Say No To This

@ sun spirit

"Gods, Ceren, I'm not asking you to stop being a healer, but you have to realize that marrying me, becoming the Queen means that you'll have more work, more expectations, different priorities. People will expect you to attend to the nobility and to give me heirs, not sit around the infirmary all day sorting herbs." He sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair anxiously. "I don't want you to stop being a healer, but realistically, you'd have to cut back your hours in order to accommodate your new duties as Queen, and that's not even considering what will have to happen after we have children.."

---

Aerith giggled a bit as he turned away from her and pulled the blankets over his head, moving under the blankets with him. "Alright, alright, we'll go back to sleep." She murmured as she pressed close, her arms wrapping around his waist loosely as her forehead rested between his shoulder blades. It seemed for a few minutes like she'd drifted back off to sleep, but her fingers started tracing little patterns over his stomach and chest, and she began pressing little kisses along his back and across his shoulders, eventually scooting closer so she could kiss his neck.

@ katahdin

Ceren shook her head as Elwin mentioned cutting back her hours, already prepared with her answer. She’d managed to act as Baroness of Ashwick without doing so, and she’d find a way to manage this too. It wasn’t until he mentioned children and alluded to just how much she might have to give up that she went still, something close to panic settling in her. “No. No, I can’t do that. It isn’t just a hobby. It’s part of me.” She took a step back, dropping his arm. “I have to help people. I can’t just—just put it on hold.”

---

As Aerith curled into him, Nyrel—still half asleep—covered her hand with his as he began to doze off. However, he’d barely started to return to sleep when he felt her fingers moving over his skin and her lips pressing little kisses along his back. He groaned softly, turning to face her, and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’m up, I promise. Mercy,” he mumbled groggily, stifling a yawn.

@ sun spirit

Elwin frowned deeply as she began to panic at the idea of having to cut back her hours in the infirmary to raise children, their children. He had to fight back his own panic as he stepped back, clearing his throat a little as he looked away. "No one is forcing you to marry me, Ceren. If.. If you don't want to, I understand.." he murmured sadly, turning and going back to take a seat at his desk, looking rather defeated. "I shouldn't trap you into something you don't want to do, it's not fair of me."

---

Aerith squeeked a little in surprise when he rolled over and kissed her, her arms snaking around his neck loosely as she pulled him closer, giggling mischievously. "You're not up yet, you're still sleepy." She teased, her fingers running through his hair as she peppered little kisses along his jaw and down his neck. "I have to wake you up, so we can do things.."

@ katahdin

Ceren knew she wasn’t reacting well to the thought of having to all but give up healing to act as queen and one day be a mother, but the thought had honestly never crossed her mind. She’d just imagined things would keep going roughly as they were now. What really hit home was Elwin’s response though, as he sat down at his desk. “That’s it?” she asked, staring at him as she felt her heart drop. “That’s... just accept that I’ll probably have to stop healing when we have children if I marry you, or don’t marry you and keep doing what I love?” What felt worse was the fact that he looked like she’d already made the decision and he had lost. “Do you even want to marry me anymore, Elwin? Because you’ve just been trying to push me away since I walked in here earlier.”

---

“No, I’m up,” Nyrel argued with a little smile as he draped an arm around her waist. Aerith seemed set against a sweet, peaceful morning though, he realized as she began to kiss along his neck and her words sank in. He chuckled softly, running his hand up and down her waist. “Already?” He asked, humming softly as he added, “You’re a quick learner.” The little kisses she left along his neck certainly did feel nice.

@ sun spirit

Elwin looked over at her with a frown, unable to help but scowl a bit as he listened to her speak. "Of course I want to marry you, Ceren. Gods, it's all I think about! But we can't always have everything that we want, Cer, I've had to learn that the hard way, and now you have to learn it too. You have to make a choice about what it is that you really want. If you want to be the Royal Healer, fine. I won't stop you, you're the best the kingdom has ever had, and you'll have a long and successful career. But if you want to marry me, you'll have a lot responsibilities, and will have to make sacrifices. When you're a king or a queen, it's not always about what you want, but about what is best for the kingdom. Gods knows I have to make sacrifices every day. If you aren't ready for that responsibility, then I won't force you into taking it."

---

Aerith giggled in between her kisses, shivering a little at his touch as her own fingers brushed over his chest. "I told you last night, I'm a fast learner. We're you not paying attention?" She asked softly, grinning teasingly before she sucked lightly at a spot on his neck, leaving a little mark before she kissed her way back to his lips. "I can let you go back to sleep, if you really want." She offered, half-heartedly drawing away with a little pout.

@ katahdin

Ceren could almost feel the line being drawn as Elwin spoke and knew he was waiting for her to decide which side of it she’d fall on. Because as much as she’d avoided thinking about it, he was right: she couldn’t be the Royal Healer and his wife. The Royal Healer had too many duties and responsibilities, and she wouldn’t be able to give all her time to it as she had been. And even though it was a position that Nyrel had told her to take in the first place, she’d grown to love it. Somehow she’d convinced herself she could make a balance, that she wouldn’t have to prioritize any one thing, and she’d be able to make it work, but the truth had caught up with her, and the thought of making this decision made her throat close. “El, I... I need some time to think. I, gods, I don’t want you to think I don’t love you, it’s just... I really thought I was going to do everything.”

---

Gods, how she’d managed to turn the tables on him when he’d been the one teasing her just last night was beyond Nyrel, but damn if he wasn’t waking up now. “Oh no, I’m awake now, love,” he said when she went to pull away, drawing her close and kissing her soundly.

@ sun spirit

Elwin stared down at his desk as she spoke, swallowing his emotions as he tried to get them under control. This was all his fault. He should have made this clearer to her ages ago. He was the older one, he was the King, it was his responsibility. But he hadn't, and now here they were. He cleared his throat as he stood, glancing at her with glassy eyes before looking away. "If you have any hesitation, even for a second, you shouldn't marry me. I don't want you to regret marrying me, or resent me for it. I-"

He was interupted when Taliesin knocked at the door and said that they needed Ceren in the infirmary urgently. Elwin cleared his throat once more, placing his hand on the small of her back before leading her toward the door, pressing a small kiss to her forehead before he opened the door.

"I'll inform the Council.. I.. I'll always love you, Cer. I shouldn't keep you, though, you're needed." He murmured as he guided her out the door, shutting it behind her.

---

Aerith dissolved into a fit of giggles when he pulled her back, happily returning his kisses. After a few hours, and the very satisfying 'next time' that she had been promised the night before, Aerith finally decided to get out of bed. She pressed a small kiss to her husband's cheek before slipping out of bed, deciding that it was time for breakfast- or, rather, lunch, considering the time. After pulling on her nightgown she took a seat at the table and promptly ate a honey tart, humming in satisfaction as she looked over at Nyrel with a smile. "It was a good morning, don't you think?"

@ katahdin

Ceren could only stare at Elwin, some part of her trying to refuse to process what he was saying even as tears threatened. She wanted to blink them back and argue with him, but he didn't even get to finish speaking when Taliesin showed up, saying they needed her. "El, stop, we need to talk," she started as he herded her to the door, not wanting to leave when this was still in the air, even if she was needed, but then she was in the hallway, the door being shut before she could say anything else.

If Taliesin hadn't started to pull her down the hall, she wasn't sure she would've been able to move. It hardly felt like she could breathe, and her insides were being torn to shreds. She might've fallen apart right there if Taliesin's words hadn't penetrated. There was someone dying in the infirmary, and no one else could stop it. They'd tried, but they needed her. So Ceren balled up everything that had just happened and every emotion she felt and did her best to shove it all in a corner to be dealt with later, knowing she needed to focus right now and she wouldn't be able to if she started thinking about the fact that Elwin made it sound as if... as if they wouldn't be marrying next week or in six months or at all.

---

By the time he and Aerith parted, Nyrel was happy, starving, and completely unmotivated to leave the bed. He laid on his side as Aerith got up and got dressed, propping himself up on his elbow, and smiled as he watched her go for the honey tarts she'd refrained from eating the night before. "It was. I think I could stand to be woken up like that more often," he agreed with a smile. Then, though he'd gotten the honey tarts for her, he used his magic to lift one and floated it over to where he still laid in the bed, his stomach grumbling in anticipation. "Did you still want a tour today? We have the whole afternoon left."

@ katahdin

The last week had been so relaxing and peaceful that Nyrel was almost worried about their return to the castle. Still, while he and Aerith had made the most of their free time, he could tell she was ready to get back to some of her usual routine and had even managed to extract a promise from him that he would join her for some of her training. Unfortunately, he didn't exactly have much else to do, though he still fully planned on cleaning what would now be their room--it almost had to happen for his things to be able to fit--and trying to find something to keep himself busy. Maybe take up a hobby. It was that lack of him having much to do that worried him, not to mention that the Council was sure to be upset with him and were sure to try and make his and Aerith's life miserable.

Even so, he'd come to think of the castle as home, and he was happy to be back after only being there a day before he'd been shipped back to Ashwick. It wasn't until they neared the entrance and the carriage came to a stop that he frowned, glancing back to Aerith. "We aren't about to have to leave again, are we?" Because waiting outside was a vaguely familiar man dressed in healer garb, but neither Ceren nor Elwin were anywhere to be found.

Exchanging a frown with his wife, Nyrel helped her out of the carriage and then got out himself, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as they faced the healer, who offered them both a smile. "Princess Aerith, Lord Nyrel. Congratulations on your marriage; I hope you had an enjoyable honeymoon. My name is Taliesin Miradi. I am a healer under Lady Ceren; I generally take over when she is absent and take some of her workload in those cases, but I also watch out for her. She overworks herself and the like, so I try to help mediate that and communicate with King Elwin, by his request, when she's overworked herself too much."

Nyrel watched Taliesin, brows creased in confusion, and the healer seemed to understand that he needed to get to his point. "I'm sure you both want to rest after your long journey, but I came to ask help on behalf of both Lady Ceren and King Elwin. About four days ago, Lady Ceren had gone to see King Elwin, but then a man with a fatal wound arrived in the infirmary. No one there was powerful enough to save him, so I went to retrieve Lady Ceren. Both she and the king looked nearly to be in tears, and while I don't know what was said between them, I haven't seen them together since. In fact, after healing the wounded man, Lady Ceren refused to return to her room and rest, despite being drained, and has continued to work in the infirmary since. She has not left. She sleeps in a cot late at night, once she's too exhausted to stay up any longer, and she wakes up early to resume work. When I tried to inform the king about this behavior, I was barred from seeing him and told that he was receiving no visitors. I have tried to talk to him multiple times since then, but I only get the same response, which leads me to believe he has shut himself in his room in the same way Lady Ceren has shut herself in the infirmary. As their siblings and friends, I was hoping you'd be able to get through to them where I haven't been able to."

---

Ceren was exhausted and knew she likely looked worse than she felt after wearing the same clothes for four days and refusing to leave the infirmary, even to bathe. Her clothes were stained, in blood and everything else she'd come into contact with, and only washing her skin with wet rags kept her from being just as filthy. She couldn't bring herself to leave though. To rest. Every night, when she was forced to stop to sleep, that conversation returned to her, as well as everything it meant. She had dreams about it that left her feeling more tired when she woke up than she had before she went to sleep, but she always found something to push herself into just to keep it all at bay a little longer.

She couldn't crumble the way she wanted to. She'd come close after Elwin said goodbye, and if she had, she wouldn't have saved the life of the soldier who was now walking around and had returned to his family because of her. What was to say someone else wouldn't come along who needed her as soon as she fell apart? This--the ability to be here and make sure no one died who didn't have to--was the reason her heart was in pieces; some part of her was almost convinced if she held on long enough, helped enough people, it would put her back together. But until that happened, she'd do paperwork and clean out bedpans and wash sheets and gather herbs and make poultices and completely exhaust herself healing others.

@ sun spirit

While Aerith normally hated breaking up her usual daily routines, the last week with Nyrel had been absolutely wonderful. He'd shown her around the estate, they'd gone horseback riding, she'd taught him how to bake honey tarts, he'd very nearly thrown her in the leech pond after she pinched his butt one too many times, and he'd only fussed a little when she fell off the roof after deciding to see what plant was growing off of one of the chimneys. And there had been plenty of 'next times' between them, even after she returned one morning covered in blood and carrying a dead fox after being gone all night hunting. But she was happy to be going back to the castle, back to her home, and was looking forward to seeing Ceren and Elwin again, and starting her life as Nyrel's wife. It was a bit odd, and she hoped that nothing would change because of it, but she couldn't help but be worried about what the Council might do when they returned. And she felt bad for Nyrel, who didn't really have a position or hobbies or anything to keep him occupied, and whenever she tried to offer to let him help with her usual habits, he most often very politely declined, as training and hunting and exploring wasn't really his forte.

Despite her worries about returning to the castle, she was excited to get out of this stupid carriage, although when she saw Taliesin standing by the front door, alone, that she began to grow worried, gripping Nyrel's arm as she looked at him nervously. "Where's Elwin and Ceren?" She whispered worriedly, suddenly afraid that something bad had happened to them, like they'd gotten sick or been murdered.

She carefully climbed out of the carriage with Nyrel's help, standing with her arm linked through his as she looked at the healer worriedly, her concern only growing as she listened to him speak. What could have happened that had made Elwin and Ceren behave like this? Certainly it couldn't have to do with Aerith and Nyrel's marriage, as they'd been the ones to orchestrate it, and they were so obviously meant for one another, that it couldn't have anything to do with their relationship. With a little sigh she turned to her husband, looking up at him with a small frown.

"We should bring our things to our room, and then go see them.. Taliesin, is there anyone who can help us carry our things? I only have the one suitcase, but Nyrel had to bring most of his belongings back from Ashwick, so it'll take a while to unload.."

---

Elwin felt awful. He'd barely eaten, and what he had forced himself to eat didn't stay down long, and he hadn't really moved from bed except to go to the restroom and to change his shirt once. Ceren didn't want to marry him. The love of his life didn't want to marry him. And now he'd have to marry whatever lady or princess the Council found for him. Either that or just not marry all together, but he couldn't do that, even if that was what he really wanted.

If he couldn't marry Ceren he didn't want to be king. He didn't want to do a single bit of paperwork or anything for the Council, or do an ounce of work. He wanted to give up the throne, let Aerith take it, and marry Ceren when she didn't have to take on a bunch of extra responsibilities. But, he couldn't do any of that, and so instead he'd lay in bed for as long as he could feeling bad for himself, and then he'd force himself to get back to work. Hopefully that would distract him from the empty feeling in his heart.

@ katahdin

Nyrel had no idea what could be going on that would cause both Ceren and Elwin to react so strongly—and separately—unless it was some sort of problem between them, though he’d seen them together and watched his little sister’s eyes light up when she talked about Elwin enough that it seemed impossible, especially given that he and Aerith had been gone for a week. Like his wife though, the news was enough to worry, and he agreed entirely when she suggested they go see them. “If they’re separate, I’m sure it’s for a reason, so it’d probably be best if we divided for this,” he added, squeezing her arm reassuringly.

Taliesin appeared relieved as the couple agreed to talk to Elwin and Ceren. “I’ll help,” he immediately volunteered. “I’ll find a few servants to help as well, so neither of you have to do anything. Please, go see them now.”

Nyrel didn’t bother to ask Taliesin if he was sure; he could see the sincerity and worry in the healer’s eyes and nodded to him. “We will. Thank you for bringing this to our attention,” he said. As the healer set off to do as he promised, Nyrel looked to Aerith. “Usually, I’d say we should talk to our siblings, since I’m not particularly close to Elwin, but if this is what I think it is... it might be better if you spoke to Ceren,” he said.

@ sun spirit

Aerith frowned as she and Nyrel left Taliesin to bring their things to their room (or rather their new room, as Elwin had stopped sulking long enough to arrange for them to have a new set of rooms), holding her husband's hand tightly. "What do you think happened between them? Is.. It's not our fault, is it?" She frowned up at him, nodding a little when he suggested that she see Ceren while he see Elwin. "Alright.. That seems fair. Should we plan to meet somewhere with them, to get them to talk? We could say that if they want to see each other, they can meet each other in the gardens at sunset, that way we have plenty of time to talk to them and figure things out." She suggested, standing on her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you. If you need me, send for me in the infirmary, and I'll come right away." She promised before reluctantly leaving him to go see her now sister in law, leaving her husband to tend to her brother.

@ katahdin

“I don’t know,” Nyrel sighed and squeezed Aerith’s hand. “But I’m positive it isn’t our fault. Those two wouldn’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of them being together. You’ve seen how they are.” He hoped he sounded more assured than he felt, not wanting Aerith to feel guilty for whatever had happened—especially before they found out what it was. When she suggested a neutral meeting place for the two whenever they finished, he nodded. “That’s a great idea. It’ll give us time to get to the bottom of this and hopefully time for them to think about whatever’s going on.”

Nyrel returned her kiss, holding her close for a moment. “I love you too, and the same goes for you. Send word if you need me. Good luck.” He gave her a final guess before at last letting her go, and as she made her way to the infirmary, Nyrel traversed the halls until he reached the door to Elwin’s room. There were a pair of guards on either side of the door, who informed him the king didn’t wish to be disturbed, though they hesitantly let him through when he mentioned he was here on behalf of the princess, who just so happened to be his wife.

When he walked in, he blinked, trying to see past the gloom. The heavy curtains were drawn, no candles lit, and even the fire in the hearth seemed to barely burn. Nyrel could just barely make out a figure laying in the bed though, and knew he’d found the king. He nearly considered opening the curtains for a little light, but having been in an emotionally similar position recently, he wordlessly found a chair and pulled it to the side of the bed. “It doesn’t get any better from laying here, doing nothing, you know. That’s what I did too, when I wasn’t writing letters. Though to be fair, I was convinced Aerith hated me. Ceren adores you.”

If he couldn’t instigate a conversation, at the very least, maybe he’d get a hint about what the hell happened.

@ sun spirit

Aerith reluctantly parted from him and headed to Ceren's office in the infirmary, glancing around at the other healers a bit anxiously before she knocked on the door to at least give her a little warning before she stepped inside. She nearly gasped in shock when she saw Ceren all dirty and covered in blood. Ceren was normally the clean one out of the two of them, so it was very odd to see her absolutely filthy.

"Ceren..? Ceren, are... What happened, Cer?" She frowned worriedly as she looked her over, moving to slowly take a seat. "You.. You don't look good."

---

Elwin groaned a little when he heard Nyrel enter, sitting up slowly to look at his brother in law with a frown, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "It doesn't matter what she feels... She doesn't love me more than she loves being a healer. She'd never be happy married to me." He grumbled with a frown, running his hand through his unkempt hair and over the stubble on his chin, having not shaved in a few days.

With a sigh he used his magic to move a pitcher of water and glass from the table across the room over to him, pouring it mid air before taking the glass in his hand and sending the pitcher back over to the table. He had no desire to leave bed, even to do something simple like get a glass of water. He would also rather have Nyrel leave, but he didn't want to be rude and simply tell him to get out, not when he was his brother in law. "Shouldn't you be looking around your new room? You and Aer must have just gotten back... Right? Or have you been back from Ashwick for a few days?"

@ katahdin

Ceren looked up when she heard a knock at her door, thinking it was someone who needed her. The other healers were reluctant to give her things to do, but it didn’t stop them when she was needed. So, when Aerith stepped into her office, she could only stare in shock for a moment. Aerith was back. Had it really been that long already? And she hadn’t been there to greet her and Nyrel when they returned, because she’d gotten so lost in everything she’d forgotten.

It didn’t even occur to her how she looked until Aerith was asking what happened and looking at her with worry. “It-it’s fine,” she answered softly, her throat tightening as she added, “I’m just focusing on my duties, since Elwin and I aren’t... aren’t getting married.” It was the first time she’d said it out loud, and gods, it hurt. She forced herself to give Aerith a smile as she took a deep breath though. “I’m fine, just busy. And you should be resting if you just got back, not worrying about me. I’m sure your plants and animals missed you, Theseus especially.”

---

Nyrel was unperturbed by Elwin seemingly having just woken up recently as well as the half-hearted attempts to get him to leave, instead absorbing everything the king had said. He was a little surprised at him acting so cordially, but decided he might as well take it to his advantage while they were speaking. “We just got back... there was someone waiting for us, concerned about both you and Ceren,” Nyrel replied, resisting the urge to arch an eyebrow.

“Do you really think she wouldn’t be happy?” Nyrel continued, sitting forward as he looked Elwin in the eyes. “Honestly, you probably know her better than me in a lot of respects, but I watch people. I’ve seen her work hard and love being a healer. She loves being able to help people, and she loves being so good at what she does because it means she can do more for them. But I’ve also seen her grow up with you as her best friend and glow when she talks about you. When she’s away from the infirmary, she’s restless and anxious because she just wants to be there. What happens when she doesn’t have you is different. Whatever happened while Aerith and I are gone, I was told that Ceren hasn’t left the infirmary, that she barely eats or sleeps and hasn’t bathed or changed in days. Does that sound like she’s happy to you? Because somehow, I don’t think she’d be acting like that if the two of you were married.”

@ sun spirit

Aerith frowned deeply when Ceren said that she was no longer marrying Elwin, shaking her head a little as she tried to get her to leave the office. "Wait wait wait, you're not marrying Elwin? Why? Did he die or something?" She asked worriedly as she looked at her friend. The only thing that she could think of that would keep them from marrying would be if one of them died, and Ceren was right in front of her, so she couldn't be the dead one.

She stood, resting her hands on her hips as she stared at her friend sternly. "Everything is not 'fine', as you put it. You're coming with me to your room, and you're going to take a bath. That's an order." She insisted, opening the door to the office and gesturing for her to go out. "If you don't come with me willingly I'll make someone carry you. It's not healthy to coop yourself up in here, and it's not good to just let yourself get all gross like you have." She frowned, waiting for Ceren to walk out with her. She hoped that Nyrel was having more luck with Elwin than she seemed to be having with Ceren.

---

Elwin frowned as he listened to Nyrel speak, letting out a long sigh. It only made his heart ache more to hear that Ceren was just as miserable as he was. "She didn't choose me." He mumbled as he drank another glass of water, setting the glass on the table before laying back down to stare at the ceiling.

"I was talking to her about what would happen after we married and she became Queen, all of the new responsibilities she would have, and how she'd probably have to cut back her hours in the infirmary because of it and she... she hesitated. She doesn't want to give up being the Royal Healer, and I won't make her do it, even if it makes me miserable. I won't marry her if she's going to resent me for it years from now." He looked over at Nyrel with glassy tear filled eyes, looking absolutely pitiful and heartbroken. "I'm sorry I hurt her, Nyrel... I really am.."

@ katahdin

Ceren had known Aerith wouldn’t just leave her, but a part of her had hoped anyway because she didn’t want to talk about what happened. She wanted nothing more than to ignore it until it stopped hurting, and Aerith wouldn’t let that happen. And sure enough, her friend was already asking for an explanation, even as Ceren shook her head. “No! No, he’s fine.” It’s my fault, she added mentally.

And then Aerith was ordering her out, to leave and get a bath, and even as a small part of her panicked, she knew she needed to bathe and change, that she should have done so days ago. And she could hold herself together long enough to make it back. So she silently agreed—if for no other reason than because she knew Aerith would have someone carry her—and for the first time in days, left the infirmary to walk towards her room. It was dark when they reached it, and cold, any fire that might’ve been keeping it warm having been neglected and left to die. The plants in the windowsills looked to be similarly neglected, dropping and brown from their lack of care.

---

Nyrel watched Elwin as he explained what happened that had caused this, unable to help but feel a rush of sympathy for Elwin, especially as he apologized. He took a breath as he tried to process where to go with all this... but first... “Did she say she didn’t want to marry you? That she was choosing being a healer over you?” he asked softly. “Because you made it sound like she did once, and then you made it sound like you made the decision for her.”

He had a hard time believing Ceren would make that decision. He knew how his sister thought, at least, and she probably would’ve been determined to handle everything even if it completely exhausted her to do so. He just couldn’t see her willingly give up either Elwin or healing.

@ sun spirit

Aerith was a bit relieved when Ceren agreed to go with her without much fuss, quietly promising one of the healers to keep her away for as long as possible as they left. She grew worried though when she saw how sad and empty her room looked, doing her best to start up a fire before going over to the window where her plants were kept and using her magic to perk them up a little, not wanting to see them die. Once that was settled she turned to Ceren, her hands on her hips as she looked at her. "Why aren't you marrying Elwin anymore?" She asked, hoping that if she just kept asking Ceren questions, she'd give in and answer. She could tell that her friend was on the verge of breaking down, and even though she didn't really want to see or make Ceren cry, she figured it would probably be the best way to get the truth out.

"Do you not love him anymore? What happened between you two?"

---

"She hesitated, said she needed to think about it." Elwin admitted quietly, before going on to explain. "She wanted to do both, keep doing everything as Royal Healer, and take on the responsibilities of being Queen, but I explained that it would be impossible, especially if we have children, and she'd have to prioritize some things over other things, and they probably wouldn't be what she wanted... She'd have to cut her hours in the infirmary, likely give up being Royal Healer in order to be Queen and have and take care of our children.. Doing everything like she wanted would kill her, and I won't let her. It's too much for her to handle. And if she doesn't want to give up being Royal Healer, I won't make her, but I can't marry her and force her to choose between doing what she loves and something she'll hate. It's not fair."

He hoped Nyrel at least understood what his concerns were. Ceren would try to take on too much and end up overworking herself, or she'd feel pressured and forced into giving up one thing or another, and would eventually regret marrying Elwin and having a family with him because of it. He wanted her to be able to do what she loved and be happy, and he couldn't see that being a possibility if she became Queen.

@ katahdin

Though she shivered at the chill that hung in the air, Ceren still went to the private washroom attached to her room and seriously considered filling the tub with the unheated water and enduring the cold long enough to wash. In the end, the late autumn chill was enough to ward her away momentarily, and she helped Aerith start up the fire instead, perching on the stones beside it to make sure it had enough wood and wouldn’t go out while Aerith approached her neglected plants, which seemed to stand a little straighter in her presence. Still, Ceren was quiet until she was asked once again what happened.

“I…” She knew Aerith wouldn’t be satisfied until she had an answer, that she deserved an answer, and despite willing herself not to, a tear slipped down her cheek. “It’s all my fault, Aer. All I had to do was tell him that I could give up being a healer for him, that I’d put as much time as I needed to into being queen and a mother, that I loved him more than my magic, and I didn’t. I froze, and he said he couldn’t marry me.” By the time she finished, more tears had appeared, and they fell freely as she tried to swipe them away.

---

As Nyrel listened, still sitting forward in his chair, he felt like he was finally starting to really understand what had happened, not just a summarization of it, and… it made sense, actually, in its own way. Ceren would’ve acted on what she felt, never pausing to consider the drawbacks, and when faced with them, rather than being allowed to think them over privately, as most would’ve been able to, she’d been there with Elwin, who wanted her to be happy.

“Did you think maybe she just needed a little time to be able to think about it all on her own?” Nyrel asked frankly as he sat back, meeting Elwin’s eyes. “You know her well enough to know what she would try to do, but after trying to explain that she couldn’t, you didn’t think maybe she’d need to process it all? Think about it for a moment. Until this past year, for her entire life, she’s only ever wanted one thing: to become a healer and help others. She used to want to travel and do it, and she would have if I hadn’t convinced her to accept the position as Royal Healer. Being Royal Healer isn’t her dream, and she could’ve left as soon as I was out of the picture, but she stayed because she was going to marry you. And she was happy to be here all of a sudden. A small change, but it still deviates from what she wanted. What you brought up was so drastic, I doubt she even thought of it before you said anything, and suddenly she has to consider a life where if she’s a healer at all, it’s part-time at best. I stayed in love with Aerith for a year while I thought she hated me, and when I saw her after all that time, I proposed because I didn’t have a doubt in my mind I wanted to marry her, and even I would’ve hesitated if I were put in Ceren’s shoes. It doesn’t mean I love Aerith any less or that I would’ve had serious doubts about marrying her.”

@ sun spirit

Aerith frowned deeply when Ceren finally began to speak, pulling her friend into her arms for a tight hug as she tried to console her. "Don't cry, Cer, it's alright. He wouldn't stop wanting to marry you just because you froze, it's gotta be more than that. He probably thought you freezing up meant that you didn't want to marry him, that's all. I know that when Nyrel came back, and he apologized and told me he loved me, when I froze a little when I first saw him, I'm sure that he thought that I hated him. You just have to tell him what happened. Why haven't you gone to see him since then, this seems like it could be fixed if you two just talked."

She pulled away after settling Ceren down in a chair by the fire, moving to the washroom to draw a warm bath for her, and once it was ready she ushered Ceren in, standing by the door with her back turned so they could still talk, but so that Ceren could have some privacy. "Elwin wouldn't want you give up being a healer if you really love it, either. He knows how happy you are in the infirmary, and he wouldn't want to force you to give it up."

---

Elwin was silent as he mulled over Nyrel's words, slowly realizing that he was probably right. Ceren had froze not because she didn't want to marry him, but because she'd never considered it before, and didn't know how to process it all at once. But that didn't make him feel better, and his stomach filled with dread. "How will she ever forgive me..? If what you said was right, she's been as miserable as I have been this past week, and it's all my fault.. If she wanted to marry me before, she certainly won't want to marry me now."