it all came back

Luke anxiously climbed out of Ashton's truck, running a hand through his dishevelled hair. He had been looking forward to this evening, just catching up to old friends, but now that he was here, the thought of seeing Astra after so long, under the awful circumstances they'd lost touch, under the guilt Luke felt for letting his best friend slip through his fingers... all Luke wanted to do was run for the hills. But seeing that there was already a bonfire lit, ember drifting into the stillness of the evening sky, Luke took a moment to listen to the waves crash against the shore and decided he couldn't ruin this for himself.

Maggie sat with Astra on a blanket, sipping from a glass of wine as she watched the waves for a moment, but when she heard Astra's father swear while trying to start the barbecue, she smirked over to her best friend. "Your Dad got promoted to head chef and can't even start the barbie." She teased, although she adored the Chambers' family, having always felt a part of them. Watching as the adults spoke among themselves, the younger children played in the sand and kicked a football around, Maggie wondered if Calum would be present - his parents were.

Calum had pulled up to the beach with Michael, Mikey having driven them there, and, climbing out of the car, Calum closed the door, peering around for a moment, unsure of what to expect. When he’d first heard about the entire party, he’d been excited, eager to reconnect with all his old friends, to rekindle those friendships, even, but, the closer they’d gotten to the beach, the more he’d felt his heart throbbing nervously in his chest, because he was sure Maggie would be there. She’d been his best friend for the longest time, having encouraged him every single chance she could to pursue his love of music, and then everything had just… Gotten so busy, so complicated, and it’d gotten harder and harder to keep in contact until there was just no contact at all. With how busy he’d been, he’d barely noticed it at first, the distance that had grown between them, but, when there’d been a month with no contact, then a year, then longer, he could feel her absence growing in him. Swallowing his thoughts, he tried to hype himself up for the whole thing and, seeing Luke and Ashton up ahead, he and Michael headed up. “Hey,” he greeted, patting Luke’s shoulder as he passed his friend, putting on a brave grin, “Ready for this? It’s been too damn long since I saw Maggie.”

Astra had been lost in her thoughts, aware that her family had invited everybody they all cared about to this party, including the families they’d all been close to - which meant Luke, too. But, she couldn’t even remember the last time she’d spoken to Luke; she’d seen his parents often when her parents invited them over and she’d chat with them when she saw them, but she hadn’t seen or spoken to Luke in ages. Her heart ached with the thought, all too aware of how she’d felt for him in the past. Breaking out of her thoughts when she heard Maggie, she grinned slightly at her friend. “Don’t tell him that, he’ll show up at your house with a gourmet to prove that he’s amazing,” she joked. For a few moments, she thought, but she decided she needed some distraction and, grinning, she stood up, grabbing Maggie’s hands to tug her up, taking her wine to set aside. “C’mon, let’s dance, yeah? Might as well have some fun.” Winking teasingly, she went to grab her phone from her bag and the bluetooth speaker she’d brought, all charged up, and, after connecting her phone to it, she put on Selena Gomez’s “Stars Dance” before she moved back to Maggie and took her hands to dance with her, laughing as she did so.

Luke took in the smell of the fresh, ocean air and he couldn't deny that it felt good to be home after so long away. But still, the nerves were growing in him the more he heard people talking, the more he heard laughter, but these were people that Luke had known his whole life, there was no reason for him to be as anxious as he was. And yet, the thought of Astra drove him into some sort of state that he couldn't quite describe. She had always been the one who got away, and even though Luke had a girlfriend now, he knew his thoughts and heart would always be preoccupied by the girl with the most magnificent smile he'd ever seen. Hearing Calum though, Luke turned around, offering his friends a smile. "Hiya," he greeted, trying to put on the same facade. "I think I'm ready." He nodded. "Nervous, you know, to see Astra again." He admitted, but still, he lead the way down to the beach, and despite his nerves, he smiled to himself, but soon paused when he heard music, and as he scanned the crowd, his heart almost stopped in his chest when he saw the person he'd been yearning to see for so damn long, dancing in front of the fire without a care in the world, and Luke already knew that tonight was going to be difficult. "Shit," he breathed, in the best way, swearing that after all these years, Astra was still the embodiment of perfection, and taking a long moment to watch her, the way her body moved, Luke remembered all those nights they'd spent as teenagers, drunkenly kissing in the corner of the room, dancing to music neither of them were familiar with, and just wonder how he could ever forget the days he missed the most.

Maggie laughed with Astra's words, shaking her head as she sipped her wine. "Hey!" She debated. "I love your Dad's cooking, it's just the fact he can't start that barbecue amazes me." She teased, and although Maggie silently scanned the crowd for any newcomers, her heart sunk to the furthest pits of her stomach when she didn't see Calum anywhere - but there was still time. Toying with her lip at the thought, Maggie blinked as she was pulled from her trance - and from her seat - by Astra, laughing. "Why do I let you persuade me so easily?" She teased, turning the volume up of the song once more, dancing with Astra without a care in the world - she couldn't waste all of her night thinking about Calum, because she'd been wallowing in her own misery, so she might as well let go. Dancing along with the music, Maggie grinned, taking in the heat of the fire.

Calum offered a weak smile, because he knew what his friend meant, even if Calum himself was trying to hype himself up to see Maggie again. It’d been so long since he saw her, he couldn’t help but to wonder how much had changed about her. Would she even be the same person? Would she even want to see him? Would she even remember him? The moment that question crossed his mind, he could feel his heart twist painfully, but he nodded slighly. “I know what you mean,” he assured, patting his friend’s shoulder gently again before he focused his attention ahead. Mentally, he tried to tell himself that, if he wasn’t welcome or if something went wrong, at least he could go meet up with his girlfriend and try to pretend nothing had happened. But, the closer he got to the crowd, the more he could feel his heart throbbing nervously, almost like adrenaline was rushing through him, and he chewed on his lip, his gaze running over the crowd for any sign of Maggie. The sound of music caught his attention and it almost sent signals through him, as if that had to be Maggie, every sense in him going into hyperdrive, his hope shooting through the roof, and, when his eyes landed on her, he swore he lost his breath, his heart stopped, and his brain drew to a stop, his eyes widening as he watched her, entranced, his jaw falling slack. Seeing her having fun, enjoying herself, moving in a way that only Maggie could move, he swore he’d never seen a sight more perfect. In that moment, he was reminded of how much he’d genuinely missed her, how much she’d meant to him, how much he’d loved her. All the times he’d kissed her and pretended he didn’t, pretended he’d forgotten about it because he’d been drunk and it was the best excuse to avoid ruining his friendship with her - which he’d ended up doing anyways, - all the times he’d danced with her, all the times he’d felt the skin of her hips under his fingertips during those dances, how completely intoxicating she’d always been. Even from where he was, his eyes fell to her lips, the way she laughed, and he swore, even from that distance, he could hear her and, without thinking, he’d started to move closer, swearing his heart rate increased with each step, never able to tear his gaze from her. Every feeling he’d ever held for her came rushing back and, in that moment, he regretted never taking all those chances he should have.

Astra laughed, unable to help it, grinning broadly to her friend before she bowed dramatically. “Because I’m the queen of persuasion! You’re the queen of free spirit, though, so you’re just as persuasive,” she chimed teasingly, straightening once more to return to dancing with her friend, making playful faces, just loving the fact that, for this moment, she could forget about the fact that there was no sign of Luke, that maybe he wouldn’t come at all. And, really, she couldn’t blame him if he didn’t show up; they’d all grown distant from each other, the only ones who really kept in touch were their parents with each other. She knew the guys all still stayed close, they were all in a band together, of course they always saw each other. And she and Maggie always made sure to hang out and spend time together, catch up if they went more than a few days without seeing each other. But, it still hurt, knowing that the person she’d always been the closest to, the person she’d always been drawn to, wasn’t in her life anymore. And, the best way to forget that was to dance and have fun, be merry, and she planned to do just that.

Bringing himself out of his own thoughts, Luke realised that he had literally stopped in his tracks to admire Astra, but he didn't regret a single moment, because seeing her gave him some sort of hope, that if nothing more, he could, at least, rekindle the friendship between the both of them. Still, as he walked further onto the sand, his gaze, intentive and curious, never once left Astra, just seeing her have fun having already made his whole damn night. Luke was enthralled by the way she moved, remembering the times she moved with him like that, when they convinced their parents they were sleeping over rather than drinking while underage. All of those nights, Luke had never forgotten them. He'd never forgotten the kisses they shared, even though he always told her that he had, but thinking back now, every kiss, every touch, every time he felt her skin beneath his finger tips, had felt so right, and he was the idiot who let that chance go to waste. Still, his attention was caught when his father called to him, and although he hesitantly took his gaze from Astra, Luke waved, telling himself that, before the night was over, he needed a moment to himself and Astra, just to speak to her once more, just to see if she felt that rush of hope as much as he did.

Maggie laughed with Astra's words. "Hey, I wear my crown with pride." She winked, running her hands through her hair as she swayed to the music, letting go of her worries for the moment, laughing as she saw Astra making playful faces, sticking her tongue out in return, although Maggie was almost certain that she could feel someone looking directly at her, and although she felt anxious with the feeling, she ignored it, wanting to carry on having fun, wanting to prove to herself that not having Calum there wasn't the end of the world. Picking up her wine, Maggie took a sip, still dancing happily. "Honestly, your parents throw the best parties." She told Astra with a wink.

Calum watched Maggie still, his eyes taking in every single thing he could about her, though his eyes always found their way back to her lips when she laughed or when she spoke, even if he couldn’t hear what she was saying, wishing, in that moment, that he could go back in time and fix everything, that he could still have her in his life. Swallowing his thoughts away, he nearly stumbled when he heard his parents call out to him before they’d rushed over to hug him. Smiling, he returned their hugs, only then taking his gaze off Maggie but wishing more than anything that he’d never have to take his eyes off her again. His body had already been full of anxiety but, after seeing Maggie from afar, it was so much worse, because he knew he’d screwed up back then, on so many occasions, from all the kisses he’d said he didn’t remember - he never should have lied, - to all the times he didn’t reach out to her and maintain contact - he should have picked up the phone every damn day to reach out in some way, shape, or form. And he couldn’t go back and fix any of that but he hoped maybe he could make it up to her, prove that he wouldn’t be that stupid again.

Astra grinned, winking playfully. “And the crown fits you perfectly,” she teased in response, letting herself enjoy the music, the dancing, the way the ocean breeze hit her face, the warmth of the fire, just wanting to pretend that all of this was what made it perfect. “Only when they want to!” She grinned to her friend, laughing, just wanting to enjoy herself, though she swore her heart stopped when she heard Luke’s parents call out his name. Pausing in her movement, she turned, and it was so easy to find him, so easy to spot him, and, while he hadn’t been looking at her when she’d looked at him and she couldn’t see his face, she just knew it was him, and she wasn’t sure how to feel with him there. Feeling her heart racing in her chest, she turned back to her friend quickly, swallowing before she forced a smile. “Alright, I think it’s high time I get some of that wine.” Forcing a playful grin, she moved to their things to grab her own wine glass to pour herself a glass.

Luke laughed as his mother hugged him, wrapping his arms around her. "Hi, Mom." He smiled happily, hugging his Dad too. Still, he followed them to where they were sat, instantly claiming the towel laid out on the sand for himself, but his gaze turned back to Astra, despite Luke trying to be subtle about looking her way, running a hand through his hair as he studied the beauty, disappointed in himself for letting someone so perfect slip through his fingers. Ignoring his phone as he received a text, Luke watched as Astra poured herself a drink, and he wondered if he should approach, but for the moment, he decided against it, opting to watch her instead, just take in the small things that had changed over time. She was still so beautiful, so magnificent in the light of the fire. Smiling along to the conversation around him, Luke pretended he was listening, but his eyes still gravitated to Astra every time, feeling his heart drop with the weight of all the chances he'd never taken, and all the regrets he held, even after so long.

Maggie noticed Astra's pause, and when she heard Luke's parents, her heart twisted in sympathy for Astra. Grabbing the wine bottle from Astra, she poured her friend a little extra, offering her a sympathetic smile. But, when she heard Calum's parents, Maggie paused, almost spilling her own wine from shock. Was he really there? Maggie looked over her shoulder for a moment, feeling her breath hitch in her throat when she saw Calum hugging his parents, and she ignored the hurt that overtook her, and suddenly, all the happiness she'd tried to fake by dancing around melted away. From what she could see of him, Calum hadn't changed at all - he'd gotten tattooed, his hair had grown a little, but he seemed to be so perfect still. "Shit," she murmured, ducking her head.

Calum smiled, greeting his parents as he enjoyed each hug, knowing he hadn’t really been home much to see them lately. Even with him chastising himself for that, though, his eyes trailed back to Maggie, his expression softening when he saw that her head had ducked. Chewing on his lip, he wished that he could get closer, that he could see her face, that he could take in everything that had changed about her over the years, up close, memorize every detail, but he couldn’t bring himself to be brave enough yet. Swallowing, he smiled to his parents, nodding as he listened to them talk before he followed them to where they’d been sitting, taking the spot they’d saved for him, his eyes trailing back to Maggie. He could hear his phone ringing - probably his girlfriend, nobody else would call, because the guys were here with him, - but he couldn’t bring himself to answer, knowing he wouldn’t be able to focus on her and, while he hated himself for it, a part of him didn’t want to focus on her, he didn’t want to take his focus away from Maggie.

Astra blinked when she noticed her friend almost spill her drink and, quietly, she followed her gaze, watching Calum before she looked back to Maggie, her heart aching for her friend, for the fact that they were in the same pain. Offering a weak smile, she shifted, moving to grab her phone and speaker before linking her arm through Maggie’s. “C’mon, let’s get closer to the water,” she suggested, hoping that, maybe, if they put some distance between themselves and the guys for a bit, maybe they could collect themselves and prepare themselves for having to face them - if it even came to that. Taking a sip of her wine, she led the way closer to the water, figuring that, if nothing else, maybe the sound of the waves would calm their hearts.

Clearing his throat to rid himself of the lump that seemed to become lodged there, Luke glanced down at his phone as it vibrated once more, almost annoyed at his girlfriend for interrupting the moments where all he wanted to do was get lost within himself watching Astra. Lifting his head quickly, Luke watched as Astra headed for the ocean, and Luke could feel every single cell in his body react, telling him to follow, telling him to go, because he gravitated towards her, and he always had, so easily. Biting his lip, Luke internally groaned as his family began to ask him questions: how the new record was going, how tour had been, how his girlfriend was. Finally tearing his gaze away, despite how much he didn't want to, Luke accepted the beer bottle from his Dad and took a sip, needing all the courage he could get, because he knew, at one point that night, he had to face the music and face Astra, but even then, Luke looked back to the sea, not caring at this point if he was being obvious.

Maggie snapped out of her own thoughts when Astra linked her arm through Maggie's own, and Maggie tried to put on a smile. "Good idea," she murmured, although she looked over her shoulder once more, despite the grief it caused, the painful clench in her chest, but her heart almost stopped when she was sure he was looking right at her, too. Ignoring it, Maggie followed Astra closely, just appreciating the feeling of the sand beneath her feet, inhaling the fresh air. Sipping her own wine, Maggie grinned at Astra, tugging her cardigan around herself as she kicked water towards Astra with a grin, not wanting to mention Calum, or the fact Luke was there.

Calum chewed hard on his lip, putting his phone away once he saw he had a voicemail. The last thing he wanted was to be distracted from Maggie, his eyes constantly seeking her, afraid of letting her slip through his fingers again. The more he watched her, the more he become aware of just how royally he had screwed up. Before he could think more about it, his parents started asking about how his day was, how things were going with the band, and then they reminded him about his girlfriend by asking questions about her, and he forced a smile, trying to answer the questions he could, though he just wanted to keep taking in the sight of Maggie.

Astra nodded slowly and set her gaze ahead while they wandered to the water, wanting to do whatever it took to get her mind off of Luke. She watched the waves, listening to them crash against the shore, though she gave a noise when Maggie kicked water at her. “Mags!” she said with a laugh before she knelt to splash her friend back, making a face.

Luke had answered most of his parents questions with only glances towards them, his focus on Astra, the pull he felt, too strong to ignore. She was a vision, but surrounded by water, Luke couldn't help but feel this was some sort of ethereal daydream sent from Heaven itself. Seeing her laugh, seeing her smile, Luke couldn't ignore the flame that ignited within him, once more, and he wondered why the hell he had been so stupid to let her go? Luke toyed with his lip, wondering if he should head to where the sand met the shore, make some sort of excuse to be nearer to Astra, but his courage was drowning within his fear of seeing any sort of hurt or anger cross her beautiful face. Running a hand through his hair, Luke told his parents he'd be back, and went to grab himself a beer from the cooler, his eyes not leaving Astra for more than a second at a time, just wanting to admire her further. Clearing his throat, Luke looked to Calum. "Cal!" He called. "You wanna take a walk?"

Maggie laughed at Astra's noise of shock, but gasped when Astra splashed her back. "Oi!" She debated with a smile, shaking her head in amusement. "I hope a jellyfish comes at you." She pointed a 'threatening' finger at her friend, setting the bluetooth speaker in the dry sand and grabbing Astra's phone. "Yoink," she grinned, winking at Astra as she put Drunk In Love by Beyonce on, just wanting to rid her thoughts of Calum, his voice so clear in her head that she wasn't sure if he was calling out to her or if it was just the ghost of some memory she'd kept hidden away.

Calum had been answering what questions he could that his parents asked, though, most of the time, he was too distracted by watching Maggie to answer them until they asked the question again, repeating themselves two or three times before he would manage an answer. So, when he heard Luke call out to him, he couldn’t help the relief that flooded him, because he was tired of answering questions that didn’t matter to him, he just wanted to get closer to Maggie, talk to her, listen to her voice. “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” he called back before he quickly excused himself, scrambling to his feet before he headed over, grabbing a beer before he scrubbed a hand over his face as he looked to Luke. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this, man. It’s killing me.”

Astra couldn’t help but to laugh with hearing Maggie’s words. “That is a cruel thing to wish upon me!” she accused teasingly, grinning broadly despite her inner turmoil. A part of her wanted to leave the party already, wanting to pretend she hadn’t seen Luke, that she hadn’t felt the flood of emotions that came with the sight of him, but she all of their parents had worked hard to get this together. Hearing Maggie’s music choice begin to play, though, she couldn’t help but to laugh, and she rolled her eyes before she focused on dancing, doing whatever she could to forget.

Luke nodded with Calum's words, understanding his turmoil. "What do we do? Do we go and say hi, do we not?" He asked, toying with his lip as he watched Astra carefully, admiring how she moved among the waves, to the beat of the music, because Astra always had a wonderful relationship with anything that had a good beat. The guilt twinged in his chest though, knowing if he went up and just said hello, he would seem insensitive, almost mocking. Sighing with the thought, Luke ran a hand through his hair.

Maggie laughed with Astra's words, biting her lip. "Hey, it's not that bad, being stung!" She debated with a smile, trying to keep herself calm as she noticed, from the corner of her eye, that Calum had moved away from his family. Maggie swayed her hips to the song, taking her attention from Calum, because the more she looked at him, the more she wanted him to look her way, but she honestly didn't know how she'd react if he were to try and strike up a conversation with her.

Calum chewed on his lip anxiously as he watched Maggie, mesmerized by her in the best and worst way - because, he knew that, as much as he was feeling for her, he didn’t deserve her, and he hated himself for that, because he knew he’d hurt her before, probably more than once, and the very thought made his heart twist painfully. “I don’t know, mate,” he murmured honestly, breathing out quietly, running his hand through his hair as he watched her dance, having always loved how easy it was for her to dance along to music, always having found himself watching her in the past. “I’ve got no idea at all. I don’t want to make her hate me more, but I don’t want us to go the whole night without speaking, either - she’s the whole reason I even came here in the first place.”

Astra made a face at her friend, grinning slightly. “I don’t believe you for a moment, I have a low pain tolerance,” she joked lightly, doing her best not to look for Luke, not to acknowledge him, too used to the way it felt to be disappointed by him. Clearing her throat to force that thought away, she tried to get lost in the music, dancing along to it, trying to forget that Luke was even on the same beach as her, trying to pretend that he was half a world away instead.

Luke assessed the situation for a long moment. He was a fucking idiot, he knew that much, because he had let Astra slip through his fingers and he had neglected the most amazing thing he'd ever had, with anyone. But he wanted to fix things, and he couldn't spend the rest of the night pretending that Astra wasn't there when all he wanted to do was go over to her and apologise for how much of an idiot he was. "Let's go and say hi." He suggested, eager to fix things. "If we get a bad response..." Luke sighed, shrugging his shoulders as he tied his hair into a bun, making his way to Astra, knowing Calum would follow.

Maggie laughed with Astra's words, shaking her head. "You're so dramatic!" She grinned, pausing in her dancing when she noticed Luke and Calum stood not too far, nudging Astra when Luke began to move closer. She felt anxiety and anger bubble up within her stomach, and she tried to push it back down, because god dammit, she had spent so long crying over Calum, she wasn't ready to see him again, because she didn't know how she'd react - and that scared her. "Oh look," she murmured. "Pinky and Perky."

Calum watched Maggie from where he was, certain she didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, worried that she’d hate him forever, and hating that he might not be able to fix it. But, with Luke’s words, he knew he had to try, because he didn’t want to live without Maggie in his life, because she’d always been important to him, even if he’d left her behind. “I guess all we can do is try,” he decided but followed Luke quietly.

Astra laughed with the mention of it. “You love how dramatic I am!” she chimed easily in response, hoping to get her mind off things by just… Being herself. She paused, though, when Maggie nudged her, and her good mood went down the drain when she spotted Luke coming their way. “I think it’s about time we abandon ship, Maggie,” she said, making a face at her friend, “Run for our lives, never look back?”

Maggie saw, from the corner of her eye, that Calum had joined Luke, and she rolled her eyes gently, not wanting the fun she was having with Astra to be ruined by two complete idiots. "Abandoning ship sounds like a great idea," Maggie returned the face of distaste playfully, sticking her tongue out in a gagging motion. "C'mon, let's go see how food's going. I really don't want to run in to old ghosts tonight." Maggie exhaled nervously, linking her arm through Astra's with a confident smile, expertly faked, but hearing Luke call, Maggie frowned. "Here we go."

Luke felt his heart pound against his ribcage in a way that was almost painful, because just the sight of Astra made Luke realise just how truly foolish he was - but knowing he had a lover already made him feel even worst, because he'd made the wrong decision, he'd fucked up, and that was on him. But it was too late to make any excuses now, it wouldn't stop him from trying to form a friendship with Astra. "Astra!" Luke called, breaking into a light jog towards the girl who's smile he had committed to the back corner of his memory. "Hey!" Luke offered a dimpled smile as he reached her. "How's it going? God, it's been forever." Luke laughed, the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore seeming to push him along.

Calum tried to force away his nervousness, certain that approaching Maggie and talking to her again after so long had to be the most terrifying thing he’d had to do in ages. But he knew it was necessary and he knew it was what he wanted to do. More than anything, though, he knew it was what Maggie deserved, because he’d treated her so terribly. “Maggie,” he greeted with a small, nervous grin as he approached her, “Hey, how’s life been? How have you been doing?”

Astra sighed out when she heard Luke’s voice, rolling her eyes as she looked to Maggie. “So close,” she complained in a mutter, frowning, her attention then going to Luke. “There’s a reason it’s been forever, Luke. Our ties were cut a long time ago.” And she had no interest in mending those ties, in fixing things between her and Luke; she just wanted to move on.