I Know It Breaks Your Heart

Emily wasn't really sure when she realized something was wrong. Things with Zacky had been perfect for so long. Ever since the day she'd met him, she'd been head over heels in love with him. At first it had just been some silly teenager crush but eventually it had turned into something more and together the two of them had made a pact, promised each other that as soon as they graduated from high school they would get out of town. And that's exactly what they did. As soon as the diplomas were in their hands, Emily and Zacky were gone, off to California to try and make a life for themselves. And Emily had loved every second of it, even though the first few years were on the rough side when it came to their finances. And then one day...suddenly it wasn't. Suddenly they had money and Emily had no idea where it was coming from. She suspected that Zacky had something to do with it, but until he'd admitted everything during an argument, Emily hadn't wanted to believe. Zacky, her Zacky, the one who held her at night when she was scared and homesick, he was involved in crime? Selling drugs? It just couldn't be true. And Emily had tried to deal with it, but once she knew it was like the veil had been lifted and she couldn't stand knowing that the man she was in love with was involved in such heinous things. So she left. She thought about going back, but shortly after leaving Emily discovered that she was pregnant and she knew that she didn't want her child around the things that Zacky did. So she just stayed away, away from Zacky and away from anything that could harm her child.

"Alright Maddy, I want you to be good for Miss Abby, okay?" Emily said. She crouched down in front of three year old Maddy, reaching out to brush the hair away from her forehead. Her daughter looked into her eyes and smiled and like she had many times before, Emily felt like the breath had been knocked from her chest. Maddy looked so much like Zacky, in no way more than her eyes. "Mommy will be back in a few hours. Now give me a hug." Emily pressed a kiss to Maddy's crown and got to her feet, looking over at the babysitter. "You have my number and the number of the bar I'll be at, so call me if you need anything, okay?"

For Zacky, it had all made sense. He didn't think it was that big of a deal to not tell Emily about the work that he was involved in because at least he was bringing in money and they didn't need to worry so much about which bill they needed to pay next or if they were going to eat or pay rent. That had always been their biggest concern so when Zacky happened upon the opportunity to be able to comfortably provide for Emily, he just hadn't been able to turn it down. There wasn't a day that went by that Zacky didn't wonder what life would be like if she had still been by his side. Would he still be involved in the underground world? It wasn't just the drugs anymore. It was the street fighting, it was the racing, and on occasion, it was the weapons that could be transported to bring him a big enough profit.

It was a Saturday night, they were usually the busiest night of the week for Zacky and yet he couldn't be bothered to go deal with his business. He had decided to place Brian in charge for the evening so that he could head out to one of the various bars and clubs in town that he frequented. It wasn't that he owned them but he had close enough ties with the owners that he was treated as if he did when he visited.

Dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a black button up, Zacky headed out to one of the clubs. He didn't bother to step into line, heading straight toward the door and sure enough, he was let inside without much argument. Heading straight over to the bar, Zacky leaned against it, considering his options before telling the bartender to simply surprise him.

Emily would've preferred not to go to the bar alone, but no one had wanted to go out with her tonight and there was no way in hell that was going to make her stay home. Back when they'd first come to California, she and Zacky used to go out to bars all the time; sometimes they wouldn't even drink, they would just play pool and make friends for the night and have a good time. After being let inside, Emily went up to the bar, catching the attention of the nearest bartender. "Hi yeah, could I get a shot of Wild Turkey and a strawberry daiquiri, frozen?" she asked, pulling out her debit card. "Just start me a tab." The woman nodded her head, taking Emily's card before she went to make the drinks. Emily rested her elbow on the counter, resting her chin in her palm as she looked around at the crowd in the bar. The first time that she saw him, she was sure she was imagining things, but after doing a double take, Emily knew he was really there. Zacky. Zacky was in this bar, twenty five feet away from her, sipping on some dark alcohol over ice. Honestly, what were the odds that she would run into him here of all places, and after nearly four years? Emily mumbled a thank you to the bartender when she placed the drinks in front of her, quickly tipping back the shot.

Emily knew she shouldn't, knew she should just have a few drinks and go home, but her feet had other ideas. She grabbed her daiquiri from the counter and found herself heading in Zacky's direction, her hand reaching out to tap him on the shoulder as she leaned against the counter again. He looked just as good as the day she'd walked out on him, his green eyes sparkling with surprise and reminding her of the way Maddy's did whenever she couldn't quite piece together one of her puzzles. "Uh, hey," Emily said softly, looking down at the bar. "It's um, it's been awhile."

Of all the people that he had been expecting to see when he turned around, Emily was at the very bottom of the list. His eyes widened ever so slightly as his eyes flicked down her body as if he could tell that this was all some sort of misguided prank or something. Maybe he was just seeings things. He was only on his first drink but it had been awhile since Zacky chose to just go out and have fun instead of focusing on his work... maybe the alcohol was just having more of an affect on him than normal. But then Emily was speaking and it seemed to snap Zacky right back to reality, making him realize that she was indeed standing right in front of him. After all of these years, of all the places that he would run into her again, it was here?

Zacky turned his attention back to the guys that had been standing with him and he gave a jerk of his head. Without a word needing to be said, they turned and left Zacky and Emily alone. He cleared his throat as he turned back to her, a small frown on his lips as he buried his free hand into his pocket. "Yeah, I guess it has been. What? Just about four years, right?" He asked, trying to keep the tension at a bay.

"What have you been up to? You're looking good."

There was no way to mistake the frown on Zacky's face, and Emily felt silly. She shouldn't have come over here, she should've just left things alone and stayed where she was, just had a few drinks and then gone home. But then again, how was she supposed to just ignore the fact that Zacky was barely fifteen feet away from her? She'd been in love with him for the longest time. Hell, half the time she still thought she was. "Um, well I actually just graduated from college back in May," Emily answered. She hovered around the stool for a second, finally taking a seat after a few seconds. She bit her lip, glancing up at Zacky before looking back down at her drink. "I'm a teacher now. Uh, second grade. I teach at that elementary school over on the west side of town, you know the one?" Emily's voice had risen to a squeak of sorts as she neared the end of her sentence, and she raised her glass to that she would shut her mouth.

"There's also something else you should know, Zack," Emily said softly, setting her drink back down on the counter. She dug her phone out of her small clutch and pulled up a recent picture of Maddy, sliding the phone over to Zacky. "Not long after I...left, I um, I found out that I was pregnant. You...You have a daughter, Zack. Her name is Maddy, she's three years old and she has your eyes and...I'm sorry, I just felt like you deserved to know."

The knowledge that Emily was a second grade teacher, that bit wasn't the least bit surprising to him. He let out a small laugh, causing his head to shake as he nodded along. There was nothing to be said from him - his life was still the same as it had been the day that Emily left him. If anything, it had only intensified over the past few years. Few people made it as far as he did, as quickly as he had, but as his boss liked to say, Zacky had shown promise. But the shock came with the admission that he had a daughter. He wouldn't have been able to hide the emotions that warred across his features.

Zacky's entire body went rigid as his eyes dropped to the phone being shoved in his direction. His hand tightened around the glass in his hand as he studied the picture and as hard as he may have wanted to deny it, he couldn't. The little girl in the picture looked just like him - save for having her mother's hair and her smile and... she was his baby girl. Clearing his throat, Zacky's lips pursed as he nodded slowly. Okay.

"What do you want?" Zacky forced the words out, forcing down the emotions that swelled inside of him. He looked away, grinding his teeth together. "Where are you living? Somewhere safe? Do you needs things to help care for her? Food? Bills?" The words were spit out with little time between because his mind was reeling. Zack didn't know what it meant to take care of a child but knowing that he had a daughter out there, all he wanted to do was make sure she was well taken care of and happy.

Emily didn't know what sort of reaction she was expecting from Zacky when she told him about Maddy. Of course she had known he would be surprised, but everything else was speculation. When he started to speak, Emily couldn't help but frown. "Is that all you think I want?" she hissed. "Money? Zack, if I wanted money from you, I would've done that as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my daughter on my own. I've only been doing it for the past three years." Of course, Emily would never tell him that the past four years had been some of the most difficult of her life, particularly from a financial standpoint. And especially with having to care for Maddy. If it hadn't been for her parents wiring her money from back home occasionally, Emily was sure she and Maddy would've ended up on the streets. Or moving back home. Or crawling back to Zacky with her tail between her legs, which was the absolute last thing that Emily wanted to do.

"I think I'm just going to go, this was a mistake," Emily mumbled, reaching for her drink. She slurped down as much as she could before she felt herself getting a brain freeze. It figured that on her first night out in awhile, Emily would run into Zacky and have her past dredged up again. She couldn't ever just go out and have a good time, could she? Of course, she could've just stayed where she was and had a few drinks, but she just had to come over and talk to Zacky and make herself look and feel like an idiot.

Zacky had been doing his best to keep himself together knowing that there was a baby girl on this planet that he had fathered but never known about. He wondered if Maddy ever asked about him and what Emily might say in response to the questions. He winced, reaching to run a hand through his hair. Gritting his teeth, he looked away from the woman sitting opposite of him. "I didn't mean to say you weren't doing a good job," he forced out through gritted teeth. Zacky sat straighter, forcing his hands to stay straight instead of balling into fists the way they wanted to. He was so used to reacting with angry to negative situations but he couldn't, not with Emily. There was no way in hell he could, she was different.

"What was your intention then?" Zacky asked, raising an eyebrow as he turned back to Emily. He tilted his head to the side, his heart thudding in his chest as he took in the sight in front of him. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her, show her exactly what he had always wanted to offer her. The world, Zacky knew damn sure that he could give it to her. But Emily would never go for it, Zacky knew that and so he kept his mouth shut. Clasping his hands together, Zacky leaned back in his seat. "I'll provide whatever you want, Emily. Whatever you need, whatever you want..." he shrugged his shoulders, "it's yours."

"My intention was to let you know that you had a daughter, because when I saw you, I just thought you deserved to know," Emily said. She could sense that Zacky was irritated or upset, and she didn't know what to do. She knew Zacky wouldn't lash out at her, but it saddened Emily a little to know that the calm, sweet Zacky she'd known for years was probably long gone. "I don't want to tell you what I want, Zack," Emily said. She took another long sip of what was left of her drink. "This isn't like we're deciding where we want to go for dinner or something. This is about a child. Our child. And I don't want to force you into anything. If you want to give us some money, then fine, go ahead. If you want to pay for food or send her a present, that's fine, too. You can even meet her if you want. I just don't want you to do anything just because you feel like you have to." Emily didn't know why she was saying all of this; she'd spent the last three years keeping Maddy away from Zacky because she was afraid that the sort of lifestyle he led would hurt her, and here she was, offering up Maddy to him.

But this was the first time that Emily had seen Zacky since she'd left him and as soon as she'd laid eyes on him it was like the floodgates opened; she remembered how much she loved him and she questioned every choice she'd made when she decided to walk away from him. And she felt like an awful person for not even giving him a chance to be a father to Maddy. And maybe Zacky had somehow managed to change over the past few years. Who knew? Emily reached for a nearby napkin and scribbled her phone number down on it. She shoved it at Zacky. "Here's my number," she mumbled. "You can call, whenever you decide what you want."

Sure, growing up, Zacky hadn't had the best life ever. His parents struggled from paycheck to paycheck but they tried their very best to provide for him. It often meant being alone for hours on end after school was over and he had gotten himself into more trouble than he would admit to at a young age. But that had been nothing too harmful. It was the life that he led now that should things erupt, his life would be over. It only took the wrong person finding out the wrong thing and he would either be dead or thrown in a jail cell for the rest of his life. Zacky did his best to keep people in line and did a good job of it for the most part when it came right down to it - killing was a step too far. There was no money to be made in such an act, not for Zacky, at least.

Clearing his throat, Zacky looked down to the offered napkin. His eyes scanned the phone number before he looked back up to her. "You and I both know that you don't want me in her life," he answered with a sigh. Zacky looked away from Emily, straightening up and pressing his back against the back of the booth. "But I'll provide whatever you need, whatever can make her life better," Zacky's words were careful and there was no real hint of an emotion in them. He had long since mastered his emotions and for that, he was grateful. "My number hasn't changed. Call me if you ever need anything. Ever. Understand?"

"And I told you that I only want you to provide what you want, Zack," Emily said, gritting her teeth. She didn't understand why he was fighting her so hard on this. It almost made her feel like he didn't want to be involved in Maddy's life at all, because she was sure he knew as well as she did that Emily would never call Zacky for anything. She hadn't done it over the past four years and she wouldn't do it now. And the way he spoke made it seem like he didn't care at all, and it pissed Emily off. "So just...if you want to provide something for Maddy or be there in her life, you'll call me. If you don't, then you won't." Emily didn't even bother to finish off her drink before she left, shivering at the slight breeze as she hailed a cab. She knew Abby would would be surprised to see her home so soon, but Emily didn't really feel like going anywhere else but home. She just wanted to take a bubble bath with a glass of wine, fuck what time it was. Seeing Zacky had her all wound up and she needed to unwind or there would be no chance of her ever getting any sleep.

"You're back early," Abby said as Emily walked through the door.

"Yeah, the bar was a little crowded," Emily lied. "I'll still pay you for the whole night, though." She paid Abby and once the babysitter was gone, Emily crept down the hall to check on Maddy. She was sound asleep in her little bed, which meant Emily had all the time in the world to relax in the bathtub.

It took all the self restraint that Zacky had to keep himself from demanding that Emily sit back down. He wasn't used to people walking away from him before he dismissed them, particularly on such a pressing matter. He was used to being in charge where people asked how they could make him happy. Grinding his teeth together, Zacky tossed the rest of his drink back without thinking much more about it. He let out a sigh as he planted his hands on the table, shoving himself out of the booth. He stormed out of the bar, his fingers dialing a number on his phone. Minutes later, one of his associates rolled up and he was on his way home.

---

Nearly a week had gone by before Zacky was doing laundry and he stumbled upon the napkin with Emily's number written on it. Everything seemed to come flooding back to him and he froze, staring at the number for a longer amount of time than he probably should have. he tossed the paper on top of the dryer and finished with the laundry before heading into the kitchen where he began to fix himself a quick lunch.

Sitting down at the breakfast bar, Zacky curled over the plate of food. He hesitated for a moment before finally deciding to just man up and dial the number scribbled onto the napkin. More than enough time had passed, Zacky couldn't just keep putting it off. Even he knew that.

"Mommy, I'm huuuuuuuungry," Maddy whined, gripping onto the arm of the sofa. She pointed to her mouth and Emily laughed softly.

"Alright, well how about we make some sandwiches?" Emily suggested, and Maddy nodded. Emily set the remote aside and went with the toddler into the kitchen, grabbing the bread from the pantry and the bologna from the fridge. She made Maddy half a sandwich and herself a whole one, grabbing two water bottles from the fridge before going back to the living room and sitting on the couch. She turned the TV to something Maddy would watch and settled back to eat her sandwich. Next to her, Emily's phone started to ring, and her eyebrow raised when she noticed that it was a call from a number that she didn't recognize. She assumed it was a wrong number, but even then she liked to answer and tell whoever was on the other line that they had the wrong number, otherwise they usually continued to call. Emily swallowed the food in her mouth and reached for her phone, accepting the call and placing the phone to her ear. "Hello?" she said. Before the person on the other line could respond, Emily added, "I think you've got the wrong number, because I don't recognize yours."

She couldn't think of any other reason why a number she didn't recognize would be calling her, especially in the middle of the day. She had all of the important numbers stored in her contacts: her parents, her sister, her student loan company, Abby, and several people from the school where she worked. It drove her crazy not to have a number saved. "Hello?" Emily said again. "Are you still there?"

Hearing Emily's voice answer on the other end of the line sent his heart racing in a way that he hadn't been expecting. Zacky let out a shaky breath, his eyes slipping shut as he wondered if this was the right call to make. It would be so easy to hang up and pretend that it had been the wrong number and ignore his responsibilities to their child but the thought alone had been enough to squeeze his heart. He knew what it was like to miss his family - he had no contact with them anymore all because of what he had gotten himself into. The people that he ran with, they were his family now. He had lost everything that he had ever had all because he had been trying to provide for the girl that he had thought he was going to one day marry. Because he had been young and stupid and he had since accepted that, there wasn't really another option. Not when he was in so deep.

Zacky cleared his throat, sitting up as Emily spoke again. "Yeah," he answered, chewing on the inside of his lip. He nodded, only to realize that Emily wouldn't be able to see what he was doing. "It's, ah, Zack," he spoke a bit gruffer this time around.

"I just wanted to know when a good time to meet up would be," Zacky hesitated, hating the doubt that had settled in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't something that he was used to by any means. "I have some things I need to give you." He wanted to ask about meeting Maddy but he couldn't - what if he put her in danger? What if something went wrong? And besides, he didn't want to put himself in her life, only to disappear later on. That would be just as cruel, if not worse.

Emily had suspected that it was Zacky on the other end of the phone, but having it confirmed just made Emily's stomach turn over. She listened to him speak, asking when they could meet up, and she glanced over at Maddy. Her sweet little girl was sitting on the couch watching Paw Patrol, completely unaware that on the other end of this phone was the man who was half of the reason for her existence. "Well it would have to be sometime today or tomorrow," Emily said, curling her legs underneath herself. "Otherwise you'll have to wait until next weekend, because Saturdays and Sundays are the only days I have off from work. Well, I guess you could come after work during the week, it would just have to be after six, because by the time I leave the school and pick Maddy up from daycare, I'm usually not home until then."

Hearing her name caught Maddy's attention, and the three year old, jumped up from her place on the couch, nearly spilling her sandwich onto the floor in her haste to squirm over close to Emily. "Who you talking to, Mommy?" she asked. She reached for the phone. "Is it Mamaw?"

"No baby, it's not Mamaw," Emily told her. She covered the mouthpiece of the phone with her hand. "It's um, it's an old friend of Mommy's, okay? Go back to your cartoon and eat your sandwich."

"No, I wanna talk!" Maddy shrieked. She snatched the phone from Emily's hands, pressing it against her own ear. "Hi!" she chirped into the phone. "Who dis?"

"I won't be able to get the money that quickly," Zacky answered into the phone before Emily had even finished the word 'tomorrow'. It was easy to move money through electronic transfers and in person if need be but the amount of money he was planning on giving to Emily? No, it would be far too suspicious and should the wrong people get ahold of the fact that such a large chunk of money was missing, it would be traceable right over to Emily. Sure, it wouldn't be an easy trace but certainly better safe than sorry when it came to the mother of his child and his baby girl. Even if he never got the chance to meet her, Zacky had no intention of letting harm come to either of them.

"Next weekend would be good," Zacky agreed, letting out a breath of air. He reached up, ruffling his hair before sinking further into the mattress beneath him.

Hearing a muffled conversation, Zacky realized that a hand must have been covering the receiver and he wondered who she could be talking to. Maddy? Her mother? Resolving that it didn't matter, Zacky pushed to his feet and began to make his way downstairs, intent on grabbing something to drink.

The next words that filtered through the device made Zacky stumble on the stairs and he very nearly cursed before he caught the word on the tip of his tongue.

His hand tightened around the railing on the stairwell before he sank down on the stair just above where he stood. Zacky listened as Maddy spoke. His heart clenched inside of his chest and it took longer than he meant to before he found the words to speak through the dryness of his mouth.

"Hey, angel," Zacky whispered, his face contorting into a mask of pain. He was more than thankful to be at home with no one around - his maid had been given the day off since Zacky was taking a day to himself.

Clearing his throat, Zacky wet his lips before speaking again. "My name's Zack," he paused, taking a deep breath and feeling the weight of the situation rose right along with his chest. "What's yours?"

(I am so sorry I rambled so much )

"Madison Alice!" Emily hissed. She reached out to take the phone back from Maddy, but the toddler moved to the opposite end of the couch, moving up onto the arm of the couch. Emily could hear Zacky's voice drifting through the receiver again and her heart dropped. No, no, no. This wasn't how things were supposed to work out. Maddy wasn't supposed to know that Zacky existed until Emily was sure she was ready to meet him. "Madison, give Mommy that phone back now before I spank you."

"No, I'm talking to Zack!" Maddy shouted, and the sound of Zacky's name coming out of her mouth was enough to shock Emily back into her seat. "My name's Maddy," the toddler chirped into the phone. "Mommy said you're her friend. Are you her friend? Will you be my friend? Ooh, you come play with me? Mommy say she take me to Chuck E. Cheese, but we no go yet. I wanna go there real bad."

Finally Emily snapped out of her shocked stupor, and she rose up onto her knees, reaching over to snatch her phone back from Maddy. The toddler of course objected, screeching and demanding that the phone be returned. "No," Emily said sternly. "You know you're not allowed to talk on Mommy's phone unless I say so, and you're especially not supposed to snatch things from people. Now go sit in your time out chair. You can get up when Mommy gets off the phone." Emily watched as Maddy got off the couch with a huff, marching over to the little chair that Emily had in the corner for her time outs, plopping down and crossing her arms over her chest. "Sorry about that," Emily said, pressing the phone back to her ear. "She's being especially honery today."

Zacky opened his mouth to answer Maddy's question, all too eager to agree. He could get dressed right now and leave to go to their house - pick them up and they could all go to Chuck E Cheese, pretend to be a family. Even if they didn't tell Maddy the truth, it was possible, wasn't it? Just as the words were about to fall from his lips, Zacky's heart sank. No. He couldn't. It would be putting far too much at risk. He had enemies that would take full advantage of the mother of his baby and his daughter. Zacky could place a trusted man or two to follow both Emily and Madison around but he highly doubted that Emily would agree to it. There was no way she would, she was a stubborn woman and god, it still ran a risk that he wasn't sure he was willing to gamble with.

Before he could find the words to reject the little girl's offer, Emily was back on the phone and he would be ashamed to admit he had been more than a little relieved. He wasn't so sure that he would have been able to handle the disappointment in Maddy's voice.

Clearing his throat, Zacky pushed to his feet and began to pace around his room. Grinding his teeth together, Zacky bit down on the inside of his lip. "I'll swing by next Saturday. I'll have a suitcase of money and you'll have to be careful about putting it away. Or," he paused, wetting his lips. "I can put it in a trust fund for Maddy. Then give you monthly payments to make sure neither of you ever have to worry about it..."

(psst, trust fund - it'll play into things later )

Emily's hand gripped the phone so tightly that she was sure her knuckles were white as Zacky spoke. She'd told him that she didn't want his money, but he obviously hadn't been listening. She almost opened her mouth to tell him not to bother, but then she started to think. A trust fund would set Maddy up for a much better future than Emily could provide on her own. And as stubborn as Emily was about this, she was more than willing to set aside her pride for her daughter. "I think it would be better if you set up for trust fund," Emily finally said. "I don't want to have to deal with trying to find somewhere to put suitcase full of money. If I tried to put that much in my bank account, they'd probably flag my account." Besides that, Emily knew that Zacky had procured that money in less than legal ways, and what would happen if he was investigated that money was traced back to her? She didn't want to be involved in any of that. It was the main reason she'd walked away from Zacky four years ago.

"Just...call or message before you show up on Saturday," Emily continued. "And I know Maddy will be here so Zack...just don't say anything to her about...who you are. I don't want her to know unless you know for sure that you're going to be around. I don't want to get her hopes up. If she wasn't starting to ask about her dad, I wouldn't even bother with any of this at all." Emily paused, glancing over at Maddy, who was still sitting on her chair in the corner. "Listen, I've got to go," she told Zacky. "Just remember to call or message before you come over, so I know when to expect you."