Hard to Figure Out

Payton pulled her bottom lip between her teeth when Matt asked about going elsewhere. It wasn't because she didn't want to or because she was shy or something else equally ridiculous. She let out a small groan, hanging her head. Reaching her free hand, she ran her fingers through her hair before fixing Matt with a bit of a hesitant smile. "We can go back to my place if you want. But," she paused, wetting her bottom lip with her tongue. "You'll probably run into Bailey at some point. She's my roommate. And a tiny bit crazy," Payton said, letting out a quiet laugh. "I've told her a lot about you so she'll be a little... excited to meet you."

Suddenly feeling all too shy, like Matt might be scared away by the idea of meeting Bailey, Payton shrugged as she glanced over to the window on the front of the building. "We could always go on a walk in one of the parks, too. If you would prefer that," Payton offered, looking back to him with a nervous sort of smile. "Or we could just walk around town and browse the shops..." She had started to ramble again, her nerves getting the better of her.

In all honesty, Matt was fine with meeting Payton's roommate. He was sure he would eventually. But she seemed hesitant to take him back to her apartment, so he wasn't going to push things. "If you don't want to go back to your apartment, we can go back to mine," Matt offered, taking back what he'd said earlier. As long as he had a chair for Payton, that was all that mattered. He could sit on the floor. "I don't really want to talk outside, you know? I just feel like no matter how alone we might think we are, there could still be someone around to overhear. And I know it's stupid, but I just don't want anyone around here finding out that I'm a convicted felon any earlier than they have to."

Matt got up to throw his coffee cup in the trash, lingering next to Payton rather than sitting back down. He wasn't trying to rush her, but he got anxious staying in one place for too long. He'd been trapped in one place for eight years and deep down and even though he knew it was a silly fear, he was always worried it would happen again. "So that restaurant where you work at isn't hiring, is it?" Matt asked Payton as they walked along the sidewalk. "Cook, busboy, anything, I don't care. I just need a job, and one that won't be picky about hiring someone with a felony." Matt knew it was a long shot finding a job given the nature of his offense, but he had to try. Otherwise, he would have to leave town because he wouldn't be able to pay for his apartment.

When Matt stood by her, Payton took the hint that he was ready to go. She was quick to stand, brushing the crumbs off of her plate into the trash before setting the plate on top of the little garbage stand. Chewing on her lip as she turned, Payton grabbed a lid for her cup, following after Matt as they left the little cafe. She grinned as he asked about the restaurant she worked at, nodding her head without even thinking about it. "I'll talk to Chef when I get in tomorrow. He's a great guy, I'm sure that he'll offer you a job," Payton answered. She turned down the street her apartment was off, chewing nervously on the inside of her lip. Matt didn't seem keen on taking her back to his apartment and she didn't want to press him to, afraid that it might scare him away. That was the last thing she wanted.

When Payton didn't see Bailey's car, she let out a small sigh of relief. Matt meeting Bailey could wait at least a little while longer. She grinned as they stepped up to the main door. "Come on," she murmured, reaching down to lace her fingers through Matt's as she tugged him up the two flights of stairs until they reached the third floor. "We're on the top floor. No clue how Bailey scored it but.." she trailed off, shrugging as she pushed open the apartment door. Once they were both inside, Payton smiled a bit nervously. "Are you hungry..?" She asked quietly, suddenly feeling all too shy as she looked down to her feet. Payton felt like she had during the first date they were on. Just a big bundle of nerves.

"Just make sure you tell him I'll take anything," Matt reminded her. "Seriously. Anything." He became aware probably a little too late that Payton was leading the way and before he knew it, the two of them were approaching her apartment building. It seemed nice enough on the outside, definitely better than his. His apartment was the kind you would expect a convicted felon to live at and those were likely the only sorts of people who did live there. He had no idea why he'd suggested taking Payton back there. Matt smiled when Payton laced her fingers through his, squeezing her hand as he followed her up the stairs.

"My apartment is on the first floor," he said as he followed her into her apartment. "Definitely sketchy. You and Bailey lucked out." Looking around at the interior of the apartment, he smiled. It was a perfect representation of Payton with a little bit of that other girl mixed in. "No, no, I'm good," Matt said when Payton asked if he was hungry. He went over to sit down on her couch. "You don't have to be nervous, Payton, it's just me," he told her, seeing how she looked at her feet. Truth be told, he was a bit nervous himself, but he didn't want her to feel nervous. All he ever wanted for Payton was for her to be happy.

Payton worried at her bottom lip, looking up to Matt when he mentioned that she didn't have to be nervous. She gave a small shake of her head as she took a step forward. "I'm not... not nervous in a bad way. I guess I'm just more excited than anything," she explained quietly as she moved to stand in front of Matt. Payton was quiet for a long moment, looking down at him. "I feel like I did when we went on our first date all those years ago," she said, a shy blush colouring her cheeks. Payton hesitated a moment longer before she moved to sit on his lap, her smile only growing in brilliance.

Swallowing around the lump in her throat, Payton massaged gentle circles into the skin on the back of Matt's neck. Her body began to relax against Matt, her eyes glowing as she rested her forehead against his. She knew that she was being far more forward than she was used to being but with Matt, she had always been comfortable with Matt. As if he was her second half, she knew that he would never judge her. Only support her. Her stomach twisted a bit as she leaned back, putting a bit of distance between them now in case she was making Matt uncomfortable. "Matt," she tested his name on her lips, her voice dipping low. "Will you kiss me?" She wasn't in search of anything spectacular, only a kiss that displayed all of the yearning they had both felt over the years for each other.

"I'm excited too, Payton," Matt said, watching her as she moved to stand in front of him. And he really was. He was excited that he'd found Payton again, because she was the last lingering piece of a happy past and a future that had been stolen from him. When she sat down in his lap, Matt instantly wrapped his arms around her waist, anchoring her in place. How long had he been wanting to have her in his arms like this again? It had been almost a whole decade since he'd been able to do that and if could go back and tell his seventeen-year-old self one thing, it would be to never, ever let her go.

As Payton relaxed against him, Matt's grip on her tightened. He was almost scared that if he let her go, she would disappear again. When she started to move away, he opened his mouth to protest, falling silent as Payton spoke his name. The next words out of her mouth, just four simple, little words, caught Matt off guard. He remembered a time when kissing her was the last thing she wanted him to do. Granted, she was married to Ryan at the time, but still. Matt managed a slight smile as he nodded his head. "Of course I will," he said softly. Matt reached up to touch her cheek, pulling her close until his lips were pressed against hers. It felt absolutely marvelous to kiss Payton again and try as he might, Matt couldn't stop all of his feelings from rushing to the surface. He deepened the kiss, once again wrapping his free arm around her waist and pulling her close.

Maybe it was too far, too fast, Payton didn't know. More importantly, she didn't really find herself caring. Even if she was given all the hours in a day, she wouldn't have found an ounce of care the moment that Matt's lips brushed against hers. Her hands eased down his neck to rest on his shoulders. She pulled away from him after a moment. Payton let out a small noise, something she couldn't decipher whether it was a laugh or a sob as she pressed herself closer to Matt. Just being in his arms seemed like such a cleansing action that Payton didn't realize just how much she had been longing for him. His smile, his attention, his warmth. Every part of Matt that she could get.

Payton yawned, shifting around until she could curl up against Matt's side. "You know, I was so nervous that I hardly slept at all last night," she spoke quietly, grinning as she looked up to him. "I can't believe how ridiculous I was, y'know?" She leaned up, pressing a gentle kiss to his jaw. Payton shook her head, knowing how ridiculous her admission to Matt probably seemed to him. "You can put on a movie if you want," she offered. Payton hesitated, glancing up to Matt with a small frown. "I'm sorry if I fall asleep," she murmured, dropping her gaze from him. "I'm kind of a boring host, huh?"

When Payton pressed herself close to him, Matt tightened his grip around her waist. He would likely never be able to find the words to describe how good it felt to have Payton back in his arms. He could sit like this for hours, just holding her. It was one of the things he'd missed most while he was in prison. Companionship, just having the comfort of having another human being close to him. "As much as I hate that you were nervous, I am very flattered," Matt said, smiling. He brushed a bit of Payton's hair away from her face. "I don't think anyone but you has ever been so eager to have me around, except maybe my parents."

"You're not boring," Matt assured her. He nudged her chin up with his fingers so he could look at her again. "We could turn off the TV and lights and just sit here in the dark and I wouldn't care. All that matters to me right now is having you close to me again, Payton. There's nothing boring about that." Keeping a gentle grip on her chin, Matt leaned down to kiss her again, loving the way she sank against him as their lips touched. There was just something so different about kissing her now. When they were younger, it was just something that they did because they could, but now...now it was something they did because they needed to. Matt knew they needed each other, because why else would they have found each other again? Two years wasn't all that long, but it was long enough. Long enough to end up worlds apart and yet they both came here. "I'm sorry," Matt whispered as he pulled away from Payton. "I just had to."

Payton tried to contain a yawn, reaching up to cover her mouth as she pressed herself into Matt's side if it was even possible. She smiled a bit lazily. Setting a hand on Matt's chest as she looked up to him, she shrugged her shoulders. "You don't ever have to apologize for kissing me, silly," she spoke quietly. Leaning up, Payton kissed his cheek. "It might be a bit more comfortable if we head to my bedroom. I've gotten a queen bed because I'm a princess," she whispered, her hand teasing gentle designs into the material of Matt's shirt as she spoke.

"I've got a television in there. No cable but there is a dvd player," Payton explained as she sat up a bit straighter. She hesitated, glancing toward the kitchen. "I can put on a pot of coffee. Or I have some tea if you want," she offered, giving Matt's hand a squeeze. Payton stood, tugging on his hand until he was standing. Deciding that she wanted a glass of iced tea, Payton poured herself one and grabbed a glass of what Matt had wanted. She led them to her bedroom, sighing softly as she closed the door with her foot. She sat on the edge of the bed, smiling up at Matt as she held the glass out to him. "Dvds are in that little drawer by the tv. You can pick out whatever you want to watch. I don't care what we watch, honestly."

"I just don't want to put too much on you too fast," Matt said. He knew that they still had the same sort of feelings for one another, but he didn't want to do anything that might risk scaring Payton away. He had no idea how much she was still affected by her marriage to Ryan. "A princess, huh?" he repeated, chuckling softly. "But wouldn't a queen bed make you a queen?" He let Payton pull him to his feet, listening as she rambled on to him. He knew she was still nervous, but now Matt honestly found it a little cute. "Tea is fine," Matt told her. He followed her to her room, thanking her when she handed him the glass of tea. He took a sip of it, setting it down on her nightstand so he could go and look through her DVDs.

"13 Going On 30? Really?" Matt teased, holding up the case. He put it back into the drawer, looking through them for another few minutes before he pulled one out. He stuck it into the DVD player before getting to his feet, grabbing the remote and handing it to Payton. He sat down next to her on the bed, kicking off his shoes before he leaned back against the pillows. He held his arms out for Payton. "Come here," he said. Once she was against him, Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Do you remember that one time when we were sixteen and you snuck into my room?" he asked, smiling as the memory surfaced. "My mom lost her shit when she found you in my bed the next morning, but it was still one of the best nights of my life."

Payton had half entertained the idea of stripping her pants off and switching into one of her larger shirts. It was what she usually wore to bed, an oversized t-shirt and a pair of underwear. She wasn't so sure that Matt would be comfortable with it so she didn't bother to. Payton had laid out on the bed, rolling her eyes playfully at his comment. "What?! I'm a single girl and that's like, one of my favourite movies ever. Give me a break!" Payton exclaimed, offering a cheeky grin as Matt closed in on the bed. She inched over so that he could have more space, not too sure where this would end up going. Her questions were answered the moment Matt's arms opened. She wasted no time in siding up to him so that she could set her head on his chest.

Beginning to laugh at the memory, Payton nodded as she looked up to Matt. Her face scrunched as she spoke. "Pretty sure you mom wanted to kill me that night. And your dad hardly batted an eye. Said he would rather us be somewhere safe," she recalled the memory as she wrapped an arm around Matt's torso. Biting back a sigh, Payton straightened a bit. She cleared her throat, her eyes roaming over his face as her stomach flip flopped. "Have you... seen them? Talked to them at all?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Payton was sure that it was a sore subject to begin with for Matt, she hoped it wasn't overstepping.

"Of course my dad didn't care," Matt said, chuckling. "If he did, he would've been the biggest hypocrite in the world. He might not seem like it, but apparently, my dad was a ladies' man in high school. I'm sure he had his fair share of girls in his bed. But there was only one that I wanted in mine," Matt added, smiling as he kissed the top of her head. His smile faltered at Payton's next question. How was he supposed to tell her that he still felt like his parents and sister were better off without him in their lives? Eventually, Matt would fade from everyone's memories and his family wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that their son or brother was a murderer. But if he went back, it would keep things fresh and he would feel awful if his mistake followed Amy or their parents around for the rest of their lives.

"I haven't actually seen them since I left Huntington," Matt said softly. "I still hear from them occasionally, though. Mom usually calls once every two or three weeks like clockwork. I think she just wants to know where I am. I know they want me to come home, but I can't. I don't think I could ever go back there, not permanently, anyway." Matt sighed, looking up at the ceiling. He always felt so bad when his mom called, because he could always hear the hurt in her voice when he told her he couldn't make it home for a visit. He wanted to see his family, he really did, but a trip back home would be too hard for everyone involved. "But um, let's not talk about that anymore, yeah?" Matt suggested, looking down at Payton. "Let's talk about something else."

Payton was more than a little surprised by Matt's admission that he hadn't seen his family since he left Huntington. She was pretty sure that he had left shortly after she had so that would have meant years. She hadn't spoken to his family after that fateful night but she had seen his mother around town a few times. Heard whispers about how distraught she was because all she wants was for her family to be whole again. She was sure that Matt's father and sister had probably felt the same way. Who wouldn't? SHe opened her mouth to protest, maybe to offer a suggestion or two but then Matt was speaking and she decided that it was best to leave it alone for the time being.

"I work tomorrow night, I should be able to talk to Chef then," Payton mentioned after a moment, fishing for another topic for them to talk about. She didn't care what they talked about but she just didn't want to make Matt uncomfortable. She didn't want to push him away when he had just stumbled back into her life. "I have the next day off so if you're not busy, we could probably do something. I mean, if you want to. Of course."

My bad

"I really appreciate you talking to him, you know," Matt said. "And remember, tell him I'll take anything. Busboy, janitor, waiter, I don't care. I would rather not clean toilets, but I'm not exactly in a position to be picky about what jobs I take." He decided not to tell her that he'd already applied for several since he'd gotten into town only to be immediately denied because of his felony record. Not many people wanted to hire someone convicted of murder, even if he'd only been convicted of second-degree and had been released early due to good behavior. No one wanted to look past what he'd done to see how much he'd changed.

"Payton, of course I'll want to do something with you," Matt said, teasingly reaching out to tap her nose. "It definitely beats sitting in my apartment alone. Hey, maybe you can help me pick out some furniture for my apartment. I can't really afford to buy anything right now, but it wouldn't hurt to pick out a few things I like." Honestly, Matt would use any excuse to spend time with Payton. Even if she just wanted to lay around her apartment. When she was around, Matt was reminded of a time before his life went to shit and he liked that. Payton made him feel safe and wanted and that was all he ever wanted. "Feel free to kick me out whenever you're ready for bed," Matt said a few minutes later, running his fingers through Payton's hair. He said this, but he didn't want to go. But he also didn't want to impose on Payton, especially since she'd seemed unhappy with the idea of him meeting her roommate.

Payton felt her eyelids growing heavy when Matt began to play with her hair. He knew it was a weakness of hers. As soon as you started to play with her hair, it would only be a matter of minutes before she was fast asleep. She had always been that way, even when she was younger. She groaned when Matt spoke, forcing her eyes open as she leaned back so that she could look at him. She opened her mouth to tell him that he didn't have to go, that she didn't mind if he stuck around for a little while longer. Even if he stayed after she ended up falling asleep. But then Payton seemed to realize that Matt probably was saying that so he didn't have to stick around all night or day.

Clearing her throat, Payton's gaze dropped to his chest. She gave a small shrug of her shoulders, chewing on her bottom lip as she pulled away from him. Tucking her arms around her body, leaning no space between their bodies now, Payton found the courage to speak. "You can go now if you want. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, I mean I don't blame you. I'm probably the world's worst host, huh?"

Matt immediately realized that his statement had come across in a much different way than he meant it. All he'd been trying to do was give Payton an out if she wanted to leave, but he definitely didn't want to leave. "No, you're not," Matt told her. He reached out and wrapped his hand around her wrist, turning her over to face him again. "And that's not how I meant it. I just wanted you to be able to tell me to scram if you wanted to without being rude. Because trust me, I would much rather be here with you than alone at my apartment. My empty apartment. I don't even have a bed, Payton, why would I want to go back there when I could stay here with you?"

Matt reached out to touch her cheek, leaning in to kiss her. He lingered for a second before he pulled away, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to let me stay," he said softly. "I know you didn't really seem to want me to meet your roommate earlier. But if you're fine with me staying, I'll definitely stay. Whatever you want. But I would like to stay." Matt offered her a small smile before he kissed her again, this time a bit deeper. This was the sort of affection and intimacy that he'd only ever had with Payton and the sort he'd missed in prison. Other than his parents and his sister, he'd worried that no one would ever love him again. But being here with Payton like this made him think he might have been wrong.

Matt's reassurance that he hadn't meant what he said the way she had taken it, Payton relaxed into Matt's chest. She closed her eyes, breathing a small sigh as she listened to him. She tilted her head back when Matt leaned in to kiss her, returning it almost too eagerly. Her hands moved up to his chest, her fingers wrapping into the material of his shirt. Payton gave a small nod of her head, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth. "Stay," she insisted quietly, trying to relish in the fact that Matt was here. She giggled, burying her face between her hands. "I don't want you to go," she said, her voice so small that she wasn't even sure Matt would have heard her.

Clearing her throat after several long minutes of them simply laying and enjoying the background noise of the movie, Payton looked up to Matt. "Bailey will be home at some point. She might get a little excited because she's heard so much about my 'night in shining armor'," Payton explained, using one hand to make air quotes. "That's what she calls you anyway. I think you'll like her though," she said, shifting around so that she could get a bit more comfortable in Matt's arms. "You have to promise not to run away from here," Payton couldn't help but tease, her face scrunching. "And you have to seal the promise with a kiss. It's the law around here, you know."

Matt felt his heart swell when he heard the words Payton whispered against her hands. He was never going to leave Payton again if he had a say in things. She was the one good thing in his life, she always had been. He held her a little closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and only moving when she looked up at him. "Night in shining armor?" he repeated, chuckling. "Never heard that one before. Although I guess that's better than 'convicted felon'." He wondered what Payton had told Bailey for him to earn that moniker. At least it gave him hope that the girl wouldn't immediately hate him.

"Oh, I promise, I'm never running away from you again," Matt said. He smirked at Payton's next statement. "The law, huh? Well, I certainly don't want to break the law. Again. They might lock me up and throw away the key." He leaned in to kiss Payton, slipping his hand down to her lower back to pull her even closer. His intentions were completely innocent, but he still didn't want to pull away. It was only the sound of someone clearing their throat nearby that made Matt finally stop kissing Payton, his eyes going to the doorway where he saw an unfamiliar girl staring at the two of them. "I think your roommate is home," Matt whispered loudly to Payton.

Payton tensed as she all but threw herself away from Matt, her eyes widening as she turned toward the doorway. She smiled a bit uneasily, motioning toward Matt. She was sure that her nerves were betraying her as she sat up. "Uh, Bailey. Meet Matt. Matt, meet Bai-" Payton started the introductions, only to wince as Bailey squealed. The other girl clasped her hands together, a wry grin spreading across her features as she looked between the pair on the bed.

"Oh! You mean like, Matt Matt? Knight in shining armour Matt?" Bailey asked, her eyes widening as Payton nodded. The enthusiastic girl rushed into the room, ignoring the situation that she had so clearly just interrupted. Shoving her hand toward Matt, she smiled as she shook his hand. "I've heard so much about you, you know. It's nice to finally put a face to the name," Bailey said, dropping her hand back to her side. She let out a gasp, suddenly turning toward Payton with an accusing glare. "How long were you planning to wait until you told me?!" She demanded, causing Payton to laugh as she held her hands up defensively.

"I swear, I just ran into Matt yesterday. At the restaurant, not even on purpose! Okay?" Payton gave a brief description of them running into each other that only made Bailey start bouncing on the balls of her feet. "So you're telling me fate brought you two back together?!"