well i guess this is growing up | closed.

Raelyn bit down on her bottom lip as she opened the front door to where she lived. She never called it home and she knew she never would. The brunette lived with her older brother Matt and he was sick in the head in her opinion. After their parents had died and left them orphans, the month after she had settled into his house he started getting angry, snapping and hitting her. Matt would apologize and she'd forgive him knowing he was all she had left. Six months after the first time he hit her her big brother forced himself on her and now the only time he had been somewhat gentle and sweet to her was after that one time after he had finished raping her. Rae bit down on her bottom lip hard, walking into the house, trying to be as quiet as possible as she walked into her room upstairs, not wanting Matt to hear her since he was home.

---

Jimmy sat in the Seward house, drinking with Gabriel Seward as they talked about Johnny, Gabe's little brother who had just died the week before. Some kid had gone postal and killed a bunch of teachers and a few students. Jimmy still couldn't believe Johnny was gone. Even if he had picked on the kid relentlessly he only did it because he liked him and now he would never be able to tell him that. He felt shitty and wished he had taken the bullet instead. Johnny had so much more potential than he thought he ever would.

Matt had stayed up to listen for when Raelyn got home, and he heard her walking down the hallway. He waited until he heard her door shut before he got up and walked out of his room. He stepped across the hall and opened her door, looking in at her. "Where have you been?" he asked sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. "You said you were going to be home over an hour ago." He stepped towards her, tempted to smack her for lying to him. But he decided to give her a chance to explain herself. Maybe she got caught up in traffic. Or maybe she was out whoring it up. He nearly growled at the thought. She was his, and nobody else's.

---

Sparrow walked downstairs, sniffling and stopping in her tracks when she saw Jimmy sitting in the living room. She quickly wiped her tears away and narrowed her eyes at him. She wanted to snap at him, yell at him, ask him who he thought he was to show his face around here after all the shit he'd done to Johnny. Sure, maybe in Jimmy's eyes it was just mindless teasing, but to Johnny it meant more. Johnny had always looked up to Jimmy and Brian, and the two of them incessantly teased the hell out of him, to the point where one day he'd come home crying. She shook her head, deciding to be the bigger person, and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge door and looking for something to drown her sorrows in. Either something sugary or something with alcohol. She didn't care.

"I got stuck in traffic coming home," Rae answered. "I tried to be on time," she stated. The brunette wasn't sure what kind of mood her brother was in but she knew either way she'd end up quietly crying herself to sleep tonight. The past week he hadn't touched her at all and deep down she knew it was only a matter of time until she did something that upset him whether she meant to or not. "I promise it won't happen again," she promised.

---

Jimmy frowned when he saw Sparrow glare at him. He knew the young Seward hated him for how he had treated. Jimmy wished he could tell Sparrow just how bad he felt about everything. He knew she wouldn't listen to her though. If anything Sparrow would probably just cuss him out like she usually did. He understood it was part of her grieving just like his and Gabe's was drinking and getting high.

Matt slowly nodded as he stepped even closer to her. "Mhm," he mumbled. "Just like you promised last time? Right?" He shook his head and grabbed her arm, glaring at her. "I thought we were on the same page, Rae. No more going out late at night after what happened to that kid. You have to follow curfew or you could get in serious trouble. And not only that, but I can't afford to pay hospital bills if you get shot." He shook his head, forcefully shoving her arm back down to her side. "Do you understand me?"

---

Sparrow grabbed a bottle of beer, walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch. She looked at anything but Jimmy, just knowing that if she acknowledged him anymore than she already had, he'd try and talk to her. And she didn't want to talk to him. At all. Ever. She sighed heavily as she popped the cap off the beer, taking a swig. She ignored the look her older brother gave her, knowing that he didn't approve of her drinking but there was really nothing he could do to stop her if he wanted to keep her on his side.

Rae felt tears form in her eyes when her brother mention Johnny. They had been best friends from fourth grade up until he had died. He had been her first love, her first kiss and even the first person who knew fully all the things Matt did to her. She was completely devastated when he died. What hurt more is that he had died protecting her from the kid that was shooting everyone. "Maybe I could get a job to help out with bills," she offered. "I heard doctor's office down the road is looking for a receptionist." Rae knew it was a long shot to mention getting a job and she hoped it wouldn't backfire since this was the first time she ever mentioned getting a job to Matt.

---

"Let her mourn," Jimmy whispered to Gabe. "At least she's safe at home drinking." He knew he would probably piss Sparrow off by standing up for her but he honestly could care less. He knew he had a lot to make up for since he knew Sparrow took how he treated Johnny harder than he thought Johnny did. Sparrow definitely tried to protect Johnny more than Jimmy knew he needed. Now it was only Sparrow and Gabriel and Gabe never really interacted with his little sister.

Matt looked at her for a minute as he tossed the idea around in his head. "Alright, fine," he said. "You can get a job. But if it's after hours, then absolutely not." He stepped towards her for the final time, so that he was only inches away from her, and reached out to slide his arms around her body. "I can't lose you, Rae. I don't have anyone else." He pulled her into his chest and leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

---

Sparrow sighed heavily, rubbing her face and looking up at Jimmy. "What are you even doing here?" she finally asked, having cracked under the pressure of her anger and sorrow. "You didn't even like Johnny. All you did was torture him at school, and follow him around just to laugh at all his mistakes. What, are we replacements now? You're moving onto bigger and better things now that the guy you picked on is dead?" She couldn't help it as the tears began to pour from her eyes. Johnny had been her best friend. They were twins, and they had been completely inseparable. At least until he started hanging around that Raelyn chick.

Rae gripped onto Matt's shirt tightly, balling in her fist as she began sobbing in his arms. She missed Johnny so much and now she was stuck with Matt forever. She would be his prisoner forever and she only had herself to blame. The only comfort Rae took in the moment is that Matt never knew about Johnny or how much she loved him. They had even gone as far as talking about running away together somewhere far away from Huntington Beach like London or Paris. Rae and Johnny had even been learning french and german if they did manage to get across the Atlantic to Europe.

---

Jimmy felt his anger get the best of him and he tossed his beer at the wall, not caring that it shattered against the wall. "I cared about him," Jimmy snapped. "I had a shit way of showing it and I fucking regret it so fuck you!" He grabbed his jacket, sliding on his shoes and stormed out of the house, slamming the door before he sped off in his car. He didn't need Sparrow bringing up things he already felt guilty about. Gabe glared at his sisters, leaving the room without saying a single word to her. He walked up to his own bedroom and slammed the bedroom door loudly. He was pissed at his siter for being a bitch. He knew Jimmy considered Johnny to be like a little brother to him and was just as devastated as the whole Seward family and Raelyn were.

Matt sighed, rubbing her back. "It's okay, Rae," he said. "Everything is going to be okay." He kissed the top of her head before pulling away and reaching up to wipe her tears. He cupped her cheek in his hand and leaned down to kiss her lips. "Come on. You need to eat. I know you haven't been eating." He took her hand and dragged her downstairs to the kitchen so he could make something for her to eat.

---

Sparrow frowned when Gabriel got up and left, reaching up and wiping her tears. She wiped her nose and stood up, grabbing her jacket and walking out of the house. She saw Jimmy driving away and whimpered softly. She had nobody else to go to. Her parents were out of town, clearly trying to occupy themselves so they wouldn't have to face the fact their son had died, and Gabriel was pissed at her. She bit her lip and pulled her phone out of her pocket, looking at it before she dialed Brian's number. She hated him just as much as she hated Jimmy at this point, but she knew she had nowhere else to turn.

Rae bit down hard in the inside of her cheek as she let Matt lead her into the kitchen. "I ate earlier at school," she mumbled. "Some french fries and a protein shake." She had bought the food she had told her brother about but she never even took a bite. The only reason Rae even spent her money on food at school was so no one would tell Matt she wasn't eating. The brunette usually just gave whatever food she bought away to one of the poor kids who sat outside.

---

Brian was beyond confused when he saw Sparrow's number come up on his phone screen. He set down his cigarette on its ashtray and answered his phone. "You must be really upset to call me," he spoke. "Where am I meeting you?" He knew Sparrow hates his guts almost as much as Jimmy's. He had thought Jimmy was at the Seward family house but with how quickly things escalated when him and Sparrow were both in a room he assumed something had happened and she was probably stuck alone and upset.

Matt looked at her. "Yeah, but you haven't had dinner," he said. "So, you need to eat. No argument." He sat her down to the island before he rummaged through the fridge. "I guess we'll order a pizza," he said. There wasn't really anything in the fridge to eat since he hadn't gone grocery shopping in a while.

---

Sparrow sniffled. "At the corner store two blocks from my house," she said, wiping at her eyes as she began walking there. She felt awful for calling Brian, but all she really needed right now was just someone's company, and she let her emotions get to her too badly to talk to Jimmy or her brother. She knew she'd need to apologize to the tall boy but she just wasn't ready yet. She needed time to think first. About everything, really.

Rae frowned, wrapping her arms around her waist and bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. "Can I go to my room," she asked. "I need to start on my homework." She did have a few math problems she needed to do for school but she had finished most of her homework at school like she normally managed to. For Rae the only things she ended up doing at home were essays for English so she could avoid being near Matt for long periods of time. It was really the only time Matt left her alone besides when he was asleep.

---

"I'll be there in like five minutes," he stated. "If you want to stay at my place grab some clothes." Brian knew things were shitty for Sparrow at the moment and he felt guilty she was essentially going through it alone. He had hoped Rae would talk to Sparrow and connect with the twin Seward but both of them seemed to have a similar reaction to Johnny's death, a deep depression that looked like it would around for a long time.

Matt sighed softly. "Fine," he mumbled. He grabbed the phone and wandered into the living room, ordering a pizza from the shop in town before he sat on the couch and began watching TV. He was really worried about Raelyn. He didn't know what was wrong with her, but she seemed extremely distant lately. He didn't like it at all. And it wasn't like she talked to him about things either. So it was incredibly hard for him to figure her out.

---

Sparrow nodded. "Okay," she mumbled, hanging up and shoving her phone in her pocket. She walked back inside and packed a bag, hoping Gabe wouldn't hear her. But it wasn't like he'd care anyways. She left the house and began walking to the corner store, rubbing at her sore, bloodshot eyes. She hated how things had become for her. She was always down and miserable, whereas before, she'd always been bubbly and happy all the time.

Raelyn's went upstairs to her room. She closed her bedroom door, pulling her iTunes up on her laptop on and played the playlist Johnny made for her the one time he had been allowed at Matt's house. She started doing her homework, somehow managing to finish it in no time even with the tears forming in her eyes causing her vision to be blurry. Once all of her homework was done she shoved everything back in her backpack and laid down on her bed, quietly crying as she hugged the stuffed shark Johnny had gotten her tightly to her chest.

---

Brian got to the corner store a couple minutes early just in case Sparrow showed up early. He knew she was extremely upset and needed someone. The dark haired teen knew if Sparrow needed him for comfort it was a big deal.

Matt answered the door when the pizza got there, grabbing two plates and carrying the box up to Raelyn's room. He walked in, frowning when he saw her crying. "Rae," he said. "Pizza's here." He sighed softly, setting the pizza box and plates down on the end of her bed before he walked over and knelt down beside her. "Hey. Talk to me."

---

Sparrow reached the corner store, seeing Brian's car and walking over to it. She tossed her bag in the backseat and climbed into his car, sighing softly. "Thanks," she mumbled. She rubbed her thighs that were a bit chilly since it was cool out and she was wearing short shorts. She looked at him, biting her lip. "Is it wrong for me to be pissed at Jimmy?" she asked.

"I wish it had been me," Rae sniffled. "Johnny died protecting me." She let out an audible sob, clinging to the old stuffed shark even tightly as she began sobbing hysterically. "It's not fair! First mom and dad, now Johnny," she sobbed. She didn't understand what she had ever done to deserve such sadness in her life.

---

"We were both shitty to your brother," Brian stated. He lit up a cigarette, inhaling the nicotine before he exhaled it out of his driver's window. "Jim and I liked him as if he was our own kid brother and we showed him we cared in some pretty fucked up ways." He took another hit of his cigarette, blowing the smoke out of his nose before he looked at Sparrow. "Jimmy took Johnny's death hard because he knows how upset Johnny used to get and he was never able to tell him why he did what he did. He wanted to make him tough so he could survive the world."

Matt frowned. "I never knew you were close to him," he said. "I'm sorry, Rae." He reached up and wiped her tears away. He'd always known she was friends with that Sparrow chick, but he guessed he should have figured that she'd be friends with the chick's brother too. "But he's gone now, and sitting here wallowing in your misery isn't going to bring him back." He took the stuffed shark out of her hands and set it aside. "Eat."

---

Sparrow watched him, shaking her head. "Johnny looked up to you guys," she said. "He would always come home and talk about how much he wanted to be in a band one day after watching you guys play with your band." She sniffled, shaking her head. She wasn't going to cry again. "I just never understood why you guys gave him such a hard time, especially Jimmy. And then when he died, I . . . I blamed you guys. I thought maybe if he had never met you he probably wouldn't have ended up dead. But I'm probably wrong." She sighed and reached over, taking the cigarette from his fingers and taking a drag.

Raelyn's shook her head. "I'm not hungry," she stated. She couldn't hold food down even when she attempted to eat. She took the shark back from Matt and laid back down. "My best friend died in my arms," she stated. "You would feel just as shitty as I do if Cam died and you practically consider him your brother." She knew snapping at Matt was always a horrible idea but at that very moment she honestly didn't care. Maybe him beating her would help her stop feeling so miserable.

---

"Your parents didn't tell you how he died," Brian asked. He and Jimmy had been there that day when things had gone down. They were a hand full of the rare survivors of what had gone down. "He died protecting Rae," he stated. "It didn't surprise me that he protected her to be honest. I'm pretty sure they loved each other." Johnny would talk about his plans for his future and the ones that didn't involve joining a band or starting one involved a life with Rae.

Matt frowned. "I'm not saying it's bad to feel shitty," he hissed. "What I'm saying is life moves on. And so should you." He grabbed a slice out and put it on the plate, forcing it into her lap. "Now do I have to shove this down your throat or are you going to willingly eat?" He could tell she was getting thinner and it worried him. She was already petite and he was afraid she would end up anorexic or something.

---

Sparrow frowned deeply. "That bitch," she muttered, shaking her head. "You know, it's one thing for her to take him from me. Fine, whatever. But to get him killed?" She grunted in frustration, taking a drag of the cigarette and looking over at him. She tossed it out the window before she moved into his lap. "Please distract me," she pleaded, cupping his cheeks in her hands.

"I don't want to fucking eat," Rae snapped. "I want Johnny back! I want my only reason for living to not be dead anymore!" She got up out of her bed, walking out of the room with the plate of pizza in her hand. She threw it in the sink, not caring that the plate broke when it landed in the sink. Rae walked out into the large backyard of Matt's house and climbed into the old treehouse, laying down on the floor and starting sobbing again.

---

Brian rolled his eyes. "According to what little I mange to force out of your brother she has a pretty fucked up home life." He knew Sparrow was pissed at Rae for taking up most of her brother's attention. When she moved into his lap, he frowned, quickly moving her back off of him. "No I am not letting you use me for sex."