Confess on My Wayward Son

@ pocahontas.
That's rough, I'm sorry to hear it.
My birthday was recent (April 16th) and while some remembered the day, I have people close to me who did not. It's not really a big deal to me if most people forget, I understand life gets busy, but I at least thought these select few would at least remember to shoot me a text. I was wrong.
The reason you are hearing my story is that I just want you to know that someone out there is sharing at least something similar to your experience. Perhaps this post will make you feel a bit better? That is my hope anyway.
Take care.

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It's far too nice outside to go to work. I'd much rather be exploring around in the woods.

We stayed up til 6am cuddling and watching cartoons.

In a way I feel bad because I'm not into a long distance relationship again and he lives 6 hours away and maybe I shouldn't have let things go that far, but at the same time I told him all of this so he knows my intentions and it still happened so I'm not gonna take the blame.

I swear if this fucks up our friendship though ugh.

All I really want in life right now is a nice spot to meditate and the time to do it.

-

So, I firmed Bangor.

Things I know for this time:

• go to GP straight away
• talk to people on the first day unless I want to have no friends (again) and eventually kill myself
• possibly be drunk to get the second thing to actually happen
• never ever dropout
• lie to family regarding my mental health condition

So...this year can't go wrong. Right?

I can't handle this anymore. Why did I think this was a good idea.

She's the biggest fucking regret of my life.

Why does he live so far away?

It's been so nice to just have someone to talk to and watch shows with and cuddle with but I can't do another long distance relationship and I don't want him getting his hopes up because I'd feel horrible if I hurt him. But I really want to kiss him and I've been avoiding it and I have so many mixed emotions and I leave tomorrow and universe why do you fucking suck. I just wish that we could be happy together instead of lonely apart but I know it could never work unless we lived closer together.

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We had a fire tonight and there was just 5 of us hanging out and talking and it was so great. I wish life could always be like this.

I just saw the rubric that my marks were based on and I'm literally like rn
LIKE EXCUSE ME IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT THE TRAINS RUN LATE

Four weeks of new Steven Universe episodes and then the rest of the season might be finished off over the summer? Fuck yes! Count me in!

I feel so offended. I feel so left out. I don't know what is it that you have with me. But I can't shake this feeling that you hate me. Or at the very least, you don't like me as much as you show. We're friends and I've always been honest with you. Is that it? You don't like me being honest? I'm the one who has the right to hold grudges after you stabbed me at the back. After you broke my trust and went behind my back like that. But no. I love you too much as a friend so I keep you around.

And when you blatantly showed you don't have any trust in me whatsoever. I just feel offended and I feel like an idiot.

Thanks, friend.

I have 250 words left to write on this coursework. I am so close to being done with it, but I'm also just done

i'm nervous about it falling through. i've tried calling the lady twice to confirm my acceptance but she hasn't been picking up, probably for a plethora of reasons. i'm just paranoid that anything can make this be too good to be true and it's stressing me out. granted she said that we were gonna act like i've accepted until i say that i haven't but i just want the lady to pick up so my mind can be at ease. this can be rescinded at any moment tbh.

I know I'm probably just being paranoid but god I hope I didn't fuck everything up. You knew my thoughts on everything before and they didn't change but for some reason I still feel shitty about everything. I wish we could work more than anything but the distance is too much and I know I shouldn't feel bad about doing what's best for me but I can't help it. You said you understand, but does that mean you're okay with it and we can go back to normal or you get it but now things are all messed up?

I'm overthinking. I know I am. What the fuck, anxiety, I don't need you all up in this situation.

Taken back to being 15 because holy shit, Gerard Way read the Milk fic.

I went through a major paradigm shift today and maybe I'll eventually post about it here (it's the only place I'd feel safe to) but right now I just need to zone out because I STILL have a headache for it...

-

I really wish my doctor would quit prescribing me more SSRIs because clearly none of them are working for me More of the same thing isn't going to help any, it's just a waste of my time. It wouldn't hurt to try a different drug type.

I called my mom for her advice on something & it just led to her bitching at me. Quite sick of her shit. I'm glad I don't live with her anymore. I feel like i'd kill myself if I did.