Too Far Gone

It took a while for Beth to finally register the searing pain spreading across her shoulder and chest. Everything seems to slow down once she slumped on the floor. The first thought she has, as she sees Dawn's body fall to the ground in front of her was that she's done it. Everything is finally over now that Dawn's dead. The consequences of what she's done were far from her mind, even with the pain in her shoulder. She lies still, cheek pressed against the cold hospital floor and stares at Dawn.

She only looks away when she's bundled into Rick's arms. Beth feels herself go completely limp as Rick holds her. She doesn't know what to say as she sees the panic in his face. Is she supposed to even say anything? The first thing that comes to mind is an apology, an explanation that it needed to be done. She wants to tell him everything; Gavin, Joan, Gorman, O'Donnell... It was all linked back to Daw, and it all had to end.

The pressure on the wound doesn't cause any more pain or distress for Beth. She never once thought when she was living back on the farm that she would ever be in so much pain it didn't seem possible to add to it.

Her mind slips to her father, to the prayers they used to say around the table before they ate, the prayers she would whisper in hopes of bringing her mother back. She wonders for a moment if she'll see them.

As Rick speaks, she wants to comfort him. She wants to tell him that there's no need to make threats, that she's okay.

"Rick," is all she manages to breathe out. Beth tries to lift her arm, trying to reach up to cup Rick's face and comfort him.

She isn't able to move before she loses consciousness.

Beth breathes his name then goes limp in his arms, the loss of conciousness letting muscles that were rigid with pain relax. Rick only knows she hasn't died because the blood is still pumping under his fingers, still forcing it's way out the hole in her shoulder.

The squealing of wheels has him hauling her up, laying her on the bed that's presented and Daryl has his back the whole way. Distantly he here's Tyreese call Noah back, tells him they'll go get Maggie and Rick's not sure if he responds.

Two people dressed as doctors wheel Beth along and Rick doesn't break contact for a second. Hand on her arm, hand on her hair, his hand in hers- he doesn't let go and doesn't stop touching her. Daryl still has his crossbow drawn and ready and stays a step behind. No one else draws their weapons, but no one tells Daryl to put his down either. Rick thinks they might understand. Shepard certainly does as she strides purposefully ahead of the group, leading into one of the well equipped rooms.

Rick doesn't let go whilst they treat her, but does allow some tension to drain when they tell him it's non fatal. He's seen Hershel treat worse with less, and finally lets himself believe it'll be okay.

The first thing Beth sees when she wakes up is an IV bag. It sways slightly with the movement of the car. A car, she's in a car. The last thing she remembers is the sound of a gun going off. She momentarily forgets she's the one that was shot. Being in a car and away from the hospital causes some distress. Last time she was in a car that she couldn't remember, it hadn't been by choice, nor had it lead to anything pleasant. There's a hand in her hair and a fur lined jacket laying over her torso. She's lying on her back with her cheek pressed against someone's leg. It's slow, but she's finally starting to piece together what's going on. She turns her head to glance at who's holding her. She's slightly too disorientated to immediately realise it's Maggie. Once it clicks, she feels less anxious. She's saved.

She tries to adjust herself, to get comfortable in the back of the van.

"Don't move," Maggie murmurs, stroking hair back from Beth's face. Her voice is filled with concern. Every movement of her hand seems careful and delicate.

Beth can tell Maggie's been crying. Her cheeks look sore and red. Even now that Beth's away, her sister doesn't look anymore relieved. The car is tense and quiet, as though anyone is afraid of saying anything in case it pushes Beth over the edge.

Rick's eyes move from the road to the rear view mirror so often that Tyreese has to steady the steering wheel more than once. It's tilted so he can see Beth's prone form, and Maggie's bent one as she hovers anxiously over her sister.

Despite the lack of steering on his part, his grip on the wheel has his knuckles turning white. The road to the church is desolate and wide but that doesn't stop walkers and abandoned vehicles getting in the way at times. He knows he should focus on the road, knows it would be safer for everyone. Hell, he should relinquish the driving seat altogether. But he feels it's what he has to do, his duty. Even though he sometimes thinks if he takes his eyes off Beth she'll disappear.

The other car peels off, Daryl and Carol returning Noah to his family, and the church is finally a few minutes away.

They pull in and it's Carl that opens the large wooden doors for them, surrounded by the pipe organ fortifications. Maggie passes Beth into his arms as they unload the van, and walks next to him holding the IV bag. Beth's eyes seem hazy, but she's awake, and the only time he takes his eyes off her this time is to watch the steps to the church entrance.

He lays Beth carefully on a pew, dropping to his knees beside her and feeling, rather than seeing, Maggie do the same thing next to him.

Beth spends the rest of the car journey trying to stay awake, despite Maggie gently encouraging her to try and rest. Her eyes remain fixed on the car window as they drove. It struck her that she had no idea where they were going, or where anyone had been staying. Did they even have somewhere to go back to, or were they just driving in hopes of finding somewhere? She watches the trees blur past, eyelids heavy as she fights off sleep. She just wanted to appreciate being somewhere that wasn't a hospital room. It was too long since she'd last been outside.

She's just drifted off when the car crawls to a stop, prompting her to open her eyes once more. A strange sense of relief sweeps over her when she realises she was still in the van with Maggie. The hospital is still nowhere to be seen.

Maggie adjusts the jacket around her sister before passing her over to Rick. The move is uncomfortable, bordering on painful, but nothing bad enough to earn more than a slight cringe from Beth. She immediately leans into Rick's chest as he carries her, her face pressed against his shoulder. She has no doubt that she's safe now that she's back with him. She catches a glance of Carl's face as they walk past -- he looks confused and worried. She can't imagine what she looks like right now.

The pew isn't as comfortable as the seat she was laying across in the car, but she knows she can't be fussy about that. As far as she can tell, everyone is alive, including her. She needs to count herself lucky for that. Maggie kneels down next to Rick and Beth wonders if anyone's told her how this happened, how it was Beth's own fault.

She is silent for a moment, trying to piece together a sentence as she glances between the two of them. She feels lightheaded and weighed down all at the same time.

"Judith?" She asks after her pause, eyes finally settling on Rick. Her throat is dry and her voice even more quiet than usual.

Rick calls for water over his shoulder before anything else, Beth's voice soft, almost rusty.

"She's fine," the smile breaks through Rick's worry, he carefully takes Beth's hand and squeezes it reassuringly. "She's safe, Tyreese and Carol... they got her out, took care of her just fine."

Their hands are trembling, and he's not sure who's causing it. He feels near dizzy with relief now he has her back, now he can keep her safe, and he drops a kiss down to her forehead, smoothing her hair back with his free hand.

"We were worried about you, though," he told her. "Thought maybe... Well, you know what it's like. But you're back, you're safe now. You can drink somethin', eat too, need to get your strength back up. How are you feeling?"

He feels awkward suddenly, too big and too clumsy. Beth's so pale and small on the pew, skin almost as white as the bandages. It's like Carl all over again, only then he had Lori and Shane and now there's just him. The break was over and now it's all back on his shoulders, when all he wants to do is hold his girl and keep her safe and well.

Everything seems to come to Beth much slower than it should. Her surroundings, the fact she's lying on a pew. There's a familiar scent of bible pages and wood, tinged with a lingering metallic smell. It's one she's grown used to; she smelt it in Dawn's office, and she smelt it as they both lay on the hospital floor. But now she knows she's in a church. The irony doesn't escape her.

Rick squeezing her hand brings her back. She squeezes back, or at least she tried to. She doubts it feels any more than just a brief tensing of muscles to him. As he tells her Judith is safe the flood of emotions she felt back at the hospital hits her again. Her chest hitches slightly as she tries to keep it in, but it's hard to ignore. It's finally beginning to sink in that she's back with her family.

The only one missing is her father. She remembers when Rick bought Maggie back to the prison, and she remembers the look of relief on her fathers face as he got to hold his eldest daughter again. But now it's just her and Maggie. The Greene girls. She'll never see that look on her fathers face.

She can see it in Rick's face, but it's different. He looks like he's hurting just as much as she is. They've both lost so much, too much. Loved ones have gone. She didn't want to think what would happen if either of them went too.

Beth flexes her fingers, another weakened attempt at squeezing Rick's hand.

"I survived..." It seems to be the only thing she can force past her dry lips.

Now wasn't the time to tell Rick and Maggie how she survived, or what she went through. All that matters to her is that she's back with them, she's home.

"You survived," Rick confirmed. "You survived, darlin'. It's okay now, you can get some rest."

Carl appeared at his elbow, a half bottle of water in his hands. Rick took it with a nod, and turned back to Beth, holding the bottle where she could see then moving it closer to her lips.

"Just a little," he told her. "The IV is giving you enough, just wet your mouth, yeah? Then you can sleep. We'll all be here when you wake up."

Recovery took time. Time Beth knew she didn't have. It was slow and infuriating. She spent most her time bundled up on one of the pews, whatever they could find draped over her as a makeshift blanket as she slept. Maggie would sit next to her, pulling Beth's feet onto her lap as she kept an eye on her. There were a few IV bag changes that Beth noticed on the occasions she woke up. They'd demanded a few back at the hospital. There was so much Beth wasn't aware of.

After a few days, she was able to sit upright. Maggie brushed her fingers through her sister's matted and knotted hair in an attempt to straighten it out. She would tie it back, braid small strands, and generally try make Beth feel better. It was only something small, but it felt better than just lying down all the time. With Maggie looking after her, it felt like she had no time to talk to Rick, or spend much time with him at all.

Beth wondered if Maggie new. If the panic and concern Rick had shown had given it away, or even if she was purposely keeping them apart for a while. That seemed like overthinking on her behalf, though.

Now Beth is up and walking. The IV has been removed and replaced with a bandaged wrapped around her hand -- "To help prevent infection" according to Maggie -- and she's taken to wearing a plain white tee that Rick had spare. She's still wearing his fur-lined jacket on top of it, and it swamps her. She has her arms folded across her front, her right arm resting on top of the left in order to support her shoulder. It still feels stiff and sore, with the bandage wrapped around it giving her very minimum movement in her arm.

She stands by the first pew, staring up at the crucifix at the front of the church. It's one of the first she's seen in a while, and she knows it could be the last too. She's heard the group talking, saying they need to move on soon.

It doesn't surprise her that they can't stay in one place for too long anymore, not after the prison.

It's been hard, having Beth close but not being able to do anything about it. The raw feeling in his chest had settled somewhat, healed by the soothing balm of getting her back, but there was never time to talk, never time to ask what had happened, if she wanted to talk about it, how she felt. There were always people around, but Rick supposed churches weren't exactly made for privacy.

It was time to move on, with everyone gathering their things and Father Gabriel saying farewell to what had been his sanctuary since this whole thing had started. Judith was asleep, safely strapped onto Tyreese's broad chest- he barely let the girl out of his sight nowadays, the haunted look in his eye easing whenever the infant was near. Carl, under Daryl's watchful eye and subtle guidance, was all but taking charge of the move to the vehicles, and Rick smiled at the sight of his son's independence.

With everyone busy Rick had a moment to steal for himself, and he approached Beth as she stood staring up at the crucifix they were now leaving behind.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her softly, setting a hand on the small of her back through all those layers of clothing. "If you still need rest we can wait, move out in a couple more days... I want you well again."

Religion didn't feel like it belonged in the new world to Beth, and it was a bitter feeling. In the time she had been awake she had grown more and more suspicious of Father Gabriel. She didn't know what had happened, but she could tell the rest of the group was wary of him. She could see the way Rick would look at him when they were in the church... And she trusted Rick's judgement. It had become abundantly clear how much trust she had in Rick now. If she had listened to him in the hospital and followed his lead, none of this would have happened.

In time, she would open up and tell him what happened when she was at the hospital. It wouldn't surprise her if she even told Rick before Maggie. But for now, she was stood debating why any God would let this happen to the world.

She was pulled out from her doubts as she felt Rick's hand on her back, prompting her to turn her head and look at him. She took a few moments to take in the details of his face like it was the first time she was really seeing him again. Being on the road was bound to take it's toll on anyone, but she couldn't imagine what she'd put him through at the hospital.

"I'm ready to go," She reassured him quietly. Even though the church wasn't currently a place of worship, it still didn't feel right for her to speak much above a whisper.

Beth fell silent again for a moment as she reached a hand up to rest on Rick's upper arm.

"I haven't had a chance to thank you... For the hospital..."

"You don't have to thank me," Rick said softly. "What else could we do?"

There was no one else in the church and so Rick slid his arm around Beth's waist, stepping back to wrap his arms around her from behind.

"Having you safe, having you here, it's the most important thing and I would have done anything I could to make it so."

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, pausing a moment with his lips to her hair. He sighed.

"I don't know where we're going now," he admitted. "I don't want to... I just think you should know. We might be on the road for a while."

Rick didn't want to worry Beth, didn't want to add to her burdens. But their plan was... well, it was barely a plan. Barely an idea. Just head in a direction until they found some where safe? Was anywhere safe now?

Once Rick moved to stand behind her, Beth immediately relaxed into him. She was getting better slowly, but it was still nice to have someone there to hold her. When he had his arms around her, she fully believed what he had promised her before -- that he was going to keep her safe. The hospital had been a disaster, but Rick was still the one to pull her off the floor and save her life. Even when things went wrong, he'd protected her.

She stayed silent as he spoke, mulling over his words. What happened at Grady seemed to instil a new outlook in Beth. The prison, her father dying, the hospital... It was hard to maintain optimism anymore.

"We didn't know where we were going when we left the farm," Beth reminded him gently, her arms laying on top of Rick's as he held her. "We still pulled through... You still kept us alive."

Rick nodded wordlessly, tightening his hold just a little more, but wary of Beth's healing wound.

"We still pulled through..." He echoed, to himself or to Beth he wasn't sure, but pulling through seemed to be as good as it got lately.

"As long as we're together, we'll pull through."

As a couple, as a group, as a family... It didn't matter as long as Rick had someone to protect and work for. Something more than sustaining his own life, he'd go out there and try and try again no matter what for their patchwork group.

He nodded once again, settled, and released Beth, straightening.

"Let's get you in the car," he told her. "Got a long journey ahead of us, no doubt."

Beth shut her eyes as she felt Rick's hold on her tighten. She had missed this more than she realised. Trying to survive and escape from the hospital had taken priority. She hadn't had time to think about how much she missed his affection. Part of her mourned Rick during her stay in the hospital, unsure what had happened to him after the prison. The last thing she saw of him was his fight with The Governor, but it became harder to hold on hope the longer she was away from him.

As he pulled away, Beth turned to face him. As she noticed they were still alone in the church she reached up to rest a hand on his cheek. She pressed her lips to the other side of his face, trying to calm his nerves.

"I won't be going anywhere without you," She whispered as she looked up at him, her thumb gently stroking across his cheek bone. "Not this time."

Rick bought a hand up to cover the one Beth had laid on his cheek, loosely curling his fingers around hers. He met her eyes and nodded once at her words.

"Together," he agreed. "Together we should be able to do this..."

He stayed there for a moment, before gently untangling himself from Beth and stepping away, with a hand on her back they walked out the church together and to the vehicles. He made sure there was space for Beth in the car he'd opted to drive, and with Carl and Judith taking up a couple of the backseats it felt almost like a family outing, were it not for the desolate landscape and scent of unwashed clothes and bodies.

It was the first time Beth had been outside since she'd been brought back to the church. The sun felt too bright in her eyes, prompting her to blink and wince momentarily as they approached the car together. She remained close to Rick as she walked, more for the sake of comfort than support. By now, she figured people would know, and she couldn't bring herself to worry about what they thought. She was happy and safe, that's all that should have mattered to everyone else. It was thanks to Rick that she was even back in the first place.

Moving to sit in the car was slightly awkward. Her movements were tentative and stiff as she scooted into the passengers seat. Beth immediately sank down against the seat once she was sat down, the short walk to the car making her feel worn out already.

She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed out heavily. She'd hoped she was further along in her recovery than she evidently was. But there was no choice, they needed to move on from the church. Beth would just have to make do for now.

Rick went through the rounds of ensuring everything was packed, and everyone safe and accounted for. Carl, Judith and Tyreese sat in the back of his own heavily laden car and most of the others piled into the more spacious trucks. The familiarity of being on the road again countered the unease of not knowing their destination.

Rick slid into the drivers seat, starting the car as Daryl began his meandering way on his bike. Rick pulled out behind him and started off down the road, feeling out Beth's hand and taking it in his. He squeezed it gently as they made their way along, a ragged trail of ragged survivors.

But of course, it couldn't last forever. A week into their journey to no where fuel ran dry, any cars they came across drained dry and picked clean. Their vehicles were abandoned and they continued their journey on foot with what they could carry in the humid sun. Even water was becoming scarce as they sweat out more than they could afford to replace.

Each night Rick surveyed the supplies, each night he topped up Carl, Judith and Beth's with what he could of his own. His children were growing, Beth wasn't at full health yet, and things were beginning to look doubtful.

If travelling along unkept roads was uncomfortable, then walking was agony. She could imagine she wasn't the only one who was suffering as they trekked along in the scorching heat. Summer had been hard enough in the old world, but this was torture. She kept it all to herself as they walked, though she couldn't help but slow occasionally when her shoulder began to hurt a little more than usual. Beth supposed she was better off than the others in some respect. She'd had an IV before they all left, but now everyone was without water.

Maggie and Rick had been doing their best to take care of her, offering her what little water they had on them. There were only so many times she could accept it without feeling consumed by guilt. Everyone else needed to survive as well, and there was more than just her within their group. She didn't want special treatment, nor did she believe she deserved it, but she knew it was just a matter of her family caring just a little bit too much.

She was quiet as they walked, often keeping to herself and avoiding most conversation with Father Gabriel. After everything she had been through, after her faith had wavered, she didn't need to hear about how God had saved her or that he had something else planned for her. God hadn't gotten her out of the hospital, her family had. She let him believe his own naive sermons. Quite often she would let him speak for a while, and break away again to join Rick at the front of the group. If she stayed closely tucked to his side, Gabriel would often leave her alone. She hadn't asked why the two men avoided each other, nor was she particularly interested.

The barn appeared like a blessing to them all, shelter from heavy rain and somewhere potentially safe. Beth didn't really know what safe was anymore. The prison was supposed to be safe, hospitals were supposed to be safe... And yet there they all were. She had come full circle with this group, beginning with a barn and now stopping again in one. Only this time she had more scars to show for it.

Once they found their way into the barn, she had a beeline for a wall and slumped to the floor against it. She didn't complain or let anyone know how sore she was feeling. It just felt nice to get off her feet and have something supporting her back. It wasn't safe, she could tell from a quick glance around the place, but it would do 'till the rain subsided, or even for the night.

Carl was all but asleep where he stood when they found the barn. Night was setting in and the rain continued to whip in the wind outside. Rick knelt next to Carl as his son settled on the floor, Judith at his side. He ran his fingers lightly across both his children's foreheads, the lack of heat from their brows comforting him after their long days in the heat with little water. Satisfied that the two would sleep now Rick made his rounds to the rest of his people, clapping shoulders and exchanging a few words as they settled for the night. The water was a mystery still, and more talk would be had. But that could wait until morning, when the storm had passed and clothes had dried and they had their wits about them for rational decisions.

Finally he made his way over to Beth. His muscles protested as he eased onto the floor, and his legs gave that all to familiar throb of weariness now they were no longer bearing his weight. But for Beth... Beth with her healing wound, after she hadn't been on the road for weeks...

He slid a hand behind Beth's lower back where he could, careful not to jostle her too much, and began rubbing his thumb in circles around the bump of spine he found there. Rick twisted his body towards Beth, turning his back to as much of the room as he could, trying to give them their own space for just a couple of minutes.

Rick studied her face for a long moment, so used he'd become to the slightly pained grimace that he'd almost forgotten they were capable of more. With his spare hand he reached up, tracing his fingers from the corner of Beth's lips, up along her cheekbone. He caught a wild curl, tucking it back behind her ear then cupping her jaw with one hand.

"Hey," he murmured, then cleared his throat when his voice came out dry and tried again. "Hey. How're you feelin'?"