Angels Fall, It's Not Your Fault

@ varkatzas.
Ben growled and stood towering over her. "Watch your mouth!" he yelled and ran a hand through his hair. "You're not going anywhere and I can keep you here as long as I fucking want. Charlie you don't know what you go yourself into at all. I am the biggest mob boss in this side of America. I didn't get here by accident. I have a damn good head on my shoulders and the power to back it up. I love you Charlie but don't think for a second that you are going to be able to bad mouth me. You know shit. I keep telling you and maybe you aren't listening but damn it Charlie you are about to find out all the shit I have done and then you ill have a fucking reason to be scared of me. But tell me this Charlie... have I ever laid a rough hand on you when you didn't want it?" he whispered dangerously his lips close to her ear. "So no it's not your fault what I did but how you are treating me now will infect directly affect what I do to you from here on out. I have treated you well so far don't expect me to keep it up if you act so damn ungrateful!" he said and slammed his hand on the table. "Get up to your room and stay there." When she didn't moved he took the table and flipped it to the other side away from her. "Now!" he screamed and he watched her scramble off. Things where going to change around here. If she didn't want to talk and only wanted to tell him what to do and how terrible he was then he would give her no talking and something true to what she was actually saying. Ben ran a hand through his hair and shouted for the the old man once more. "I want Ricko on her door. She's not to leave her room." he said and turned. "And have Azza get some girl to clean this shit up!" he growled and tossed his shirt off headed towards the pool.
Ben stripped and dived into the pool needing to cool off. Charlie had no idea at all and hell he was going to let her find out. The funny thing was that the man he had beaten had finally come clean and was alive and well recuperating in a hospital he had under his dollar. The man would become one of their double agents in this war.

Charlie swore that her heart had stopped as Ben stood up. As much as she had been afraid of him, she wasn't entirely afraid that he would actually hurt her. Except now, she was. She sat, staring at him like a deer in headlights. All colour had drained from her face as she pressed herself back into the chair she was in. Maybe she could just disappear if she prayed hard enough. Except that wasn't working. She had to remind herself to breathe when Ben leaned into her, trying to form a word but nothing came out. Speaking seemed damn near impossible. Nothing he was saying penetrated the fear induced fog until he flipped the table and just like that, her feet seemed to have a mind of her own as she ran to her room.

Once she was in her room, she slammed the door shut and looked around frantically. There was no lock on the door but there was a chair for the desk in her room. Using it to prop under the doorknob, Charlie slumped against the dresser. Her eyes were still wide as she slid down the wood, the reality of the situation hitting her. She began to hyperventilate, pulling her knees to her chest as she fought against completely losing control. She had never truly been afraid of Ben hurting her until now - because despite everything, he was right. He had never hurt her.

Choking on her breath, Charlie closed her eyes and set her head between her knees while she tried to calm herself down. She was slowly calming down, digging her nails into the skin on her wrist to help bring her back down to reality.

@ varkatzas.
Ben got out of the pool once he was a little more calm and wasn't about to beat someone for the hell of it still if anyone looked at him wrong he would in fact beat them. Ben grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He went to his room and showered off before changing. He moved up the stairs to see Ricko where he should be. "Is she still in there?" he barked and the man nodded. Ben nodded and the man left. Ben leaned against the door frame. "Charlie..." he listened hearing her in there. "Open the door..." he said softly with no intent to hurt her. He knew she probably put a chair under the door or something stupid. If he wanted he could take the door off the hinges completely a chair was not going to stop him if he wanted in. "I am asking nicely." he said reminding her that she needed to listen to him. He wanted to see her and make sure he hadn't inadvertently hurt her in his anger. Ben knew emotionally she was wrecked and he had screwed up there but she had no idea what her words did to him. He rested his head back against the frame and sighed. "Two minutes then I will leave you be." he said and bit his lip hoping to not have to threaten her. Ben didn't want to have to resort to violence with Charlie. She was the one person he never wanted to hurt but he was loosing his patients. All these years with Charlie and now he was loosing anything good he had gained. Ben was a broken man when the only one that could heal him didn't want to even when she was close enough to touch.

Charlie had leaned her head down to rest on the dresser, deciding that it was a safer option to just stay still. The longer she was still, the more she calmed down. She wasn't quite ready to but when she heard Ben on the other side of the door. She tensed, staring at the door for a moment before she stood and reluctantly moved to the door, moving the chair to sit to the side of the doorway. She didn't want to but the underlying threat was clear as day to her. She stepped back immediately until she was at her bed. She sat down, ready for the door to open. Her body was tense, prepared for whatever was about to happen. Or as much as she could be anyway.

Her breathing was still a bit strained but it was nothing compared to what it had been minutes ago. For that, Charlie was beyond greatful. She wanted to at least try and be levelheaded because it mattered more now than ever. If she wanted to get anywhere that wasn't here, or around Ben, she had to be with what she did. "What do you even want, Ben?" She mumbled, staring at the floor between them now.

@ varkatzas.
Ben was relieved as she listened to him. He watched her back up and he sighed walking in and walking over to her. He took her wrists gently moving them around seeing her own marks on her skin. He then gently took her face and turned it this way and that before he sighed and stepped back. "I am sorry I lost my temper." he said and headed towards the door. "And just so you know Charlie the man you saw he is in the hospital recovering now and he will be fine. He figured out what was in his best interest was to keep me happy." he said and looked at her. "Don't put the chair in front of the door. I won't barge in on you as long as you don't put things in front of the door. "It's a fire hazard." he said and walked out. "And Charlie try to eat something." he said and sighed looking down before looking back at her. "Goodnight Charlie. If you need anything Ricko will be right down the stairs. These people are here for you Charlie." he said and took the door knob and closed the door behind him. He leaned his head against the door a moment listening to her in there before he tore himself from the door and headed down the stairs. He looked at Ricko. "Do you need a chair?" he asked. The man shook his head no and Ben left. He went to his room and curled up in bed having lost his appetite.
Ben sighed wishing there was something more to be done but there wasn't/ All he wanted was his girlfriend back. He wanted to hold her and tell her about this shitty situation. But Charlie was upstairs afraid of the man she thought him to be. And there wasn't anything he could do to change that. He closed his eyes praying for sleep, a prayer he knew would go unanswered because he didn't have Charlie there to whined him down.

Charlie refused to even look up at Ben. She didn't want to look at him, she didn't want to be near him. She didn't want anything to do with him. Nothing at all. She flinched the slightest bit at his touch but said nothing at the apology. She drew in a shakey breathe as he let go, her stomach twisting even further at the mention of the man from the day before. Reaching her hand up, she wiped away a stray tear that had managed to fall. Fuck. She hated crying because it made her vulnerable and being vulnerable around someone who scared her so much wasn't something she wanted.

As much as she had wanted to be comforted by his words, Charlie wasn't. The underlying threat wasn't missed by her - they were here to help her just as much as they were here to watch her. Keep an eye on her and make sure that she didn't do anything that Ben may deem something stupid. She felt like she was going to be sick. Wrapping herself into her blankets, Charlie settled onto her bed in the hopes of eventually falling asleep. Her nerves were way too shot to be able to keep anything down, she was afraid to even take a sip of water in fear of throwing it back up.

She fell asleep for a few hours but eventually found herself unable to sleep anymore. Charlie had laid in bed for nearly an hour before she gave up on the idea. Standing, she paced around for a few minutes before settling into the tub to start a bath. She hoped that if she took a nice, warm bath and relaxed, she would be able to get back to sleep.

@ varkatzas.
Ben got some sleep but it wasn't good sleep. It was light wake up at every sound sleep. When he heard the bathroom going up the stairs he sighed knowing what she was doing. He was glad they was a safe place for her and as much as he wanted to go up and join her he knew it wouldn't be received well. So he stood and went to the kitchen having found his hunger.
He munched on a few things freezing when Azza came into view. He had been drinking from the milk container. He smiled softly and ripped the milk stash away from his mouth. "Hey... I thought you where asleep." he said and she chuckled. "Yeah I know you did." she said and took the milk from him pouring him a glass and then putting the mild away with a big red x on it knowing someone would ask her before drinking from it. "I heard you up. Can't sleep?" she asked and Ben shook his head. "Neither can Charlie. I hear her up there taking a bath. I really messed up and there is no way to fix it. It's going to take more time than I want to give but I can't stand the thought of being without her. I don't know what to do." he said and took his milk and sipped from the glass.
Azza nodded. They had talked for hours and she had gotten him back into bed and he was dozing off. She then stood and went to see how Charlie was doing. She hadn't eaten that night either. She knocked softly on her door. "Charlie dear can I come in?" she asked. It kind of was a useless question because she would come in anyways. Still Azza waited for some kind of a response.

Charlie had managed to fall back asleep for another hour or so before she gave up after her bath. She laid in bed and looked out of the sky light for awhile longer, the blankets pulled close to her body. At least she was quite comfortable, that was the bonus. She had a soft spot for down comforters and it seemed Ben had made sure she had one. Or maybe it was just what had always been there...

Eventually, Charlie curled up besides the window in the corner with a book. There was a small book case in the corner by the door and she figured it was the least she could do to pass time. Curled up in the corner, she let out a yawn as she read through the pages. She had to laugh at how ironic it was - Beauty and the Beast. The sun began to rise which drew her attention away from the book. They were always os beautiful, she watched every last one that she could manage.

Jumping at the sound of the knock that was followed by Azza's voice, she hesitated before calling out that the German woman could come in. Charlie noted what page she was on and shut the book, turning around so that she could face Azza completely. While she wasn't happy with her boyfriend, that didn't mean she had to be rude and disrespectful to her was there? Azza had never been anything but kind to her, she didn't want to be rude. That hadn't been how she was raised... she wasn't going to be that person. Not now, at least.

@ varkatzas.
Azza smiled. "I didn't mean to wake you. I noticed neither of you ate. Are you hungry? Is there anything I can get for you before I go off to bed?" she asked softly truly meaning that she wanted to be there to take care of Charlie. Azza realized it was now almost morning but she had expected to miss a lot of sleep when Ben had showed up with Charlie like this. It was hard to see them both like this. They where so miserable and only wanting each other but it was each other that was causing the pain to begin with. Azza wished she could do more to help.

Ben woke in the morning his head pounding. He sighed and stood and went into his bathroom popping some pills. What the hell was he suppose to do now? He knew she didn't want shit to do with him but he was already tired of playing this stupid game. He knew they needed to have two sided argument and she needed to get those damn questions out. He sighed realizing he was going to have to force her to talk to him. He got ready for the day as he normally did trying to think through all the situation she was dealing with. His phone rang and his picked up. "What?" he asked and listened to the status report of their mini war. "Are you being careful not to catch the innocents?" he asked hating that he asked that but all he could think of was Charlie when he did his business and what she would think.

Ben took his breakfast in his study on the phone most the day. He was going to have to have a meeting soon and he didn't like it because Charlie would be close. But perhaps it would be good for her to sit in on one. If she could keep her mouth closed and not do anything stupid that was. He sighed and sat back as it was almost lunch and he sent for Ricko to fetch Charlie to bring her to him.

Charlie forced a smile to her lips and shrugged her shoulders, looking away. She didn't want to be mean to Azza because the woman had been nothing but caring toward her and yet, she didn't want anything to do with the woman. The woman was close to Ben and still, she didn't think she would be able to get over knowing what Ben did. Her stomach was in a knot but at the mention of food, she nodded her head and asked for something small, a bowl of fruit. When Azza returned with the food, she thanked the woman quietly and munched on the fruit while continuing to read her book. Once she had finished the food, she climbed into bed and was fast asleep in no time. She was emotionally exhausted, sleep was a near escape for her right now.

The next day, Charlie had gone to leave her room in hopes of getting out of the house but when Ricko stood to stop her, she had more or less stopped dead in her tracks. She turned and retreated back to her room, swallowing the pill wordlessly that she would be expected to stay in her room. Not that it made her particularly happy but she didn't really think the matter was open for debate. Not that she could just go to Ben and argue it anyway - she was stuck in her room.

When Ricko knocked, Charlie frowned. Nope, this wasn't something she was particularly prepared for nor was it something that she wanted to do. What was this going to be about? She had no idea but she was tired of not knowing so she followed Ricko without argument. Charlie tensed as she stepped into Ben's office, eyes narrowing a bit. She didn't know these men - she had never met any of them before. Did they work for Ben? What did they do for him? The thought twisted a knot into her stomach and she refused to take more than two steps inside, staring at the wall above Ben's head. She was already checking out because for one reason or another, she already had a feeling that they weren't going to discuss anything she could possibly agree to.

@ varkatzas.
Ben stood seeing Charlie. He looked at the two men and nodded. They stood and left the room headed out to take care of what he had already set up to keep Charlie closer to the house but able to leave her room. "Come in." he said and waited for her to move close. He would have the meeting another day. He had to set it up and call all those he needed there in three days. Till then he had time to work with Charlie.

Ben waited until she was before him in front of his desk. "We need to talk... or rather you do. I am tired of the silence Charlie. I am tired of being away from you. I need you to get angry. Damn it I had always known you to get angry and let it out but never this. I won't hurt you Charlie and I take everything you say into consideration. Rick told me you came down but then right back up the stairs. In the day he is simply a body guard Charlie. And yes at night he is your door watcher. But you didn't even argue about it you just went back to your room. You can always come to me and talk. If I am with people yes I expect you to respect me but when we are alone I know that there are times when you will be to angry to give me respect but never assume like you have been Charlie. You have assumed so much about me. Where is the girl I feel in love with?" he asked and moved around leaning against his desk his hands holding the sides as he watched her.

Ben ran a hand through his hair waiting for her to do something, say something. He needed her to argue with him to fight because as long as there was hate there was to possibility for love because as long as there where emotions they could be flipped. Ben didn't know what the right angel was to make her love him again. Ben didn't know what else to do so he was going back to what he knew.

Charlie had been refusing to even look at Ben up until the mention of needing to talk. Her head snapped up immediately, her eyes narrowing as she stared dead at Ben. She was quiet until he had finished speaking at which point she shook her head and let out a laugh, that sounded so far from amused that it couldn't be mistaken for. "You want me to talk? You want me to get angry? So what? So you can threaten me and then throw a chair across the room instead of a table? Or do you want me to do all those things so you can follow through and show me why I shouldn't?" Charlie snapped, her words growing more and more heated by the moment until she had nearly been yelling. She was sure that other people would hear and sure enough, that girl that Ben had fallen in love with was showing. She was a fierce girl and even with all the potential threats looming, Ben had sparked an anger in her. He had promised to never hurt her but the last time that she had gotten angry had led to him being just short of hurting her. Then he promised he never would - but she didn't trust him. She didn't because he kept skipping between the two that she didn't doubt if he got pushed, he would.

"There is nothing. Nothing you can do. Because you never cared about what you did before I knew. You didn't care that you were hurting innocent people and people who maybe weren't so innocent but fuck, they were people. Ben, I love you. BUt you aren't who I thought you were. Ever. All of the secretive phone calls and the meetings you had to run off to and all of the cancelled plans? That's on you. It's all on you," Charlie spat, crossing her arms. She was glaring now, not ready to give an inch. Fuck, he wanted her to talk? Oh, she would talk.

"Don't say it's my fault because I'm just not looking at it the way you want. Or that you're not who I think you are because you're exactly that. A fucking gangster with no regard for anyone else," she growled. Maybe her words were a bit harsh because she was almost positive he did care for some people. At least Azza... and Paul. But anyone else? She had no idea.

@ varkatzas.
Ben waited a while after she stopped yelling. "You're right." he said though she wasn't completely right he knew the words would catch her off guard. "I never should have threatened you. I am sorry. But I don't know what to do with myself without you Charlie. I turn back into that person I was before you when I didn't care about anyone or anything but you changed all that. You made me care about people, about the innocent. And I can't change who I am or what I did but I can do somethings a little better. All I need is your help. I need you Charlie. I know you don't believe me but I do. But your wrong about a few things... if only slightly. I do care. I care about you, about Azza and Paul, my staff, my friends, and the innocent. You changed me so that I care now. But I can't stop being what I am which gangster is a terrible word. I am no tug Charlie. I am a mob boss. Irish mob to be exact." he said and then crossed his arms otherwise not moving. "Your right that I didn't use to give a damn but then I knew you and you gave me a reason to care. You still give me a reason but without you I am lost. You are my humanity. And I want you not to see things my way. I don't expect that of you. I just want you to see all of who I am, the bad and the good. And hopefully then you can stay and help me be a better man Charlie."

Ben hoped that she agreed with him and would give it aa try to see the good and bad in him. She had o problem seeing the bad but now she had a problem seeing the door. "Charlie tell me more. Please if you need to yell some more and that is the only way we get to talk then please do because I need to hear what you are thinking and feeling. I need to know what you do because I am a broken man Charlie. Now you see me and now I will tell you anything you want to know. And I promise this tat I will try with everything in me to remain calm and not do anything rash like the other night." he said and watched her waiting for more. He hoped there was more for her to fight about.

Ben waited a while after she stopped yelling. "You're right." he said though she wasn't completely right he knew the words would catch her off guard. "I never should have threatened you. I am sorry. But I don't know what to do with myself without you Charlie. I turn back into that person I was before you when I didn't care about anyone or anything but you changed all that. You made me care about people, about the innocent. And I can't change who I am or what I did but I can do somethings a little better. All I need is your help. I need you Charlie. I know you don't believe me but I do. But your wrong about a few things... if only slightly. I do care. I care about you, about Azza and Paul, my staff, my friends, and the innocent. You changed me so that I care now. But I can't stop being what I am which gangster is a terrible word. I am no tug Charlie. I am a mob boss. Irish mob to be exact." he said and then crossed his arms otherwise not moving. "Your right that I didn't use to give a damn but then I knew you and you gave me a reason to care. You still give me a reason but without you I am lost. You are my humanity. And I want you not to see things my way. I don't expect that of you. I just want you to see all of who I am, the bad and the good. And hopefully then you can stay and help me be a better man Charlie."

Ben hoped that she agreed with him and would give it aa try to see the good and bad in him. She had o problem seeing the bad but now she had a problem seeing the door. "Charlie tell me more. Please if you need to yell some more and that is the only way we get to talk then please do because I need to hear what you are thinking and feeling. I need to know what you do because I am a broken man Charlie. Now you see me and now I will tell you anything you want to know. And I promise this tat I will try with everything in me to remain calm and not do anything rash like the other night." he said and watched her waiting for more. He hoped there was more for her to fight about.

[Let's do this one and...]
@ varkatzas.

Charlie started to laugh, shaking her head. She turned her head to the side so that he wouldn't see the tears welling in her eyes. She was so angry and frustrated that all she really wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry until she couldn't any more. Everything she had thought her life was, was a lie, as far as she was concerned. Ben wasn't the man he had made her think he was. "You are still that person, Benjamin. You never stopped being that man that will kill if it means someone crossing you. You just hid it from me. You lied to me. You told me that you were a good person but fuck, I don't see it."

"Azza, paul, your staff. That's great. But the people you have killed and have had killed, they were still people. Sons, husbands, brothers, cousins, fathers. They didn't matter to you. Or should I say, it mattered that they died just so you could have a little more. People like you, don't deserve anything you have," Charlie spoke the words, reaching up to wipe a stray tear away. Her voice wavered but she refused to stop talking. She was thinking out loud more than anything, it was making her see things clearly. It made her more at peace with the situation, even if she wasn't happy with it. She couldn't change it.

"What could you possibly tell me that would change my mind? I'm struggling to even understand the idea of you hanging my mind," Charlie muttered, running a hand through her hair. "I want to love you. So badly, Ben. But I just... I can't. I love you, at least who I thought you were. But this entire thing was an act to you."

@ varkatzas.
Ben flinched at that last part. "Love isn't stipulated to how someone act or what someone does Charlie. Can you say you really loved me at all if you can't love me now?" he shook his head. "Maybe you can't see it. Maybe your right and it's not there but I think you can't see anything until you stop hating me for not telling you. But can you blame me when this is how you act? Ben ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. He just felt defeated. What could he do. He promised not to hurt her and yet all he wanted to do was to take her to his bed and remind her. But he knew better.

Ben sighed and moved forward and kissed her cheek. "I still love you though you hate me. Nothing has changed in my heart towards you. You might not like my business label but you know nothing of it's workings. Nothing. So don't pretend to." he said and then stepped back and went around to his chair behind his desk. He sat down trying to think of a solution of some kind. "So I scare you, I've disappointed you. What is it? Because I can't see how I have changed other than you know that I do for a living now. I lost my temper once, but you've seen that before, it was just not towards you that time. And I apologized. I know that doesn't make it all better but I don't know what to do Charlie. I love you and I selfishly can't let you go." he said and stood going back to her and taking her hand. "Remember when we went away for that weekend in December? We locked ourselves in a room and made love over and over again. And I said the same thing to you then. "I selfishly don't want to let go of you. Remember what you said? I do. "You said then don't. How does being a mob boss changed that love from you?"

Ben was desperately clinging to some hope that she would love him still that she saw something in him she couldn't let go of either. Ben wished there was something he knew that would bring them closer. What did he have to do?