i miss this place.
December 16th, 2019 at 08:01am
Everything sucks.
Boy and I both have holes in our teeth from terrible dental practices. We both probably have infections in our jaw from bacteria in the holes. We both won't be able to see a dentist in at least two weeks, longer for him because his insurance doesn't kick in until the new year. The hope is that we can get antibiotics for the swelling/infection and schedule the appropriate procedures soon after getting the check up. But. Prescriptions aren't covered by dental, only health insurance. I have health, he doesn't. We tried to get him signed up by yesterday, but he makes too much money to qualify for the low-income Medicaid coverage, and the Healthcare.gov marketplace only had plans that were over $120 a month (affordable my ass). His company would've offered insurance except not enough employees requested it so the company isn't covering anyone. So we'll have to pay out of pocket to make sure he gets medicine to help. And the more time passes, the more I worry about terrible results of waiting so long--sepsis is my highest worry at the moment, second to the shooting pain that comes every few weeks or so, followed by the pain of even opening our jaws to eat. Over-the-counter pain relief and immune boosters can only help so much. I barely eat now because it's just too much of a hassle.
We found bed bugs in our apartment. Turns out people throwing out their mattresses and bed springs/frames wasn't just a coincidence. I've spent the past three days anxiety ridden trying to get things clean (which is hard when every load of laundry costs $2 and you want to sterilize your entire closet), trying to exterminate and prevent them from returning, throwing so many things out (our bed frame included, so our zipped up mattress is currently on the floor while we wait for Amazon to ship over a new one at the end of the week), covering everything in silica powder, and just being generally paranoid about every little feeling I get on my body. Read through our lease and luckily (?) it says that tenants alone are responsible for pest control and though that means that I save myself the embarrassment of admitting to our landlord that we have bugs as well as I get to continue the cheaper treatment as I've been doing...if it comes to the point where I do need to call an exterminator to treat it, it'll come out of pocket for me and from the rates I've been seeing people mention it can be upwards of $700 for treatment. I have to stay diligent and it's honestly so tiring. I still need to set up a barrier in the living room because we found one hidden on my bag there (which has since been washed). I need to throw out every corrugated cardboard box in case they hide in those crevices. I need to close up an outlet because our fucking internet is connected through a coaxial cable that was hidden behind the wall plate that only had a phone line connection available. I can't have friends over for at least a month while I'm taking care of this because I don't want to risk anyone bringing anything back home.
We have a pot luck at work tomorrow that I haven't prepared for. I have volunteering at work on Thursday that I haven't practiced for. My backup is taking vacation from Thursday to Monday so I'll have a bigger workload. I still need to see the status of a project that is due by Friday and space time out for that. Even though all I want to do is go home and clean.
I'm $4,000 out from my credit card because I have no self control anymore. After having taken out a loan to pay it off in the first place. I owe my friend $130 for tickets to a musical that I probably won't be able to afford to pay back until next year. I have a Secret Santa to do for my boy's cousin who took us in for almost a year and, what do you even get for him, who also recently came back from vacation and got us expensive gifts?
This following the emotionally rough weekend I had with boy over him flirting with another boy has kept me in the absolute useless state that I've been in that has led to little to no groceries in the house. There is a mountain of dishes that need to be washed. I feel like I'm drowning in worry and there's nothing I can do to stay afloat. I honestly don't want to stay afloat. I want to just drown and let everything bury and consume me and I just...don't want to care anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to rest.
