Too Far Gone

Life in the prison was almost running smoothly which, when Rick stopped to think about it, was incredibly surprising. He'd never have thought he could get used to a life where bedrooms were cells with curtains over the doors, where people took shifts to clear the dead from the fences, where Lori didn't exist anymore.

The sharp pain in his chest, the one more guilt than anything, had lessened over time. The knot that stuck in his throat gone. He missed Lori, mourned both her and Carl's childhood, marred by the death. Things got easier, as they always did. They adjusted. If anything, at times it was better. He no longer met eyes, dark with guilt and accusation. A burden had been lifted.

Rick shifted Judith higher in his arms, absently pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he moved through the prison block. In was mid morning, and time for him to tend to the vegetable patch with Hershel.

"Beth," he called out, catching sight of her blonde hair through the bars of her room and approaching the cell.

"Beth," he repeated once he was closer. "Are you busy?"

When they first found the prison, Beth never really thought it could feel like home. All the loss they'd been through seemed to be intensified by the bleak surroundings they were in. But it was safe, and that's what mattered most. Once it was secure and more people began to join them, there was a chance for some home improvements. A few runs brought back bits and pieces, some of which she'd used to decorate her own little room; she didn't like calling it a cell.

None of this would have been possible without Rick. He'd been through the worst of it all, and still come back. Not only that, he'd kept everyone else safe. After Lori's death, Beth worried if the security Rick brought to their group was going to be permanently gone... But he came back from it all. She had to admire him for that. Having been through her own breakdown, it was a relief to know it was possible for people to recover.

Writing kept her grounded. She would just lie on her bed in her free time, writing whatever came to mind. It was something positive to pass the time with, but her door was always open was always open for whoever needed her.

She looked up the first time she heard her name, tucking her pen between the pages of her journal before she closed it. Beth never minded when Rick visited her, whether it was to drop off Judith or check up on her. "Nothing that can't wait," She smiled as she pushed herself up to sit on the bed. "What's up?"

Rick leant against the wall at the mouth of the cell, bouncing Judith gently on his hip. The sight of Beth, so at ease in her environment after her difficult start into this new life... It comforted him to see her seeming so content. Sat on her bed with a journal, she could be like any other teenage girl were it not for the world that surrounded her.

"Writing again?" he asked, quirking a short smile. "Anything interesting? We could use a few new stories now the paperbacks are disintegrating..."

Judith's gurgling bought his mind back to the original reason he'd sought the girl out.

"Ah, I need to go help your dad with the crops," Rick told her. "Do you mind watchin' Judith? She's been changed, she'll probably fall asleep soon enough."

He paused for a moment, turning to glance out the barred windows behind him.

"It's nice enough, outside," he added. "If you wanted to get some sun with her..."

"Ah, no..." She laughed quietly, looking down at her journal again. She mostly filled it with random thoughts and memories, a log of what life was like before. It may have seemed silly, but she wanted to keep the memory of her old life alive. She'd write down random days she'd spent on the farm, or things said by people who were no longer with them. It was a strange sort of comfort, like some sort of proof that they were real. They had been through it with them. "Just... Little ramblings, s'all."

She did think about writing more stories, maybe creating books for the kids around the prison. Judith was going to learn how to read eventually, and they'd need books appropriate for her age. Maybe she'd even try her hand at illustrating them. It'd be important to keep books around.

Beth was glad Rick was helping her dad out with the crops. It not only made things easier on her dad, but it gave Rick something to do as well. It was healthy and productive, for everyone.

"Not at all," she smiled broadly, swinging her legs off the bed. She pulled her boots on and pushed herself up from the bed carefully, as to not bump her head on the upper bunk.

"Taking her outside seems like a good idea..." Beth mused as she walked over to the pair. "At least the supply of vitamin D is free..."

"Little ramblings can be important," Rick nodded idly.

He kissed Judith's head one more time before handing her over to Beth as she approached, gently clapping the girl on the shoulder in thanks.

"Vitamin D seems to be the only thing we've got in supply," he commented, leading the pair out through the cell block, "Least it's one less thing to get on a supply run."

They were still short so many things. Their water supply was questionable, with the pipe dragging on the stream bed more often than not nowadays, food was... they didn't grow quiet enough to sustain as many people who'd entered the prison. Sure, they had the prison canteen's supplies, but Rick didn't want to rely on them. If he did, by the time they ran out they'd have nothing to fall back on. Medicine- well, he could only thank whatever was listening that Hershel was so creative with his natural remedies. Rick dreaded the day when they went on a run to find medical supplies scarce. It might not happen now, or in a few months. But it would happen eventually.

"Probably heard me an' Daryl an' that lot talking," Rick continued as he walked with Beth. "'bout the food, and the medicine situation. Might be calling on you to look out for Judith a little more often to go on supply runs. Might be a few all nighter's too, if you can handle that?"

Beth smiled down at Judith as Rick handed her over, adjusting her gently on her hip. She often wondered what it would be like to be in Judith's position; not having to worry about the current state of the outside world. That being said, she wasn't entirely sure she envied it either. Judith certainly had brought a new sense of hope to the prison, and to Rick.

The idea of food running low wasn't a new concept, but it didn't make it any less of a frightening one. Crops would take time to grow and they needed to figure out a cycle for harvesting. It wasn't an immediate solution. Rationing was going to have to tighten up soon. It didn't bother Beth, so long as everyone had something to eat.

She didn't mind looking after Judith in the slightest; everyone had their own jobs to do, and this was hers. If it helped out, she was willing to do it.

"I'm sure that won't be too tough to manage," She smiled at Rick, walking beside him. "A little sleepover never hurt anyone."

Rick nodded along as Beth spoke, corner of his mouth twitching into a brief smile.

"She might be a little young for any hair plaiting, or whatever it is girls do at sleepovers," Rick said. "But I do appreciate it. I'd ask Carl, but I reckon he's getting itchy feet. Wantin' to come along to something and stretch his legs a bit."

His eyes narrowed into a squint as he stepped out into the sunshine, turning his head to seek out where Hershel was.

"Anything you're lacking?" he asked idly as he scanned the grounds. "Anything I can pick up next time we go out? The others, well, they normally make their requests known. Can't remember ever hearing 'bout something for you, though."

"Judith prefers painting my nails, actually," Beth joked with a smile. "Honestly, though, I don't mind lookin' after her..."

It was strange to think about, what she used to do at sleepovers with her friends in high school. It felt like it was years and years ago now since she'd seen all her friends. She didn't want to think about what had happened to them, or if they were still out there... It was better not to weigh herself down with thoughts like that. What happened, happened. It was the new world now, and it wasn't going away anytime soon.

Beth brought a hand up to rest above her eyes as they stepped out into the prison yard, her other arm around Judith as she balanced her on her hip. It always felt nice to get back out into the sun. They may have decorated the prison as best they could, but it still felt a little gloomy inside.

There was plenty of stuff that Beth wish she could have in the prison, but there were over limits to what they could find any more. She didn't complain, or ask for much. She'd rather they focused on finding stuff for the kids.

"Not really," She replied softly, not wanting to bother Rick with a list of things. "Maybe some more clothes for everyone? But, don't worry about it too much."

Rick huffed a short laugh and ducked his head in a nod.

"Yeah, she probably would," he said, looking to his daughter fondly and chucked her under the chin. "She's growin' so fast she'll probably be lookin' for boys before I know it."

Of course, the chance that his baby girl wouldn't make it to such an age was all to real. More likely, in fact, than her growing into a teen. A teen with long brown hair like her mother, who captured the boys... or other girls, he supposed, attention. If there was anyone left to capture the attention of. If they lived, and they weren't the only damn people left in the world.

"For everyone, huh?" Rick echoed, fixing his gaze on Hershel and the vegetable plot. "Well, I suppose I'll keep an eye out then."

He clasped a hand to Beth's shoulder once more, nodding his thanks before heading down across the prison courtyard and grounds to where her father was waiting.

'Boys' was an odd subject for Beth. She'd had Jimmy living with her at the farm, but their relationship had been nowhere near as serious as people seemed to think it was. She'd been sad when he died, just as she had been for everyone they lost on the farm... But he was never the great love of her life. It seemed incredibly trivial to think about boys now when there was so much else to do.

"If you find any trousers," Beth added, looking across to her father at the vegetable patch. "I could alter them for dad... I think he needs a few more pairs." She was always more concerned about her family than she was about herself.

The world seemed very backward now. She was still young but was learning basic domestic skills and becoming a homemaker. She didn't mind, it gave her a sense of direction and belonging.

She smiled up at Rick once more as he patted down on her shoulder. He always had a way of making sure she felt appreciated, and it always made her stomach flurry. She didn't want to admit why, and she often put it down to a sense of admiration for Rick. She reminded herself that feelings other than admiration were trivial.

Watching Rick walk away from the two of them, she bounced Judith on her hip, a wide smile coming to her face as she watched the little girl casually wave at her father.

Rick busied himself with the crops. Under Hershel's careful eye he trimmed dead leaves and rid the ground of weeds. It was hard, honest work as the sun beat down on his back. Soil entrusted itself in the creases of his hands and under his nails, and sweat dripped from his nose when he started the heavy lifting to assemble a new frame for the climbing beans.

It was easy to lose himself in the work, too. In times passed, with the tasks so new, Rick would find himself focusing solely on what he was doing. There was no room for the thoughts of Lori that wrenched at his heart, no guilt over Shane, and everyone else they'd lost along the way. Now his hands moved on instinct and his mind was clearer. He could think about the next days supply run, what they'd need, where they'd get it. He added Beth's request for trousers to his mental list of stops, thinking if there'd be anything he could get the girl. Just for her. She asked for so little, despite how much of her family she'd lost. Her voice hadn't lost it's sweetness when she sang and she'd do whatever he asked of her round the prison with good grace and no complaint.

She was a good girl, he thought. He knew how proud Hershel was of both his daughters, how strong Maggie was and how resilient Beth had become. He understood that feeling, he understood it every time he looked at Carl and the way the boy had coped. But he couldn't find it in himself to look upon Beth in the same way. Where ever his fondness for the girl came from, it wasn't the same fondness he held for Carl, or Judith. Wasn't even the same fondness he held for Maggie and Carol. But he went no further than that, no willing to admit to what he may find should he face those emotions head on.

Beth took Judith to sit on a bench in the prison yard, somewhere she wouldn't be too overly exposed to the sun. She stepped up on the bench and sat herself down on the table, adjusting Judith round onto her lap. The little girl sat with her back resting against Beth's torso, more than happy to play with her own feet for a while.

The first time Beth had looked after Judith it had stirred up a lot of confused emotions in her. She was basically a kid looking after a child, and it caused her to readjust her outlook on what responsibilities she had. This world had forced her from teenager to woman within the blink of an eye, but she knew it was for the best. She didn't have time to be a teenager anymore, and it didn't particularly bother her. She was doing something to help. It was important they all did something to help out in the prison.

Sometimes she felt caught between kids and adults, like she didn't fit in with either group, but not with Rick. He seemed to look past it all and see how mature she'd become, and she appreciated it.

There was an odd bond between the two of them, an understanding of how Judith had brought the two of them together. Beth was never going to be Judith's mother or sister, and she knew that. It was something else entirely. It brought her closer to Rick, and she was oddly grateful for that. She always liked talking to him, even if it was as brief as him asking her to take Judith for a while. It always seemed to be a highlight of her day.

Looking across the yard at Rick, Beth chewed her bottom lip. She forced herself to look away again just as quickly, focusing her attention on Judith instead.

When Rick had done all he could for the day, he stepped back to take in his work. There wasn't much to note, he suppose. Not to everyone else, aside perhaps the new plant frame, but a small bubble of pride welled in his chest as he saw the crops flourishing, uninhibited by weeds, their leaves a healthy green. He could provide for people. He could work hard and make sure everyone could survive. Carl, Judith, Beth... He turned towards the girl, lifting a hand to shield his eyes from the setting sun as he looked out to where she was holding his daughter.

Rick raised a hand in a wave, huffing a short laugh when Judith's arms flailed in return. He suspected it was more a well timed coincidence, but all the same, it reminded him of how fast she was growing.

He made his way to one of the water barrels, filling a bucket to rid his hands of grime. He scrubbed at his palms, and dumped water over his head to try and rid himself of the most obvious signs of the afternoon's work. At least marginally cleaner, he returned to Beth and Judith.

"You woulda made a fortune babysitting by now, I reckon," Rick commented, wiping his damp hands on his shirt before reaching for Judith. "Don't know what we'd do without you."

Entertaining Judith was easy enough for Beth. She would let the little girl play with her hands, or sing to her softly to pass the time. It was nice just to sit out in the sun and not worrying about anything for too long. It was something she hadn't been able to do in a long time. With each day the prison seemed to be growing stronger, becoming a more secure environment for everyone. More people arrived, and they brought new things to the community. She was happy to be a part of it.

It never left her mind that none of it would have been possible without Rick. When the farm was destroyed, she felt like she'd lost everything with it. If it had just been her family, she didn't think they would have survived. Rick helped pull them all through it, and she was thankful for that. He'd help keep her family alive, and although she'd lost some along the way, the group seemed to make up for it. Something about Rick just felt separate from all that, though. She felt closer to him than a lot of people in the group, but he didn't quite feel like family. It was something else, and she wasn't quite sure how to put her finger on it.

Beth was deep in her thoughts when Judith flailed her arms, prompting her to look over to Rick again. She let out a quiet laugh and raised her hand to wave back with Judith. She watched as he moved over to the water barrel, her smile still lingering on her face.

She pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Judith's head before handing her over to Rick, her smile widening as she saw the toddler reach out for her father.

"I consider the roof over my head payment enough," She said, stepping down from the table. "We all got jobs to do."

"Hey, darlin'," Rick smiled at Judith, pressing a kiss to her chubby cheek before resting her on his hip. He turned his smile to Beth.

"Still, even if we all got our jobs, doesn't mean it's not appreciated," he told her. "And I do appreciate it. I don't know where we'd have been without your family, 'specially you and your father."

He stroked Judith's wispy hair back from her forehead. Judith had especially benefited from Hershel's help. Without him to keep an eye on her health and development, and Beth to take care of her whilst he... pulled himself together, his daughter might not have made it.

"Can I get you somethin' to eat?" he asked Beth eventually, pulling himself from his thoughts. The women who'd been on cooking duty today were beginning the clatter that came with serving up, the sound and the time of day drawing other residents out from inside the prison. "I know Karen came by lookin' for some corn earlier, so at least some of it's fresh."

There was something so sweet about the way Rick handled Judith. He'd gotten his hands dirty more than once in order to protect them all, but around Judith, it all seemed to melt away. Beth could just see it in him. He'd let his guard down to care for her, and by extension, Beth got to see that more relaxed and open side to him. Maybe it was why Beth felt so oddly close to him.

Beth smiled once more, looking down as she played with her own fingers. She had spent a long time feeling like she wasn't going to be much use within the group, or that she was going to weigh them down. She wasn't quite used to being praised yet.

"I'm just glad you can keep dad busy," She murmured, looking across to where her father was still checking over the vegetable plot. "I think he would get pretty miserable if he was just sat around all day..."

Meals in the prison seemed to become some sort of group activity, a bonding session for them all. It had a real family vibe to it. The clattering of the service being set up brought her sight back to Rick.

Her first instinct was to tell him that he didn't have to sit or eat with her, but she was honestly flattered by the offer. "Sure," She smiled, rubbing her hands on her jeans. "I'd like that."

"I'm sure your father would find something to do with himself," Rick said. "He's resourceful like that, smart."

He bobbed his head when Beth accepted his offer, going over to where Karen was dishing food onto the thin plates from the prison canteen. He ducked into one of the boxes, slid halfway beneath a table, and pulled out one of the glass jars of baby food. Need to get more of that, he thought idly. Expiration date's would be up soon on such things. Judith was steadily making her way up to more solid foods, but whilst it was still possible to keep her on the jars, the supply of food for his daughter was more evident. He slid the jar and a spoon into his back pocket, and picked up two of the filled plates from the increasing number on the table.

He thanked Karen with a nod, and made his way back over to Beth, greeting and exchanging a few words with those who stopped to talk to him on the way. Daryl tended to bear the brunt of the survivors thanks, being the one who scouted most of them out and brought them back, but with him currently absent it seemed their gratitude was being projected onto Rick instead.

Eventually he made it back over to Beth, setting the plates down on the table she'd been sat on.

"'s quieter over here," he commented, moving to take a seat and aborting at the last moment to remove the jar from his pocket.

Beth hung back as Rick stepped away. She sat down on the bench, this time on the actual seat instead of on the table. An odd swelling of nerves built up in her as she watched him approach the serving area. Food was always a largely social experience for them all. It was treated like some huge summer family barbecue, where everyone would sit together and chat. Even Daryl would get caught up in it occasionally. Beth usually sat between the children and adults, like some sort of mediating. She was too old now to join in a conversation with the kids, but she always found time to talk to Carl if he came to sit with her. They'd known each other long enough to just sit and talk now. She could always tell Carl felt like he didn't click with the kids in the prison either. It was different sitting alone with Rick, though. It almost felt intimate, considering they were separating themselves from such a large crowd.

Any nerves she had seemed to slowly leave as she watched him stop and talk to people. It signified a positive change for the prison. For a while, they all needed Rick to take charge and tell them all what to do... Now he was actually able to stop and listen to everyone. It was more of a community again. It took some of the pressure of Rick too, and she was glad of that. She didn't want him weighed under with everyone else's stuff. There was something nice about seeing him smile again.

She instinctively rubbed her hands on her jeans again as Rick approached her, a nervous habit that she hoped he wouldn't notice.

"Thanks," She murmured as he set the food down, glancing across at the string of people heading towards the serving area. "It's always a bit noisy over there..." She couldn't even remember when they're little group began to expand do much.

"I can feed her if you like?" She offered, gesturing to the jar of food he set down. Beth figured Rick must be hungry after working on the plot for so long, and she didn't mind juggling her own food and feeding Judith if he wanted a break.

Rick shook his head as he settled back down, placing Judith on his lap.

"'s fine," he said, removing the lid and listening for the cap to pop, showing it to be air tight and safe. "You've looked after her more than enough for the day, taking up your time and all. Besides, carrots and beans today from the looks. My clothes are already done for, and I'm not too sure how far this will spread."

Rick examined the jar and it's part purred contents, before setting it on the table. With one hand he spooned the mush of vegetables up, holding it to Judith's mouth, and with the other picked at his own meal. He was taken back, briefly, to a time where Carl was this age. When he'd come back from a night shift, hang up his gun, and pick at his breakfast whilst feeding his son so Lori could get to sleep. He sighed softly, running the spoon over Judith's mouth to catch the bits that didn't quite make it.

"Seems t' be more of them," Rick said, once his daughter was busying herself with mashed carrots. "A new lot came in last night, Glenn was saying. All the more reason to bring the supply run sooner. First light tomorrow, if you don't mind?" He jiggled a knee, gently jostling Judith to indicate her.