimenting on him, and he was the enemy. What better way to take down your enemies that destroying them from within their own troops?

Natalia frowned at his words. "Это не делает то, что они с тобой сделали правильно." She told him. "И это, конечно, не означает, что вы принадлежите здесь больше, чем я сделать что-либо." She refused to believe that he belonged here and she didn't. That just didn't make any sense to her. No matter what wars he fought against them, it didn't matter. He didn't deserve this anymore than she did.

"Я убивал людей ..." He explained quietly, catching Natalia's line of sight again. It had been a war, and it seemed inevitable that he would have killed people. But it didn't excuse any of it, and it still played on his mind. Hydra saw that in him, they saw his capability to kill people, and they saw the skill he had to do so. That was what they wanted to manipulate out of him. "Вот почему я здесь. Потому что я типа они хотят."

Natalia frowned. "Вы и каждый другой человек вовлечены в войну." She said quietly. She didn't understand why that made him such an asset to these people. What set him apart from the other men who had fought in that war? "И то, что тип человека, является то, что?"

It slowly began to dawn on Bucky that he had never really disclosed who he was to her, or rather, what Hydra had done to him back in the war... It was a traumatic memory he had soon boxed away in order to prioritise protecting her, and helping her protect herself. She didn't know the extent of his connection to Hydra, how they had captured and tortured him, in order to turn him into something else. Some of it still remained unclear to him, even to this day... But there was indeed something that set him apart. Silent for a moment, Bucky maintained eye contact with Natalia, silently searching for the right words to say. It was no longer a matter of translation, but rather trying to keep himself together. "Я был военнопленным ... Они взяли мой полк в Австрии ..." He explained slowly, a thick lump slowly rising in his throat. "Они изолировали меня, с моей войска ..."

Natalia really didn't know all that much about Bucky. There weren't very many instances where they shared a lot of personal information, past experiences fell under that. Needless to say, she didn't really know what Hydra wanted with him, or how he was connected to this horrible organization. She was silent, her attention focused on him completely. "Они сделали что-то для вас ..." She said quietly.

It seemed to be some sort of coping mechanism for Bucky. If he didn't say it out loud, then it wasn't true... But that wasn't entirely his choice. Until recently, he hadn't had anyone to tell about his experiences. Even when he had Steve, it was a subject they didn't touch on too greatly. It was too traumatic, and even though it was now years since it had happened, it still felt like yesterday for him. Bucky nodded slowly, eyes still on Natasha. "Я даже не могу вспомнить, что они сделали для меня ... Я просто знаю, что они изменили меня."