solemnly swear - closed.

It had been almost a year since they'd graduated from Hogwarts, and Remus still felt like a student. Things with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named had started to escalate faster and faster, but he still felt like he was merely watching it go by. They'd been recruiting his kind like crazy for the Dark One, and he had been - on advice from Dumbledore - laying low for awhile (hiding like the coward he was). He leaned back against the wall, blinking languidly at the others before him. He was only half paying attention to what the others were saying, only tuning in when he felt like it. "You know we'd probably be more helpful to the cause if we actually did something," he mumbled. If more members of the Order of the Phoenix had been there, he would have just kept quiet. But at that moment it was more of friends getting together rather than an actual meeting. "What'd you have us do, Moony? Ministry's corrupt and as of right now we have to wait and see what Voldemort does."

---

Lily was in the kitchen, grabbing a couple of mugs for drinks as she listened in on the conversation. It seemed that that was all they talked about, the ongoing war. She let out a sigh, her eyes slipping shut as her grip tightened on the mugs. It had been hard, going straight from Hogwarts into the Order of the Phoenix, but it was worth it. It was beyond worth it, actually, to know that they were doing some good. Even if it didn't actually feel like it. She started on making some tea, knowing that if anything, it might do some good to keep Remus a bit more relaxed. She knew that it was getting to him, having to sit around and wait for word from Dumbledore on what to do. But there wasn't anything else to do, and complaining about it wouldn't get them anywhere. She let out another quiet sigh, forcing herself to appear just a bit happier in case someone walked in. They needed to focus on other things, such as what they were going to do when the time came for action.

Kaleigh was leaning against a wall, her arms crossed tight over her chest. She was listening in silence as the others spoke. She kept her eyes on the floor, every so often chewing on her bottom lip. "Don't say his name," she spoke up when she heard someone say Voldemort. There were rumors that he'd put a jinx on the word, and if they said it there was a possibility he would appear. Kaleigh didn't think there was much truth to them, but still, orders were orders. If You-Know-Who actually did show up in the middle of this, they'd either be dead or royally fucked. Probably both. Kaleigh did sort of agree with Remus, though. She didn't really feel all that useful. Most of what she did was hang around the headquarters. She'd gotten to go out with McGonagall once, but it was just to a muggle neighborhood where someone had died. It wasn't Death Eater related, as it turned out, but that was the only excitement she'd had since she graduated.

---

"I wonder if they'll ever trust us to do anything big with the Order," James said, more wondering out loud than looking for a serious answer. "I mean, we were pretty awful in school. I don't know if I'd trust us four out in the real world." He looked at Remus, giving him a grin. He could tell Remus was bored and frustrated, and he didn't like seeing it. James could feel it too, but if he could make his friend ease up a bit, he'd take the chance. "McGonagall probably thinks we'd end up blowing up what little tactical forces we have left in these trying times. Like when Pete blew up that dresser during our NEWTs." James chuckled quietly, looking to Peter, who blushed bright red. "Hey, I still passed," Peter retorted, embarrassed.

Remus looked over to Kaleigh, giving her a small frown. "We have this place warded and protected to hell and back. I'm pretty sure that we'll be safe. Besides, wouldn't he or his cronies be here by now?" He asked, shaking his head slowly. He almost wanted them to be there, just to deal with them. It'd at least be something to do. "Besides, once we start fearing his name - or the consequences of his name - that's when we start to lose," he said, trying to keep the tension in his voice as calm as possible. It was easy, though, to hear just how tight his tone had gotten. "We? I'm pretty sure that out of the four of us, I was the only one that managed to stay in the good graces of just about everyone. They can trust me. The rest of you louts, I'm not sure about," he said, allowing himself to crack a small smile when he looked to James. "Barely passed, Wormtail. Barely."

---

Lily carried the mugs into the room, setting them all down on the table with a 'thud'. "She's right in thinking that, Potter," she said, shooting him a quick smirk as she took a seat. "None of you really made an impact when it came to being responsible," she said, glancing over to Remus quickly. She quirked a brow over at him, silently asking if he was alright. He gave her a small shrug of his shoulders before smiling faintly. She didn't like that answer. It was almost beyond clear that he was, in fact, not alright. But she couldn't do anything, and the last thing that she wanted to do was embarrass him or call him out on something in front of everyone else. She glanced over to James, wanting to continue the lighter conversation. "How did you manage to pass your NEWTs. I still never figured that one out."

"Yeah, whatever," Kaleigh whispered to herself once conversation had moved onto Peter and his barely passed NEWTs. She slid down against the wall, stretching her legs out onto the floor, and moved her gaze to her feet. She never really was friends with the rest of the people here. She wasn't exactly friends with a great crowd at school. She'd been in Ravenclaw, but her friends were in Slytherin for the most part. Most of them were on the other side now, and she ended up here. She hadn't spoken to any of her friends since they started to turn, so the last year and a bit of school was pretty lonely. She was glad she at least had the people in the Order to pretend she had friends, but she felt like she stuck out like a sore thumb when they started to joke around. She shuffled forwards to grab one of the mugs, then scooted back to her spot against the wall.

---

"It's my charm and dazzling good looks," James said, grabbing a mug and sending Lily a toothy smile. He sat back into his original position, giving his head a little shake. "No, Moony helped a lot. We studied like normal people. Not as much as we should of, but again, Moony helped a lot. I'm not as stupid as I let on, Evans." James had always gotten good grades in school, but he liked to pretend he didn't care about school or studying or any of that. Truth was he did have to try, but he put it off as much as he could and he didn't study properly in public places. "I had to see Madame Pomfrey for a potion for my wrist at one point because I rewrote all my notes. Pain in my ass, let me tell you. I'm glad I'm done with school."

Remus glanced over to Kaleigh, frowning a little as she seemed to retreat into herself a little. He knew that she really didn't know the rest of the Order as well as he did, but that didn't mean that she couldn't contribute to the conversation, did it? They had to work together and all that. At least, that's what Dumbledore had kept going on about the last time that he was there. Not that it really felt like working when it seemed that only a few members actually had jobs to do. "You should've studied with him. He is as stupid as he lets on, Lily," he said lightly, smirking wide as he looked to James. He watched for a second more before taking a couple of steps to the side and slid down the wall, sitting beside Kaleigh. "You've got a good plan. Just sit here quietly while they flirt," he said, trying to draw her into a conversation. It felt awkward, though, attempting to act like he could just sit there and casually talk to her about things when they could be planning.

---

"Oh, of course. How could I forget?" Lily deadpanned, pursing her lips as she watched him. It was almost hard to believe that they'd managed to get along - and become friends - when compared to how they had been throughout almost their entire school career. She let out a laugh at Remus's words, letting out a rather unattractive snort that she attempted to muffle with her hand. "You poor thing," she teased, shaking her head at him. "At least we had something to do in school, though. Sitting around here and doing absolutely nothing is going to drive me utterly insane."

[so turns out my computer was set ahead a day, thats why all my replies and messages and shit said a day ago ]

Kaleigh looked sideways at Remus when he said down beside her, laughing quietly and half halfheartedly as he spoke. "Hey, whatever works, right?" she replied, forcing a small smile and a shrug as she looked into her mug, slowly moving her hands in circles to stir the contents. She lifted it to her lips, taking a small sip, before lowering it to her lap again. "It's more a tactic to avoid thinking about the fact that I don't exactly fit in here. Blend into the shadows and hope everyone just forgets about me." She let out a sigh, and then gave her head a little shake as she looked back to Remus. "Merlin, I sound depressed. I'm not, I swear." A little lonely, and a little sad she didn't really fit in, sure, but not as much as that sentence had made her sound.

---

"Do you want something to do?" James asked, giving his eyebrows a little wiggle. He wasn't going to say 'hey, you could do me if you really wanted', but with the eyebrow wiggle, he assumed she'd know that he'd wanted to say it. He'd been more tame around her since they'd become friends, but he still couldn't help himself from thinking the stupid things he'd always thought. "I've got a notepad in my bag, you can draw for something to do. I'll model for you and everything. Naked, if you want. I hear muggles like nude models. I'm quite the looker without my drawers on, let me tell you."

[oh my god, that makes so much sense. ]

Remus let out a snort, not really laughing as he took a sip of his tea. He gave a shrug of his shoulders, his gaze moving to James and Lily. As much as it pained him to watch, it did entertain him a little to watch one of his best friends act like that. He looked back to Kaleigh, frowning at her words. "Or you could join in on the conversation and force your way into belonging," he suggested, quirking a brow at her. "Besides, it's fine to be a little depressed in times like these. Merlin knows I am," he said, wanting to sound cavalier about the whole thing. It wasn't necessarily a secret that he was unhappy about their entire situation. "Just don't let it bog you down. They're not that bad of a bunch, and you're stuck with them until this whole ends. Or we're found out. Might as well make the best of it."

---

It was on instinct that Lily swatted out and smacked his chest with the back of her hand. "You're awful, Potter," she said, letting out a laugh as she stared at him. "You might be the last person that I'd want to draw nude. Not that I really want to draw anyone nude," she said, trailing off for a second. "Besides, who told you that you're a looker without your pants on? Because you'd have to be a looker with them on before off, yeah?" She teased, smirking over at him. "Was it one of those Hufflepuff sixth years in our last year? They were over the moon with you, I swear."

Kaleigh shrugged her shoulders, looking around the room. "Well I know for a fact that Dorcas and Marlene don't trust me," Kaleigh said, leaning towards Remus a bit and lowering her voice. She didn't look at either of the girls as she spoke, but instead looked at a painting. In case someone was watching her, which she doubted they would, she didn't want them to think she was gossiping or something. Dorcas had told Kaleigh the week before that she didn't trust her. Kaleigh hadn't know what to say, so she just said 'I'm sorry to hear that' and walked away. "I think Peter is scared of me, but that might just be because I'm a girl..." she trailed off, her eyes moving to Peter. She laughed quietly, giving her head another small shake. "That was mean, I'm sorry."

---

"Nah, it was Sirius," James replied, glancing to Sirius to gave him a wink. James looked back to Lily, leaning back into his seat so he was more reclined and more comfortable. "They were quite taken with me, though, I would have to agree. The one charmed her hair red because someone, I won't mention any names but his might rhyme with meter, told her I only liked redheads. I couldn't believe it, honestly." Truth be told, the hair did suit the girl, but James wasn't really into redheads. He was just into Lily. Peter was being a smartass one day and said it, and a few days later the girl came up to James with redhead, asking how he liked it.

Remus made a face when she mentioned Dorcas and Marlene. "Marlene is paranoid and Dorcas is... Dorcas. Ignore them," he said, making sure to keep his voice low. "Alice and Lily like you, though. They like you more than they like Dorcas or Marlene, that's for sure." He let out a quiet laugh, grinning when she said that. "Would you look at that. You do have a sense of humor," he said, smirking faintly. "It's not mean if it's true. But to be fair, Peter's a bit scared of everyone that isn't me or James or Sirius. I'm pretty sure that he's even a little scared of Dumbledore, really. And that's saying something. I'd be kind of worried if he wasn't afraid of you, to be honest."

---

"I always knew that there was something between the two of you," Lily said, grinning at him. "Did we make it that obvious, Lil?" Sirius asked, letting out a laugh before he turned back to his conversation with Marlene. "Oh Merlin, they didn't! That's awful. Why would she do that? Red hair is nothing but a menace," she said, making a face as she glanced to a couple of pieces of hair that had fallen into her face. "Why would he say that, though? You always liked brunettes," she said, the corners of her eyes crinkling in confusion. "You'd think that the girls would have known that he was kidding."

"Well then I'm glad he's scared," Kaleigh giggled, glancing at Remus before looking back to her mug. She was kinda of glad that Remus said that Lily and Alice liked her more than they liked Dorcas and Marlene. Even if he was lying, it was nice to be able to pretend that she wasn't the least liked person in the room. Remus didn't really seem like the lying type, though. "Maybe I'll just bother Peter until he's not scared of me. It'll give me something to do while we wait, anyways. How uncomfortable d'you think he'd get if I winked at him?" She didn't want to torture Peter or anything. She kinda felt bad that he was a bit scared of everyone, though. Not that she was much better.

---

James breathed out a laugh, looking at his hands for a few moments before looking back at Lily. "I really only ever liked you, to be honest," James said, giving a shrug. He was attempting to sound casual, like it was no big deal that he'd only ever liked Lily and even though he'd had a couple flings, he didn't really like them that much. "And, you see, you have red hair. I guess they made the connection that he wasn't really lying." James honestly didn't prefer one hair colour to another, he just preferred Lily to other girls. Red hair just happened to have what she had, so that was what the boys assumed James liked the best. They all knew that it was really just Lily though.

Remus let out a chuckle, smirking faintly. It might have been mean, but it was always entertaining to get a rise out of Peter. He adored the guy, he truly did. It was just amusing to watch him get all flustered around people, especially girls. It was what had kept Sirius and James and Remus busy throughout school. "Do it," he said, keeping his voice as he looked over to her. His eyes were shining as a smile played on his lips. "I can guarantee you that it would be one of the greatest things you'll ever witness if you wink at him. I'm begging you, please." He grinned as he looked to Peter for a moment before back to her. "A single wink, Kal. I'll do anything."

---

Lily tried to pretend that his words didn't have an effect on her, she really did. But it was no use. Her stomach was suddenly up in arms with butterflies swirling about as she sat there, speechless. "You didn't - What?" That was impossible. She'd seen him with other girls. She'd felt the angry sting of jealousy whenever she did see him with other girls, but that was beside the point. "They didn't - You didn't - You did?" She couldn't get the words out, and when she did, it was a jumbled mess. She was confused. She'd genuinely thought that he'd never liked her like that. "Do you still?" The words came out fast and rushed, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment the second she said them.

"Anything? That's a lot of possibilities," Kaleigh replied, looking at Remus with a smile. She looked back to Peter, figuring one little wink wouldn't hurt. It took him a while before he ended up looking her way, but once he did, Kaleigh gave him a smile and wink. Peter promptly went beat red, nearly choked on what he was drinking, let out a weird squeaking noise, and stood up. He mumbled something to Sirius, who looked very confused, and then scuttled out of the room to god knows where. Kaleigh put a hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh. She kinda felt bad, but Remus wasn't wrong. That was pretty funny.

---

James kept his eyes on Lily with an amused smile on his lips. He wasn't really expecting Lily Evans to be reacting to the news that he liked her like this. "One doesn't get over a girl like you in a week, Evans," James replied, shrugging. He had to play it cool, right? Her freaking out a bit wasn't exactly helping him with it, but he didn't want to sound like some pathetic love sick puppy. Her being clearly flustered was kind of exciting, though. At least she wasn't angry about it, right? There was a point in time where she would have rolled her eyes and walked away from him for saying it.

"I'm at your complete and utter disposal, Kaleigh Maxwell," Remus said with a grin. He waited, his gaze staying solely on his friend as he waited for him to look over. And when he did, it was better than he'd expected. He slammed a hand over his mouth, sniggering like a child as he tried not to laugh out loud. "I'm pretty sure you've just scarred him for life. He won't look at you for a month now," he mumbled, ignoring the looks that Marlene and Dorcas were throwing their way. "I'm pretty sure you've just made my night," he said, his eyes lighting up in a way that they hadn't in quite some time. "So I owe you, Kal. What'll you have me do?"

---

Lily had no idea how to react to this, so she latched onto the first emotion she could identify with. "Don't look me at like that," she muttered, frowning at that stupid amused smile on his face. Of course he would find this funny. Her cheeks were flushing like fire, she just knew it. She could feel the heat emanating from them, for Merlin's sake. "You don't - You can't - Merlin, I need more tea," she stammered, grabbing her mug and standing up, suddenly wanting to get away from just about everyone in there.

"I feel really bad now, the poor guy," Kaleigh said, looking at the door that Peter left from. She'd have to get him to not be terrified to look at her somehow. She didn't want him to be uncomfortable whenever she was around. Kaleigh pursed her lips, looking back to Remus. "Hmm... I'm not sure. I gotta think of something good. I just scarred a kid for life for you, it has to be something worth that." She'd probably either end up forgetting that Remus owed her something, or end up just making him buy her a coffee for lack of something better being thought up.

---

"Lily, relax," James laughed as she stood and grabbed her tea. He stood up took, reaching out and gently putting a hand on her shoulder. "Nothing's different, okay? I'm still just your stupid friend James. Nothing worth getting into a fuss about." He did, however, get some enjoyment out of making her blush like mad. It was a bit satisfying that after years of pining, he finally had some kind of emotional effect on her besides dislike and anger. "Seriously, Evans. I'm a grown adult, it's not like I'm going to lay the moves on you or anything. Lord knows it's never worked before, so." While he'd never gotten over Lily, he was kind of losing hope that anything would ever happen in between them. He was good with friends. Better friends than nothing.

"It's fine. He has to get over it sooner rather than later, and it'll be good for him. Merlin knows he needs to get over his fear of attractive women," Remus said without thinking. He froze, his whole body tensing when he realized what he'd just said. He carefully kept his gaze away from her, deciding to pretend that he hadn't said it at all. "Don't overthink it. Just go with the first thing that pops into your mind and say it. If you overthink it, you'll waste time and you'll second guess yourself. Just go with your gut, Kal."

---

"I am relaxed," she replied indignantly, which showed just how false she was. She shook her head at him, swallowing as she watched him. It was all different. She'd thought that he was just playing around, that he'd never really been serious about any of it. James Potter seemed to flirt with everyone, so she just wrote it off. "I thought you were screwing around," she said, keeping her voice low so the others wouldn't hear them. "If I would have known that you were - You're so infuriating, do you know that?" She muttered, frowning at him before she pulled away and stepped into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, frowning as she thought over what he'd just said.

Fear of attractive women? Well, that's not exactly how she expected him to word that. She was thankful she had never been that much of a blusher, because she was sure that if she did blush on a regular basis, she'd be bright pink. Kaleigh shook her head, looking at Remus. "I don't know, Remus. There is too much pressure. What do you think you should do?" She could probably make him go sweet talk Dorcas or Marlene, but she didn't think that was exactly fair, because neither of them were really that nice. They were liable to be mean to him, which Kaleigh didn't want.

---

Sirius looked at James and James shrugged his shoulders in response. "What did you just do, James?" Sirius asked, glancing into the kitchen. "Hell if I know, Padfoot," James replied. He knew he was infuriating, but 'If I would have known that you were'? If he was what. Not screwing around? Merlin, this girl wasn't good for his heath. He gave his head a small shake as he put his hands into his pockets, slowly walking into the kitchen. "You okay, Lily?" James asked quietly. "I'm sorry for uh, for telling you I wasn't actually joking around about liking you..." He wasn't sure if she was gonna want an apology, but she did seem pretty rattled.

Remus was thanking his lucky stars that she wasn't breathing a word about what he just said. He had no idea where that had even come from. Peter was terrified of women in general, not just the attractive ones. Granted, Kaleigh was quite attractive, but Peter would have reacted the same if she had some sort of weird growth on her face. "Nope, you've got to decide. Right now. First thing that comes to mind. Go. Right now," he pushed, wanting to know what she would say. He'd do it, too. He was never one to back down from anything.

---

Lily Evans did not like James Potter like that. So what if it felt like her chest was about to burst? This wasn't the first time that he'd made her feel this way. So what if she'd been jealous if any other girl was hanging around - or off of - him? That didn't matter. It shouldn't matter, which would explain as to why she was so confused. "Are you really apologizing to me right now?" She asked him, ignoring his first question. He was so confusing, but at the same time he wasn't. That in itself annoyed her.

"Alright, go try to sweet talk Dorcas or Marlene," Kaleigh said, glancing over at them, then looking back at Remus. "Have fun." She gave him an encouraging smile and nodded her head in that direction. Unless they actually got mean, it'd probably be entertaining to watch for her, at least. Which was basically why she winked at Peter, for Remus' entertainment, so hey, it was kinda even, right? She was pretty sure Dorcas and Marlene weren't scared of good looking guys, though, like Peter was of girls.

---

"Well I don't know," James said, looking at Lily with a bit of a sheepish expression. "I don't really know what you want me to say, Lily. I just don't want you to freak out about this. We're still friends. I'm still an idiot who probably deserves you smacking him upside the head every so often. Its not like now that you know I like you I'm magically someone else." He was still just James. He'd always felt this way. The only difference now was that she knew.

[okay, i have to wake up in like six hours, so i'm going to go pass out. good night! ]

"That's low," Remus said, his eyes widening. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't back out now. "Which one? You choose," he said. He was silently hoping that it was Marlene. Marlene wasn't too bad, but to be completely honest, Dorcas scared the hell of out of him. He wasn't quite sure why, but he'd stopped questioning it and just started avoiding her at all costs. "I can't believe you're making me do this. This is just mean. They're going to eat me alive. I'm going to die."

---

"I'm not freaking out about this," Lily said, frowning at him. She was totally freaking out about this. "I just wish that you would have told me sooner, James," she said, her voice dropping a little. She wasn't quite sure what she would have done if she'd have known ages ago, but she felt like things would have been different. "You can't - I would've - You should have just told me. Or at least not flirted with every bloody girl you saw," she said, knowing that she had no room to say that.