We Ain't Ever Getting Older

Sam had done his best not to get a mess anywhere in the room so he had settled on sitting in the Godawful chair at the small table in the corner of the room. They had a few days to themselves now, enough that they could breathe and it wasn't something that Sam was used to.

The moment that Raelynn had turned the shower on, Dean had taken the opportunity to fill his brother in on what he was planning to do that evening. He'd rolled his eyes but approved of Dean's plan anyway. Anything that would make their car rides less uncomfortable and anything that would make his two companions less bitter about everything.

Motioning toward the motel room door, Sam could only smirk as he raised to his feet, making his own way toward the bathroom. "You probably just left it in the Impala or something. Why don't you go check?"

Raelynn narrowed her eyes at the younger Winchester. She really didn’t want to have to walk all the way back out to the Impala to get her blanket. The boys knew that she couldn’t sleep or relax comfortable with the old rag. With a huff, she mumbled a small ‘whatever’, and started searching for her shoes. When she found a pair of flip flops, she slipped them on her feet and started to make her way outside.

When she reached the Impala, she patted down her pockets, realizing she didn’t grab Dean’s keys. She tested the driver’s side and passenger side door to see if miraculously they would be unlocked. But to no avail, they were both locked. She cupped her hands around her eyes and peered in the window, trying to see if she could find the blanket through the darkness.

Dean had cleaned up the Impala, making sure that it was nice inside instead of the trash thrown about at the feet of the passenger's seat and behind, in the back seat. He hadn't really thought this out all that much but he figured a clean car was a good start. to the evening. Raelynn had seen every piece of his car, when the car was in rough shape, and when Dean finally fixed something that had driven him crazy for days on end.

Walking back over to the car, Dean couldn't help the grin that appeared on his lips when he noticed Raelynn had made her way down from their room. Finally. She was done with her shower.

"Looking for something?" Dean called, a small grin on hi slips as he stepped over to the car, pulling the keys from his pocket. "I want to go grab a bite to eat with you. That alright?"

Raelynn held a hand to her heat when Dean abruptly spoke, starling her slightly. She looked up at him, a soft smile on her lips. She was suspicious of the Winchester and what he might be up to, but at this point she would take any time with the man that she could get. When he had the vehicle unlocked, she opened the passenger door and giggled quietly as she noticed he had picked up. Weird, she thought to herself.

Raelynn slipped in the vehicle with ease, closing the door as she secured herself in the seat. She looked over at Dean when he got in and gave him another small smile. “I guess we can go get a bite, I’m a little hunger. What about Sam?” She asked innocently. As he started the vehicle, she couldn’t help but notice the slight change in his attitude. She wondered what he was up to, but decided to push the thoughts to the back of her mind.

"Just a little hungry? So you'd deny a milkshake and some cheese fries?" Dean countered with a scoff. He let out a laugh as he looked over to her, unable to contain his grin as he pulled away from the motel. "Sam's staying back. You know how he is about making sure he's washed and presentable before we grab food and damnit, if I'm not starving." Yeah. That seemed like a good enough answer that would keep her suspicions low. Right?

He sighed as he pulled into the parking lot of a local diner, glancing over to her with an uneasy smile. "Ready, sweets?" He teased before climbing out, heading to the front of the Impala to wait for her before heading inside.

Raelynn was overly suspicious of Dean, but he was calm and being nice so she was taking what she could get with the man. “You know I could never turn down a milkshake or cheese fries, Dean Winchester.” She smiled at him.

When they finally arrived at the diner, she slid out of the car and shut the door behind her. She made her way to Dean and followed him inside. Scrambling into the booth where they were seated, she settled in and gratefully looked over the menu. Her stomach had just began to growl, so she was past ‘a little more than hungry’ at that point.

Raelynn eyed Dean over the menu, smirking to herself as she watched him concentrate on the menu in front of him. When his eyes met her she gave him a grin, “Can we get a side of jalapenos to go with the cheese fries? Please?”

Dean was studying the menu that the waitress had given him as if it held the answers to life itself on it. It was easier to read over the same menu over and over again than look up to meet Rae's gaze. His heart was pounding in a way that it hadn't in so long that he was no longer familiar with the sensation. He was nervous that he was going to screw this up and he didn't want to. Part of him had always loved Raelynn and he was trying to come to terms with it now, it wasn't fair to anyone to keep trying to avoid it when it was a fact.

Scoffing at the question, Dean lifted his gaze and fixed her with a hard look. "Was that a serious question?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. He shook his head, returning his gaze to the menu. He hadn't bothered to answer her because he thought the answer should have been obvious. Dean was content in the moment and there wasn't a thing in the world that he would deny her.

"I think I'm just going to go with the classic double bacon cheeseburger," Dean commented after deciding he couldn't study the menu any longer or he'd be able to recite it by heart. "Are you getting anything else?"

Raelynn grinned at him, allowing her eyes to slip back down to the menu. There were so many questions that she wanted to bombard Dean with, but she knew that he would only roll his eyes at her and tell her to decide what she wanted to eat. “Well sometimes you don’t like spicy.” She mumbled as she was picking between a club sandwich and a hamburger.

Raelynn folded up her menu and slid it down to the end of the table, clasping her hands in front of her. Just as she opened her mouth to reply to Dean, the waitress came up to the table. She gave her a small smile before reciting off what she wanted. She decided to go with the club, especially because Dean was getting a hamburger.

When the waitress walked away, Raelynn looked back at Dean, a smirk spreading across her lips. “So are you gonna tell me what’s going on or…? The last time you wanted to take me out just by yourself we were still dating…” She mumbled, peeling her eyes away from Dean. She looked down at the table, her fingers drawing small circles into the particle board. “I mean, I’m not complaining, I just… I don’t know.”

Dean knew that the question would be coming at some point but he had hoped it would be later than it was. Raelynn had never been a very patient girl, had never been known to wait out when she had questions. He let out a sigh, his shoulders sagging a bit as he hung his head. He had decided what he was going to do, even went over the plan with Sam, and now that he was being faced with actually telling Raelynn about his feelings? Shit, it had been hard to first time and now? It was even harder.

He let out a ragged breath as he shrugged his shoulders. Lifting his gaze to meet Raelynn's finally, he offered an uneasy smile. "I just wanted to take you out so we could talk," he explained quietly, fidgeting with the edge of his napkin.

"I care about you," Dean began, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. "But I don't want to make that connection. It'll get us both hurt. It'll put bigger targets on our back than what's already there. And I can't put you in that position, Rae. I love you and I can't... I can't see what happened to my mom, what happened to Jess, happen to you."

Raelynn’s hear sank the moment he started explaining to her what was going on with him. She bit down on her lip nervously as he spoke, but the moment he uttered those three words, her heart exploded. She hadn’t heard those words from Dean in what seemed like years. Raelynn stared into his eyes, holding back the urge to cop and attitude with him.

“That’s not going to happen Dean,” She mumbled, reaching over the table to gently place her hand on his arm. “We’re all gonna die someday, that’s all we are guaranteed in this shitty life.” She gave out a small sigh, removing her hand from his skin. “And I would rather die by your side than not.”

Raelynn ran a hand through her hair, looking down at the table. “Just—tell me what I need to do, because, Dean… I am sick of hanging on to every last shred of hope that we will ever be together again.”

"Just because Azazel is dead, just because he isn't a threat any longer, doesn't mean that the same thing can't happen to you. That the same thing won't happen to you. If not the same, something similar," Dean argued. His shoulders pulled together, his jaw setting as he looked down to his hands. With a stunning sense of clarity, Dean could feel the weight of everything he had ever suffered. Everything that he had ever had to do in the face of saving the world, of saving those that he cared about.

It wasn't simply fighting and killing monsters, it was more about his family being fated. The women died - the men, they had to find some sort of strength within themselves to pick up and carry on to face the beings waiting in the dark.

"There is no guarantee," Dean said, turning away from her. "I can't ask you to put that weight on your shoulders, Rae. I can't. I'm selfish, I know that, but this is the one selfless thing that I can do. And believe me, it's taking every ounce of control that I have left."

Raelynn didn’t mean to, she really didn’t… But the tears escaped her lids. She wiped at them as quickly as she could, knowing that Dean absolutely hated it when she cried. She looked anywhere she could but at the green eyed man who was sitting in front of her. What the hell was she doing here anymore? It was conversations like these, were her hopes were brought up so high only be dropped back down once again, when she really questioned how useful she was being with the two brothers.

“Dean, I have told you time and time again that I would die for you.” Raelynn said, brows furrowed as she stared at him. “I love you—I love you more than life itself, and it’s my decision to put up with it. You cant save me from everything Dean… But you can damn sure make me happy, you know that right?”

Raelynn looked away from him, her teeth chomping down on the inside of her cheek. She spoke quietly, but sternly. “I don’t think I can stay… I can’t stay and know that I am as far away from you as I will ever be, Dean.”

"You won't be happy if you're dead, burned on a pyre!" Dean exclaimed suddenly, slamming his hand down onto the table between them. What did she just not get about this? It wasn't as if he was enjoying himself, knowing full well that he was hurting her and he was hurting himself. There was no good way to go about this.

Even if Dean gave in and they were together again, there would always be that fear in the back of his mind. That something would happen to Raelynn and it would be his fault. And he simply couldn't do that. Just the idea made him want to crumble before the woman herself and beg her to stay. Beg her not to leave, to not go anywhere and to promise him that everything would be alright. But the reality was that nothing would ever be alright in their world.

"I'll drive you to Bobby's in the morning," Dean muttered finally. Forcing the words from between his lips broke Dean's heart, knowing that it may very well be goodbye except when they need Bobby or her's help on a case. It would be little more than a business deal because he would put as much distance between them as he could if it meant keeping her safe.

There was no stopping the tears that came from Raelynn’s eyes now. She couldn’t believe what was happening. Had she really been that stupid to think that the man really wanted to stay with her. She pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her fists, bringing them up to wipe at her eyes. She shook her head repeatedly at him, biting down on her lip. She turned her head in order to out the window. She breathed in through her nose, and exhaled through her mouth. “I don’t want you to take me,” She said shakily. “I’ll have Bobby come get me.”

Raelynn wiped at her eyes again, willing the tears to a stop. The waitress came over to drop their food off, awkwardly asking I the needed anything else. God, she felt so stupid. Raelynn eyes the food that was in front of her, suddenly feeling sick to her stomach and her appetite disappearing all together.

“I’m gonna need a to go box,” she whispered quietly, shoving her hands inside of the pocket of her hoodie. “I’m not really hungry anymore. I just want to go. Please.”

For the first time in his life, Dean felt truly worthless. All growing up, he had been angry and he didn't always understand why his father dragged him from one town to the next. Even after he began to help, Dean struggled with going through with any of it. As time went on, he came to terms with everything and accepted it as his life. His mother had been killed by Azazel - that was all the motivation he had needed for the longest time. Then he met Rae and he fell in love with her far quicker than he had expected and just like that, she became his reason right alongside Sammy.

Dean drew in a ragged sigh, lifting his hips up so that he could drop the keys to the Impala onto the table between them. He ground his teeth together as he looked away. "Take it to the motel. I'll figure something else out for the night."

Not another word was spoken as he stood, dropping a few twenties onto the table before he turned and left the diner, not bothering to wait for his food. Dean just wanted away from here, away from the damage that he had just done because Raelynn had been the only person he had ever wanted to keep safe.

“Dean!” Raelynn cried out. But, he kept walking. She stared at the keys that were sitting on the table in front of her. Was what she done really worth it? The sinking feeling in her stomach told her it wasn’t—she was losing Dean and it was seeming like there was nothing to do about.

Raelynn apologized to the waitress and had their food boxed up. With a shaking hand, she grabbed the keys to the Impala and made her way out to the vehicle. When she slid into the drivers seat, she felt empty. She grasped the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white with the tight hold she had on it. “Dammit,” she sighed, trying to keep herself together.

Raelynn just barely kept it together long enough to get safely to the motel. She pulled into the nearest parking spot and cut the engine. After getting the vehicle locked up, she made her way to the room. She flung the door open, eyes landing on Sam. Any resolve that she had to hold back her emotions crumbled. The tears came. She dropped the food onto a stand by the door, slamming the door behind her. “Sam, I fucked up and I fucked up bad.”

Dean had wanted so, so badly to stop when Raelynn called out to him but that had been impossible. He had just made it clear where he stood with their relationship - he couldn't just turn around and back track when it had already hurt so much. It would only continue to cause problems if he did, Dean knew that. He'd been playing at this game far longer than he would have liked, he just needed to put a stop to the whole thing.

With his hands shoved into his pockets, Dean made his way down to the only other motel in the town, intent on paying for a room and simply passing out with the bottle of scotch that he had decided to purchase on the way there.

---

Sam had showered and was mindlessly watching whatever tv show that was on when Raelynn came bursting through the door. Immediately he stood, a frown forming on his features as he made his way over to her. "What happened?" He asked, his confusion etched in the tone of his voice. He couldn't figure out what could have gone wrong - Dean had been so excited about leaving and this was what came back?

His arms slipped around her waist and he helped her over to the bed. "Tell me what's going on so that I can help you."

Raelynn through herself into Sam, her hand clutching at his shirt. She was a blubbering mess to say the least, but Sam had seen her at her very worst. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to stop the endless amount of tears that seemed to be spilling from her eyes. Raelynn knew she was staining his shirt with running makeup, but she pressed her face into his chest nonetheless, heaving sobs racking her body.

“He-he said he-he wanted to take m-me to Bobby’s because w-we can’t do this a-anymore…” She managed to choke out. Raelynn thought she would never sink this low. Sure, Dean had been avoiding their relationship like the plague, but she had never heard the words actually fall from his mouth. And that is what twisted the blade in her chest.

“I just want to go, I want to call Bobby—he’ll be here first thing, Sam, I just need—“ her emotions got the best of her, trapping any other words that she had in her throat. She unraveled herself from Sam, moving off the bed. “I should have fucking listened to you when you warned me—I should have just—“ she took in a deep, shaky breath. “I should have never done this.”

Sam had known what was coming when Raelynn burst through the door with that look on her face but he hadn't been ready for the tears that accompanied it. His arms tightened around her and pulled her close, lifting one hand after a moment to run it through her hair. He was quiet, listening to her speak as he moved her toward the bed. "Life is going to work out, Rae," he murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Dean is stupid and he's stubborn. That makes for a volatile combination," Sam paused, hesitating for a moment as he played with her hair. "It's nothing that you've done. Nothing that you can change or you can fix..." he trailed off, unsure of what to really say to her. He knew that he couldn't fix the problem, Lord knew that he had tried a million different things. Seeing the two most important people in his life hurting and hurting each other, it killed him.

"Don't beat yourself up, Rae. If you want to wait until the morning or you want to go ahead and call him now it doesn't matter. I'll support whatever you want to do."

Raelynn wiped at her eyes once more, feeling incredibly stupid for the whole situation. She should have been stronger, she should have been more guarded… She should have protected herself, just like her father had taught her many, many years ago. At the end of the day sweetheart, when I am dead and gone and so is your mother, the only person who is lookin’ out for you is you. The words played themselves over and over in her head. She bit her lip, finally feeling herself began to calm down. She sighed, kicking her shoes off.

Raelynn did the unthinkable and climbed into Sam’s bed, not wanting to be alone, especially if this was the last night she would seeing her best friend for a while. She huffed as she wiggled down into his comforter. “Just call Bobby. Tell him to be here in the morning. I just—“ she trailed off, peeling her eyes away from Sam. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to leave you guys, but… I don’t want to continue to make people miserable either. It’s a lose-lose situation no matter what I do, Sam.”