300 Confessions Way

Reminder: Confessions is not a conversational thread like WAYT. This thread is for Mibbians to post their feelings in a safe environment. If you would like to reply to a post, please make sure you add your own confession to the post, or reply on the Mibbian's profile or through a PM.

new fessions.
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finally found the right person to refer to me with a different pronoun. I'm sort of flexing it so I don't get uncomfortable and immediately recede out of fear of people being dicks. never a better time for baby steps, but damn if they don't feel g o o d a s f u k k.

I just managed to call a total stranger and set up a schedule with them for tomorrow. I the anxiety level was unreal. So here’s to hoping it actually goes well tomorrow!

Jesus fucking Christ, I need a new job. I hate what I do, I hate certain coworkers, and most of all, I (and everyone else) hate my boss.

Worst part is, I think I'm just gonna die here.

Little victories. Set up the water/sewage and electric under my name today, so don't need to worry about those being suddenly shut off! Yay! Next is the internet, but I'll set that up when I get home today. This house stuff is wild to me because me just last year would be absolutely terrified of having to do such a thing (because UGH PHONE CALLS), so I'm almost grateful for the forced growth. almost. only because i know i can't rely on anyone else in this house to do it.

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edit: and just like that, I feel like crumbling down. Even more proof I can't rely on anyone (other than James for some things). Our fourth roommate backed out of moving in. Now everything is split three ways. We haven't even seen our utility bills yet and I know I can't afford it. I was barely affording splitting four ways. And knowing that the fourth dude was previous roommates with our current one, how long is this guy gonna stay knowing that his friend isn't staying with us anymore? Who could we possibly take in on such a short notice to help with rent?

I don't even want to live at this house, if I'm honest. I'd rather have an apartment space with just James. Less for me to worry about. Newer furnishings meaning no faulty electricity and water pipes, or peeling bathroom accents, or dust and dog dander everywhere. This place isn't worth $750+ to me. It was barely worth the $600. And the whole thing with the landlord threatening to demolish both houses on the lot in six months to make a bigger house? This no longer feels worth the stress and effort. But I'm scared James will be upset at the fact that I want to jump ship so quickly. It's only been two weeks and I'm regretting so much.

I've been doing so well and then I wake up late feeling just a touch off, and two hours later I want to shove my head through a wall. There's nothing wrong, no one has done anything to upset me not even myself, and yet I can feel the burn in my head and guts that says I should be miserable. And the more I try to ignore it the more it pushes itself to the forefront. I should feel amazing, I just handed in my first postgrad essay and I'm 85% of the way through my second, and I have ideas for numbers 3 and 4 and for my dissertation.

Maybe that's why I feel rubbish, I've been feeling good and kicking bottom and I'm inherently self destructive. I need to find ways to stop it happening like this. I don't deserve to feel this way when I'm trying so hard and I'm sick of letting it happen to me. I just wish I knew how to control it more, I've come so far but I'm still on a knife's edge between okay and spiralling every day. I'm recognising my strengths and the positive steps I'm making. I'm trying to look after myself more. It will work. It will. One day it'll work.

I am so sleepy right now and I have no idea why. I may go take a nap. No, I shall go take a nap. Sleep here I come JK, the boyfriend is on his way to get me. I'll have to nap later.

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So at work today the district manager was in my ailse talking to to the store manager and my department manger about how I do my job and it was kinda awkward when neither of my mangers knew the answer. But its cool. Cause I did. For reasons.

I really need a nap

I feel like I'm doing so well in German and then I go to tutorials and I just genuinely want to cry and hide away because my pronunciation is terrible.

I'm also so far behind and it's worrying me a lot.

Whoop new fessions thread!

I'm really hoping this nasty head cold goes away so i can stop feeling pain in my throat and chest. -_-

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Because it's going to have elements of LARP I can't WAIT for Galaxy's Edge to open. It's just been released that you might even be randomly captured by the First Order!

My boyfriend's cat just smacked him across the face and I wish I had recorded it on my phone because it was hilarious It's funnier because he's still super offended that she did it even though I warned him she was going to do it

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I want a job so I can stop feeling like a piece of shit who can't afford to pay rent. sick of feeling so depressed because of not having a job.

I worry about the somewhat toxic atmosphere James has at work. Not just the toxic masculinity that comes with a hands-on labor-intensive job, but some of the ideals that his boss seems to have. Like saying he almost doesn't want to tell people they're doing a good job, at the risk of people thinking they're doing good enough and not striving to be better. And I can get that in a sense, but positive reinforcement is a good thing that actually works. Especially when I think of James, who for a good majority of his life never thought he was good enough at anything, after being told by his last boss that every single one of them is replaceable. I know that at his current job they do regularly let him know how good of a worker he is, and I'm grateful, but that sentiment was weird.

And another one being that, "Saying sorry is for bitches," implying that as an adult and a person, you shouldn't be doing things that result in you having to say sorry, and just...people are human! People make mistakes all the time! I don't know everything about everything and I'm an adult and I say sorry all the time because of it! It makes it seem like you don't need to take responsibility for your actions because supposedly what you did was exactly what you intended and like...it's not always like that! We're not infallible! Say sorry for things you do wrong, even if you thought you were in the right but it ended up being wrong for someone you affected! There's nothing wrong with asking for forgiveness--there's no weakness in that! Just, how James was so proud reciting that statement to me yesterday...I worry.

That, plus our roommate is one of those dudes who drinks and smokes every day. And James has been drinking pretty regularly as a result of this job (not that he didn't drink before, but it was more of a weekend thing rather than a daily thing). I just worry so much, and part of me thinks I'm just blowing things out of proportion but the little things get to me. Because if sowed deep enough, they can become big things in the future.

I really can't see how someone who thinks it's acceptable to scream at customer service can also claim to be "Christian". Unless I'm mistaken, Jesus wasn't walking around telling people it's okay to slam things and tell people to fuck off.

I thought I was fine on the not developing feelings front but then I get a forehead kiss and I hold your fucking hand and suddenly I want it all. Fuck.

He laid in my lap last night and I played with his hair until he fell asleep.

lul all I do on vent is shit talk men and yet they keep following me in DROVES. go awayyy lmao.