On My Watch Tonight

Alex gave a shrug when Juliette spoke, glancing toward the bathtub. His heart was pounding away, he felt like it was going to burst right out of his chest and settle on the floor between them. Grinding his teeth together, Alex stepped turned the tub and turned the water on, testing it a few times and adjusting it until he felt it was right. "I... uh.." he trailed off, clearing his throat as he shrugged again.

"Just... if it gets to be too much you can go," Alex muttered as he lowered himself to his knees so that he could plug the bathtub. Using the edge of the tub to push himself back to his feet, he hesitated a moment longer before tugging his pants down his legs. He kicked them to the side, his fingers gripping the bottom of his shirt.

A shudder ran down his spine before he began to peel his shirt from his body. Alex's shoulders were taught even as he dropped it to the floor on top of the pants before he finally stepped over to climb into the tub. He braced himself on the walls, his eyes slipping shut as he began to sink into the water. When he was finally settled, Alex finally found the courage to look up to his wife. "Thank you, angel," he murmured, reaching over for her hand. "Come here."

Juliette made her way over to Alex, tears prickling at her eyes. She grabbed his hand, but as he opened his mouth to speak she shushed him. “Shh, I don’t need any explanation from you. Just relax,” she said in a quiet and understanding voice. She knelt down by the tub, grabbing the cup that sat beside it. She dipped the cup into the bath water, filling it up to pour slowly over his back. She took the shower gel, pumping some into her hand before she smoothed and massaged it into the skin of his back. She ignored the feeling of the scars that tainted his once perfect skin.

Juliette could feel his muscles relaxing under her fingertips. She leaned forward, still massaging his back, and pressed a warm kiss to the bare skin of his shoulder. She rinsed his back off before gently pouring a small amount of water over his hair.

“Alex I love you,” she murmured. “Every single inch of you. I love your eyes, your lips, your jaw… I love every single flaw, every mark, ever freckle.”

Juliette began to massage shampoo into his hair, watching as his eyes closed and he leaned into her hands. “Nothing will ever make me look at you differently. You’re still just as attractive and sexy and handsome as you were when you left here. Okay?”

Alex's breath hitched and he had to fight the urge to pull away from Juliette's touch. His grip tightened on the edge of the tub and he took a moment to remind himself that this was okay, this was all okay even as her hands travelled over the worst scars on his back. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and he let out a quiet sigh. As tense as the situation told him to be on edge, told him not to let her touch him but his older instincts seemed to win out. Juliette was his wife and he was slowly relaxing as she continued to massage his skin.

His eyebrows pulled together when she spoke, opening so that he could look over to her. His face crumbled a bit as she continued but he nodded finally, reaching forward to set a hand on her wrist. Alex's thumb massaged back and forth gently as he leaned into her touch. "I can't thank oyu enough. I'll never be able to," he whispered, dropping his hands back down to sink into the water.

It wasn't until Juliette spoke again that his heart sank. "You don't have to say that," he grumbled, refusing to actually look up to her. Alex gave a short, dry laugh as he shook his head. "There's a lot about me that's changed, angel. Neither of us can deny that."

"I don't give a shit what has changed," Juliette said with a sad laugh. "You're still my husband. You're still my heart and soul. And there isn't a damn thing that is going to change that, Alex." She sighed as he told him to tilt is head so she could rinse his hair. She saw the way he tensed, she could sense the internal struggle that he was having with this. But barriers needed to be broken, he needed to learn that his wife's touch hadn't changed.

"I know I will never be able to understand what you went through, handsome." She admitted as she set the cup down. She sat down, crossing her legs as she allowed him to just enjoy the water for the time being. She watched him for a few moments. Tense and relax. Tense and relax. Tense and relax... it was a never ending cycle it seemed.

"I don't expect things to get easier in one day, Alex." She said softly. "There's things your going to want to tell me and things I'm sure that I don't even want to know. But we are going to get through this. I will be here every step of the way, babe. No matter what, I'm here. We will get you through this."

It seemed that with every deep inhale that Alex took, his mind anticipated the worst and he would tense on pure instinct alone. As he would exhale, there was a bit of relaxation that would occur. He couldn't deny that the hot bath had done more for him than he would have even thought. Had he been alone, Alex probably would be curled in a fetal position but with Juliette here, he needed to at least pretend to be strong.

Alex reached a hand out to Juliette, a devious little thought in the back of his mind as he tugged her toward the bath. Even if nothing happened, they could take a few minutes go themselves, to truly enjoy each other's presence for the first time in years.

Once Juliette has joined him, Alex had pushed himself into the back of the tub to allow her more room as his arms slipped around her waist. He settled his chin on her shoulder and let out a quiet sigh. "It's still so effortless with you. I can't believe it," he murmured quietly, his fingers playing with the end of her hair.

"I was scared they would try coming for you," Alex murmurmhred after a few beats of silence. "I think they thought they could get information from me, use me as bait but they never got a damned thing from me," he exclaimed, kissing along her neck. He suddenly let out a low chuckle, "except a few sarcastic remarks."

Juliette found herself feeling as though she was sinking into him. The feeling of his bare skin against hers was almost more than she could handle. She was glad that she had set up the baby monitor and brought it with her, because she almost felt as though she could fall asleep right then and there with him. But baby Alexander generally slept all through the night, so the shouldn’t have had a problem.

Juliette smiled as she closed her eyes, reaching out with her fingertips to gently run them along his thighs. She forgot how well the molded together, how perfectly she laid with him. “It’s always been effortless, handsome. I’ve been dreaming about this for a while…”

Juliette’s smile soon faded into a small frown as he continued to speak. She let out a soft laugh, “Who, you? Sarcastic? I never would have guessed…” She trailed off, becoming lost in the feeling. She bit her lip as she thought for a moment. “Does talking about it help… Or would you rather not? I’m here if you need me to listen… Or if you need me to go to you with any appointments. Just say the words and I am there, no matter what.”

"Every damn day," Alex commented quietly, his fingers teasing small designs into her stomach, not really paying attention to what he was doing. It was so easy to just relax when Juliette was here and he was beginning to realize that she was going to be the rock in his life for a long time, if she would be. He still had doubt that lingered, Juliette was saying all the right things but he had been home for less than twenty four hours, there was no way she knew what she was getting into. "When I thought that I was on my last leg, I'd think of you and it would help. It was still hard, sure, but at least I remembered what life with you was like. The way your smile lights up the whole room, angel. The way that no matter what, you can make me smile. Which is a fuckin' miracle if you ask me."

At the question that fell from Juliette's lips, Alex couldn't help the way this his muscles tensed. It was instinct to prepare him for the worst and he was immediately searching for what he hoped would be the right answer. Was here even a right answer to her question? He wasn't so sure. Alex huffed and gave a shrug before he sighed, realizing that it was no proper answer for her.

"It's easier if I just... talk and you don't have to answer me, I think," Alex answered quietly, unsure of how to properly explain what he thought. He wasn't even sure what he honestly felt. "There are a lot of things that don't need to be said, I don't think. I dunno... I just think some things are obvious?" His voice became strained. "But trust me, angel. If there's something I need to talk about, I'll come to you. I don't want to talk to some fuckin' shrink who doesn't give two fucks about what I went through. Even if all you do is tell me how handsome I am and how much you love me, that's all the therapy I need."

Juliette listened to her husband speak. No matter how rough his voice sounded, the sheer sound and knowledge that it was his voice was music to her ears. As he spoke, she focused on the vibrations his voice caused in his chest. She could feel it through her back, lulling her senses to relax. She let out a soft sigh. “I’m pretty sure there are things I don’t even want to know, Alex… I don’t blame you.”

Juliette reached down and grabbed one of his hands, lacing his finger with hers. She held his hand up to her chest, allowing him to feel the pulsing of her heart beneath his chest. “I’m here baby, and I will be. Until death do us part, right?” she laughed sadly for a moment. “And shit, even after that. You are stuck with me for eternity and I hope you know that.”

She used her thumb to gently rub the skin on his hand. The feeling of the scruff of his beard on her shoulder sending a small shiver down her back. She was content. There wasn’t anything more she could ask for at the moment. She tried to push away the thoughts of what he possibly could have been through… She tried her hardest not to let her body shudder at the thought.

Juliette tilted her head to look up at him, using her free hand to reach up and run along his beard. “Figured you would be tired of me telling you how handsome you are… But I am here to remind you every second of the damn day. I don’t want you forgetting.” She gave him a small smile as she looked up into his eyes.

"I'm stuck with you? Angel, I hate to break it to you but I think it's probably the other way around. You put up with all my shit with minimal complaint. Have no clue how you managed that, but," Alex commented with a quiet laugh. It wasn't deep and it wasn't so heart felt that he would remember it but it was one of the first times he'd let out a genuine laugh. All because of the girl sitting in front of him.

Alex settled into the bath and was content with just laying there for as long as the bath stayed warm because it was nice to have his wife back in his arms have his muscles relaxed with not a single thing that he had to worry about in the moment.

"A little ego boost from someone as breathtaking as you never hurts," Alex murmured, a gentle grin tugging at his lips as his eyes opened part way so that he could meet Juliette's gaze. "It's a cure for almost everything that could be wrong. Didn't you know?"

Time was moving on when Alex wanted it to or not. He let out a quiet sigh as he readjusted and seemingly noticed that the water had cooled more than enough to warrant getting out. "How about we retire to the bedroom? I think I'll be able to sleep now, with you and with Alex. If you're okay staying, of course."

Juliette couldn’t help but roll her eyes playfully at her husband. She hadn’t driven across town with their toddler to not stay the night. Instead of giving him what would have been a witty or sarcastic remark, she smiled softly at him as she gently rose out of the water. “Of course I am staying,” she murmured. She reached out and grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body. She held her hand out, offering Alex help getting out of the tub. Once he was standing and stable she pulled another towel down and handed it to him. She looked around the bathroom, realizing that the pair of them hadn’t brought any clothes to change.

Juliette giggled softly to herself as she turned to her husband. “Clothes are in the room with the baby. We gotta be quiet and sneak past your parent’s room.” She cracked open the bathroom door, a small glint in her eye. “Remind you of when we were younger?”

Once they ha successfully made it into the bedroom, she dug around in his dresser to find him some clothes. She laid them out on the bed for him and then went to digging through her duffle bag. Once she had changed into her pajamas, she quietly set up the slim pack and play. After she transferred the toddler into his bed, she climbed underneath the covers and waited for Alex.

Bracing himself against the edge of the tub and the wall, Alex's progress to a standing position was slower that he would have liked. He knew that he had to appear weak, pathetic even in front of his wife and it killed him. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one capable of anything for Juliette. He mumbled a thanks when he took the towel from her outstretched hand and was quick to dry off before wrapping it around his waist. He climbed out of the tub before looking over at her. "Shit. You're right," he answered with a small smirk.

Alex was more than relieved when he finally tugged his sweats up to his hips. It took longer but he had managed to do it on his own, without even considering asking for help and he was happy. It was a matter of pushing through the pain and making his body respond to what he wanted from it, even if he was tense and his muscles felt like they were being stretched too thin (like when he had to bend to pull the pants up).

He climbed into the bed and let out a quiet sigh as he reached to pull Juliette to his chest. He buried his face into her hair and inhaled. The sudden swell of emotion was so sudden and strong that he didn't have any time at all to prepare. A small, pained sob fell from his lips as he tightened his grip on her. "Jesus, Juliette. I am so happy to be home," he whispered finally, trying to push away the emotions in inside of him. He was tired mentally Ana's he wasn't so sure that if the tears started, that he'd be able to stop them.

Juliette wrapped her arms around his frame, snuggling her forehead into his chest. She listened as he spoke, feeling the heaving of his chest as he tried to gain his composure. Rise and fall. Rise and fall. Rise and fall. She knew he was struggling to keep it together at the moment. Juliette used her finger tips to draw small, soothing circles on his back. She pressed her lips to his chest in response to his words.

“I am so fucking glad you are here too, handsome.” She mumbled into his shirt. She closed her eyes, feeling herself immediately relax into the man once more. Juliette loved how she fell back into her emotions with her husband. It was one of the only things in this world that kept her feeling content. That, and cradling her son to her chest as he fell asleep. Being with Alex come to her like second nature and she loved every single minute of it. “But that’s just it… And that is what I want I want you to focus on and keep remembering, okay?”

Juliette ran her hand up and down his back, stopping to clutch at his shirt for a brief moment. “I want you to try and get a couple hours of sleep. I’m right here. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” She mumbled quietly, feeling her own eyelids begin to droop. “Plus, I’m getting a little sleepy… You make me too relaxed.”

Alex was doing his best to keep his composure and he thought he was doing pretty damn well if you asked him. He let out a sigh as he nodded, playing with the ends of her hair. "I'll try," he promised quietly, letting out a quiet yawn of his own. As tired as he was, he wasn't so sure that he would be able to fall asleep even if he tried to. There was still a certain edge, an anxiety tugging at the back of his mind that the bath hadn't managed to fix and for that matter, neither was having her in his arms.

He continued to play with her hair, willing his body to relax. It wasn't until the sun started to peak in through the blinds of the room that Alex was finally able to actually slip under. Purely based on just how exhausted his body was, nothing more, nothing less. He shifted around in the bed so that he was laying on his back, his grip tightening on Juliette on instinct alone.

Juliette slept better that night than she had in a long time. It wasn’t until around eight the next morning that Alexander had begun to try and get her attention. She smiled at the sound of the toddlers small voice calling out for her. She snuck out of the bed as quietly as possible, shushing the young boy with a small laugh. “We have to be quite this morning,” Juliette whispered to her son. She reached into the pack and play and picked him up. “Daddy is sleeping, we have to let him sleep okay?”

Juliette slipped back into the bed, snuggling back against Alex and holding her son to he chest. She stoked the toddler’s hair, smiling at him as he mouthed the pacifier around in his moth. She knew she would have to try and ween him off the thing sooner or later, but he was just so damn cute with it… And she wasn’t ready to admit that he was growing out of it. She didn’t think she would ever be able to admit that to herself.

A soft knock at the door that was barely enough to rouse him during normal circumstances sent Alex bolting upright into a sitting position. He tensed, his attention trained on the door as it opened, his hands balling into fists at his sides. Sleep with one eye open. It wasn't until his mother's head popped through the opening of the door that Alex was shoved back down to reality.

He let out a shaky breath, reaching a hand up to run it through his hair. "Hey, Ma," Alex called, offering a pained smile. He reached out, setting a hand on Juliette's arm. "They came back over last night, I hope that's alright.." he trailed off with a shrug of his shoulders. He didn't know if it would be okay but his mother's answer nearl made him laugh.

Mary laughed and waved it off, her eyes bright as she grinned. "Of course it is, Alex. I'm just about to start breakfast so make your way down when you can, okay?" She instructed, giving Juliette a firm smile before retreating and closing the door behind herself.

Juliette returned her mother in laws smile, sitting up after she had closed the door. She reached out tentatively with her hand and stroked A;ex’s back. When he turned and looked at her, she smiled at him. “Good morning, handsome.” She watched as the toddler wriggled out of her grasp and crawled over to his father, deciding on settling in his lap. He reached up with his tiny hands and placed them on either side of his father’s face. He let out a small squeal as he patted the sides of his father’s face.

Juliette let out a soft laugh, “Welcome to fatherhood, handsome. He does this every morning.” She couldn’t help but grin as she saw the two of them interacting so freely. She was glad that her son wasn’t the timid type of child. He was bold and adventurous, much like his father had been. It would have broken her heart if the small boy had recoiled away from his father.

Juliette slipped out of the bed and walked over to her bag, quickly changing into some more presentable clothing. “You want me to take him out of here or… Are you good with us staying until you’re ready to go downstairs?”

Alex's muscles tensed as he watched his son crawl toward him but he tried his best to relax, to ease away the fear that bubbled in the pit of his stomach. He knew that his son wasn't about to hurt him by any means but what if he hurt their son? There was no good in that. He sighed, offering his son a lopsided smile even as the little boy reached for his face.

Exhaling, Alex lifted his son into his arms and pulled him close to his chest. "I wouldn't give this up for the world, angel. I want to be here as much as I can for him, whatever that means. I've missed out on so much already," he murmured, brushing a thumb over Alex's cheek. He'd been so absorbed in watching his son's reactions that he hadn't noticed even as Juliette got changed.

"Huh? Oh, you can stay..." Alex trailed off, setting babyy Alex down before he climbed out of bed. He shuffled over to the bag that Juliette had brought and shuffled through it before he found a pair of sweats and a t shirt. He wasn't planning on anything particularly exciting for the day so he figured they would be sufficient. After changing into them, Alex turned to Juliette and smiled slightly.

"Who wants to bet she's making biscuits and gravy?" Alex called over his shoulder, a smirk on his lips as his stomach growled in response.

Juliette reached down onto the bed and picked up baby Alex, settling him onto her hip. “Of course she is making biscuits and gravy, it’s your favorite thin to eat for breakfast. You know her, she likes to go all out whenever she can.”

Juliette let Alex leave the room first, making sure that he was able to make it down the stairs okay. As soon as they got to the bottom of the steps, the smells from the kitchen were overwhelming. She could hear her in laws laughing in the kitchen. Everything that was hitting her senses—the sights, the smells, the sounds—made her heart swell. She didn’t think that they would ever be able to do this again. The fact that they were had her wanting to break down in tears. But she knew that she had to stay strong for Alex. Above all, she had to stay strong for the man in front of her

When they reached the kitchen, she offered Mary a big smile when she saw that the older woman had set up the spare high chair. In the back of her mind, Juliette wondered if her husband knew just how close she had stayed to his parents. “Morning everyone.” She said as she set Alex in the high chair. “Thanks for making breakfast, Ma.”

Alex kept telling himself that he could do this, that he could be strong. He didn't need his crutches, right? He leaned against the wall as he made his way down the stairs slowly, his hand gripping the railing. He let out a quiet sigh of relief when he finally reached the bottom.

LEtting out a quiet sigh as he finally reached the kitchen table, Alex's legs all but collapsed beneath him. He used a hand to lift each leg until he was sitting properly. He looked up just as Juliette spoke, his eyebrows pulling together in mild confusion as he looked between his parents and his wife.

"When did calling her Ma start?" Alex asked quietly as he cocked his head to the side. It wasn't in an accusing tone, simply a curious one because his mother hadn't seemed phased even slightly when Juliette spoke.

Juliette turned to answer Alex, but Mary spoke up first. “Oh you know Juliette, always making up nicknames for people.” She smiled as she began to set up the table. “But probably about…. I’d say a year or so ago. Juli, there’s coffee made over there if you want some. I’ll feed the baby.”

Juliette grinned at her mother-in-law as she made her way over to the coffee pot. She reached up into the cupboard and brought down two cups for her and Alex. She made them their coffee and headed back over to the table. She sat the coffee cup in front of Alex and then slid into the seat next to him. She sipped at the coffee, her eyes closing as she relished the warm liquid.

Juliette leaned over and placed a kiss on Alex’s cheek. She looked over at Mary once more, “Everything smells so good.”

“Thank you,” Mary mentioned as she finished plating everything. “Woke up early and just couldn’t sleep. You know me.”