Hard to Figure Out

"Well I guess I should thank her for keeping you here, then," Matt said. When Payton sat on the bed next to him, he was quick to wrap his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close as she pulled up Netflix. "Yeah, let's watch something scary," Matt said. "And of course I'll protect you. I'll never let anything hurt you again." He pressed a kiss to her temple, settling back against the bed as Payton chose a movie. He opened up his three cheese popcorn, stuffing a handful into his mouth.

Matt tried to keep his attention mostly on the movie, but with Payton in his arms, it had always been difficult to concentrate on anything but her. And right now, he couldn't help but think about how lucky he was to have her in his arms again, especially since he never thought he would see her again after he watched her drive away from the hospital in a taxi two years ago. Each time Payton jumped at something in the movie, Matt pulled her a little closer, eventually moving her so that she was sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest.

"I think that's a record for us, actually making it through a whole movie without any of our clothes coming off," Matt joked as the movie ended. "But that's okay. Just having you this close to me is enough." He pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Payton was sure that Matt had no real clue what his little promise meant to her but it caused her heart to swell as she cuddled into his side. She decided to put on the first horror movie that she happened across, not really caring what movie was on. At some point in the movie, the lights would flash off, only to turn back on with the demon closer to the screen. Each time it repeated, Payton would tense until the lights turned on in the movie and the demon was right against the camera causing her to squeak and frantically cover her face with her hands. "Fuck. I hate those scenes," Payton grumbled, shyly peaking through her fingers before dropping her hands to focus back on the movie.

Looking up when Matt spoke, Payton laughed as she shook her head. She leaned over to set her popcorn down beside the bed before she rolled so that she was laying beside Matt. "You think this is fate's way of paying us back after all of the shit we had to go through?" Payton asked with a little laugh. She was trying to keep the tone light because she knew it was a heavy subject. "Bringing us back together in the middle of a restaurant in small town, California?"

Matt knew he shouldn't laugh at Payton, but it was adorably funny how she jumped at every scary scene in the movie. But if his memory served him, she'd always been like that whenever they watched a scary movie. As Payton started to speak, Matt felt a frown forming on his face. It wasn't her fault though, it was just his knee-jerk reaction whenever he was forced to remember his time in prison. "I think so," Matt finally said. "I wish I didn't have to go through so much to get here, but being with you makes it worth it. And it definitely makes me appreciate you more."

Matt rolled onto his side, leaning in to kiss Payton softly. In the past, this would have been the point when he would've slipped his hand underneath her shirt or into her pants, if he was feeling particularly frisky. But now, he was happy to just kiss her. The physical intimacy would come later, once they'd figured everything else out. For the first time he could remember, Matt was excited about his future, now that Payton would be a part of it. It would likely be far off, but maybe they could have the sort of life together they'd been planning on before Tyler's death. Marriage, maybe even kids. "I love you," Matt whispered.

Payton both loved and hated horror movies. She loved the adrenaline rushes that they induced and when she had someone to watch them with, they were enjoyable because often times, they also got just as freaked out as she did. There were many nights since she settled down into her apartment with Bailey that they had sat with a bowl of popcorn nestled between them as they watched a scary movie, pyjamas and all.

Her smile turned a bit more nervous as Matt turned toward her, butterflies bursting inside of her stomach. Payton knew what was coming and even if it wasn't as far as they had once gone, it was still enough for her to be nervous. What if she wasn't as exciting as she had been before? Matt was older now, attractive to a wide array of girls. There were hotter girls out there that he could score if he wanted, Payton knew that in the back of her mind. Maybe she should bite the bullet and take things between them to the next step, even if she wasn't really ready for them to move that quickly.

But Matt's words were enough to ease her worries and she sank into his chest, relief flooding her as her eyes shut. Payton chewed on her bottom lip momentarily before she looked up to Matt, a shy little smile settled on her features. "I love you, too, Matt. More than I think I'll ever be able to describe with words."

Matt's little admission had more or less just slipped out, but he meant it. He'd always loved Payton. For a split second, he was worried that it might have been a mistake to say it so soon, but then she was saying it too and Matt felt his heart swell. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "You were the only person besides my parents and Amy that ever had any faith in me or who didn't think I was a cold-blooded murderer. And maybe I'm thinking too far ahead, but...I really think we could have the future we wanted together before I went to prison."

The last thing Matt wanted was to scare Payton away when he'd just gotten her back, but he knew she wouldn't judge him for the things they said. And besides, at one point she'd wanted the same things out of life that he had and as far as he knew, she still wanted them. He knew her marriage to Ryan hadn't been an easy one, but he was different than Ryan and he would never treat Payton as anything less than a queen. "So...another horror movie?" Matt asked, grinning at Payton. "Or we can just lay here while I kiss you over and over again. Like this," Matt paused, punctuating his sentence by kissing Payton on the nose. "Or this." He kissed her again, this time on the lips. He pulled away, tucking a bit of her hair behind her ear. "I've told you how beautiful you are, right?"

Payton seemed to feel her anxiety and fear for the future melt away at Matt's words. She melted into him, her eyes slipping shut as she smiled. It felt as if their time apart had flown by now that she was in Matt's arms again, instead of at a snail's pace that it had felt like when they were actually apart. Payton breathed a small sigh of relief, shifting around slightly until she could lean back enough to look Matt in the eye. "It was always you," she whispered, a little smile settled on her features. "Even when I was with Ryan and I pictured getting older, it was you. It was you from the day you asked me out all those years ago," Payton said with a small laugh, leaning up to kiss him gently.

Parting her lips to agree to a second movie, Payton's words were stolen as soon as Matt started talking again. She giggled at the first and the second kiss, nodding at his question. She wrapped her fingers into the material of Matt's shirt, pulling herself as close to him as she could. "Hmm... maybe I can return the favour," she quipped, wondering if Matt would still be the same as he had been. She started a trail of innocent kisses up his jaw, landing on the patch of skin just below his ear. Grazing it with her teeth, Payton pulled away. "On second thought, maybe we should just watch another horror movie. What do you think?"

Hearing Payton say those things to him, Matt felt his heart swell. Even after all these years, she still believed in him, still wanted him. She was one of the few people in his life who still saw him as a good person, as the person he used to be and could've been before Tyler's death, and it would take an army to separate Matt from Payton now. Matt smiled at the sound of Payton's giggle, leaning in to give her another kiss until she spoke again. He knew Payton's kisses on his jaw were likely innocent, but he also knew she knew what she was doing. It had been almost a decade since Payton - well, anyone - had touched or kissed him like this, but it still had the same effect on him as it had when he was seventeen.

When he felt Payton's teeth scrape over the skin below his ear, Matt breathed in sharply. She had to be doing this on purpose. Hearing Payton's question, Matt was a little torn. He knew what he wanted to do, but he also knew it wasn't a good idea. Not so soon, at least. He and Payton had just found one another again and as much as Matt knew this was where he was meant to be, there were still a few things they needed to work out before they added anything physical into the mix. "As much as part of me disagrees, I think we should watch another movie," Matt finally said, knowing Payton would know what he meant. He smiled. "But I'll let you pick this time, okay? We don't have to watch a horror movie if you don't want to."

Payton fought back the swell of guilt that grew in her chest at Matt's little comment. She knew that he didn't mean it that way but she couldn't help it. She knew it had been wrong to tease Matt even in the slightest bit and still, she had done it. Blinking, Payton could only bring herself to nod as she rolled back over to face the television. She didn't want to admit it to Matt because she was afraid that her guilt would make Matt feel bad and that was one of the last things she wanted for him. She didn't want to drive Matt away when she had just managed to get him back.

Picking out an action movie, Payton laced her fingers through Matt's. She rested their hands on the bed in front of her, bring his hand up to press a gentle kiss to his knuckles. Payton paid no mind to the movie she had picked out, just trying to revel in how close she was to Matt. Already, ideas were whirling in her mind and she had no clue what she should do or if maybe she should let things take whatever natural course they were already on.

skip!

Matt's life was the best it had been in years and he only had Payton to thank. She managed to convince her boss to give him a job as a bus boy at the cafe and she'd even been so nice as to not tell him to scram when he'd been sleeping at her apartment almost every night since he'd been here. He felt bad for imposing on her and Bailey, but until they told him he couldn't stay any longer, he wasn't going to go back to his apartment. He almost wasn't even sure why he even kept the apartment.

"So...you want me to come over again tonight?" Matt asked, stepping up to Payton as she walked away from one of her tables. He grinned at her, already knowing her answer. "I mean, I can go back to my apartment if you and Bailey are getting tired of me." Giving her a quick peck on the cheek, Matt went over to start clearing one of the empty tables. He was supposed to get his first paycheck here in the next couple of days and despite the fact that he knew Payton would object, Matt was going to give her a little bit of money to cover the fact that he'd practically been living there.

Payton was trying to act as natural as possible. She had contacted Matt's mother a few days ago and after talking back and forth for a few minutes, Matt's mom had agreed to bring the family up to the mountains. She had told the older woman that Matt had no clue what was going on, that this was all a surprise, so she wasn't so sure how Matt would react. Payton was a bit nervous but she was positive that even if Matt was a little upset about it, he would be happy after a few moments to digest the fact that his family was in front of him. They were set to arrive tonight and they should be at Payton's apartment by the time Matt and she got home. Bailey was in on the whole thing, having agreed to pick up the food that Payton had ordered from a local restaurant to be served as supper. Bailey would leave as soon as she let Matt's family in, to let the whole situation go down without her around.

Payton grinned as Matt approached her. looking up to him. His smile made her heart melt, the same way it always had. "Hmm..." she trailed off, tapping the top of her pen against her chin for a moment. "I don't think that it should be a problem if you come over tonight... I guess..." she teased, squeezing Matt's hand gently before she headed off to enter the order she had just taken into the restaurant's system.

"You know I'll make it worth your while," Matt called after Payton as she walked away. He'd hadn't meant anything by it really, it was an innocent comment, but the two girls at a nearby table seemed to think otherwise. At least Matt thought so, judging by their giggles. Collecting the dishes in his tub, Matt shuffled off back to the kitchen, dumping them in the sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. Glancing at the clock above the sink, he realized there were only thirty-five minutes left until the end of his and Payton's shift and he was desperately looking forward to it. He was grateful for the job opportunity, but sometimes he just wanted to go home and lay in bed while Payton played with his hair until he fell asleep.

When it was finally time to head home, Matt pulled off his apron and left the kitchen, going over to the door to wait for Payton. When she finally approached him, he smiled at her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her temple as they left the little cafe. When they arrived back at Payton's apartment, he could hear voices inside as he waited for her to unlock the door but thought nothing of it. Maybe Bailey had company over. As soon as the door was opened, Matt heard a familiar voice shouting his name and he immediately froze. He recognized his mother's voice instantly, but it didn't make any sense. Why was she here? Why were his father and sister here? "Payton?" Matt started, turning to her. "What are they doing here?"

Payton's heart was racing as she pulled up to the apartment. She looked up to the living room window that belonged to their apartment, chewing on the inside of her lip. She was nervous because she had no clue how Matt was going to react to this situation, she just hoped it wouldn't be too bad. She knew that his family was important to him and they wanted to be in his life, if he would just allow them to be. Taking a deep breathe as she fumbled a bit with the key to unlock the apartment door, Payton stepped to the side so that Matt could enter first. His reaction was exactly what Payton had been afraid of.

She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat as she looked up to Matt, forcing a smile to her lips as she set a hand on Matt's bicep. "I invited them out. I just thought that it would be good for you... supper is ready," Payton commented, motioning into the apartment. Matt's mother had taken several steps forward, ready to embrace her son, only to stop in her tracks when she seemed to realize how Matt was taking all of this. Payton leaned against the door, trying to push away the lightheaded feeling that washed over her. "Matt.. please. Come on. i promise they're not upset," Payton whispered, trying to make sure Matt was the only one who would hear her words. She was desperate for this to go over well but she could see that this was a bad idea.

Matt felt himself bristling as he listened to Payton's explanation. He knew she only had good intentions, but she really should've asked him before she invited his family out. It wasn't that he didn't want to see his parents or his sister, it was just that he'd almost brainwashed himself into thinking that their lives would be better without him in it, without the stain of having a murderer for a child or a brother. Nobody moved when Payton announced that dinner was ready. The tension in the air was so thick that Matt swore he could've cut it with a knife. "They're not upset?" Matt repeated, hearing Payton's soft-spoken words to him. Grabbing her by the forearm, he gently pulled her into the kitchen.

"You should've asked me before you invited them out, Payton," he said. He felt trapped now, because what kind of person would he be if he sent his own family away when they hadn't done anything wrong? They were here and he wasn't ready to see them, not yet. It was something he needed to do on his own terms and now Payton had sped up his timeline. "Let's just...let's fucking eat and then we'll go from there," Matt grumbled. Walking back into the living room, he let his mother embrace him, but he was stiff as he wrapped his arms around her. How could she still love him after what he'd done, what he'd put his family through?

Payton felt like she was going to be sick as she followed Matt into the kitchen. She knew that Matt wasn't Ryan but still, she half expected him to lash out at her. She knew what Ryan did was wrong but right now in this moment, Payton was positive that Matt would have been justified. She had brought a situation upon Matt that obviously made him uncomfortable. She had known it would and she still did it. Why? Payton had thought that she was going to be helping Matt and all she had ended up doing was upsetting Matt and it even seemed like his parents were uncomfortable. Giving a small nod of her head, Payton drew in a shaky breathe. "I-I'm sorry... I just... I didn't.." Payton trailed off, having no clue where to even begin.

Even as they sat at the small dining room table, Payton couldn't bring herself to eat. She stared down at her lap as Matt's family tried to interact with him. As much as watching her weight had been tied to keeping Ryan happy in the past, it had also been a sort of punishment if she ended up pissing Ryan off too much. In the moment, if felt wrong to eat despite how hungry she was. She fiddled with the edge of her tshirt, looking up in surprise when Matt's sister addressed her.

Payton offered an awkward smile, waving Amy's concern off. "Oh, I ate at work. Chef usually provides something to eat for the staff every Friday so yeah," she explained, the lie slipping off of her tongue easier than it probably should have. She hadn't told Matt's family much of anything about his situation so they didn't know about Matt working at the same restaurant as she did so she hoped Matt wouldn't call her out on her bluff.

Sitting at the dining room table with his family, Matt felt like he was in the electric chair. And at the moment, a small part of him wished that was where he was because then he wouldn't have to see the looks of disappointment and uneasiness on his family's faces. He'd already put them through so much and now he was only making it worse. As they ate, his parents asked him questions about his life over the past two years since he'd left Huntington Beach, but Matt could only bring himself to answer with short or even one-word answers. Did he like it here? Yes. Did he have a job and a place to stay? Yes. How did he manage to find Payton after so long? Fate, he supposed.

Matt only noticed that Payton wasn't eating when Amy addressed her. He frowned when Payton fed them a lie about having eaten at work because he knew that was a lie. Payton hadn't eaten a damn thing all day but that wasn't really his business to be telling his family. "You should try and eat a little at least," Matt said to her. He didn't want her to feel sick later because she hadn't eaten anything. When he'd had all he wanted to eat, Matt stood to clear his plate, unsure of where to go from there. In the end, he retreated to the living room. But he only had a few minutes' peace before his mother followed after him. Matt offered her a weak smile as she sat next to him, feeling the guilt blossom in his stomach all over again.

Payton offered a forced smile in Matt's direction, giving a shrug of her shoulders. She was hungry and she knew damn well that she should eat something but she had no desire to eat. When she looked at the food that she had ordered, she just felt disgusted, like eating was somehow wrong. Rising to her feet when Matt and his mother headed into the living room, Payton made a poor excuse that she was going to go put away the leftovers and do the dishes that were still remaining. Standing at the sink as she did them, Payton couldn't help the few tears that fell. Matt was going to leave her, she was just so sure of it. His family was going to go to their hotel for the night and Matt would leave and it would be the last time that she saw him.

Sniffing, Payton reached up and wiped away the few tears that had fallen. She sighed as she set the last plate out on the counter to dry before she turned to head into the living room. She was a bit relieved when she saw that Matt's mother and Amy sat by him so she didn't have a way to sit close to him. she didn't want to overcrowd him and make him hate her anymore than she was sure he already did. Payton opted to sit on the ground beside the couch, Payton smiled when Matt's dad started to address her, turning to answer him. It was nice to see him again, to see the family that had more or less adopted her as a teenager. She only wished Matt had felt the same.

Matt was glad when his mother didn't try and speak to him. Somehow, he got the idea that she understood that he wasn't really much in the mood for talking. Maybe tomorrow after he'd had a chance to digest the shock of seeing them all after so long. He'd never been found of surprises since he'd gone to prison and he would've thought Payton knew that. But he supposed he couldn't really be mad at her. She was just trying to do something that she thought would help him, as misguided as they attempt was.

Around nine o'clock, Matt's family decided to head for the hotel room for the night, understandably tired from the drive up from Huntington Beach. His mother assured him they would be back the next day, getting so excited at the prospect of having Matt and Payton show them around town that Matt knew there was no way he could tell them no. Matt sighed as he shut the door behind his sister, flicking the lock into place. He wasn't sure what time Bailey would be home, but she had a key. "Are you really not going to eat anything?" Matt asked, turning around to Payton. He sighed again, rubbing his hands over his face. "Listen, I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking," he told her. "I just...I wish you would've told me. I don't really like surprises anymore, Payton."

Payton made sure to hug Matt's parents and Amy before they left, promising to show them around tomorrow. There were places that Payton hadn't even had the chance to show Matt yet so she was hopeful that tomorrow would be a bit better than today's reception. Her shoulders sagged as they filed out, her chest tightening as the lock was turned. She swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat as she tried to busy herself with grabbing the glasses on the coffee table.

Looking up when Matt started to speak, Payton was quick to shake her head. "I'm not hungry, Matt," she said quietly, her voice sounding completely defeated. She knew that she should eat but she simply had no appetite at the moment. "I shouldn't have gone behind your back like that. It was wrong of me," she said, shrugging her shoulders. Payton turned to head into the kitchen to wash the glasses before setting them out to dry. It wasn't really that late but she was feeling like she should just head to the bedroom. "Do you want a drink or anything?" She asked, not even wanting to talk about what had just happened while she continued to beat herself up over it.

Matt sighed. He wished Payton would eat something, but he wasn't going to force her. He knew today had been just as difficult for her as it had been for him. Shrugging his shoulders at her apology, Matt followed Payton into the kitchen, not really sure what else to say. Sure, he wished that Payton would've asked him before inviting his family out, but trying to be mad at her just made his stomach feel sour. She was only trying to help him, how could he fault her for that? When she asked if he wanted anything to drink, Matt shook his head. He just wanted to go to bed and forget that this whole miserable day hadn't even happened.

"I know it's not late, but we should probably head to bed," Matt said. "I'm not sure if you remember, but my dad likes to start his day early. Like, really early. They'll probably be knocking on the door around eight or nine in the morning." Walking over to the sink, Matt pressed a kiss to Payton's cheek. Deciding she might want a little time to herself, he went ahead down the hall to the bedroom, intent on just crawling into Payton's bed. He was sure Payton would join him eventually, but he didn't want to suffocate her.

As frustrated as Payton was with the way tonight had turned out, she wasn't able to contain a chuckle at the memory of Matt's father. He was a man of routine so she was sure that Matt's assumption was likely correct. She gave a small nod of her head, still not quite brave enough to turn around and face Matt. "I'll be in, in a bit," Payton commented when she realized where Matt was headed. She sighed as she turned back to the dishes she had left, actually a bit relieved that Matt hadn't offered to help her like he normally would have. She just needed a few minutes to herself because she was beginning to feel a bit suffocated by the guilt that ran through her veins.

---

Groaning as her alarm went off in the morning, Payton rolled over onto her side after turning it off. She frowned as she faced Matt, reaching out to lazily pull her fingers through his hair. "Morning, sleepyhead. We should start getting ready since your family is probably going to be over soon," she whispered, her eyes already slipping shut again.