glued on tight.

Zayn wouldn't admit to the nerves that rattled his insides. It wasn't the first time he was in a cab and slowly approaching the sketchier side of London, and he doubted it would be the last time he found himself there. The skyscrapers and bright lights slowly faded into dull and worn out pubs and the occasional closed restaurant. It was too late for this, Zayn thought as he stared out the window, too late to be out at night when Perrie was at their shared flat without word of where he was going. He pulled the hood he wore further down to cast shadows on his face, the cab driver trying discreetly to peer at who his passenger was through the rear view window. This wasn't something he was proud of and he doubted he'd ever be able to speak out loud about this to anyone. The drive seemed to go on and on agonisingly slow as faceless business in the slums of the city passed by. Zayn realised just how out of his element he was, the lights duller as if to hide the secrets of the nightlife. Eventually, or too soon, Zayn felt the taxi slow down before stopping in front of their motel. The idea that they shared it made his stomach flop, staring at the run down place in front of him. The lights didn't work anymore, making Open seem to spell pe, and the rooms had thick blinds blocking out everything about the outside world. It was secretive, shady, and most of all safe to them. They didn't need their affairs spoken to the world around them. He walked to the front desk, head bowed as he handed twenty pounds without a question asked to his identity. Zayn didn't even bother signing his name, scratching down any name that came to his mind. His thoughts lingered to spelling out Liam Payne, knowing that there would be publicity for his name simply being on this motel sign in sheet. He was handed the key wordlessly, the owner of the motel not even bothering to speak to him. It was what he preferred. room 4, he sent to the only number he didn't have saved in his phone. He unlocked the door, slipping in before taking off his hood. The dust surrounded him as he tossed the article of clothing to the side, dancing in the darkened room. He turned on the light, sat on the edge of the bed as he stared down at his hands. He didn't bother to lock the door behind him, knowing that soon he wouldn't be alone. Running a hand over his face, he prepared himself for everything he was willingly signing himself up for.

Liam couldn't quite believe that he'd agreed to this, that he was once more standing in the parking lot of a seedy motel that looked as though crack whore and diseased rats were the only permanent residents. He tapped his phone against his forehead, shoulder's hunched and head bowed as he tried to talk himself out of it. The self-loathing was curling tight in the bottom of his stomach, and Liam couldn't quite calm his breathing, so he settled for timing it with the drip of water from the air conditioner in Room 12's window. His hand was throbbing as it clenched tighter around his phone, the knuckles swollen and split from where he had punched a wall after having sent off the acceptance text. He looked up finally, his eyes immediately going to the door with a number four on it, having always been aware of exactly where it was in relation to his position. He took a deep breath, holding it in as he started his slow trek to the door. Liam reached for the handle, the slight trembling in his hand giving him pause for a moment as he exhaled slowly and he made himself stop shaking by sheer force of will. He turned the handle, pushing the door open smoothly as he entered the room, his head turned from the bed to his right. He closed it just as quickly as he had opened it, not allowing much exposure to the outside world before he locked the door, clicking the dead bolt and sliding the chain onto the door. He turned, pulling his hood from his head and walked towards the small table placed near the covered window, continuing to ignore the shadow he could see on the bed. Liam placed his phone and wallet onto the table before pulling his hoodie up over his head and off, draping it over the back of the lone chair that sat beside the table. He finally turned and looked right at Zayn, his eyes sliding immediately to that familiar figure and he could feel his stomach bottom out. His throat tightened, and the throb in his right hand increased as he squeezed both into fists, trying to get his emotionally reactions under control. "So, the only time you'll talk to me is when you want me to fuck you, is that it?" Liam took a step closer to the bed, his eyes trained on Zayn for the slightest movement, the smallest twitch of a reaction. He could feel the confusing jumble of emotions that was his head for the moment, the angry, frustration, the slight desperation for something from the man sitting in front of him.

Zayn didn't look up as soon as he heard Liam walk through the door, focusing on tracing his hand tattoo with a single finger. He decided to ignore the clenching of his stomach as he heard the rustle of clothing shedding or the clatter of items falling down on the table. It wasn't his business as to what Liam was doing, knew that this wasn't about emotions or connecting again with his newly separated band mate. He was slightly surprised when he decided to look up at the man to see the slight state of disrepair he seemed to be in. The bruises knuckles turned white against clenched fists and face set in a haphazardly indifferent way. When the words came to life in the room, he moved to stand up himself. A smirk graced his features as he pressed himself against Liam's body. Trailing his lips against the slight stubble on his jaw, he moved his lips to be against the other's ear. "You mean to tell me you came to this shitty motel in hopes that we could make up? Go outside of here and hold each other's hands like it's the easiest fuckin' thing ever?" He chuckled as his hands went to the bottom of Liam's shirt, pulling the fabric up slowly, "you're even denser than I thought, babe." Zayn quickly decided that it wasn't time to speak anymore, moving lips against each other before words could form again in the other's throat. He trailed a hand down to Liam's own clenched one, gently rubbing the flesh so it would relax. "Stop being tense," he scolded lightly against the other's mouth, arms wrapping around his neck once he decided to give up on the hope of the other's hands to stop clenching.

Liam held himself still for a moment longer, his muscles bunched and straining against his skin as he attempted to hold himself back. He could feel the ghost of those lips, the slight drag of chapped flesh against his own, and he reacted all at once. His hand moving to slot itself tight against Zayn's throat, body moving to crowd him against the wall beside the door, his larger frame engulfing the other's slightly smaller one. Never once breaking the contact their lips held, Liam bit harshly at the other's bottom one, tugging at it slightly before resuming their previous activity with bruising force. He flexed his hand around the other's throat, feeling each pull of breath he took, the pain of his knuckles spiking as they moved with each inhale. Liam pulled back and used his leverage over the other man to push him further into the wall, enjoying the way his breathing became slightly laboured for a moment as his airway was slightly blocked by the pressure. "No, I would never assume common courtesy from you, hand holding or anything beside that. Because Zain Javadd Malik doesn't care for people, doesn't give one fuck about any other human being no matter how much we may care for him." As he spoke, his eyes trailed Zayn's lips, the small, unconscious quirks and movements that were constantly happening. Liam pressed harder against the other's throat, his fingers clenching tighter for a moment as he continued to watch those lips, the things that he would solely focus on when the stage fright inevitably came over before they went on stage. He slipped a hand underneath Zayn's shirt, hand trailing up his torso to scrap slightly blunt nails against the sensitive skin above his ribs before finally looking up and into the eye's he had been avoiding.

Zayn's eyes slipped closed as he relaxed into the kiss, almost loosing himself in the feeling of lips against his own that were strong and firm. He let out a hiss once he felt hands against his throat. There was no fighting, though, as he stood there with widened eyes as he continued to try to kiss back with as much fervour as he could without the restrain on his neck. There was a part of him that got off on the pressure against his neck, making him want to move his hips against the other's in an antatonisingly slow rate. He felt consumed by the pressure, wanted more of it as he gasped for more air. Listening to the words that fell from Liam's lips, letting out a small grin as he tilted his head back to give Liam more area to move. "Want you, fuck, please," he said, arms against the wall behind him. He wanted to have Liam like this, rough and heated. Zayn pressed his hips against the other's, showing his slight hard on as he let a small moan out. He wasn't going to beg, but he had waited far too long for this to come together once more. He looked into Liam's eyes for a split second, almost feeling his walls come down at the look at them. He softened slightly, his hips pressed against the other's own as he moved his head slightly to press a gentle kiss to the other's lips. It was his way of showing that he at least slightly cared, even if Liam didn't think so. As soon as it happened, it was over, as Zayn went to kissing him fervently once more.

Liam felt the undulation of hips against his own, the slightly hard ridge of a rapidly filling prick pressed against his own. When their eyes finally met and he saw the shuttered away emotions laying buried deep within Zayn, he gave up trying for anything more than this. He slotted his mouth tight against the other's, tongue and teeth working to ply lips apart as Liam tightened his fingers further around the exposed neck. He pressed his hips flush against the other's, halting the aborted movements of the his hips as the hand still under Zayn's shirt moved back up to his chest, fingers rubbing harshly at a hardened nipple. He broke off suddenly, hips pulled back and out of reach, head rising those few inches to hover over the other's. Liam watched as the slow flush of arousal creep over his face, the drooping lids and slightly parted mouth just beginning to bruise from his harsh treatment of the sensitive flesh. He couldn't help being slightly pleased with himself, that he could bring this otherwise stoic and closed-off man to this state, that he was the only one allowed to see Zayn so undone. He extracted himself, pulling hands from around his neck and up his shirt to fumble with the belt buckle, slipping the fastening through the hole and pulling the zipper down before shoving his jeans off. He sunk down onto his haunches, leaning forward to mouth at the rapidly hardening prick in front of him, his mouth quirking up in a slightly bittersweet grin at all the other time, the hundreds of other time that he had done this, were brought back to mind.

The loss of contact from around his throat made him let out a whine of desperation, his defenses breaking as soon as he felt like he wasn't grounded by the force of Liam. Zayn was glad to have the feeling of a mouth near his hardening cock. "Li, come on," he said, the words dragged out in a whiny tone as he nudged his hips forward as if to hurry the process up. He wanted to take control of the situation, to be able to force Liam's mouth to take his cock in, but this wasn't his time to be in charge. The entire reason all this started was to surrender some part of himself and allow Liam to have him any way he wanted him. It wasn't like the rest of his life where he had to adjust to the rapidly changing ideas that everyone conceived of him. This was simple and easy, being able to get their frustrations out while pinned against the wall or fucked into the mattress. His knees felt weak once lips finally were pressed against his hard cock. He moved his hands through the man's hair, a few loose noises falling from parted lips as the noises of Liam sucking him off were radiating through the room. He knew that he was probably being too loud, too much, but it had been so long since he had finally been able to get away from Perrie and pretend to be someone else with the man on his knees in front of him.

Liam wrapped his lips tight around the prick in his mouth, hand reaching up to palm at the lightly furred balls as he worked his mouth further down, swallowing multiple times as the head brushed against the back of his throat. His nose was buried in the coarse hairs around the base of Zayn's cock, the heady scent surrounding him and he couldn't hold back the deep groan that rattled through his chest. He could feel the slight itch in his throat, the soft burn of his lungs as they protested the cessation of airflow and tears prickled the corners of his eyes. Liam pulled his head back, the feel of Zayn's cock a heavy pressure against his tongue as he drew back to the tip, swirling his tongue around the head before dipping his head forward once more. He could feel his head lighten, the soft blur around the edges of his vision as he held the twitching prick in his throat once more. He swallowed around it twice before pulling off completely, his free hand going up immediately to stroke from base to tip and he looked up into the flushed face. Liam stared up into that familiar face, loving the dazed and out of it look on the other's face before he stood once more, leaning his head down to nuzzle gently at the side of Zayn's neck, pressing slightly parted lips against the fluttering pulse point that seemed to be jumping fast than normal. "Bed, now," he said, lips softly forming the words against his skin before he pulled away completely, undressing himself.

Zayn felt like he was already reaching his peak, climax soon coming just from Liam's mouth around him. It was pure bliss to feel the back of Liam's throat against his tip, his knees close to bucking. This was what he wanted from the man before him, to feel ecstasy with every moment that passed. He gripped onto Liam's hair tighter, willing him to go further and further because he had to feel the man's nose nuzzle into his pelvis. He was surprised when he saw Liam look up at him, blinking at him dumbly before the man was suddenly stood up with him. The feeling of him pressing his lips against his neck only sped his heart up faster, feeling like this was going to break the dam of his emotions if there wasn't something else going to happen. His eyes were half lidded as the words were whispered to him, nodding his head as he threw off his shirt and removing his trousers off completely. Zayn sat down on the bed, watching as Liam stripped with a smirk on his face. "Go slower," he teased, chuckling slightly.

Liam rolled his eyes before continuing to strip, not paying Zayn too much mind as he toed off his shoes and shimmied out of his denims and underpants, tearing his shirt haphazardly off. "Neither of us has really got time for slow tonight, am I wrong?" He asked, walking towards the bed to push Zayn back down onto the duvet and crawl on over him. "See, we've got Sophia and Perrie we need to get back to, so slow isn't really in the cards."

---

Liam startled awake, his body curled around a nearly unfamiliar one and he couldn't hold back the harsh breath that escaped from between his parted lips. He felt sticky and grimy in the places that touched the body lying next to his, and he blinked multiple times to dispel the sleepy fog still blurring his vision. He noted the way Zayn was turned towards him, curled up just as close as he'd been and he couldn't help the momentary regret of having to disturb this peace they had found. Liam sighed softly before reaching over and poking him in the ribs, knowing that was a rather sensitive spot on Zayn's body.

Zayn woke with a jolt as he felt fingers against his ribs, curling in slightly on himself to contain the smile. He pressed his face more into the pillow, a lazy grin on his face that he refused to let Perrie see. He didn't remember getting home, but decided that there were a lot of pieces of his life that he didn't remember to the best of his abilities. "Babe, tired," he mumbled, sleep still holding him down completely as the words were mostly taken up by the pillow instead of toward the person in front of him. Zayn inhaled deeply before he realised that the sheets hardly smelt like home or even relatively familiar. His eyes opened almost cautiously, wanting to doubt that he managed to fall victim to sleep in the shitty motel room that was theirs. Eyes fell to brown irises instead of the blues Perrie had, biting his lip nervously. "Oh, hey, sorry," he said, backtracking as far as he could. He retracted himself from the sheets he was under, pondering just where he had managed to sleep. Pulling his clothing on, he refused to make eye contact with Liam. There was a time when he would have happily waken up to them in the motel room, but times had changed along with them.

Liam could feel his throat tighten as he caught the barest glimpse of the smile that was now pressed against a pillow, and it constricted further as he heard the soft words spoken in a sleep laden voice. He held his own reaction back, refused his conscious telling him to reach out, and for good reason, as mere seconds later, Zayn was tensing up and looking at him with cautious eyes. He held himself stock still, stomach roiling heavily as those emotions, the one's meant for another person, were pulled back and guarded from his view. Liam watched as the other pulled himself from beneath the covers,
his movements stuttered and jerky as he pulled his clothes on in quick succession, and he shoved his own feelings, the one's that always surfaces after one of their encounters, away for now. He was normally alone and laying in bed, his head going over their time together continuously when they showed up, when he could deal with everything that he felt for this man but could never tell him. And so, he got up, his mouth watering as the bile tried to rise into his throat and he swallowed convulsively, turned away from Zayn and he dressed as quickly as he could. He got himself under control, though he could feel his hands shaking as he reached for his phone, quickly reading over his messages and cursing under his breath.

Zayn couldn't bare to look Liam in the eye even after he finished before the man. Instead, he took to watching the carpet beneath him and wondered just how many people had been in this room before them. There was a second where he wanted to develop that thought further, but instead he heard the mutters of curses. His eyes shot up to see Liam checking his phone, which brought an amuse smirk to his lips. He went to check his own phone, seeing the time showed as four in the morning. "What's wrong? Soph saw you gone?" He asked as he scrolled over his own messages. They were mostly from Perrie, much as that made him cringe, and all asking him when he'd be home or if he was even coming home. He didn't usually go out since that was her job and she was good at it, but when he did leave, it was only continuous texts asking where he was and who he was with. It delved under his skin, leaving a trace of annoyance and discomfort. He did, though, decide that the silence was enough for him, going over to see what bothered Liam. He touched the man's shoulders, not willing to realise the state of disrepair the other seemed with shaky hands and paled face. As soon as the thoughts of caring came, he put them away in the back of his mind, refusing to acknowledge them. Liam wasn't his problem.

Liam nearly refused to acknowledge him, head bowed as he scrolled back and read over the messages once more and startled slightly when he felt the touch to his shoulder. He refused to look back at Zayn, continuing to stare at his screen, the words blurred as he attempted to keep himself in check, cursing colourfully in his head as the shaking in his hands intensified slightly. "Ah, yeah, apparently there was some things she needed me to do, or some such," Liam said, running a hand through his hair, fingers tugging roughly at the strands. He turned, his body face towards Zayn now but he refused to meet his eyes, looking over at the door handle to the left of him. He smiled, a tight-lipped and slightly painful one before brushing past the other to get to the door that stood a mere foot behind him in the small and cramped motel room. Liam had just gotten all the locks undone and the door pulled open, the first step out of the door when his subconscious mind over came his ability to make rational decisions and he turned, grasping Zayn by the first thing he could reach. He pulled him forwards by his jacket sleeve, crowding into his space to slide his lips tight and bruising against the other's, hand coming up to gently caress the side of his face. Liam pulled back quickly, breaking the seal of their lips as he cursed once more, pressing his forehead against the other's before finally looking into those terribly loved eyes. "Please, please, don't contact me again, I can't do this anymore," he said, his eyes slipping closed for a moment as he fought with himself, fought to keep from taking it back before he finally succeeded in pulling himself from Zayn and walking away.

Zayn bit his lip, almost regretting asking since it didn't sound right to have Liam's voice didn't sound right saying any other name other than his own. They lived separate lives, though, away from each other. He felt the nerves coming back to him, the unsure feeling in his stomach leaving the impression of butterflies to flutter inside him. The smile showed him just how wrong this all was, that they weren't living in obliviousness any longer about the severity of this situation. They were cheaters, wrong, ugly on the inside. This motel wasn't theirs, just somewhere that two people can become faceless for a few hours. He didn't want to follow Liam out the door, even though his feet did follow behind him as he made sure that he had all his belongings together. He let a gasp out when he was being pulled into Liam, hands placing themselves against the man's sturdy chest. Once lips were placed against his, he kissed back on reflex since this was all he knew. His hands turned to fists against the clothing of Liam's shirt, almost wanted to push the kiss further. When they broke apart, Zayn didn't expect the words to come from Liam's mouth, feeling nauseous and angry all at once. "Please, Liam," he whispered pathetically as he tried to grab for the man's hand, hoodie, shoulder. Anything to make him stay and become Zayn's for longer. Zayn swallowed the emotions once he realised that it was a lost cause, adjusting the hoodie to be over his head as he made himself put his feelings away. He walked down the street without a second thought, staring at Liam's number even though he couldn't bring himself to delete it. He hoped Liam had the same trouble as he made him way home, back to his life with Perrie and something vaguely close to normalcy.

Liam continued walking, pressing himself to keep his steps even and continuous as he pulled the hood up over his head once more, hiding the the dark recesses of it. He called a cab company to pick him up at a slightly more populated street as he walked in that direction, hand clenching repeatedly as he hung up the phone and slipped it back into his pocket. He stood on the curb as the car pulled to a hazardous stop in front of him and he slid into the backseat. Liam couldn't quite believe just how numb he felt, how out of touch with everything around him he was, though he was glad for the slight reprieve, knowing it would all come crashing on him soon enough. He just wanted a shower and a good twenty-four hours to right his head once more, but first he needed to get those things for Sophia.

---

Liam was once more startled awake and he sat up in bed quickly, blinking cold water and sleep from his eyes as he looked around. Sophia was towering over his bed, face flushed and eye set in a glare and Liam had to swallow, not remembering another time that he had seen her this angry and he swallowed heavily, the saliva in his mouth suddenly too thick to go down. "Fuck you, Liam," was all she said before storming from his room, and he jumped up to follow, ignoring the he was only in his underpants. He called for her, trying to get her to stop, to explain, to tell him how he had managed to fuck up after he'd finally started doing the right thing, but she ignored him, pulling a suitcase behind her. She slammed a key against the kitchen counter before walking out of the door, and Liam didn't have time to follow after her as he realised his bandmates were sitting on the couch. "Dude, you've really fucked up," Harry said, and even through the hard set of his face, he could see the concern, and his stomach churned so roughly that he had to break into a run to get to the toilet before he hurled.

Zayn managed to be waken up by something hitting him harshly in the face. He decided then that it wasn't the worst way to be woken up as he groggily sat up to see blue eyes set in a glare directed at him. "Perrie?" He asked, rubbing his eyes. "You said you wouldn't do this shit again, Zayn Javadd, you said it was only a one time thing. But instead, you fuck someone," she practically screeched. Oh, Zayn thought dumbly, wondering exactly how she realised what was going on so soon. He looked down at what exactly had hit his face, only to see the ring he bought her laying next to him. Suddenly it all clicked at once, suddenly not caring how she knew he cheated and instead went to stand up and grab at her. She huffed out an exasperated sigh before she turned around on her heel, bags promptly packed. "My mother is waiting downstairs for me. I just wanted to know that you are such a prick," she said. He didn't have anything else to add, just letting her go. He sat down on the couch, feeling weighted down by emotions. He recovered after a few minutes and went to his phone. He saw a few messages from people, the one that caught his eye the most was the one from Harry. u've fucked up, dude, and his stomach dropped at it. He wanted to ask how, why, when, but instead he just threw his phone onto the bed, hating this feeling of misery and nausea. An hour later of tossing and turning, he found himself calling Harry. "What happened?" He asked in a small voice, almost shocked to hear the chatter of his old band mates in the background. It was too much too soon, making him realise that this wasn't just about him. This was about Liam. And the final puzzle piece fit in as he left his phone on the bed once more to wretch into the toilet.

Liam sat on his bed with his head in his hands, counting his breathing as he attempted to get his stomach to settle, his angry tears having dried up long ago. He had been there for the better part of an hour, his mind going over and over what Niall had shown him, the one moment when he had stopped thinking, had followed his instincts. Liam scrubbed his hands over his face roughly, pressing fingers hard against his eyes as he tried to get his head to wrap around what had happened. He finally got up, pulling on a pair of sweats and a tank before walking back out to the living room, knowing his face was drawn and pale but not being able to do anything about it. Liam curled himself up in a corner of the couch, pulling Loki into his space to run his fingers through the soft fur, the repetitive motion slowly soothing him. He could hear the other's talk, the PR team and their managers all converged and talking amongst themselves at the kitchen table. He was so focused on his singular task, ruffling up the dog's hair to create a mohawk and other things, that he startled suddenly when the doorbell was rung once more and Harry jumped up to answer the door. He watched as more business-suit clad people walked into his house, and he was confused for a moment until he saw Zayn's manager walk through, and he quickly looked down, speeding up the combing of his fingers through fur as he tried to calm himself once more. "Mr. Malik will be arriving shortly," he heard one say, and he suddenly felt a hand on his knee and one squeezing tightly against his shoulder, and he couldn't ever remember being more thankful for his friends.

"We need you over here, Zayn," his manager spoke, voice soft and an attempt at comforting. Zayn knew that he was in shit, could feel the swell of panic in him at the very idea of seeing Liam again. "Li, uh, I mean, Liam, wouldn't wanna see me right now. I don't think it'd be good for me to go, please -" he started, wanting to continue on and on before his manager told him how the PR team wanted to discuss their options further. Zayn was apart of One Directions legacy, the manager explained before hanging up, he had to deal with anything involving him with the band. Zayn's heart sank at that realisation, simply agreeing before hanging up. He felt shaky and nervous, wanting to vomit again. i don't want to come he texted Harry as a pathetic last resort. Harry didn't reply, which Zayn hardly expected him to as he got into the car that his manager got for him to be driven in. The security was there to break apart the paparazzi that was swarming his house, probably there long before Perrie had left. He kept his head low, though he did see that Harry had sent a frown emoticon to his message, which comforted him slightly. He didn't keep anyone else's numbers, having even erased Liam's number from his memory as he refused to look at it again. He felt like he'd have to take it all back, though, as they approached the house. It was five times worse in there, which he knew it to be because of the rest of the band being around. He walked with security again, smiling thankfully at them before putting the hood he had on up further. There was yelling of questions, asking him to acknowledge them. He simply refused until the door to Liam's house was shut firmly behind him. He still refused to look up as he stood awkwardly near the door, as if he wasn't sure what to do. His manager came up, placing an arm on his shoulder in a comforting manner, trying to coax him further into the house to be with the rest of the band. Zayn thought about running, potentially changing his name and going to Iceland, until he felt Harry's hand on his shoulder, looking up to see slightly saddened green eyes. "Come on," he said, voice slowed in a drawl, "let's get this settled now." Zayn nodded dumbly as he followed behind the taller man, silent as he was taken into the living room.