The Little Things In Our Souls

"Dead?" He e hoed, then the small realisation hit and he gave a long 'OH yeah', tilting his head back and staring up at the ceiling. He died. Not everyone can say that. Technically it wasn't death, anyway at least he thought so. He looked back at Rey as she moved about the ship. "What happened? I don't remember much. I remember being on the ground, and then his sabre hit my arm, and there was numb pain, and then his sabre through my... chest? I think. It was hard to breathe. The snow was very cold. I think I heard your voice." He trailed off, and smiled ever so sadly. "I dreamed you kissed me. And then I woke up." He shook his head, the rest he didn't want to think about.

He let her distract him with the mention of his home and his brother, and the ring that hung around Her neck. "Yeah, it's do you more harm than good. I have a bounty on my head, and many know me by the ring rather than face." Xander laughed dryly. He didn't move from the floor, still leaning back on his arms and extended his hand for her to place the ring in, sitting up and freeing it from the chain. Xander was going to put it on his hand but realising the metal was not right for renting, and having to put it onto his right. Xander slipped it on, brushed his fingers along it. The moment passed and he forced himself to stand, walking to Rey and pulling her into a deep embrace. He didn't kiss or touch her face, but simply pulled her in to him to feel her against him and hold her warmth in his arms. It had been a while. A simple hug could do so much. "Thank you for sticking around," he murmured into her shoulder. She alone did not have the order to kill him, she alone tried to bring him back. It hurt his heart to know how much he put her through. All the worry and pain and time.

"He cut your arm off," Rey answered, letting out a dry laugh. Her hands balled into fists at the memory and she had to take a moment to collect herself before she could even continue. "I didn't see that part - I reached you just as his sabre pierced your chest and I swore in that moment, I would kill him if it was the last thing I ever did," Rey continued to explain, only for her face to break into a twisted sort of grin. "I plan to. But I figured getting you away from him was more important in the moment."

After handing the ring over, Rey's fingers danced across the dashboard, inputting his family's coordinates. They deserved to know first and foremost, she thought. "We ran into the Mauki, they were causing problems for Jalali and... well, they thought i was with your pirate group because of the ring. It really was rather entertaining. Until that great big bull showed up to crash the party."

The hug was sudden and she hadn't been expecting it but she welcomed it either way. Rey let out a quiet sigh as she buried her face into his chest, inhaling his scent as she closed her eyes. "It was a suicide mission, you know. I left the Resistance without telling them and I set out for you. Quite your style," she said, a grin overtaking her features as she opened her eyes, turning her head so that she could watch him. "Rita is worried sick over you, she's stuck by my side the whole time."

"Well I figured that," Xander looked to his metal arm pointedly, and grinned when he saw her own wicked grin. Good. Just the right amount of everything in her. Vengeance and hate were also important - they fuelled the reason. He took a breath and grumbled under his breath, "The arm isn't too bad. This breathing though." He tapped his sternum. "It's heavy. I thought I was being sat on when I woke up." He laughed a little but that trailed off into uncertainty.

His face warped with concern for Jalali once e heard the news, and he sat for a while thinking about what to do. Something must have happened to have the forces of his past-team fall apart so. He would need to go further in and find out, track a few remaining down and reform or reorganise. Pirate or not, he cared for the territories protected, and pride was a big thing. His pirate life was not one he was intent on hiding.

He rested his chin and for a while didn't say anything, pulling back lightly when she menitoened a suicide mission, "eh? Disobeying orders? How naughty." He didn't mean it though, and it was clear by his smirk, he was thankful she did. And while it hurt him to know she could have died or he could have killed her, he knew he wouldn't have been able to stop her and thus there was no use being concerned about it now. What was done was done and they were safe. All blew over well. He held her a little more and pulled away after a minute or so more. "Alright. Take us home."

"I like to think you would have done the same if it came right down to it so.." Rey trailed off, tugging on her bottom lip, between her teeth. She sighed, her eyes slipping shut as he spoke. She honestly couldn't have imagined doing anything but exactly what she had done. His mother had already lost so much, it wouldn't be right to just let that continue if she could change the outcome. And besides, for her own selfish reasons of wanting Xander close to her. He made her feel things no other person had and she wasn't so sure there was another soul in all of the galaxies that could accomplish the feat.

Rey pulled away when Xander spoke and gave a nod, returning to the pilot's chair. She sat down and truly relaxed for what felt like the first time in forever. There had never been a complete relaxation after Xander's death and particularly not after learning he was still sort of still alive. Her mind had been focused on returning Xander to who he once was because the only other choice was death.

It wasn't long before they approached Xander's home planet and Rey took over the controls, focusing on bringing the ship in for a smooth landing. Once they had landed and she stood, she turned toward Xander with a small smile. "You ready, buddy?"

Xander hesitated at first when the ramp lowered. Just as he had hesitated at first when he returned to his family after the long separation. He reached over and took Rey's hand into his good one and walked with her off the ship, and a little until they reached the gates of the mansion. He looked at it and reached up, ringing for the guard, who came and stared at Xander with such awe that Xander though the other would pass out. The guard quietly opened and let them in, watching Xander drift past as if he were a ghost. Again.

Something in his heart didn't sit right. The closer they approached the house the worse it grew. Just as Xander thought he wouldn't take it anymore, the door opened and a man stepped out. Both stopped and looked at each other, one an older version of the other, one missing a limb but with a fabulous story while the other had his life organised and placed, in safety and security. The two brothers looked at each other for a while, observing the face of their sibling. Xander took a step forward and opened his mouth to greet (clearly there was tension between the two brothers) but the other, Arnkar, spoke first. "You're late."

Xander blinked, and the other - seeing the silence - continued, "She passed away a week ago. Mother is no longer with us." Xander took a small breath and unwillingly stiffened his hands, neither gripping but not letting go of Rey's hand. He felt a rush of emotions and quickly walled up, putting himself in check, per habit, per training. He quietly asked, "Are you going to let me in?"

"Do you deserve to? You caused her pain. Three times. That was the last straw, Clarensis."

Xander teetered a little, half torn to spring forward and cut his brother's throat up, and the other half wanting to sharply turn and storm away. Neither of this showed on his face though. The silence lasted only a few seconds but it felt like forever, broken only by footsteps from within the house and two girls in white dresses appearing. His twin sisters, Meha and Peha pushed past Arnkar and rushed to Xander, both throwing their arms around his neck and then detaching after a moment to come at Rey and hug her. Having greeted both, they turned to Arnkar and scowled, and it was enough for him to turn and walk away with a 'tsk'. Meha took Rey's hand and Peha took Xander's and they lead them inside.

"Would you like a drink or something to eat?" Meha asked Rey, keeping her attention away from Xander, giving the other some time to collect himself after such news.

Rey's breath was taken away from her in a sharp gasp as Arnkar explained what Xander was late for. Her eyes widened as she looked up to the man and she wanted to speak but no words would be spoken. The way that Xander had stiffened beside her spoke volumes to her about how he was feeling. There was such an overwhelming amount of fear that slivered its way down her spine that her knees buckled and for a moment, she was fearful that she would pass out in front of Arnkar and Xander. How selfish and ridiculous that would be.

In a daze, Rey followed beside Meha, her mind racing with thoughts. What could she say? She had never known her mother, that she could remember, but she could only imagine if roles were reversed and she had been told Luke had passed away? She would be completely devastated.

Meha was speaking to her and she could only blink in mild confusion as she made eye contact with the twin. Rey shook her head slowly, the edges of her mouth pulling backward but she didn't even so much as try to offer an actual smile. There was nothing to smile over, even with having returned Meha and Peha their brother. Hopefully it was some sort of solace after losing their mother.

"No," Rey finally vocalized her answer as she straightened up. "I'll be right back."

Twisting around on her heal, without a moment of hesitation, Rey stalked out of the room, sending out a wave of force to locate Arnkar. She made her way through the house, her anger only continuing to brew as she moved. Locating the brother in his office, Rey knocked rather harshly once, twice before she tossed the door open unceremoniously.

Rey stepped through the doorway, crossing her arms lest she do something with them that she would genuinely regret. "You have no damned idea what your brother has been through. He has been through hell, he has been through worse than you could ever fucking fathom," Rey started, not bothering to wait for the man to answer her. Her frustrations were being let loose and she almost would have felt bad for him, if it wasn't something so important to her.

"His arm? That got cut off. His chest? It's metal, it's got a breathing mechanism because without it, he would be dead. There would be no Xander which is his fucking name, you insolent bastard!" Rey shouted toward the end, throwing her hands out wide. "You want to know who did that to him? Someone who swore a fucking oath that he would never harm Xander. You don't get it because you were never in his mind but I've seen it. Your brother was tortured mercilessly for days on end until he was nothing but a robot, serving because if he did anything else? Pain. The mention of Meha? Pain. Peha? Pain. You? Pain. Your mother? Do you have any fucking guesses or do I need to go into more detail?"

Arnkar was not expecting this rude intruder to burst into his office and start to vent. So when the door opened, he looked up with a start, but seeing that it was only the girl, he blinked and waited for her to speak - which didn't take long, she seemed to have a lot to say. Arnkar had faced many angry customers, and so he treated her as one too. It hurt less that way.

Once she was done yelling (Arnkar had to admit he was a little intimidated, but he was also stubborn and resistant, and well trained to conceal emotion - a trait that seemed to rather in this family), the man tapped his pen lightly against the desk. "And it is my fault because…?" He sighed, set the pen down and folded his arms, looking at her sternly. "That's all very nice, but he signed up for this all when he went to be a Jedi. He signed up for it when he faked his death. Do you know what it is like for a mother to lose a son at such a young age? Do you know how long she blamed herself for sending him to the Jedi temple?" He shrugged. "And then he returns, and then he disappears and dies again?"

Arnkar gestured to a seat for her to sit in, but she didn't look like she was happy to sit. She looked like she was ready to rip his throat out. Okay. He could deal with that. "I don't know why you defend him so. Clarensis has a habit of running away from problems he can't solve. He makes up a story, a reason, and he leaves the scene without ever caring for what would happen to those who care for him. About what they would feel." Arnkar rubbed the bridge of his nose. "When mother passed away she asked for him. But where was your so-called Xander? Seems he was having the time of his life being a robot and a slave. All because why? He couldn't defend himself? Because he trusted a few lousy words?"

Rey let out a dry laugh as she set her hands on the edge of the desk, her eyes narrowing a bit as she leaned across it. "Now, I don't believe that I said it was your fault any of this happened. But it is on you how you choose to react to the situation. Do you not think that Xander blames himself enough as it is? He does not need his brother blaming him on top of his own personal guilt!" She exclaimed, her fingers digging into the wood of the desk now. She drew in a deep breath, willing herself to calm down but the action only served to continue in fuelling her anger.

"He thought it better to disappear when he faked his death to keep your family safe, you fucking idiot!" Rey screamed, deciding to let go of what little control she still had over her anger. "To keep you, and your sisters, and your mother safe! More weight has been placed on his shoulders in the span of a few years than you could ever hope to see in the span of your entire lifetime!" Straightening up, Rey tilted her head to the side as her eyes narrowed. "Why don't I show you?"

Rey closed her eyes and willed the anger away, willed all of her frustrations and emotions away as she sent a probe into Arnkar's mind. She seemed rather confident as she did so. She brought forth the few memories she held of Xander after he had disappeared. The betrayal he was sure to feel after Kylo went against him, jumping to the memories of that blasted room, and then even later when she managed to bring him away from the First Order. The pain he felt at the mere mention of anything from his past. Once she felt satisfied, as if maybe Arnkar would now understand, Rey pulled away from his mind.

"Don't you dare try and tell me you're more of a man than your brother because that's a complete and utter fuckin' lie. Don't you know it's bad to lie to yourself?" Rey hissed between gritted teeth before turning and waltzing out of the room.

Arnkar couldn't help but snort. Unprofessional, but so was this girl. "His own guilt? Don't humour me." He gave an irritated noise and looked away from her. Why did Xander choose her of all people to bring into the house? She was confident and he admired that, but now she was being rather rude.

"Safe from his stupid decisions!" Arnkar stood up sharply and slammed his hands onto the desk. "We were not in danger, and definitely not in any that a young teen boy could protect us from!" He was going to retaliate and say something else, but suddenly she was saying she'd show him something, and next thing he knew, he felt his thoughts be raided, and he wasn't quit sure what to feel. Most of all, it was confusion. In fact, he was so stunned, that he sort of fell back into his chair and this rush of memories that were not his own, as he tried to piece together this new found information.

Whatever the girl said after it, he did not hear. He simply sat there in quite the shock, staring at the table in front of him. The door was shut, and he was alone, and quite frankly he was very thankful. It had been a horrible moment of his life, and one more reason to despise these Jedi and their stupid mind tricks. So rude of them to just burst into the most private part of a human's being, to fondle and abuse their innermost thoughts. They needed to leave. As soon as possible.

While this was all going on between Rey and Arnkar, Meha and Peha took Xander to the tombstone of their mother, and their they left him for his own peace and quiet time. There he sat for quite a while, looking at the tombstone of his mother. He had known that eventually this would happen, she would die - but never did he think it would happen so soon. So suddenly. The graveyard was about as stone as the rest of the mansion. There were no flowers on graves, only decorations of gems and stones. Forever the same. Forever without change. A symbol of eternity.

Hearing someone approach - Peha and Meha would have pointed Rey to his direction - Xander looked up.

Rey looked uneasy as she reappeared in front of the twins. She offered them a smile for she wanted them to know she still very much cared for them. They had taught her more than she could really pay back - even if they were the smaller things in life. She had learned to appreciate so many things over the past few months, even if she was hardheaded and didn't necessarily want to admit to them right away. She thanked them quietly when she was pointed in Xander's directions. Once she disappeared from their line of sight, Rey hesitated, glancing in the direction that she knew would lead back to the ship she had used to bring them here. She had caused Xander more than enough pain, she had dragged them into a war that wasn't his to fight and... swallowing back the lump that formed in her throat, Rey began to make her way to the graveyard.

Catching sight of Xander, Rey forced the smallest of smiles to her lips as she lowered herself to her knees beside Xander. Sh reached to set a hand on his knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Do you want to talk?" Rey didn't always have the best advice to give but she was good at listening. She had learned that Xander often didn't want advice, he didn't want to be told to do this or that or what was best but instead he needed someone to simply listen as he talked himself through whatever problem he was having at the time.

Rey's fingers found Xander's, lacing them together as she let out a heavy sigh. Her shoulders sagged as she leaned against him, her eyes turning to the grave stone for the first time. She frowned, reaching out to run her fingers along the name that adorned the stone.

"I'm glad I got to meet her," Rey spoke quietly. She was suddenly filled with an all consuming regret so thick that she could taste it rising in her throat. She had failed the one promise that she had made to Xander's mother - that she would bring him home safe. Sure, she had brought him back eventually but not in enough time so that she could see the result. See that her son was alive and well and himself.

"Do you believe she's still here with us?"

His eyes registered the figure of Rey and he somehow involuntarily relaxed. Looking back to the grave, he awaited for her approach and as she took his hand and squeezed it, he shook his head. He did not want to talk. There was nothing to say. He was comfortable to sit in this silence and simply enjoy another's presence in such a moment. He could not complain. At the very least, he knew both his parents. Rey did not.

He stayed silent even when she mentioned having been glad to meet her. Any normal person would thank or say something but Xander could not say much. His own mother was as strange to him as she was to Rey. Was he happy to have met her before she died? He didn't know. After a while he said quietly, "She liked you." There was more that he and his mother discussed (all about which he Became impossibly shy) that he did not mention now. Not ever will. He didn't think so anyway.

With a dry laugh, he stood from his crouch and shook his head. "No. I don't believe in ghosts. She's passed away, her heart stopped, that's it. Nothing lingers. Nothing should." He turned away from the stone and gestured for Rey to come. He wanted to walk a little, to the lake not far from the mansion. Enjoy the small breeze.

"Liked me?" Rey echoed, sounding unconvinced as she looked up to him with a small frown. She raised an eyebrow as her face scrunched. There was no way that woman liked her, she was positive. It wasn't as if she had ever done anything to directly make her feel that way but she hadn't ever done anything against it either. She sighed as she shook her head, deciding that this wasn't the best time for that sort of argument.

Rey wanted to argue her point about the after life, that there must be some sort of one. Even if not everyone had access to it, even if only a select few did. She moved to stand and followed after Xander. While neither of them had even been overly affectionate, Rey thought it may be best to let him know he wasn't alone. Not here, not ever. Never again, not if she had any say in it.

Reaching over, Rey slipped her arm through his and gave his hand a gentle squeeze with her opposite hand. She was quiet for the first little while before she looked up to him, her brows pulled together in mild determination. "You know you can talk if you need to, right?" She asked quietly, her fingers massaging small circles into his skin. It was a stupid question she knew, of course he knew that but she felt that it might just need to be said out loud. Xander was thick headed to say that least.

Xander smirked a little as he glanced over at Rey and her look of confusion. Clearly he saw she was not convinced. “Yes, she did.” He left it at that. He couldn’t bring about to tell her what his mother had said to him, that was… another level of emotion that he was not ready to deal with. Besides, commitment. As his motto stood so many months back before Rey, it stood now. A deal done, no questions asked, no commitments, no strings attached. Sure, a little play here and there, but he avoided commitment like the plague. Was he afraid of it? He didn’t know. Xander simply couldn’t see himself throwing his whole being head first into something long term. His life was spontaneous and unplanned. Today he slept, tomorrow he partied, the next day after he raided. Or died, it seemed. Too much hassle for a family. As it proved now.

Not that he had not thought about it. Many times he had wondered what it would be like to come home to a wife, waiting for him with a child on her hip and another running about, a warm dinner ready, a pair of hands on his shoulders, massaging and lullabying him to sleep. There had been one chance, but she was engaged, and she broke it off. And Xander couldn’t force Rey to do anything. The mere thought of making a wife out of her was taboo. He couldn’t see her sitting at home and stitching and sewing. She was full of life, too eager to explore.
Maybe he needed that. Maybe it was what he was after all along? He didn’t know.

When her arm slipped in around his, he looked down again and raised a brow. “Talk? I’d rather not. I don’t have anything to say.” He returned the small squeeze, an unsaid thanks but after a while, spoke anyway. Though probably not about what Rey had implied. “We won’t stay long here. I’m ready to leave tomorrow. Go back to the Resistance and…” he trailed off, realising how much he didn’t want to be involved in it all again. He scrunched up his nose and frowned, “Ugh, can we just… go on some crazy adventure to find abandoned temples again? I don’t want to face this political crap. I’m tired of it.”

Rey was perfectly content to follow after Xander, her thumb massaging gentle circles into his skin as they walked hand in hand. She wanted nothing more than to turn to him adn try to ease his comfort, maybe say something kind and thought out about his mother but she wasn't so sure that it was the best idea. Not with Xander having made it clear he didn't want to talk. She hadn't ever lost someone particularly close, not really, so she didn't think anything that she could say would come nearly close enough to offer Xander what he truly needed.

Xander's next words, as much as she thought she should be surprised, didn't surprise her in the least bit. Her heart began to ache and she loosened her grip on his hand before she shrugged, looking away from him. Her eyes searched the horizon, almost desperate in nature, hoping that the landscape would somehow provide an answer for her. But there was nothing to be found.

"You don't..." Rey trailed off, forcing herself to take a deep lungful of air. "You don't have to come back with me. Rita will go with you and you can find the remainders of your crew. You've already done more than what was asked of you. I don't think that," Rey paused to pull her hand away from his, trying to steel herself against the wave of emotions she could feel racing toward her. "That anyone could blame you if that's what you want."

Xander gave Rey a sidelong look, and didn't say anything against her words. No, he doubted he would want to go back to the Resistance and work in their plots and politics. He wouldn't even go to Starkiller Base to work under them again. Not for the highest price. Not yet anyway. Maybe in a few months. Instead, Xander simply nodded lightly. "Yeah, the deal ended long ago. This contract was too much. Cost me an arm and a leg in all honesty." He paused and with a dry chuckle, amended, "An arm and a... chest."

He rubbed the side of his neck, "I'll come back with you only to gather my crew and my payment. I'll leave some of the fighters under your people's command but the rest I must take." He avoided Rey's gaze for a while, "To go back to base, and recover, and put everything back in order. Make sure my clients are satisfied." He trailed off and continued to avoid Rey's general direction. "I have villages to re-conquer, towns and areas to reclaim. Gold and treasure to find." He grinned slightly and only then turned to Rey, lifting his hand and gently caressing her cheek. "It's a shame your a Jedi. It's a shame I can't make you throw the glow stick away and join me." He neared, resting his sceond hand on her other cheek. "It'd be nice to take you with me. Run away. Forget the others. Who cares. Fuck the Order and fuck the Resistance." His smirk grew and his eyes narrowed in smug satisfaction, "Doesn't matter who's in charge when you're a pirate. You don't follow the law anway."

Rey hadn't been prepared for Xander to actually accept the offer that she had made. She had been expecting him to laugh it off and say something a little cornier than she was used to coming from his lips but he didn't. He simply agreed and for the first time since she had thought he had died, Rey felt her heart being ripped from her chest and unceremoniously tossed to the ground where something stopped on it so hard that her chest felt like it was going to cave in.

Even as he continued to speak and as he caressed her cheek, Rey wished to lean forward and wrap her arms around his, wrap herself in Xander and never let go. But she couldn't. That would be wrong. Xander had already lost more than enough because of her, it wouldn't be fair. She let out a dry laugh as he mentioned her being a Jedi. "Maybe if it wasn't family that I would be leaving t the wolves," she answered quietly, her eyes flicking downward. She refused to look at him even as he continued on.

"I think it may be best if I return to the Order and I can send Rita here. With all of your fighters because I am more than sure that you'll need them to reconquer all of your territories." Rey took a step backward and could only offer a tiny grin as she looked back up. "Maybe once this is all over, I'll see you around again?"

A family. Right. Of course. The thing Xander ran off and left a long time ago, cut ties with because it was better not knowing what happened after than to know they suffered through. Xander blinked, and allowed a small crooked uncertain grin stumble onto his lips. "I could hide them. I'm good at hiding things... people... Sort of my profession." He laughed a little, shaking his head. That would be difficult but fake a few deaths, set it up nicely, and everyone assumes you died and not even the best of trackers can find you. Her little word of rejection to his offer to come back with him was a bit of a surprise. He looked at her, but decided not to question it for he felt he already knew why she wouldn't want him to come back to the base. Many reasons. Same. Xander lowered his hands and looked away. "Those arent the pirate fighters. Those are trained military men. Leia would be disappointed if you sent them all back. I'd have to come and end the contract there with her myself." He rubbed his shoulder and glanced at Rey. "Yeah, once this is over."

He didnt think it would be. You don't just kill a Kylo and then the war ends. You had to destroy it all, from the biggest base to the tiniest plan. They failed that with the Death Star and now it was back. The First Order, or the Dark Side will always be there. It wouldn't ever end. Realistically thinking.

But that was a depressing thought and Xander simply shrugged, adding, "Whenever that is," And discarding the thought. He made a small gesture, "Come on, let's head back. It looks like it might rain."

"You think that Luke or Leia would ever leave the fight? Or that Chewy would leave the fight?" Rey couldn't even stop herself from laughing had she wanted to. She shook her head and turned away from him, a small grin on her lips despite the utter sadness that was beginning to wrap itself through every fiber of her being. She drew in a deep breath and turned back toward him. She wanted nothing more than to stand straight and plead her case. Plead her case more now than ever with Xander - harder and more passionate than she ever had when they met on his ship all those months ago.

Rey shoved her hands into her pockets and turned to walk back toward the house, beside Xander. "I shouldn't remain here any longer," her voice was surprisingly steady even as she continued to speak. "I've been away for longer than I should have been in the first place."

Clearing her throat, Rey straightened out as they neared the door. "Rita will lead the party that picks you up. I'll make sure she gets the biggest ship that we can spare," she paused, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth. "If I leave now, she'll be able to return for you early in the morning after they spend the rest of the evening preparing to leave," she said, gritting her teeth to keep back the emotions that swelled. "Can you, uh," she paused to look back up at him. "Can you tell the twins that I'll see them around sometime? Stop by if I get the chance."

She had a point. Unfortunately. Which meant she wouldn’t come with him. For the second time, his suggestion of running away with a lady been rejected. They had duties elsewhere. Xander watched her back as she turned away, and wondered if that was just his luck. He followed her home, making a noise to acknowledge her statement. He didn’t want to her leave of course, but he couldn’t really stop her – he tried just then and failed.

He stopped when she did, and avoided eye contact for as long as he could, fiddling with some pebble in his hand he had picked up on their walk back. He slipped in and out between his metal fingers, watching it slide with ease. “Sure, right.” He said quietly, nodding and glanced at her. “Yeah, the door’s always open for you here. I’ll make sure of it.” He smiled lightly and resisted the urge to reach forward and wrap her into his arms and hold her. No, cause then he wouldn’t let go and then- He didn’t want to think about then. “Good luck. Stay safe.” He brushed past her, pausing only to lightly intertwine their little fingers. A light touch was enough, and Xander was away again, walking on in and not looking back. It’d be a while till he saw her again, if ever – he thought.

[And skip when you need ^-^]

Returning to the Resistance went much the same way that Rey had expected it to. She threw herself right back into training, she focused her attention on working out plans to take down the Order. It was as if Xander had died all over again - if she wasn't physically training, she was focused on working plans out. If she wasn't working plans out, she was probably meditating so that she could be ready for any and every battle that was coming her way. This war had only just begun, it was nowhere near being completed.

Rey was sort of lost without Rita because the other girl had kept her on track. She knew where Rey needed to be at all times and Rey had begun to rely a little too much on the former slave. In her rare moments alone, Rey found herself missing Rita nearly as much as she missed Xander. But it was for the best, Rey told herself day in and day out and that made the separation a bit more bearable.

The mission was... Rey didn't know what the mission was. Rey didn't care what the mission was, not really. No matter how much she knew that she was supposed to care, Rey simply wanted to take down the base they were attacking and let that be it.

Her head wasn't where it was supposed to be, that much was clear to her but she pushed the thought away as she made her way steadily through the base. Her attention focused on the group in front of her, Rey had no time to spin around as a laser was shot to her back. Stumbling forward, Rey fell to her knees. A look of confusion passed over her features as she looked down, confused by the sudden feeling of helplessness. There's no blood was the last thought to pass through her mind before she fell forward, losing consciousness.