i'm not the only one.

Lily was, for lack of a better word, screwed. Up the creek without a paddle. Toast. Royally fucked. And she had absolutely no idea what she was going to do about it either. It wouldn't be so bad if Luke wasn't leaving in less than twenty-four hours to tour the world for several months, but he was, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Maybe she could tell him, she was sure he'd stay home if he knew the truth, but she couldn't do that to him. This band, the music, the fans, it was his life. And she couldn't be the selfish person to take that all away from him. She wouldn't be that person.

---

"Promise me something?" Ashton murmured softly, chin resting on top of his girlfriend's head with his fingers ghosting across the soft skin of her back as he held her flush against him. He wanted to be as close to her as he possibly could right now. Tomorrow morning, he'd be going off on tour and he was leaving Madison behind. Normally, that wouldn't be too much of a problem. There would be phone calls, and text messages and Skype calls as well, and they'd get through it. Sure, he'd miss her like crazy, but he was usually home in a month, maybe two tops. But this time things were different. This time he'd be gone much longer than he usually was. And he didn't know how he was going to get through it.

Luke stood in his bedroom next to his bed going over his list to make sure he had everything packed, after all the lads were leaving for their first world tour in less than twenty four hours and he needed to make sure he had everything. It wasn't usually like him to be this thorough with his packing, but this was the first time they were going to be gone for more than just a month or two at most and he wanted to make sure that he had everything. And he was trying his best to get the packing done so he'd have a little bit of time to spend with his girlfriend later before he left.

---

"Of course, anything." Madison replied softly, she'd do anything for him. She wasn't exactly looking for Ashton leaving the following morning for tour without her, but she wasn't going to be the girl who kept the boy from living his dream just so he wouldn't leave her. And it wasn't like they were breaking up or anything so there would still be phone calls, and skype calls, and texts. Point was even though she wasn't looking forward to him leaving she determined to make it work with him however she had to because Ashton just meant that much to her. She'd miss him like crazy, and she didn't know how they'd get through this, but they would make it through this.

Lily knew that she couldn't tell Luke the truth, but she also knew that he'd eventually find out. That was sort of inevitable, especially seeing as she'd certainly be showing by the time tour ended and he got back home. Yes, she was pregnant, and yes, she was planning on keeping that a secret from her boyfriend. She really didn't think that she had much of a choice. She knew that Luke would want to call off the tour or something or postpone it if he found out, and she just couldn't let him do that. Sighing, she pulled out her phone. Can you take a break from packing yet?

---

"Promise me that you'll still be here when I get back." Ashton said quietly. He knew that it was silly, that he shouldn't even have to make her promise something like that, but he just needed to hear her say it once. If she did, he'd feel so much better about this whole tour situation. He knew that it was probably rather stupid and childish, but this whole thing was really kind of worrying him a lot. He'd never been away from Madison for this long before, and he didn't know how their relationship would fare because of it.

Course I can love, anything for you! Luke replied quickly to his girlfriend's text. He was going to miss her so much when he left for tour the next day that really he wanted to spend as much time as he could possible could with her tonight. you want me to meet you at your place? He added needing to know where they were meeting up, and he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was up or bothering her but he wasn't going to push anything. Luke knew if there was something that was bothering her, or something she needed to get off her chest she'd let him know. And he wasn't going to worry about it today of all days either because honestly he just wanted to spend as much time with her as he could, and it'd be best if that time wasn't spent also worrying about her or something that might not even be worth worrying about.

---

Madison readjusted herself so she could see Ashton better and smiled at him while he spoke. "Course I will. I mean I do love you. And I always will." She told him softly running her fingers through his hair before her hand was resting on his cheek. She gently padded her thumb over his cheek just taking in the moment while she had the chance to before she leaned forward to kiss him. When he left in the morning she was positive that she'd cry some, hopefully not until after he'd already left but who knew. She really didn't want to give him a reason so stay behind, not because she didn't want him around, but because she knew what this meant to him. Being able to tour with the band was what they all wanted and Madison wasn't going to be the one to take that away from him.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Lily's lips. Despite the predicament she was in, her sweet and caring boyfriend proved to make her feel a little better, even if he was partly the reason why she was currently in a state of distress. The door's open :) Was her simple response. She really hoped that Luke wouldn't be able to tell that something was bothering her but, if he did, she hoped that he wouldn't ask her any questions. Because they were questions that she probably wouldn't be able to answer, not truthfully at least. She couldn't tell him the truth. Not when he was leaving the next morning for several months. She just couldn't do that to him.

---

Ashton smiled. "Good." He breathed, his girlfriend's words doing exactly what he hoped that they would. Sure, he was still a little bit worried about this whole tour thing but, if Madison was really still going to be here waiting for him when he got back, she promised that she would anyway, than he was worrying for nothing. "Because I'll always love you too, you know." Moments after those words left his mouth, her lips were on his. Smiling, he kissed her back softly. He knew that this tour was going to be tough, but he was sure that, if anyone could get through something like this, they could get through this.

[Double ]

Great! I'll be there in a bit :) Luke was glad to be spending a little bit of time with Lily before he left, because he knew he was going to miss her like crazy when he was gone. "I'll be back later to finish all my packing!" He called to his mum, who was in the kitchen, as he headed out the door and straight to Lily's place. And while he wished he couldn't just teleported or something to her house so he could've been there sooner, he got there as quickly as possible. The first thing he did when he was in the door was pull her into a hug and kiss her head. "I'm gonna miss you so much when I'm gone." He whispered not wanting to leave her, but he knew he had to. He was also positive that she'd feel awful if he stayed for her, even if she didn't ask him too. Because this was his dream, being in the band was what he loved, and if he gave that up for her it actually might come between them in the future. And sometimes it worried him that maybe being away from one another so much might tear them apart in the future, which would be just as awful as one of them giving up there dream for the other. But he didn't think about that too often because he hated thinking like that, or thinking that somehow what he had Lily had wasn't as real as they thought it was.

---

Madison smiled into the kiss, and couldn't help but hold his face in a place a while longer before she finally had to pull away for a moment. "Forever and always." She whispered against his lips and rested her forehead against his. She felt very strongly about Ashton for so many different reasons. He was just an all around amazing guy. He made her feel whole, and happy, and she loved him. She love that he loved her for her and didn't expect her to change or even want her to change to make him happy. Just everything about him, and being with him was wonderful. He was the first guy she'd ever really loved this way. He wasn't her first boyfriend, but he was the first guy she was one hundred percent sure she was in love with. He was the one she could see a future with and it was a nice future. And she really hated that he was leaving for the bands first world tour in less than twenty four hours and he'd be gone for who knew how long. It was going to suck, and she honestly wasn't entirely sure how things were going to work out, but she was hoping deep down that it all worked out fine.

Lily allowed a small smile to form on her lips. Despite everything that she was currently going through, Luke still managed to make her smile. She didn't know how he did it, but that always seemed to be the case with him. No matter what sort of a mood she was in, he always got her to laugh and smile and just be in a good mood. She didn't know how great of a mood she'd be in with her boyfriend leaving the next morning, but she planned on making the best of the time she did have with him. And wasn't long after that that Luke arrived, and she soon found herself in her boyfriend's arms. Burying her face into his chest, she wrapped her arms around his torso tightly. "Maybe I'll hold you hostage or something so you can't leave." She mumbled into his chest. She was only joking, though a part of her did wish that he wasn't leaving in the morning.

---

Ashton smiled, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of his girlfriend's nose. Her words certainly proved to make him feel at least a little bit better about this whole thing. He was still going to worry, though he supposed he really didn't have anything to worry about at all, but at least hearing Madison utter those few simple words helped a little bit. "I'm going to call you and text you so much that you'll be sick of hearing from me." He said, letting out a soft chuckle as he rested his chin on top of her head. He knew that that wasn't very likely, he hoped she wouldn't get sick of hearing from him, though he still liked to joke around with her. That was just how things had always been for them. And he hoped that they'd stay like that too.

"You know you wouldn't have to hold me hostage." Luke muttered to her trying not to laugh. she really wouldn't have to hold him hostage though. Honestly if Lily needed him to be here, or needed him to stay then he would all she really had to do was ask. He knew she wouldn't though. No matter what was going on, Luke knew that she wouldn't ask him to stay. Because he knew she didn't want him to give up his dream for for, and this was the first real world tour they were taking so it was a huge deal. He didn't blame her though, and honestly since he knew Lily so well he didn't really expect it to be any other way.

---

"I'm sure that won't happen." Madison said shaking her head and kissing Ashton again quickly. "I'm gonna miss you so much that I doubt I'll get sick of hearing from you." She told him wanting him to know that. She love Ashton, and she was going to miss him like crazy so hopefully hearing from him all the time would maybe make her miss him a little less and everything would be okay. Or at least she hoped that's how things would work. Because really she didn't want things to change between them, sure she knew things would be different and kind of difficult but she didn't want that to change what they had with one another.

Lily smiled slightly at his words, a soft laugh bubbling from her lips. "I know I wouldn't have to." She mumbled into his chest. And she knew that, all joking aside, he meant it when he said it. That was the problem. If she asked him to stay, not that she would ever ask him to do something like that, she knew that he wouldn't think twice about staying behind. She couldn't ask him to do that though. She knew how important the band was to him. She knew that this was his dream, and she could never make him make that sacrifice for her. "I'm gonna miss you so much..."

---

Ashton smiled, kissing her back softly. "I'll remind you that you said that in a couple of weeks." He joked, chuckling slightly. He hoped that she never got sick of hearing from him. He highly doubted that that would ever happen but, if it did, well, he honestly didn't know what he would do. He didn't think he'd have to worry about that though. She had just promised to still be around when he got home six months from now, so he figured that that also meant that he wouldn't have to worry about her ever getting sick of hearing from him while he was on tour either.

"I'm gonna miss you so much too." Luke muttered into her hair before he kissing her head and just held her close to him for a moment again. Honestly he didn't want to break this hug, or for this moment to end. He loved her so much and he was questioning what he was going to do without her come tomorrow when he took off with the guys for their tour. Which was not only the longest tour they'd ever had, but also the one farthest from home which only really made things worse. He love the fans, and no one could get him wrong there. Luke knew that without the fans this wouldn't even be happening, and he loved them for that. He loved the fact that the fan base had gotten so big they were able to make this next step and tour the world just to make the fans happy. He just hated that in order to please the fans and make them happy, in order to live his dream and travel with the guys and their music, and do all the amazing things he was so excited about he had to leave behind the girl he loved for months at a time and possibly put their relationship in jeopardy.

---

"Go for it." Madison said running her fingers through Ashton's hair and kissing him one more time. She was going to miss him so much, just not having him around was going to suck and she knew that. Him leaving in the morning meant no more good morning I need you to wake up kisses, no more tight hugs and his shoulder to physically lay her head on and cry when she needed a good cry. No more back rubs or dinners together, pretty much everything her and Ashton did together and that she was so accustomed to she was going to have to go without until he got home six months from now and she really didn't know how she was going to do it. She didn't know how he was going to do it either, but she wanted to believe that they could do this. Because she loved him and he loved her, and she wanted that to be enough for them.

Lily really wished that they could just stay there like that forever. He'd never have to leave and she'd never have to really face the curveball life had just sent her way. She didn't know what she was going to do once Luke was gone. She knew that she couldn't tell him now, but what was going to happen when he got home from tour and realized that she'd been keeping something huge like that from him? She knew that that would be several months from now, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to start worrying about it right now. She was going to worry about it regardless of the timeframe. "Can we just cuddle and watch stuff on Netflix for the rest of the afternoon?" She asked quietly, pulling back slightly to look up at her boyfriend. She just wanted to lay in her bed and relax with her boyfriend while she still had the opportunity to do so.

---

Ashton smiled, holding her close to him as he kissed her back. "Alright, but that also means that I can rub it in your face when I'm right." He joked, letting out a soft chuckle. While a part of him was excited for tour, it was their biggest one yet so how could he not be excited, the other part of him was honestly kind of dreading it. Sure, he had his girlfriend's word that she wouldn't leave him or anything like that, but he had grown so accustomed to always having her around. What was he supposed to do for the next couple of months? It wasn't like he could just fly her out to wherever he was when he got lonely, he knew that she had a life to live too, and he couldn't just uproot her whenever he felt like it. He just really hoped that it all worked out in the end.

[ sorry for such a delay in replying! Work has just really kept me busy this past week! ]

"Of course we can love. Anything for you." Luke said willing to do just about anything Lily wanted to do for the rest of the evening. After all this was the last night he was going to get to spend with her for a while, so he kind of wanted to spend it doing whatever she wanted. Lord he was going to miss her so much when he was gone, sure there would be a ton of phone calls and texts, he'd skype her when he had the chance, and of course he was going to make sure he took lots of pictures for snapchat, Instagram, and then he'd be able to tweet her too, but it didn't change that he'd miss her. Even knowing he was still going to be able to stay in contact with her while he was away didn't put at ease though. They weren't going to be together physically and he hated that. Anything could happen while he was away and it wasn't like he'd be able to just be home in at any given moment, and he couldn't just fly her out to him whenever he hell he wanted, things were more difficult than that. And that really worried him, along of course with the thought of distance coming between them. But he didn't want to be downer right now.

---

"Sure, you can rub it in my face when you're right." Madison said laughing and resting her forehead against Ashton's. She really was going to miss him so much, and she kind of hated that she couldn't go with him. Honestly though it didn't really seem very reasonable, she had things here she had to take care of. She had classes and her internship and she couldn't just give that up to travel with Ashton, even if she wanted to. "I'm gonna miss you." She said softly, "at least I'll have Indie around to keep me company though." She added wishing that he could stay with her but she knew he couldn't. Hell she couldn't even bring herself to actually ask him to stay afraid that he'd actually do it. And even though it might've been something they both wanted, him leaving and living his dream with the guys was his dream. Madison knew if she convinced him to stay he'd regret it for a long time and she'd feel guilty for keeping him from his dream. So she was just going to let him go and do everything she could to get through these next months.

Lily smiled slightly. "Alright." She said quietly. Pulling back, she took his hand into hers, and started down the hall towards her bedroom. She didn't really know what was going to happen once Luke left for tour. She knew that things were going to be hard, especially for her. She didn't know how her parents would take the news, or when she was going to tell Luke in the first place. She didn't know what the future held for both of them, and that honestly kind of really scared her. But, for right now, she planned on spending her boyfriend's last day home, for a couple of months at least, cuddling and just being with him.

---

Ashton chuckled, one of his dimpled smiles appearing on his face. "Good, I was going to anyway." He joked. He was going to miss this so much. He was going to miss Madison so much. He hoped that everything would work out in the end though. He was a bit more confident and relaxed now that he knew she would still be there for him when he returned. It helped to put him at least somewhat at ease. "I'm going to miss you too, babe. So much." He said quietly, the smile on his face turning into a slight frown. "I'll be back before you know it though, I promise."

"Someone's a little eager to get me all alone." Luke laughed before winking at Lily as he drug him down the hall to her room, not that this was unusual or anything because it wasn't. More often than not when they hung out at her house they were in her room alone watching movies and cuddling. He just liked to joke around with her on occasions. And even though they'd had sex before so it wouldn't be a big deal for it to happen again he didn't really have the intentions on having sex today. Luke would much rather just spend the day cuddling with his girlfriend watching movies and just enjoying her company then do anything that might make it harder for him to leave the following morning than it was already going to be.

---

"Of course you were." Madison said shaking her head and gently pushing on his shoulder in a playful manner. Moments like this with Ashton were her favorite. When they were just together and happy and able to be themselves and not let the weight of the world get them down. She knew right now was a hard time for them both because he was leaving, they were both worried and nervous, but she really didn't want that to cause issues with them. They couldn't let the fact that he was leaving stop them from being themselves. "I know, it just seems like such a long time." She said resting her head on his shoulder. He was gonna be gone almost half a year, and while she did feel like time flew by she hoped that was still the case while she was missing him rather than time suddenly deciding to feel like it was dragging on.

"Shut up, loser." Lily said, letting out a quiet laugh of her own. She knew that he was only joking around with her, and she was fine with that. She liked that, even when she had a lot on her mind, he still somehow managed to make her laugh. It was something that he'd always been able to do, even before they actually started dating. "We're having a Disney movie marathon, just so you know." She just wanted to spend the last day she had with her boyfriend before he left for several months cuddling and watching movies.

---

Ashton chuckled, a slight grin tugging at the corners of his lips. He loved moments like this just as much as his girlfriend did. He was glad that, even with his impending departure, they could still just be happy and enjoy each others company. It was great. "I know, but I'll be home before you know it. Just you wait and see." He assure her, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. He knew that it seemed like a long time, it was a long time actually, but he didn't want her to worry too much. He wanted her to believe that time would pass by just as quickly as he hoped it would.

[ this roleplay should get some love again ]

"Are you gonna make me?" Luke asked her wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close so he could nuzzle his face into her neck and give her a kiss. He really was gonna miss her, and moments like this the most while he was gone. Lily was like his rock and he wasn't sure he was gonna know how to function without her for so long being so far away. However he was gonna try, he had to try really because he didn't have any other options besides just not going. And well he knew as well as the next person that that wasn't a real option. "Disney marathon sounds good to me." He told her just glad to have a day to spend with her before he left, even if that day was spent watching Disney movies he really didn't care as long as he was with her.

---

Madison smiled and silently hoped that he was right. She really wanted him to be right, she wanted this time that he was gone to fly by. She couldn't be convinced that it would though. "Why don't we play a game or watch a movie or something." She finally suggested needing to change the subject from him leaving to something else before she honestly tried to convince him to stay home or convince herself to go with him. "Or maybe we could go look at puppies. I was thinking that maybe I'd get one to keep me company while you were gone." She said knowing they didn't live together or anything yet but they had talked about it, and honestly they were with each other so much already that they basically lived together just kept their stuff in separate houses.

[YES!]

Lily smiled letting out a quiet laugh when her boyfriend nuzzled his face into her neck. It was moments like this that made her realize just how much she was going to miss him when he left tomorrow. Things were usually tough to begin with, but it was going to be even harder now, what with how long the tour was this time around and the current condition she was in too. "I will if I have to." She said, smiling and kissing him softly. "Good, because I'm not giving you any other options anyway." Grinning slightly, she pulled him over to her bed and flopped down onto it, grabbing the remote so that she could turn on the TV.

---

Ashton pressed a soft kiss to the side of his girlfriend's head and nodded. "Alright." He said. He figured that actually doing something might get their minds off of him leaving tomorrow. That was exactly what they both needed right now. His eyebrows rose in surprise at her later words. "You want to get a dog?" He asked, the surprise evident in her voice. It wasn't so much her wanting a dog that surprised him. It was just that they'd never really talked about getting a dog, or any pets for that matter, before. "That sounds like a great idea actually. You'll have someone to protect you and keep you company while I'm gone." He grinned.

"That's fine by me." Luke told Lily after he let her pull him into the bed, where cuddling would be so much easier. Honestly he really didn't mind watching Disney movies all day at all, if that was what she wanted to do then so be it. As long as he was with her he didn't care, plus well Disney movies did tend to play to his little kid side. Especially Toy Story. Then again who didn't love Toy Story? And not just the first one, but like all 3 of them. "You know it might not go perfectly as planned or anything but maybe we could try and schedule like a movie date for once a week while I'm gone. We could call one another and then watch the same movie together while we're apart." He said remembering seeing that done in a show he'd watched once, and it seemed like a pretty good idea really.

---

"Exactly!" Madison said smiling at her boyfriend. "I mean I know we haven't really talked about getting a pet or anything but I just figured that with you being gone for so long this time around maybe having a pet would be a good idea." She said thinking the same thing he'd said. She'd have someone to keep her company and protect her, or at least try and protect her while Ashton was gone and it'd be nice. Surely it wouldn't feel as lonely if she had a dog, so pretty much for lack of a better way to put it she was gonna get a dog to replace Ashton while he was away. Though she'd still keep him once Ashton got home.