Confess on My Wayward Son

Three. More. Days.

I can barely find motivation to make a poster.

The past two weeks have been an absolute shit show. I can find justifiable reasons for most things, but why would you take my baby away from me? What reason is there for that? I'm just really sad :(

I tend to get anxious and kind of go through withdrawal, sorry.

Today has been fucking all over the place and it's only lunch time. Tried to get a parking permit for my friend so travel here is easier, but of course the process is obtuse as hell and will take way longer than necessary, so that was a bust. Then I tried to get my MRI scan sorted and I rang the wrong doctor cos I'm dumb, but after wrong numbers, hold music and getting accidentally cut off instead of transferred, I got an appointment sorted so yay. Then I got to let the aforementioned friend down again because I can't afford to join her at a show, but it's taken over a week to establish that and she has only days to find a replacement, so I'm also a cunt. I can't concentrate on this stupid essay which just so happens to be the last one I'll do as an undergrad and is due in 9 days (and also the date of my scan), but I can't go home cos he's there and he'd only make me feel worse. But I also drafted an email to a law firm that I didn't know I had a connection to, and accepted my conditional offer for my postgrad degree. It's a mixed bag of a day but it's made me feel garbage-y. I can go home in an hour but there's housework I need to do when I get back. Oh and I haven't eaten today and slept badly because this weather is bloody ridiculous, and naturally I don't own a fan or blower or any form of air con because Britain rarely gets like this and my house is colder than outside ever will be.

I'm at Fuck It. But at least Deadpool 2 is out in a week.

I did it, I'm officially a senior. I'm terrified.

I'm in a good place. A really good place. And while my happiness is magnified because I've met someone, I also know that if he wasn't in my life I'd still be incredibly happy in life. And that's just awesome, man.

I don’t know if I’m going to get better or worst, especially with that text this morning.

Wonder why they're suddenly trying to do something about the problem now? I mean it's too late to fix the problem now. It should've been fixed years ago. But they're too blind and things'll go back to how they were in a day or two.

I don't understand how it's so hard not to be a dick these days? Racism is not funny, It's not clever and it is certainly not right. Getting real tired of hearing the same bullshit stereotypes bandied around. It's horrible in America and it's getting louder elsewhere. The idea that the colour of your skin, the genitals in your pants, the person you love, can be your single defining feature and determine your treatment as a human being. This shit is still happening in the 21st Century, in 2018. What the fuck. What the actual fuck is wrong with this world.

This Mibba lag is torture....

I often wonder what you're doing because I'm super clingy.

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can I please just kiss you?

That... You asking him if he wants to go somewhere with you felt like a huge fuck you to me. So thanks for that.

I just got offered a full time nursing job, in a float position which I really wanted, and I can't believe this is happening. I still barely feel like a nurse, and now I'm going to be working as a grad nurse, working on studying for my licensing exam to be a registered nurse. This is insane.

I'm genuinely scared that I won't be able to trust him again because of how much of a genuine guy he is. Despite the fact that he did what he did, of course.

@ losing control.
CONGRATS!! Its such a rush but you're going to do great, promise!

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Ngl, I kinda want my husband to be home more often than he is because while hes home a lot our sleep schedules are opposite and I just want conversation and kisses.

Cool.

Mum dropped some mad wisdom on me and now I feel a lot better, lmfao. Mainly she just validated thoughts I had but when I'd voiced them to my friends, they'd said otherwise so I wasn't sure if I was just trying to justify his behaviour or whether it was genuine. Even though I don't necessarily like to admit it, I'll probably always listen to mum's advice over anyone else's. She's never wrong, honestly.

Tired of dealing with everything lol. Just wanna go away and go somewhere where I can be free.

This affects me too, remember.