Confess on My Wayward Son

I really want to go hang out with friends at the end of the month but it's a 5 hour drive and I barely have any money for gas, and I could really use the hours that they want to give me at work. Plus everyone is so flaky and if we plan something and it falls through, I'll be completely fucked over with this work thing.

Ugh I hate situations like this.

I just agreed to an extra 6 hour shift this week. Ugh. But I have two days off in a row and that's what I have to focus on.

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Also, I need to stop eating unnecessary snacks because by all means my 3 big meals of the day are healthy enough (fiance is on a strict diet for his hypothyroidism) that I should have started to see weight loss, not that I really really need it but that it's an indicator of just HOW horribly I tend to snack.

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Three in a row? Holy cow.

I really want to see The Huntsman: Winter's War, but I doubt that I can stand Hemsworth's awkward forced Irish/Scottish/still-sorta-Australian accent in it for any significant length of time...

Thanks for shooting me a message telling me you'll reply, when you know, you could've just....replied

I know I know I talk about this a lot but I need an outlet and Mibba is it. But I'm really excited about these internships that I'm interviewing for. I just finished up an interview for a company in New York (!!!!!!) and they already want to schedule another one. The woman I spoke to didn't even have to think about it, she straight up was like "what's a good time for you to meet with the manager?"

I just really hope I get this one or the McKesson one because they seem like the best for me. Even though Farmers Insurance is a buying internship, it's more internal buying like office supplies, but McKesson's buying internship is legit buying of pharmaceuticals and stuff like that. And then this company, ABCO, is in logistics which tbh isn't ideal but seems like a fun internship anyway. IDK I'm just excited

I'm getting really stressed out, to the point that I'm starving... But then when I eat, my appetite immediately drops. I feel like I've wasted so much food

I'm fucked up because 3 of my best friends (out of 6 of us) are graduating in 2 weeks and two of them are going to leave the state to work/go to grad school. We've all been best friends since birth, give or take. We went to the same high school, we went to the same university. Our parents are good friends with each other, so even during the times before high school, before we started going to the same school, we were sooooooo close. Now that we're all growing up and starting our careers, it's fucking me up that we're all pretty much going to be apart (especially after next year, when the last 3 of us graduate). It's making me so sad even though it's going to be an exciting time for all of us, we just won't be within a few miles of each other anymore.

Thank god for technology and Facebook chats, or I'd lose my mind without them.

Andy Biersack is doing a concert at uni and the tickets are £21 and I don't know if I wanna pay that much I've only just discovered his solo music, and I had such good fun at the Halsey concert in February... It is right after my exam as well... God, I don't know.

My brain feels like it's slowly dying.

I know she's bad for me, but I can't help but keep going back to the one person that breaks me mentally. I've done this three times and my best friend has had to pick me back up every time. And I feel so bad but I can't stay away.

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I often ask myself, could we still be friends?

And then I worry, just like everything else - that I fucked it up and it's my fault and that the answer is no.

Sometimes I want to just sit and talk to you for hours. Just to pass time. Do you ever feel that way?

If I send you a text asking you to make sure my brother is ready by 7am the next day at a reasonable hour the previous day, then PLEASE do so because next time I'm just not taking him: now IM going to be late to class.

I feel like a terrible friend right now.

I'm sick as fuck and feel like death, but I'm going to go to the college 3 hours before I need to so I can studying and pass this god damn exam. Ugh.

I have so many things pent up and I want to talk to someone about it. But then all my friends have their own things to worry about and I don't want to burden them with mine. Especially since I know mine is petty. It has come to a point where I just crawl under my bed and I just want to hide there forever. I don't want to face the world. I don't want to face anything anymore. I'm just so angry, so stressed out all the time. I don't even know anyone I can talk to. Every day, I laugh and I joke around with my friends but deep inside I feel empty and the laughter sounds fake and pathetic to my own ears. I know it's not long to go now but this journey to the end is really getting to me.

I'm not sure if I'll survive. There are times when I look at my bedroom window and just imagine throwing myself out. It has come to a point where I thought about cutting again.

@ little tea-pot;
I understand this so much.
Take care of yourself and try to disclose personal bits of information slowly, if you can. It's so fucking hard when you can't share what you're going through with the people around you, it suffocates you until it feels like drastic actions are the only way to express how you feel. I'm trying so hard to do this right now. You can always talk to me as well, if that's something you'd be interested in.
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I have no energy to get out of my bed today.
I know I'm festering in my fear and sadness and it's going to evolve to worse, but I don't have a lot of support out here and I can't face people today. The people in my life are going through a lot of their own crap and don't have time for mine, and I know if I interact with them it's just going to make me feel angry/~indignant because aa no one cares about me everyone's self-absorbed~
I wish my boyfriend was around. I need him to get me a good meal and talk to me and soothe me. I don't know where he is. I'm angry and sad.

PRINCE IS DEAD WTF

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it's my birthday but because of all the drama there's no money to celebrate and all i want is for it to be dinner so i can eat chorizo and watch the new 100 episode already

you'd stay close to me sometimes behind my shoulder / in my last defense, you tried to warn me.