Confess on My Wayward Son

Im one of those people that let problems build up and then it needs to be solved in five seconds flat.
I have about eight of those this week.
I have to clean my house, main issue right now.
It's so daunting, and I have to do it on my own since my boyfriend has ditched for video games again.

Sometimes I just wanna sit here and just have a random conversation with you. I don't suppose I'm interesting enough to get to know, though.

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I hate it when I sit here and just think about how fucked up my day was, then I start thinking about how fucked up everything is and it just depresses the hell out of me. What do normal people do anyway? Fucked if I know.

I wasn't even really sad. I don't even know how to describe it. Empty I guess?

why can't you be straight with me. would it kill you for once?
you know my stance, why can't you at least be honest about yours?
why can't I stop going back to you?

I JUST GOT AN OFFER TO DO AN MA IN ENGLISH LITERATURE AT LEEDS Oh my god, I only applied a week ago. They said it would take 4-6 weeks for a response, and they've already offered me a place. I actually cried when I got the email omg.

Trying to not miss you is really hard. Trying to find a job is really hard. Trying to not let my parents kill me is really hard. Trying to find peace is really hard.

I can't do this...
I can't do this...

I've been practicing my Spanish. It feels easier somehow, typing it in Spanish than it does in English. I feel like I can be more honest and open. Who knows, maybe what they say about speaking more than one language is true. Maybe it really does change you when you switch tongues.

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Went to the supermarket today for a few things, cashier was very quiet, seemed almost irritated to be dealing with anyone. She ended up paying a compliment to my dress and said how she could never pull off wearing something like it and that I wore it well ... it made me feel really good.

You're my sunshine, I'm sorry things have been so shit between us recently, but I love you with all of my heart, remember that.

Your never there.
Yet im the bad guy.

Just what kind of dream did I have? Rollie Roaches? That's what someone said in my dream....wtf?

My paranoia tells me that my body constantly being shitty recently points to cancer. But for once I don't want it to be that. The only reason being that James doesn't deserve to have to go through something like that. I need to stay here for him.

I don't think I'm moving on in the right way, but at this point I don't care because I just like talking to people. So whatever. I know it's not going to go anywhere.

It's twice now that I met my old school acquaintance at Tinder. Welp. That's awkward.

My boyfriend didnt pick me up from work and I accidentally had one of the best nights of my life.

also, that bartender sucked rum and coke off my finger and cried when I told him he was my best friend.
dead, y u do this to me?!

Instead of just saying you'll punish him for not doing his chores, just do it. Take his shit away. Or better yet stop drinking and wake up and realize your mistakes as a parent. She needs to wake up and start punishing him too but that'll never happen because shes afraid of him hating her and he's blind to his own wrong doings and likes to think he's doing fine as a parent, oh and let's not forget he spoils him. Sooo lolol life! Shit happens and there's nothing you can do to change it because people refuse to change or acknowledge they did wrong. It's always other people and never their fault.

I do feel bad for little bro though. I'm just glad he's admitted or rather realized that the way he was raised didn't do him any good or teach him anything but.... His dad spoke a lot of truth tonight. He is spoiled but that's how he was raised because his dad and our mom taught him to whine let him get away with saying what he considers a joke but really hurts others.

But that's life and his dad has no right to complain when he's the one that caused him to grow up like that.

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Boss put my money I've been owed for months thru payroll instead of bank account and leaving me to pay tax. Student loan + secondary tax ate it all. Thanks for that.
Good luck running the shift without me.

I don't understand why my sister feels the need to drop massive bombshells on me during times in my life when I'm ridiculously busy I can't keep dealing with her stuff anymore. It's making me feel like I can't/don't want to talk to her.

It's funny how little things can hurt so much. A papercut, for example. Imagine that on an interpersonal level. Yow.

I'm right here, I never went anywhere...

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The migraine is back. I could cry. It's been three days since this started.

I hate having an obsessive personality.