Confess on My Wayward Son

Tried to call and schedule my pre-employment health exam aaaaaand got the voicemail. So. I probably will end up calling again tomorrow.

Welp, that's a surprise. Oh well.

I JUST FINISHED PRE-WRITING ALL CHAPS FOR ONE OF MY STORIES. They're small chapters but I've just completed one of my stories (it's been a while). I'm happy.

I really do wish you can find a happy place in your life but... leave me out of it because I cut you out of mine a few years back and that means leave me alone.

Can't find the fucking yeti wrapping paper.

It doesn't feel like Christmas time. Not really. I'm making candy and chex mix and brownies but ... it's not even the weather. I don't know. Something just feels off.

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I am still crossing my fingers. I'm preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, but fearing I will end up feeling gutted before this year is out.

Looking back in retrospect, this was a shit year. I just want the next one to be better.

So The Last Jedi sucked. What an awesome cap to an awesome year. I'm so disappointed it's unreal.

the optimist.:

It doesn't feel like Christmas time. Not really. I'm making candy and chex mix and brownies but ... it's not even the weather. I don't know. Something just feels off.

I put a lot of blame on the weather. It's fucking 50 and down pouring in Ohio today. 50 in the depth of December, seriously??

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Finished wrapped the presents, finally. Now tomorrow it's cookie baking. I never did find the yeti wrapping paper, so llamas and holographic ornaments just made due.

Kylo Ren is the emo son I never wanted and I love him.

I can honestly say I don't know any more.

I'm tired. I'm tired of extending myself for people that don't want me or eventually just make me feel like I'm a nuisance that they have to deal with. If you don't want me in your life anymore, tell me. I'm a big girl. I can handle it, and I would rather that than sitting around wondering. I don't want to worry about someone that's just actively ignoring my existence because I'm tired of putting myself in this position. I've done it so much and it's exhausting. It's worse when they promise they won't ever.

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Well I mean, I'm glad you've finally acknowledged that we've broken up, but I'm more than aware that post was passive-aggressive and made in hopes that I would see it and message you. You're shit out of luck. You're going through this process by yourself two months later.

I love how only shada manush hate The Last Jedi

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I dyed my hair and got a hamster. So 2018 is officially the year of me. And Mochi, my hamster.

I'm going home after work to lay on my couch and watch anime while tomorrow is Christmas but I just can't bring myself to care about it like I once did.

That honestly makes me sad. But I'm so drained I have no ideas how to help myself.

I waited for you to text me all day yesterday. you finally texted me today, and turns out? I have nothing to say to you. I'm finally over whatever shit you just put me through and now i'm not too sure if i want to talk to you right now. for someone that cares about me so much, you have a shitty way of showin it.

I kind of feel bad for crying after kissing you but hey. That's knowing that I needed to get over her physically by getting with someone who I had hoped would be a stranger showbiz
Also I am so not over her

Sometimes, people around Christmas can be so annoying (which sounds extra bitter coming from someone who doesn't celebrate), but I do have to admit I love the generous, giving mood people tend to be in around this time. Like, for instance, my boss letting me leave early today

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I realize distractions, tons and tons of distractions, are the way to go.

I think i'm starting to realize that i'm completely okay without you.

If I had the curly hair that my brother does it'd be cropped short into a literal mohawk.

Lost my federal financial aid even though I didn't apply for classes last semester. Gave the nice little hotline a call today and the lady just kind of laughed when I mentioned my mental illness was the fault in me failing and not returning for the time being. If the school doesn't accept my appeal then I'm gonna be upset, but then again, I knew from the start they were going to discriminate because I'm mentally ill and apparently I can easily, "get over it."

I can't express how much it irritates me that he didn't include me in the decision; even if he didn't give a definite yes he still said most likely that it would happen and his mom probably now thinks that it will. His mom should have known better, too. She shouldn't have made him decide on the spot; she should have been more respectful of the fact that I was involved in the decision, too. It's not just her and him. That dynamic doesn't exist anymore; it's him and I now. The two of us make decisions together, that's how it works once you're engaged/married. It pisses me off that he would basically say yes without talking to me first. He should have told her that he would get back to her after discussing it with me. That would have been the appropriate thing to do. Not have the conversation and then fucking tell me afterwards what we're doing, as if I'd be okay with that. He should know me better. It was so disrespectful to me and now it doesn't even matter if I actually want to go or not. I'm so pissed about how it was handled that I frankly don't want to purely because of that.
And now, I'm sure, she's going to make a big deal out of it if he decides that we aren't going. As if she can't go herself. She's not fucking dependent on him, she has a car and she's perfectly capable of going on her own. I can't stand how she always has to be so dependent on him. Just stop. Stop calling him to complain about your marriage, stop calling to tell him how horrible his dad is, he fucking knows. He lived with it for years, he still has issues because of it. Stop dragging him back into your shit. Grow up and be a fucking adult. He has his own life now. You need to lay off because you're going to drive me insane and you're going to be the reason we have issues in our relationship and that's not fucking okay. I'm tired of being nice about this.