Hard to Figure Out

Matt jumped slightly when Bailey squealed. Loud noises still scared him a little, even two years after his release from prison. When her hand was shoved at him, Matt stared at it for a split second before he shook it. He was happy that she seemed to like him, but her enthusiasm was just a little over the top. He hoped she might calm down a little, but as Payton told her how the two of them ran into one another again, she only seemed to get more excited. "Uh yeah, I guess it was fate," Matt said. "The universe wanted us back together. Kind of romantic, I guess." Matt hadn't really thought of it before, but he kind of liked the idea of fate bringing him and Payton together again. She'd always been what he needed to be happy.

"So...I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but do you think you could maybe leave?" Matt winced at the way it had come out. He wasn't trying to run Bailey off, he just wanted a little more time alone with Payton before they had to socialize. They'd just spent two years apart and eight before that, so Matt thought they had a lot of catching up to do. "I mean, not leave, I just...I kind of wanted to spend a little more time with Payton." Luckily Bailey seemed to understand where Matt was coming from and he was grateful, although he thought her comment about not taking advantage of Payton was a little unwarranted.

Payton had tried to contain her giggles and for the most part, she had been able to right up until Matt asked Bailey to leave. She looked up to Bailey and saw the look of surprise on her best friend's face.e She knew that Bailey wouldn't be truly upset but true to her nature, Bailey huffed and stared at Matt for a moment before nodding and flouncing out of the room. When the door was shut behind her, Payton dissolved into a fit of laughter. She covered her face with her hands and buried her hands into Matt's chest, trying to stifle her laughter. She didn't want to upset Matt or make him feel put out for whatever reason.

When she finally had calmed down enough to speak, Payton relaxed back into the bed. SHe looked up to Matt, her smile still evident. She leaned up to press a light kiss to Matt's jaw, her fingers wrapped into the material of his shirt. She tried to press herself even closer to him, wanting to touch Matt as much as she could. With any part of her body that she could. "I missed your stupid face, you know," she teased quietly, letting out another small giggle. "And your stupid smile," she paused, her eyes dropping to his mouth. "And those stupid lips, too!"

"You know, all of that giggling really isn't necessary," Matt said, looking down at Payton. She was obviously trying to hide her laughter, but she wasn't doing a very good job of it. He didn't understand what was so funny, anyway. All he'd done was make himself look like an idiot. It seemed like a little too long before Payton had calmed down, but Matt was glad when she did. When she pressed herself closer to him, Matt wrapped his arm around her waist again, slipping his hand just underneath her shirt to rest on the small of her back. He was sure his hand was a little cold to her, but to him, her skin was warm.

"Hey, I don't think any part of my body is particularly stupid," Matt said, grinning. "And if they're so stupid, why did you miss them so much?" He raised a curious eyebrow, a playful smirk appearing on his face. "Although I'll admit, I missed your stupid face, too. And your stupid smile. Oh, and your stupid lips, too." Matt leaned in to kiss Payton, pulling even closer. They could joke around all they wanted, but Matt didn't think he could ever find the words to tell Payton how much he really missed her. And if it was possible, he thought he'd missed her more over the past two years then he had while he was in prison. Maybe it was because he had the freedom to be with her, but he didn't know where she was. But now he knew he exactly where she was and he was never leaving her again.

Payton hadn't meant anything by her laughter, it just wasn't often that someone could handle Bailey's rambunctious attitude. She pressed herself closer to Matt, letting out a small sigh as Matt's fingers brushed against her naked skin. She relaxed against him, allowing her eyes to slip shut as she rested her head against Matt's shoulder. This was what she had been craving for what felt like forever. Something so simple as laying with Matt, his arms wrapped around her, and able to not worry about anything but enjoying each other's company.

Suddenly, Payton found herself opening her mouth to utter those same three words that she used to shower Matt with. They had been in that corny stage of love where they argued over who loved the other more (she would still argue she loved him more) but instead, she closed her mouth. She wasn't so sure that if she declared her love, that it wouldn't scare Matt away and that wasn't what she wanted. Instead, Payton groaned as she rolled over onto her back, still pressing her side against him. "Let me know when you're hungry and I can probably whip something together for us, alright?" She asked, glancing up to him with a small smile. "It won't be as good as the restaurant's food but still, it'll be good, I hope."

"Trust me, you'll definitely know when I get hungry," Matt said, laughing. "My stomach will probably let you know that I'm hungry before I do." He smiled as he rolled over onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows to move over Payton. For a few seconds, he just stared at her. She looked the same as he remembered, but at the same time, she looked different. She didn't look like a little girl anymore, she looked like a woman. "I really did miss you, you know," Matt whispered. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "You're like, a fucking saint for still believing in me."

He gave her another kiss before he moved over to lay beside her, tossing his arm over her waist. Once again, he slipped his hand just underneath her shirt, enjoying the simple act of just being able to touch Payton. "So just a hypothetical," Matt started, a thought popping into his head. It was something he'd wondered a lot during his time in prison. "If everything hadn't happened, you know, with Tyler, where do you think we would be right now?" Matt always wondered if he and Payton would've stayed together if he hadn't been sent away to prison. They might have been teenagers back then, but he still loved her and Matt liked to imagine that if things had gone differently, he and Payton would be married now.

Payton couldn't even begin to describe how much relief it brought her just to have Matt's hand touching her bare skin. It was as if the simple act had washed away all of her worries as she cuddled up to Matt's side. She was so happy that she had worked the morning shift today so that she could have as much time as possible with him. Humming at Matt's question, she gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. Payton honestly couldn't say that she was sure of where they would be if things had all gone down different but for one thing, she was sure of. Even now, they had been brought back together. There surely had to be a reason for that, right?

"I dunno honestly," she answered quietly, reaching up to twist her fingers into the material of Matt's shirt. Payton smiled, looking up to meet Matt's gaze. "But I do know that you and I would have gone on plenty of adventures around the world. We would have had to before we went to school and got all serious about our adult lives," she joked, setting her head back on Matt's chest. "Maybe we would have moved out of the town. Somewhere bigger, more exciting. Maybe to the West Coast so that we could drive to the ocean or the mountains whenever we wanted. What do you think?" Payton asked, tilting her head to the side so that she could look up at him from a more comfortable position. She had purposely not mentioned Ryan because even to this day, she wasn't all that comfortable talking about everything that had gone down between her ex-husband and herself.

Matt wasn't exactly sure why, but Payton's answer didn't really satisfy him. Maybe he just wanted to hear her say that they would have been married, that they would have had some semblance of a normal life. That was one of the fantasies that had helped to keep Matt sane during his time in prison; if he thought about himself in a house with a wife and a couple of kids, living a normal life, then maybe he would still feel human, still feel sane. "Well, we're kind of already on the west coast, so I think we achieved at least one of your goals," Matt said, laughing softly. "But I think that sounds about right. We could've traveled the country or even the world, just the two of us. But then I had to go and fuck everything up."

Suddenly Matt felt his mood drop and he sat up in the bed, swinging his legs over the side and resting his head in his hands. This happened sometimes, whenever he thought about all of the things that night had cost him. Not only did it cost him his best friend, it also essentially cost him his life. The plans he had for his life, anyway. The future he could've had. "I still think about it sometimes, you know," Matt said softly. "I've tried to forget it, but I just can't. My lawyers always tried to say that it wasn't really my fault, that if Tyler hadn't brought his dad's gun to the bonfire, then none of it would've happened, but...I didn't have to pick it up. I didn't have to wave it around like an idiot. Even if it was an accident, the fact that Tyler is dead is still my fault."

Payton let out a small huff as she sat up just as suddenly as Matt had, shifting over until she was sitting beside him. She was quiet even as Matt started to speak. She reached over and started to rub his back gently, trying to comfort him as well as she could. They weren't dating or anything, they were just two lost people trying to navigate their way in the world. Sure, they had kissed but that really meant nothing in the grande scheme of things. Payton set her hand on his far cheek and urged him to look at her, a gentle sort of smile on her features. It didn't quite reach her eyes because seeing Matt like this broke her heart but she was trying to be as encouraging as she could be given the circumstances.

"You didn't mean for it to happen, Matt. You didn't wrestle the gun from him so you could shoot him. You didn't take the gun to the fire with the intent to kill him. It was a tragedy but a lot of people don't seem to understand that you were a victim, too. A victim of circumstance, sure, but you suffered. Far more than you should have because people didn't want to accept that it had been an accident," Payton commented quietly, She had started brushing her thumb over his cheek at some point. "But you're still young, you still have a life to live and you have the chance to make the best of it. And I'm not going to let you throw it away, Matt. Because, damn it, you've already lost so much. You don't deserve to lose more!" Payton had started to grow a bit emotional toward the end, tears welling in her eyes but they hadn't quite fallen.

"Just because I didn't mean for it to happen doesn't mean that it didn't happen," Matt said quietly. He nearly scoffed when she said he still had a life to live. What sort of life could he really have when everywhere he went, doors were slammed in his face, literally and figuratively? That night would haunt him for the rest of his life, whether either of them liked it or not. Seeing Payton cry made Matt feel like he'd been punched square in the gut. He hated to see anyone else upset, especially her. "Don't you think I'm trying?" he asked. "But there's only so much I can do. Hardly anybody wants to hire me, I can only get shitty apartments in shitty parts of town because the nicer ones won't rent to me and there's no way in hell I can get a loan. I spent the years you're supposed to learn how to live on your own as an adult I spent in prison. Even two years later, I'm still fucking lost. I don't know what to do."

Matt sighed, reaching out to try and wipe away some of the tears in Payton's eyes. "How about that dinner you promised me?" he asked, attempting to change the subject. "I'm getting a little hungry. Nothing super spicy though, remember." Standing up, Matt offered Payton his hand. He pulled her to his feet, pulling her close for a minute and resting his chin on the top of her head. "You're an angel, you know that? Thank you...thank you for still believing in me after so long." He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head before moving away, still holding onto her hand. "Come on, let's go downstairs and cook dinner. I'll even try and help you, although I can't promise that I won't burn anything."

Payton took comfort in Matt wiping at her eyes. Just knowing that his touch was sincere and just as loving as it had been before that fateful night, or so she hoped, Payton felt safer than she had in a long, long time. She started to frown when Matt changed the subject, not exactly done with it. While she still had things that she wanted to say about the matter, she decided to let it go for now. They could always talk about things later on. Instead of their first real day together. Payton cleared her throat once she had thought about it, giving a small nod of her head. "So extra spicy?" Payton piped up with, her face scrunching a bit as she grinned.

"You helped me when no one else would listen," Payton answered simply when Matt called her an angel. She shrugged her shoulders, burying her face into his chest. This had been what she had longed for for so long and truthfully, she had never thought that she would see Matt again despite her little daydreams. But this? This was all she needed, all she wanted. "Now it's my turn to help you, you got it? I'm going to make sure something works out at the restaurant and then whatever comes our way, we'll tackle it together," Payton declared as she led Matt into the kitchen.

She set about making supper, putting a bit more effort into it than she normally would have. Payton had, of course, become a decent cook while living with Ryan. Her time at the restaurant had only taught her small tricks along the way. It hadn't happened very often but if the place was exceptionally busy, Payton had been known to hop behind the line and help wherever she could. "There's this popcorn shop in town. They have super creative kinds if oyu want to check that out after," Payton offered over her shoulder, wanting to show Matt as much of the small town as she could in hopes of convincing him to stay.

"I mean, if you want me to whine all night because I have a stomachache, go right on ahead," Matt said, laughing. He tightened his arms around Payton when she buried her face into her chest, pressing his face to the top of her head. She somehow smelled the same way he remembered and it was comforting. When she pulled away from him, he followed her into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as Payton started on dinner. He wasn't exactly sure what she was making, but whatever it was, it smelled delicious. With Ryan as an ex-husband, he was sure she had to have gotten good at cooking.

"Uh yeah, that sounds like fun," Matt said, hearing her comment about the popcorn shop. He could tell she was eager to show him around and he wasn't going to turn down an opportunity to spend a little time with her. "And if it's alright with you, I need to stop by my house and grab some clothes to sleep in. Unless you plan on kicking me out after dinner?" he added with a teasing smirk. When he thought Payton was getting close to being finished with dinner, he started looking through the cabinets to find a couple of plates. "Everything smells great, Payton," Matt said, giving her a peck on the cheek. "You're already spoiling me."

Payton was already beginning to nod before Matt had even finished his sentence about stopping by his apartment. She didn't think that it even needed to be said, of course she wanted him to spend the night and it seemed that Matt wanted to as well. She wouldn't be surprised if this became habit without either of them really meaning for it to. They had always needed each other, even during their years apart. They should have been together and at least now, they were actively together while needing the other.

Practically vibrating from excitement, Payton set their plates down on the small dining room table. She didn't have much to drink but she thought that the iced tea would be Matt's favourite so she poured them each a glass before sitting down. A simple gnocchi dish tossed together with bacon and onions in a cream sauce, she thought there wasn't really a way to go wrong. Everyone loved bacon, after all. Clearing her throat, Payton grinned as she looked toward Matt after taking a few bites. "How is it?" It certainly wasn't the fanciest dish out there, she was already planning for something a bit more exciting the next time that they were able to get together.

Matt was glad when Payton agreed to stop by his apartment. Even though he knew she wouldn't make him leave, it felt nice to know that she wanted him to stay the night. Having Payton close by made him feel safe and it would be nice not to sleep alone again. Matt noticed how excited Payton was as they took their seats at the table and it made him excited, too. And not so much for dinner as because he loved to see her happy. He thanked her as she handed her a glass of sweet tea, eagerly digging into the plate in front of him.

"It's delicious, Payton," Matt said, smiling at her. "Probably the best thing I've eaten in years. And I'm not exaggerating." The last time he could remember eating this good was when he was still living with his parents right after he'd gotten out of prison. Obviously the food he'd eaten in prison could barely be considered food and after leaving home to escape his past, he'd had to rely mostly on his own cooking, which lacked in many ways. Matt had two full plates before he decided he was too full to have any more. Getting to his feet to put his plate in the sink, he paused, leaning down to give Payton a soft kiss on the lips. "Dinner was delicious," he said.

Payton grinned, happy that Matt was enjoying the meal that she had more or less decided to just toss together. Not everything had to be pristine and perfect, it was the fact that you were sharing a meal with someone you cared about greatly. She didn't quite want to admit to loving Matt still because she felt like that was getting far too serious, way too quickly for what her last relationship had been. But that didn't mean she didn't want something to grow between them again.

Finishing up her meal shortly after Matt had, Payton jumped up and rinsed her plate off. She would finish doing the dishes later, she was sure that Bailey wouldn't mind given the current circumstances. As she led the way out of the apartment and down to her car parked on the side of the street, Payton had slid her arm around Matt's. She leaned her head against his shoulder, unable to contain the grin that grew on her features as she did. "What do you want to do first? Drop by your place or the popcorn?" She asked, looking up to him as they reached her car. She slid into the driver's seat, glancing over to Matt as she raised an eyebrow. Payton didn't really care one way or another, she had learned to take life easy because sweating the small things did no one any good.

Matt paused to slip on his shoes before he followed Payton outside of her apartment. When she leaned against him, he smiled, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of her head. "Uh, let's stop by my apartment first," he said, buckling his seatbelt. "I'd rather not be hanging around for too long after it gets dark, you know?" Matt didn't have a problem being at his apartment at night, but he did have a problem with Payton being there. Matt cut a somewhat intimidating figure, but Payton was a beautiful, petite woman and some of his neighbors were a bit on the creepy side.

As they walked up to his apartment, Matt kept a tight grip on Payton's hand. He caught a whiff of marijuana as he hurried to unlock his front door and he sighed. He hated that he had to bring Payton here. He was actually a little embarrassed that she knew this was how he lived. "I'm just going to grab some clothes really quick, you can wait in here if you want," Matt said, shutting the door. Even though they wouldn't be here for long, he still locked it behind them. He went down the short hallway to his bedroom, barely casting a glance at the pile of blankets he called his bed before he grabbed the first clean shirt and sweatpants he could find and went back to Payton. "Alright, let's get the hell out of here," he said.

Once upon a time, Payton was sure that she would have judged Matt for where he lived. If she had still been back in their hometown and still married to Ryan, her eyes would have never been opened to the world out side of it. Not everything was as cut and dry as she once had thought it was. Stepping into Matt's apartment after him, Payton stood in the living room. She shoved her hands into her pockets, trying to wait as patiently as she knew how to. When Matt reappeared with some clothes under his arm, she offered a brilliant smile, reaching out for Matt's free hand before she followed him back down to her car.

The popcorn shoppe had opened up just this summer, it had quickly become a favourite spot of hers to stop in because it was such a simple pleasure. One that gave her a bit of nostalgia; to the days when a bowl of popcorn was pretty much the best thing that she could have ever been offered. Grinning a bit as she led Matt inside, Payton's face lit up as she caught sight of the freshly made caramel corn. She glanced up to Matt, raising an eyebrow. "Don't hold back on me, you can get whatever you want. Besides, we're in for a looong movie night," she teased, nudging him with her elbow.

Matt smiled as Payton reached for his hand. He was glad to know he could count on Payton not to judge him for anything, not what happened in his past and not the squalid conditions he lived in now. When they arrived at the popcorn shop, all it took was one look for Matt to see how excited Payton was. This was obviously one of her favorite places and he felt special that she'd thought to bring him here.

"Movie night, really?" Matt teased, grinning at Payton. "We haven't done that since we were like, seventeen." He decided not to bring up what their movie nights usually turned into. But of course, they were adults now and their hormones weren't as rampant. And their relationship was different now. Matt was happy just to have Payton close to him again. "I guess I'll try the cookies and cream popcorn," Matt finally said, looking over the selections. "And the three cheese. I love cheddar popcorn. It's my favorite kind out of those little popcorn tins. Holy shit, I haven't had one of those since before I went to prison."

Payton giggled at the mention of their past movie nights, her eyes widening as she realized what she had hinted at. She wouldn't be opposed to it should it come to that but she hoped Matt wasn't expecting it to go down that path. At least not tonight, maybe in the future when they both were ready for that sort of romantic commitment.

"Ooh, you have cheesecake in!" Payton exclaimed to the girl working behind the counter who laughed and nodded, reaching for a bag to start scooping the popcorn into it. "Can I also get some of the three cheese and cookies and cream? Hmm... oh! And some of the movie butter!" Payton finished up their order, deciding that was all that they needed. She was sure that they wouldn't need any more. After all, if they did end up finishing off everything that they ordered, they could always come back another time.

With their popcorn all bagged up, Payton grinned as they stepped back out onto the street. "You ready for this?" She asked as she glanced up to him, a bright smile on her face.

Matt could tell by the look on Payton's face that she realized what he'd been hinting at, but he hadn't really meant it as a real hint. He knew it would likely be awhile before their relationship reached that point again and Matt was fine with that. Just having Payton back in his life was more than he could ever ask for. "You're asking me that like we're about to go bungee jumping or something," Matt said, laughing. "But of course I'm ready. A few hours cuddled on the couch? Count me in."

Back at Payton's apartment, they found Bailey sitting on the couch. She grinned at the two of them as they passed on their way to Payton's room, saying something to Matt about not taking advantage of Payton. "Where did you find this girl?" Matt asked, kicking off his shoes before sitting down on the bed. "She acts like I'm going to start feeling you up as soon as we're alone. But I'm a gentleman, thank you very much. I know certain things are worth waiting for." He gave Payton a playful wink before laying back on the bed. "So which movie first?"

Payton wasn't at all surprised that Bailey was on the couch when they arrived back at the apartment. She smirked at her best friend, rolling her eyes as she called after them. Payton turned, fixing Bailey with a hard look which only served to cause the other girl to laugh. Groaning as she shut the bedroom door behind them, Payton shrugged as she looked over at Matt. "We met at the restaurant and we've basically been inseparable since. Without her, I honestly don't even know if I'd still be in this town," she answered, tossing their popcorn onto the bed before she turned to grab her remote.

Plopping down beside Matt, she didn't even turn the television on until she had twisted and turned until she decided that she was comfortable pressed into Matt's side. Her nose scrunched as she pulled up netflix, glancing behind herself so that she could look at Matt. "Do you want to watch something scary? Protect me from some evil being?" She teased lightly, reaching to pull open her cheesecake popcorn.