Hard to Figure Out

Boop!

(I'm sososososo sorry!)

Matt smiled softly when Payton reached up to touch his cheek. It was probably the most tender touch he'd had in awhile, maybe even since before he went to prison. "I'll try," he said. He wasn't exactly sure what else to say to her. He couldn't really promise Payton that he would find her wherever she ended up because he wasn't even sure where he was going to end up. He saw the taxi pulling up alongside the curb and he knew it was time for Payton to go.

"I guess I'll see you," Matt said, watching as Payton got to her feet. He rose to his feet as well. He wasn't really sure where he was going to go, but he couldn't stay here and just watch Payton leave. He pulled her close, just wanting to have her close to him one last time. Letting go of her, he took a step back. "I hope things work out for you, wherever you end up," he said softly. "You deserve so much better than Ryan or this place."

(no, no! It's okay! I'll skip ahead in the next post. Two, maybe three years? What do you think? )

Walking away from Matt was the hardest thing that she would ever do, she was sure of it. Each step forward felt like she was dragging her feet through mud, offering a resistance that only seemed to grow stronger with each step that she managed to take. She didn't dare look back after climbing into the taxi because she knew that if she did, she would climb right back out of the car. Matt had always been her end goal. He had always treated her like little girls dreamed of, like a princess. And to walk away from that, it wasn't exactly easy to do.

Payton made a short stop at their home, packing a bag of clothes to take with her. She scribbled a short note, leaving it on the kitchen counter. She was leaving, there was no reason for Ryan to come looking for her because she would be long gone by the time he was out of jail. Leaving the house behind, she stopped at the bank to withdraw as much money as she could before being dropped off at the bus depot. She stared up at the board of departures, no real clue where she wanted to go. Deciding to go with the earliest one, Payton paid for her ticket and moved to sit down by the door out to the buses.

(yeah, two years sounds good)

Matt watched Payton climb into her cab, watching it drive away until it was completely out of sight before he started off away from the hospital. He had no money for a cab on him and he didn't want to ask his parents or Amy to come and get him, because he just wanted to leave before anyone else knew that he was thinking about it. He didn't know exactly where he was going to go, just out of here. He wanted to get as far away from this town and the ghosts of his past as he possibly could, but even when he was trying to get away, the atrocities he'd committed were still holding him back. Matt wasn't allowed to leave the state of California while he was on probation unless he got it approved, which would take too much time and would also serve to let everyone else know where he was going. Luckily California was a large state, so could go somewhere up north and be plenty far enough away to try and bury his past.

As Matt approached his parents' house, he could see that thankfully, neither one of them were home. He let himself into the house and went upstairs to the room he was staying in, pulling out his duffel bag and shoving his clothes inside. In another smaller bag he packed his toiletries and a few momentos, just a few photos of his family and Payton and even Tyler that he could have just as a reminder that maybe, someone actually did care about him. Matt left his key on the counter before he left, scribbling a short note to his parents, letting them know that he was safe and not to worry about him, but he just needed to leave. With his bags in hand, Matt gave one final glance around the house before he left, heading towards the nearest bus stop.

Payton had spent a few days on the coast, wondering where she was going to end up. For the first time in her life, she had no one to answer to other than herself. She only had to worry about what she wanted to do and how she was going to achieve those goals. It was a strange feeling but she eventually found herself being called to the mountains. They had brought her great joy when she visited as a child, so what was a better fit? Payton certainly didn't know so she did the only thing she thought was a remotely good option, she headed up to Big Bear. She remembered visiting the small mountain town once, she'd fallen in love. She hoped she would find herself, or some version so that she could begin to find her own corner of the world.

- - -

Years had gone by and Payton was doing as well as she probably could have hoped. She shared the main floor of a house with a coworker who had become her best friend, who was her confidant when it came to most situations. If it hadn't been for Bailey, she probably would still be lost to this day.

Payton worked in a restaurant located at the top of a mountain. Most arrived at the top by gondola but a few decided the hike up was worth it. During the winter, Payton would use the gondola but during the summer, she just couldn't deny how beautiful the hike was. It was getting to be fall soon, a chill in the air but it wasn't enough to deter her from the walk up the mountain. By the time she reached the time, her cheeks had tinged a pink and she was all but rushing toward the restaurant, dodging between tourists in an attempt to get to work on time.

Matt got on the first bus he could manage to catch and just left. He didn't know where he was going and it didn't really matter, except that it was away from Huntington. He moved around a lot over the next two years or so, never really staying in one place for too long. Someway or another, Matt ended up in Big Bear. He didn't know much about the little mountain town except that he'd visited it once when he was little and that it was hours away from Huntington Beach and the ghosts of his past that still haunted him. The apartment he found was small and shitty, but it would work for just himself. He only had a few things to his name, so it didn't take him long to get settled and then he decided he should get a little something to eat.

Matt asked around to find the best place to eat and someone suggested a restaurant on top of the mountain. Matt huffed as he walked away, knowing his piece of shit car would never make it up to the top so he would have to walk. Hopefully, the food was good enough to warrant the trip. Hell, if the place had halfway decent coffee, Matt would be okay with it. He made it up to the restaurant in what he thought was pretty good time, slipping inside and taking a seat at the closest clean table, waiting for a waitress.

Payton couldn't believe just how lucky she was. Sure, she didn't have the one person that she really wanted by her side but she had a place to live and she was free. She didn't have to be afraid that Ryan would come home early and react to her not having supper on the table early or opening her mouth and saying the wrong thing. All she had to worry about was working and enjoying her life for the what felt like the first time in her life. Bailey did a good job of including her in things when they had first moved in together, something she genuinely was thankful for.

With her apron wrapped firmly around her waist, Payton straightened up as she walked out of the backroom. She headed over to the host stand to see what her section was. Turning, she headed over to greet the first few customers who had already been sat in her section. She put in their drink orders one by one until she moved to a table where a single person sat. So preoccupied with trying to focus, Payton didn't even realize who sat in front of her. She started her spiel, only to stop a few words in when her eyes lifted from the notepad in her hands.

Opening and closing her mouth, Payton felt lightheaded as she stared down at Matt. Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to gather her thoughts. "M-Matt?" The name was a hoarse whisper, all she could manage to say.

While he was waiting on the waitress, Matt reached for the laminated menu sitting on the table, trying to decide what he wanted. He wasn't in that big of a hurry, so he didn't mind that it was taking a few minutes for her to get to him. A few minutes later, Matt heard someone step up to the table and start to speak, his brows furrowing as he realized how familiar the voice sounded. When he heard his name, Matt finally looked up, barely stopping his jaw from dropping when he saw who was standing in front of him.

"Payton?" he said. He blinked a few times, trying to decide if he was imagining things or not. But when he stopped, she was still standing in front of him. Of all places, this is where they ran into each other again? "Uh..." Matt sputtered, trying to find his words. But honestly, what could he say to her? "You um, you look nice," he finally spit out, although he wasn't quite sure why he said it. "I mean...well shit, I don't know what I mean." He swallowed around the lump in his throat before he spoke again. "How long have you been up here?" he asked.

Payton was so shocked by who sat in front of her that she took a small step back, in a small attempt to brace herself. Tears welled in her eyes as Matt's gaze lifted to hers. She exhaled slowly, biting down on the inside of her lip as she blinked rapidly. She didn't want to cry, she was at work and how the hell would that end up working? She worked at a fairly upscale restaurant, the food was cooked by a world renowned chef, she didn't want to put off any of the patrons of the restaurant. She looked down at her outfit, letting out a small laugh as she smoothed down the material of her apron.

"Thank you," she answered quietly, her smile only continuing to grow on her face. She laughed at Matt's attempt at playing it cool, shaking her head slowly. "I've been... good. I've been trying to get on my feet and it's been going really well," she paused to clear her throat. Payton looked down to the notepad in her hands. "Listen, it's pretty busy but why don't we grab a cup of coffee after I'm off. I mean, if you're not busy..."

"Well I'm glad to hear that," Matt said. He watched as Payton paused, looking down at the notepad in her hands, Matt was worried that she was upset. Even after years apart - and nearly a decade since they'd dated - he hated to see Payton upset in any way. "Yeah, yeah, we can grab coffee," Matt said, nodding his head. "All I'm doing is unpacking and I'll probably be done soon. It's not exactly like I own a lot." Matt cleared his throat. "Anyway, I guess I'm going to get the chicken fried steak meal with a side of green beans and a baked potato," he added, suddenly remembering that was the reason Payton had come over to his table in the first place.

"So how much longer do you have until you get off?" Matt asked when Payton brought his food out to the table. "If it's not too long, I may just wait here so I don't have to walk back down the mountain. Plus, if I go home, I may accidentally fall asleep." Matt would hate to miss his opportunity to reconnect with Payton. He'd never stopped thinking about her during the time they'd been apart and it was so nice to see a familiar face after feeling alone for so long.

Payton tugged on her bottom lip, looking up to Matt with a small grin. "You haven't changed one bit, mister. You know that?" She hoped her teasing wasn't too much, just enough to break the nerves that Matt was feeling. She was just as nervous, her stomach twisted into a bundle of nerves. She offered him another smile before she turned, heading over to put Matt's order into the system. Every so often, Payton glanced over to Matt and would smile in his direction before returning to the task at hand.

When she set Matt's food down in front of him, she grinned at his comment. "I still have almost three hours left," Payton paused, glancing around the restaurant. She pulled out the notepad from her apron and jotted down her number before ripping the page off. She folded it in half and gave the paper a small kiss, giggling as she handed it over to Matt. "Here's my number. Text me and I'll let you know when I'm off. If you're asleep, too tired, or whatever. We can reschedule. I work tomorrow morning but I'm off later so we could always do a bit of a later lunch. If you want?"

"What can I say, I'm a simple man," Matt said, catching the teasing tone in Payton's voice. He watched as Payton walked away, going to put his order in the system. The atmosphere and his mood felt completely different now. Before this had just felt like another place to rest his head for a little while until he decided to move on, but now...now it felt a little more like home. Payton just reminded Matt of a time in his life when the world wasn't weighing down on his shoulders, when he didn't around the guilt of knowing that he was responsible for the death of his best friend. And in all honesty, his feelings for Payton had never completely faded.

Matt smiled when Payton approached his table and not entirely because she was bringing her food. He took the piece of paper from her, pulling his phone from his pocket to save Payton's number. "I'll text you now," he said, knowing he would likely get distracted and forget to do that later. He sent her a message with his name, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "I might go home and take a nap after this, but I doubt I'll sleep for three hours," Matt said, chuckling softly. "So it's really up to you. You're the one who has to work, I want you to be able to get the rest you need. I'll just be sitting at my little apartment, unpacking my meager possessions and being a drain on society."

Payton didn't linger too long, deciding to turn and head off to tend to her other tables while Matt ate his food. She finally returned with a piece of cheesecake, knowing just how much Matt liked cheesecake. She grinned a bit when she set the plate down, tilting her head to the side. "Chef says dessert is on the house..." she trailed off with a shrug of her shoulders. "Whatever Chef says, is law around here. So enjoy," she said, setting her hand on Matt's shoulder. She gave it a light squeeze before heading off.

- - - - -

Returning with the bill, Payton set it down and held out a hand to Matt. "Come on, you big oaf. Give me a hug," she said, her bottom lip jutting out a bit into a pout. When Matt stood, she wasted no time in wrapping her arms around Matt's waist, as tight as she could bare. Payton let out a small noise, burying her face into his chest. She knew that she couldn't stay here forever wrapped in his arms but God, if she didn't want to.

Dragging out her exhale, Payton pulled away from him slowly. "I think I'll head home so that I can rest up. Make sure that I'm ready for tomorrow. What do you think?"

Matt grinned as Payton placed a plate of cheesecake in front of him. It was his favorite dessert and he couldn't remember the last time he'd had a slice. "Well tell the chef I said thank you," Matt said, giving Payton a wink. By the time she returned with his bill, Matt had long since finished his cheesecake, having practically inhaled the slice. He didn't offer any argument when Payton asked him to give her a hug, getting to his feet and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. It felt so nice to hold her again and he didn't want to let go.

"Uh yeah, if you need to rest, then you should get some rest," Matt said. He was a little disappointed that he would have to go back to his apartment and be alone, but he tried not to let it show on his face. He didn't want Payton to feel guilty for needing to rest. Unlike him, she had a job and was actually contributing to society at the moment, and he didn't want to get in the way of that. "I guess we'll have to shoot for that late lunch, then?" Matt asked. He smiled. "Just text or call when you get off work and I'll meet you wherever you want."

Leaving her job the next day, Payton felt more nervous than she had in a long time. Bailey had been quick to pick up on how different Payton was acting when she got home that night and it was hard for Payton to put it off. She hadn't wanted to mention that Matt was in town because she was nervous, how would Bailey react? And she still didn't know what Matt was planning. He could end up just leaving town in a few days for all she knew. Smoothing down her shirt, Payton decided to go ahead and take the gondola down the mountain. it was faster and it meant that she wouldn't be as tired by the time she met Matt at the little cafe.

Stepping into the cafe, Payton shivered as the heat enveloped her. There was a chill in the air, a warning that longer nights were right around the corner. She gave a quick glance around the establishment before she went to order. Ordering a bourbon caramel mocha, Payton opted for a chocolate croissant as well. Stepping over to the hand off plan, Payton waited patiently. Payton glanced up when the door opened behind her and as soon as her eyes landed on the person who stepped through, Payton broke into a grin.

"Matt!" She exclaimed his name, moving to greet him. Payton wasn't shy this time around when she wrapped her arms around him, her fingers brushing against the back of his neck for a moment before she pulled away. "They've got the best coffee in town here, you won't be disappointed."

Matt had wondered all morning if Payton was going to text him. He'd almost given up and gone back to bed when her message finally came through and then he only took the time to throw on some warmer clothes before he hurried out of his apartment. He still wasn't very familiar with the town and so he was a little late to arrive at the cafe Payton had chosen for their meeting. He was grateful for the heat that wrapped around him like a blanket as he stepped inside, barely having a second to adjust before he heard his name being shouted.

When Payton hugged him, Matt wrapped his arms around her waist, embracing her. It felt nice to have her in his arms, even if it wasn't for very long. "Black coffee usually tastes the same no matter where you go," Matt said, chuckling softly as they walked up to the counter. He just ordered a simple black coffee. He wasn't into any of the extra stuff. Years in prison had made his stomach a little unforgiving of anything too spicy or flavorful. "So how long have you been living in town?" Matt asked as they sat down at a table.

Payton let out a small groan as she took her first sip of the drink. Her eyes closed momentarily before she focused on Matt. She bit back a sigh, her shoulders sagging a bit as her gaze dropped to her hands. She would never hide a thing from Matt again, there was no question in her mind about that. Tugging her bottom lip between her teeth, Payton looked back up to him with a gentle smile. "I was on the coast for a few months but the only place I could think of when I thought about finding myself was the mountains. I remember coming here once when I was little and I always said I wanted to move here. So I just figured... why not?"

Ripping off a piece of her croissant, she popped it into her mouth. Payton was quick to peel off a second piece and hold out to Matt. "Are you in town for awhile or..?" Payton trailed off, trying to keep her potential disappointment in check. Of course she didn't know that much about Matt's years after she had left but she had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach that Matt would be off to another adventure in no time at all. She would just have to soak up her time with him as much as she could.

Matt smiled as he listened to Payton's answer. Her reasoning for coming here was the same as his: it held fond memories, from back before his life turned to shit. Thanking Payton when she offered him part of her croissant, putting it in his mouth and chewing slowly. When she spoke again, Matt instantly noticed the change in her tone of voice. She thought he was going to leave soon, and honestly, that had been his original plan. But that had been before he ran into Payton. Now that she was here, he had a feeling his plans might change.

"I couldn't really tell you for sure," Matt said, finally answering her. He took a sip of his coffee. "I usually leave town when I start feeling anxious, like things are starting to catch up to me. You know, about Tyler and my past. I just keep thinking that eventually, I'll get far enough away that it won't matter. I mean, it's been almost ten years since...it happened. Eventually, it won't be as big of a deal to everyone else. That's what I'm hoping, anyway. But I don't know that I'll leave the mountain too soon," Matt continued. He looked up at Payton with a soft smile. "I may have something to stick around for this time."

Payton hadn't really thought that she would be as relieved as she was when Matt said that he might end up sticking around for a bit longer. At least. She let out a breathe that she hadn't even realized she was holding as her shoulders sagged. She smiled a bit at Matt's admission, biting down on the inside of her lip. Her eyes lifted until she met his gaze. Just like that first time that she had gone on a date to a local restaurant with Matt, her stomach fluttered and she found herself smiling wider than she had in a long time. She lifted her hand halfway off the table. She looked a little unsure of herself before seemingly coming to a decision. Reaching out, she opened her hand up halfway across the table. Payton didn't have the courage to ask Matt to hold her hand but God, she was more than ecstatic when he clued into what she wanted.

She let out a small noise, her thumb beginning to brush back and forth on Matt's hand. Payton smiled, propping her chin up with her hand. "I always had hope that you would find me but I didn't think you would. Not here at least," she explained quietly. Payton gave Matt's hand a little squeeze. "What called you here? There's a million other tiny mountain towns," Payton said, her smile still remaining. She was more than happy that Matt had chosen this town but she couldn't for the life of her figure out why he would have thought to come here specifically. Unless it had genuinely been a happy coincidence.

Matt noticed the way Payton smiled at his admission. It reminded him of the first time he'd taken her on a date, when they were fifteen and so nervous they could hardly say a word to each other. He smiled when Payton opened her hand, reaching out to take her hand in his. He gave it a squeeze. He was sure to everyone else in the little cafe, they looked like any other couple out on a date, but they were so much more. They'd gone through so much and still managed to find each other again. When Payton asked what had called him here, Matt only shrugged. He hadn't had much of a reason to come here, so it seemed like an amazing coincidence that he found Payton here.

"Can't really think of anything in particular," Matt finally said. "I guess I just remembered visiting here that one time when I was a little kid. I had a good time so I figured I'd head here for a little while. So far it's turning out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made." He offered Payton a soft smile as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles. His coffee was nearly forgotten at this point; all he cared to focus on was Payton. He wanted to leave the cafe, maybe go somewhere they could have a little more privacy to talk, but he wasn't sure how she felt about this. "Do uh, do you think we could go somewhere a little more private?" Matt asked, squeezing Payton's hand again. "I would offer up my apartment, but I'm afraid there's not a lot of furniture in there at the moment."