Straight Through the Heart

“I love you too,” Negan spoke gruffly against her lips, stealing another kiss before she could pull away from him. Negan slipped his arms around her waist, letting his hands rest on the small of her back as he pulled her flush against him. He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his chest as she spoke.

“Well how in the hell was I ‘sposed to know the end of the world was comin’?” He teasingly asked her, pressing another kiss to her lips. The pads of his fingers massaged small circles into the skin of her back. He loved this, being there with her, not a care in the world… It was the lightest that Negan had felt in an awfully long time. “But I’ll be dammed if I am not going to do whatever I can to make sure that you stay safe.”

"I know, James. You're such a hardheaded bastard that I don't think the end of the world can even hold a flame to you," she whispered, letting out a tiny giggle. Lucille would have been happy to just stand here in the shower with Negan's arms wrapped around her waist for the rest of her life, provided the water never ran cold. She sighed as she leaned into his chest, curling her arms between their chests. She cuddled into him for a moment longer before sighing and reluctantly pulling away from him.

Lucille climbed out of the shower and wrapped one of the towels around her body, glancing over to him. "Let's go grab some food and figure out what we're doing with the rest of the day," she paused, tugging on her bottom lip. "I don't want to just sit around and reap in the rewards of being the boss' wife."

“Never,” Negan breathed into her skin with a smile. “Ain’t nothing going to keep me down, you know that better then anyone.” Negan trailed his fingers gently up and down her spine. He pressed her further into his chest, kissing the top of her head a few times.

Negan let out a small groan when she eventually pulled away from him and stepped out of the shower. If it were up to him they would have stayed in that shower all damn day long. He followed behind her and grabbed a towel. He rubbed his hair dry before wrapping the towel around his waist. He waltzed out into the bedroom, headed straight for the dresser in search of clean clothes to put on.

If Lucille could just standing like this for the rest of her life, she could honestly say that she would be happy. She had longed to have his arms around her again for so long that she hadn't known how bad. She had missed Negan so long that the ache had dulled enough that it didn't hurt quite as bad as it had in the beginning.

Since her clothes were soiled, Lucille opted to pull on one of Negan's shirts and went for the smallest pair of pants that she could find. She stilled needed to thread a belt through the belt loops but it would do until she found another pair of clothes that fit better.

Grinning when Negan finished dressing, Lucille moved to his side to slip an arm through his, following him down to the food hall. "Do you guys ever have treats? Dessert duty usually fell between me and Carol back in Alexandria. Depending on what we had on hand, we usually could come up with something more delicious than you probably expect."

Negan watched as Lucille trifled through his clothes. He smiled as he watched her pulling them on. It had been far too long since the man had seen his wife in his clothing. In the back of his mind he knew it might cause a stir among the other women, but he pushed the thought away. None of them mattered like she did.

“We can get your clothes washed tonight,” he mentioned. “Do you have any other clothing or belongings or any of that shit?”

As they made their way through the halls down to the kitchen area, Negan could feel eyes on them. He had never courted a woman through the Sanctuary like he was doing with Lucille. With anyone who was giving him a sideways glance, even from their kneeling position, Negan just narrowed his eyes and nodded affirmatively.

When they came up to the kitchen, Negan released Lucille’s arm and placed a hand on the small of her back, “You go first, doll.”

"I do," Lucille mentioned, a frown forming on her features as she glanced over to her husband. "But they're back in Alexandria. Wasn't exactly planning on doing anything other than returning there," she said with a shrug of her shoulders, unable to hide the venom that leaked into her voice.

"But it's only one other set. Changed it when I could, when I came across a decent enough pair of clothes that fit," Lucille muttered with a shrug of her shoulders. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she had found somewhere with brand new clothing. Sure, there had been plenty of times when she happened across someone's old clothing but that just didn't quite have the same ring to it as a brand spanking new set of clothing.

Shaking her head, Lucille pushed her thoughts away as they left the room. Somehow, she knew enough not to argue with Negan in front of his people. Not over something so trivial. She'd only meant it as a playful jab anyway.

Lucille hadn't been prepared for the feeling of absolute bliss that washed over her being when Negan placed a hand on her back. This was where she belonged, right by Negan's side. She leaned into his touch, a gentle smile forming on her lips as she stepped into the line for food. More than surprised by the size of the plate handed to her, Lucille looked up to Negan with a small frown as they found a spot at a table. "How many... colonies do you have?"

Negan scrunched his nose at his wife’s questioned as he began to chow down on his food. The man could put away some food. He swallowed before he answered her, “Just a couple.” He knew the short answer would drive her mad, but he was willing to see how far he could push her in public. It was always a game to Negan, and it always will be. Seeing his wife get so frustrated and flustered over the smallest ways of him pushing her buttons was hilarious to him.

“So first things first,” He mentioned between forkfuls of food, using his fork to point at her. “If your ass only has one damn pair of clothes at Alexandria, I guess that means that I have to try and find you some other shit to wear. Can’t have my queen out here wearing the same shit every day, can I?”

Negan smirked at her as he saw her blush. He took pride in knowing that he could still sway the girls emotions. “Also… I need to know if there is any certain job you want. I know you, and I know you’re gonna fuckin’ bitch and complain if I don’t let you do something. If I had it my way you know you would just be sittin’ next to me lookin’ pretty and shit all day.”

"A couple?" Lucille echoed, her nose scrunching as she eyed her husband. Her eyes twitched as she shook her head, trying to keep her composure. While she knew damn well Negan wouldn't be stupid enough to raise a hand to her or something equally ridiculous, she wasn't so sure that losing her composure in front of his people was the best decision out there.

Lucille's movements slowed as Negan pointed at her, her eyes narrowing as she chewed ever so slowly. Her attention was zeroed in on her husband, fully expecting some sort of smart ass remark from those beautiful lips. To expect anything else would have been stupid and she knew it. Scoffing at the comment when it was finally out in the open, Lucille ducked her head down to try and hide the blush that crept onto her features.

Glancing up through her eyelashes, Lucille couldn't help but smirk as he spoke. "Does everyone here know how to fight? If it comes right down to it, if the wall got knocked down, if zombies started overruning the place. Could everyone here pick up a weapon?" She felt like it was a stupid question but by the sheer number of people around, Lucille was almost sure that Negan may have let it slide for some.

"I don't want to just lay around. Give me a job that's worth doing. Runs or whatever," Lucille muttered with a shrug of her shoulders. "And don't expect for me not to come with you when you leave because believe it or not, Daryl and Abraham have taught me how to handle almost any weapon you hand to me."

Negan wanted to shout at her. He wanted to call her stupid for even thinking about doing runs. Why put his wife in danger that way? But the no nonsense look in her eye made him rethink his feelings. Even prior to the world going to shit, Lucille was always a hard worker. She wasn’t the type of woman to sit home and play house maker all the time. He knew that Lucille felt useful when she was doing something.

“We’ll figure something out, ‘kay?” he finally responded once he had pushed his plate away. “Just don’t think it’s too damn smart for you to be out on runs. Can’t risk losing you again, Lucille.”

Negan watched as Lucy opened her mouth to say something in response, but he shook his head, his eyes fluttering closed briefly. “I’m not sayin’ that it ain’t an option, Lucy. I’d just rather look at some different shit for you to do first. I don’t want you gettin’ hurt. I have full faith in your ass to keep yourself safe—but I wouldn’t be able to ever fucking forgive myself if something happened to you.”

Lucille had managed to keep her temper in check as Negan tried to reason with her, she knew damn well that he wouldn't want her to go on runs but that was simply how it was going to be. But then Negan was opening his mouth again and he was spewing some sort of bullshit that she certainly wasn't going to simply smile and nod her head at.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied Negan for a moment, dropping her fork with a loud clank. Shoving her hands down on either side of the plate, Lucille pushed to her feet. Her jaw clenched as her nails dug into the table, her knuckles turning white.

"But it's okay for me to sit back and worry about your ass getting hurt. It's okay if something happens to you because mierda, you'll be dead. It doesn't matter then." Lucille didn't bother to linger long enough to see the affect her words had on Negan or Negan's people. She didn't give a shit, not right now at least.

Lucille's shoulders pulled together as she stormed out of the room, her hands balling into fists at her sides. The moment she stepped out of the room, she realized she had no clue where she was going, not really, so she did what she thought might be best and headed outside in hopes of some fresh air.

Negan rolled his eyes dramatically as he watched Lucille get up and storm away from the table. Why did she always have to be so fucking stubborn and so damn hard headed? In Negan’s opinion, his wife was acting like a bratty child. He was going to let her.

Although, he smirked to himself as he watched her walk out of the building. He knew that she was clueless as to where she was, so she wasn’t going to get very far. Negan continued to eat his lunch in peace, speaking with a few people here and there in passing.

After he was done with his lunch, he threw his plate away and went in search for his wife. He wanted to tell her that it wasn’t the way that it seemed. He wanted to talk through it, but much like his own mindset, it was either Lucille’s way or the highway. What she didn’t realize was the pair of them were too alike for their own good, she always did the same shit he did—and then chastised him when he did it.

Lucille didn't think anyone was going to bother her when she stepped outside and she seemed to be right so she was more than a little bit relieved. She let out a sigh as she looked up at the sun, squinting so that she could look at it for a few seconds. Her shoulders pulled together as she began to walk along the outskirts of the compound, stopping dead in her tracks when she spotted a few people toying with walkers. She wanted to go over and demand what they were doing but she didn't, almost sure it was some sort of stupid thing that her husband had come up with.

She muttered under her breath as she turned around, deciding to walk in the direction she had just come from. Where else would she go? Lucille doubted she would be able to leave the compound without Negan by her side, so she didn't want to even attempt it. Such a thing would only further sour her mood.

Lucille stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted Negan, her eyes narrowing as a million shit names rushed through her mind. What best suited him at the moment? Shaking her head, Lucille turned and started in another direction, thinking space was likely the best option at the moment.

Negan spotted his wife right away, but looked away just in time so she didn’t notice. He watched as she turned on her heal and got the fuck away from him. He shook his head momentarily, not bothering with it much longer, as he was in an in depth conversation with one of his men. However, he kept an eye on which direction she was headed.

When Negan was done with his conversation, he went off in search for her. When he finally found her, she was sitting down. He approached her, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He crouched down and sat next to her. He remained there for a few minutes in silence, knowing that she wasn’t going to be the first one to speak.

“Sorry for pissin’ you off.” He muttered.

The moment that she felt someone's presence behind her, Lucille's shoulders pulled together and she ground her teeth together. She knew exactly who the someone was and it took all of her self control to keep from shouting at him. Tell him to fuck off so she could enjoy a few more moments of peace and quiet before their lives were upturned all over again. Instead, she kept quiet, watching the way the high grass swayed in the light breeze.

"No you're not," Lucille muttered, hanging her head. SHe smoothed out the material of Negan's pants, frowning when the wrinkles just appeared all over again. She looked away, shaking her head.

"I just wish you could fuckin' understand, Negan. I get it, I'm not as strong as you but I'm fast and I'm smart. I've learned a lot since we got separated. I wouldn't be breathin' if I hadn't. Abraham made sure I knew how to take care of myself because just like you, he didn't want to lose me," Lucille ranted away, tossing her hands wide. She didn't realize what she had hinted at because she was still so focused on what she was saying. "I bet I can handle myself more than you think."

Negan listened intently, not something he normally did, as his wife spoke. He knew he was going to have to if he was going to make her happy—which is all the man wanted to do. Make sure she was safe, happy, and had everything that she ever needed. But Negan caught that innuendo. He understood what she was referring to and his blood immediately started to boil. His head snapped away from her, so she couldn’t see the anger that was etched all over his face, much like how hers looked when she found out about the wives.

Negan knew he had no grounds to argue with her own, she would only twist his words and call him a hypocrite. “I get it Lucille.” He spoke through a clenched jaw, still not looking at her. “You wanna go on runs? Fine. Go. I ain’t stopping you from doin’ shit. Just don’t be a fuckin’ idiot, cuz I don’t want to have to clean up your damn messes.”

Negan knew how his words would sting her, but because he hadn’t mentioned what he had thought he heard, he had to get to her somehow. If Negan was pissed, especially because of Lucille, she sure as shit was going to be pissed too.

Lucille had been somewhat calm, she was doing her best to keep herself settled down because she knew that there was no other way that they would get through this argument. But then Negan continued to speak and his words sparked her anger in a way that she hadn't been prepared for. She whirled around, glaring daggers at the man as she shook her head. "My damn messed? What the fuck is that supposed to mean, papi? You think I just went and screwed up on purpose? You think I meant to get lost and not see you for two of the longest fucking years of my life, papi? Is that what you mean by clean up my fuckin' messes?" Her voice grew louder as she talked, her hands balling into fists as she stood.

"I get it, Negan. I really fuckin' do. I am so fucking sorry that I messed up, that's sure as shit not what I wanted to happen but guess what, it did. I've lived with that decision for years. Every single fuckin' day since, I've regretted it. I've cried myself to sleep more times than I would like to admit because I was either scared in the middle of the woods or I was lonely in Alexandria. Because the only thing I wanted was my husband!"

Lucille threw her hands up, stepping away from him as she shook her head. "I won't go on a single fuckin' run. I'll sit by your side and just be the trophy wife you've always wanted," she paused to take a deep breath. "Oh. Wait. You already have half a dozen of those so do you even need me?"

Negan’s jaw clenched and unclenched, the muscles flexing visibly on the side of his face. Lucille was digging deep, deeper than she had in a while, and it was really starting to grate on his last nerve. He stood up off the ground forcefully, his eyes narrowing at her as she continued to yell. She was making a scene and that was something he absolutely could not have her doing.

“Would you quiet the fuck down for five seconds,” he whispered lowly at her. “You’re being too fucking loud and I don’t fucking like it.”

Negan stepped closer to her, his head shaking as he did so. “Everything isn’t always about you Lucille. You always jump to fucking conclusions. You always think that the things I do are to keep you from doing the things that you want to do! Haven’t you ever stopped and thought for a fucking minute that I just want you safe? That I just want you happy? That I just want to fucking give you the world because you deserve it?”

Negan stopped and huffed slightly. “No, because its always about you. You say that I am full of myself but you never fucking think for a moment the things that I do for you. Jesus fucking Christ.”

Lucille hadn't really cared when Negan told her to quiet down, not until he simply said that he didn't like it. She had grown heated then, ready to lash out at Negan and rip him to shreds but the man continued to speak. The tension left her body as her shoulders sagged, her jaw dropping as she watching him. "You know what, Negan. Fuck you. If you think I'm so fucking selfish, why even bother?" Lucille spat.

She turned, her hands balling into fists as she started to storm back into the building. She had no real clue where the hell she was going, except maybe back up to his room. Where else was there for her to even go?

Lucille bit into her lip, slamming the door open. She ignored the looks from Negan's people, keeping her eyes focused forward. She had no real clue how she managed to find her way back to Negan's room but God, if she wasn't relieved when she found the room.

Having no clue what sort of mood Negan was going to be in when he finally came up to the room, Lucille decided to busy herself with gathering the few belongings that she had brought with her. She did the best she could washing her clothes in the bathtub before laying the clothes out. At least if Negan told her to get lost, her clothes would be clean. Lucille was already thinking worst case scenario because that was what she had had to live with for the past few years.

She would be on her own, she had no clue how far away she was from Alexandria and she sure as shit had no clue how to get back there. So she would effectively be on her own. Fear started to settle in the pit of her stomach so Lucille settled on working out, knowing it would at least keep her thoughts at bay.

Negan was starting to get whiplash from how fast her emotions were flipping. No matter how much he had taken her opinions, wants, and needs into consideration; nor how gentle he tried to be when approaching different subjects with her, he was always made out to be the bad guy. Fuck, he was the bad guy because he didn’t want his wife getting hurt or killed or separated from him? Well, then James Negan guilty as charged.

Letting out a loud groan as she walked away from him, Negan balled his fists and slammed them into his pockets. Why couldn’t he get through her stubborn as head that he wasn’t trying to hold her back from anything? Negan ran a hand through his hair as he stalked off towards the building. He decided that he was going to leave her the hell alone; no good was going to come out of him trying to talk to her at that very moment. More than likely, they would just end up screaming at one another once more.

Negan diverted the path to his bedroom and headed off towards his office. He needed to get started on planning what they were going to do with Alexandria. He knew one thing for sure, if Lucille planned on going back there, she would have to find her own ride—he wasn’t taking her anywhere.

By the time that Lucille had finished with her work out, her limbs were aching and her stomach growling. She was hungry, that much was clear, but she wasn't about to head down to the cafeteria on her own. She didn't know what the rules were for food and she wasn't about to break one of his precious rules and end up in a shouting match all over again.

Grumbling to herself, Lucille headed into the bathroom. She peeled off Negan's clothing, dropping them into a semi neat pile by the foot of the tub. Turning on the water, Lucille let out a sigh as she climbed inside. Letting the water wash over her, Lucille closed her eyes and relished in the heat.

Lucille was quick to shower, not bothering with her hair and only her body since she had just showered that morning. Yawning as she climbed out, Lucille wrapped a towel tightly around her body before heading out into the bedroom once again.