300 Confessions Way

It's so weird to be back on Mibba somewhat actively. I remember back when I was 15/16 being on here under the usernames of Sonny Moore. and Cyanide Cola and Matt Good. God, the days when I was right into FFTL/MCR and even one of the first people I dated came from this website. It's so weird to think of all the friends I had back in the day and how they're all gone. Albeit, I left as well for a long time and I just remember when the place was booming. It would be nice if the place was like that again, but somewhat it's refreshing.

I hope all the people I used to be friends with are all alright, having a good life. Growing up is a rather weird thing, ain't it?

I'm just enamoured by the way he's a decent human being, after so long of being with someone so toxic. His head whips when he hears children cry, his shoulders square when he hears a crash in public, he gets vocally concerned when he sees old people shake, he actively plays diplomat between feuding friends, the list goes on. It's just so refreshing and unbelievable some days.

I started my antidepressants today and feel like dying more than ever I have been soooo nauseous

I really want to visit Miami for my birthday, and actually get to shop around and have fun.

Quote

“You’re De La Soul, get it? Of the sun!”

He said this, and I'm annoyed it had to be him.

These stories and poems not being seen is lowkey pissing me off. Barely get recognition as it is, like ugh.

@ Alsoldey.
Girl same! I need some new stuff to read desperately! I feel like i'm dying lmao

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This first week of Psychology has drained me for sure. I didn't expect it to be so much reading, and just so hard. But I will reach my goal of an A by the time it's over.

I'm getting TOO inside my own head about this rental possibility, and I think it's because it's the only possibility I've set up for us. We have the money to do others, but that requires more time, and we need out of this situation now. I've put all our eggs in one basket with the hopes that I look good enough for the both of us (at least on paper) to make sure we nail this unit. The area is good, the price is do-able, the peace of mind we'll have by having our own place finally is why we're trying so hard for this one.

But I'm so, so afraid of the rejection. What if my credit score isn't good enough? What if my one credit card line that is maxed gives them a bad view of me? What if James' credit score is bad enough to reject us? What if we ask the wrong questions at the showing, what if we look too desperate? What if we're not making just enough for the realtor to feel safe renting to us? James' boss, our current "landlord" knows we're looking, so if he gets called up for rental reference, will he speak well of us? After not maintaining the front yard very well, after not having this month's rent available when it was supposed to (because we were TOLD that we paid for first and last month when we first moved in, but I'm over that, it's been taken care of)? What if only I get approved and James doesn't, despite him making more than me?

I've never done this before and everything is so terrifying. This is one of the bigger things I'm desperately begging to go right. One was to be with James. The second was landing the job I'm at now. Then I managed to make our trip to Japan work fairly smoothly. I'm due some good, significant news by now, right?

EDIT: It's fascinating checking their social media posts on Instagram and seeing how different prospective tenants try to approach them...it certainly made me feel a little better lol. Which was severely needed.

We're going through the right channels. We're taking the right steps. We're doing everything by the book. That's all we can do. That's the best we can do, is put our best foot forward and hope that we land on solid ground when we apply. The time crunch was a necessary evil because of our money constraints, but if we do everything right, it should go smoothly. I just need to keep telling myself that...I just need to breathe.

Hmm. Ten years and I still remember.

Time sure is a glutton.

- - -

I wonder to this day if he knows he was abusive.

lame

im over your shitty attitude when i'm just trying to HELP. hopefully you dont come home tonight, you're the last person I want to see at this moment. water your own fucking plants at this point.

My head hurts a bit but thats probably from having some music playing (at a decent volume) for the past two hours while writing. I'll admit my head hurting has nothing to do with how I'm feeling. Here lately I found myself feeling a bit happier. I'm still not at 100% but you know, I don't think anyone's ever fully at 100%, no matter how good a life someone has is.

I used to feel kinda envious at hearing all the stuff my old high school friends had gone through after high school (having babies, getting married, etc etc) but here lately, or in the least the past several years, I realized that i dont want those things, not because I won't be able to handle them or I'm anti-romantic or dislike kids (though me being aromantic does factor into it) but because marriage and parenting isn't for everyone. Although one reason I don't want to go through with raising kids is because I don't like the thought of experiencing pain while being pregnant or sex, but again, that's not a major factor in my decision.

I already knew from the time i graduated high school that I'm not ready for any of that stuff, I don't think I ever will. Can or will I baby sit kids? Yeah, I will, I can handle that much. But just because I don't want the responsibility of raising kids and being in a relationship doesn't mean I don't like hearing about other people's kids and relationships. In fact, it's the complete opposite. I love hearing about other people's happiness because somehow that makes me feel happy. Sure, I won't ever fully understand parenthood or relationships but that's just my way of thinking. Not everyone is meant to be a parent and not everyone is meant to be in a relationship.

I Kinda do best on my own where raising kids and being in a relationships are concerned because I often times feel numb to the emotions of others and don't feel sympathetic but that's usually when I'm trying to process my own thoughts and feelings, trying to figure out what I want and what I need. And what I don't want and don't need are kids and relationships. I dont need those things because I already know they won't make me happy.

And to anyone who says that I'll change my mind someday, you're wrong. I've been told for over ten years that I should settle down and have kids and that both things are essential for being happy in life or that they're needed when actuality, they aren't. Is child raising and being in love/marriage both a unique experience? Yes, they are. But I'm damn sure that I won't be incomplete or any less of a person for skipping over or avoiding both experiences.

Besides that, before I can raise a kid or have a baby or be in a relationship, I want to focus on taking care of my emotional and mental health, as selfish as that sounds to some people. Its not selfish to want to take care of your overall health first but it is selfish to impose your ideals onto someone else all the while of making them ashamed for not living up to those ideals and for shaming them for not doing what everyone else does (ie start a family and get married...).

I get absolutely pissed the fuck off when a guest is checking in, and they ask about another discount on top of their discount. Like no, please stop mother fucking asking that stupid ass question. Thanks.

It’s my birthday and I’m a still-scared 27 year old. I’m getting oooooold, but at least I don’t look my age too much.

I'm not in a writing mood at all, but I've forced 12 torturous pages out of myself because I'm scared I'll lose passion for the story itself if I wait too long.

I'm giong to admit now, a few days ago (about the 25th to be exact), I felt so conflicted about staying here in Tennessee and going back to Maryland. I felt so conflicted that I cried two nights in a row, sad ain't it? I honestly don't feel that I'm that much happier here in Tennessee because in a way, I still feel isolated from my family members down here. And I know damn well that no one should ever feel isolated from their own family. I'm not asking to be the center of attention. I just want certain members of my family to think of me a little more often and see me as an afterthought, that's pretty much what I felt like in Maryland.

Anyways, enough about that. I'm going back or working on my stories because I haven't written anything or worked on anything since the beginning of July. LOL.

I hope everyone in this thread have a great day~

The kongos that this band Fortunate Youth incorporate into their sound is just...it's so unfair, I'm Mexican -- sure I am! But there are some caribbean influences in Mexico too, and it makes me nostalgic, so yeah that ish happens and automatically I like the sound of the reggae song.

They do that. I am in sooo in love with them

HA. Over it.

both my laptops shit the bed finally, and when I started panicking about what I was going to do for school, mom came to the rescue. I feel so relieved, and so happy!

Listen, I'm so not judgmental, but there are people that just fucking push my mother fucking buttons.