Confess on My Wayward Son

Jfc you're eight and I'm 27! It's not a matter of what's fair and what isn't. It's a matter of getting plenty of fucking rest so we won't lose our sanity and won't be all fucked up and shit. I've only been staying up this late because you're on your laptop, watching YouTube videos while I'm patiently waiting for you to get to bed. You are a selfish brat! Quit making up excuses for why you should stay up late! I have the right to tell you to go to bed this late at night and to take away your laptop. Sometimes I think you're staying up deliberately because I'm a nice person well I'm done being fucking nice towards you. Especially if you're ungrateful

Welp I feel better now that I got this fession off my chest.

it would be a lot easier to cope if you stopped pretending to care. the second I came out and told you I had a boyfriend, you cut me off from everything. you literally only call me once a month because you feel guilty; because it goes against your "religious morals" to just disown your son entirely but you might as well have. I really fucking love him, I know he's endgame because for once, something feels right. he feels right. this is unmistakable. and yet when I look at him or I'm around his parents, I realize that this is all I'll fucking get. you don't want to know him. you don't want to meet the boy that makes me feel normal and so goddamn loved. you don't want to because he's a boy. I'm the family disappointment, I always have been, but at this point, leave me alone. just let it go. commit to your decisions because I'm trying to stop being so heartbroken over my own mother borderline disowning me because the person I fell in love with isn't a woman.

I just want a nice front porch. I watched the steam roll off of my coffee this morning and was instantly transported back to ALL of the early fall mornings, leaves all around us and fog still clung low, that I'd join mom out on the porch for with hot cups.

Okay but shouldn't you take a look at yourself first?

Men telling me to "behave" myself infuriates me to no end. If by behave myself you mean don't rip out your throat with my nails then I can't make any promises.

I just want to be loved, that's all. I want to feel validated. I want someone to lay next to me and just tell me I matter. I don't give a damn what anyone else says, I'm never going to be truly happy alone. But the vision I want for my life just seems so far out of my reach and I'm ready to give up.

What do you do when you catch feelings on your own boss?

it's been so long since I was here.
I don't want to keep remembering things, it's enough to know that they happened.

I keep making up theoretical budgets for when I leave this terrible job and get a better paying one, for when I try to move out and have my own place. And the constant I keep noticing I'm making is...I'm not including James' help towards rent at all. Not to say that I don't want him living with me, of course I do. But...I just deep down don't expect him to help pay, purely based on his spending habits, based on how much I'm saving for our trip and he isn't. His philosophy of "I'll always find a way to get money," can't last forever, and part of me worries for our future if he continues to go through life like that.

Please stop putting me in this position. I don't want you to do something stupid but your insistence on trying to change my mind is beginning to scare me a little. Just leave me alone, please.

"What do you mean you're only going to be a nurse after all of this time in school?"

Thanks mom, not like I hate the fact that I wasted 2 years of my life or anything.

I managed to hide my hand tattoos from my Grandma and I don't know how long I can keep doing that.

Maybe a day will come when I feel confident about my life decisions, maybe not. But if it does it won't be for another few years.

I feel like I'm fading away, I can't keep faking passion for the things I should be in love with. I can't keep being terrified of doing the things I should be doing.

I'm on my period and I'm sad and frustrated so I think I'm just going to buy myself something from online and try to retail therapy the pain and lowkey irritation.

My asthetic is Dick Grayson doing unecessary back flips while wearing his cape.

A-yep, definitely not gonna have kids ever. Not because I dont like them. I just don't want to have them. There are far better suited "parents' or adults to raise kids then me. LOL. So if anyone wants my ovaries, take'em. I dont need'em! D:

edited. i'm just so upset at nothing and everything. i have too much baggage.

When you realize that your father in law might be a shepherd of all the neighborhood's children because a.) he doesn't generally get along well with adults for whatever reason but more importantly b.) because Bruce Wayne has umpteen Robins he keeps bringing into his life every chance he gets. I mean, it coouuulllddddd just be the "I didn't get along with/know my parents and so I make sure everyone has a parent" trope playing itself in two separate examples but I dunno, he seems like the kind of guy who aspires to someone both fictional and literally awesome. I mean, especially if Roman can literally model his entire life off of a hero.

I cry over the stupidest shit.