300 Confessions Way

  • werewoof

    werewoof (100)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    Fiji
    i miss this place.
    December 16th, 2019 at 08:01am
  • danny sexbang.

    danny sexbang. (100)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    United States
    Everything sucks.

    Boy and I both have holes in our teeth from terrible dental practices. We both probably have infections in our jaw from bacteria in the holes. We both won't be able to see a dentist in at least two weeks, longer for him because his insurance doesn't kick in until the new year. The hope is that we can get antibiotics for the swelling/infection and schedule the appropriate procedures soon after getting the check up. But. Prescriptions aren't covered by dental, only health insurance. I have health, he doesn't. We tried to get him signed up by yesterday, but he makes too much money to qualify for the low-income Medicaid coverage, and the Healthcare.gov marketplace only had plans that were over $120 a month (affordable my ass). His company would've offered insurance except not enough employees requested it so the company isn't covering anyone. So we'll have to pay out of pocket to make sure he gets medicine to help. And the more time passes, the more I worry about terrible results of waiting so long--sepsis is my highest worry at the moment, second to the shooting pain that comes every few weeks or so, followed by the pain of even opening our jaws to eat. Over-the-counter pain relief and immune boosters can only help so much. I barely eat now because it's just too much of a hassle.

    We found bed bugs in our apartment. Turns out people throwing out their mattresses and bed springs/frames wasn't just a coincidence. I've spent the past three days anxiety ridden trying to get things clean (which is hard when every load of laundry costs $2 and you want to sterilize your entire closet), trying to exterminate and prevent them from returning, throwing so many things out (our bed frame included, so our zipped up mattress is currently on the floor while we wait for Amazon to ship over a new one at the end of the week), covering everything in silica powder, and just being generally paranoid about every little feeling I get on my body. Read through our lease and luckily (?) it says that tenants alone are responsible for pest control and though that means that I save myself the embarrassment of admitting to our landlord that we have bugs as well as I get to continue the cheaper treatment as I've been doing...if it comes to the point where I do need to call an exterminator to treat it, it'll come out of pocket for me and from the rates I've been seeing people mention it can be upwards of $700 for treatment. I have to stay diligent and it's honestly so tiring. I still need to set up a barrier in the living room because we found one hidden on my bag there (which has since been washed). I need to throw out every corrugated cardboard box in case they hide in those crevices. I need to close up an outlet because our fucking internet is connected through a coaxial cable that was hidden behind the wall plate that only had a phone line connection available. I can't have friends over for at least a month while I'm taking care of this because I don't want to risk anyone bringing anything back home.

    We have a pot luck at work tomorrow that I haven't prepared for. I have volunteering at work on Thursday that I haven't practiced for. My backup is taking vacation from Thursday to Monday so I'll have a bigger workload. I still need to see the status of a project that is due by Friday and space time out for that. Even though all I want to do is go home and clean.

    I'm $4,000 out from my credit card because I have no self control anymore. After having taken out a loan to pay it off in the first place. I owe my friend $130 for tickets to a musical that I probably won't be able to afford to pay back until next year. I have a Secret Santa to do for my boy's cousin who took us in for almost a year and, what do you even get for him, who also recently came back from vacation and got us expensive gifts?

    This following the emotionally rough weekend I had with boy over him flirting with another boy has kept me in the absolute useless state that I've been in that has led to little to no groceries in the house. There is a mountain of dishes that need to be washed. I feel like I'm drowning in worry and there's nothing I can do to stay afloat. I honestly don't want to stay afloat. I want to just drown and let everything bury and consume me and I just...don't want to care anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to rest.
    December 16th, 2019 at 09:47pm
  • VixL

    VixL (100)

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    Task Manager
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    @ danny sexbang.
    Get a steamer from Walmart and steam those fuckers
    I’m scared talking to this guy. I know it’s just talking. But my INFJ mind jumps so much into the future. Not to mention I’m battling insecurities still. What if he’s just a player? What if he makes my self esteem plummet even more? What if giving him my number and opening myself up to this vulnerability was the wrong move. I gave my number to him because I didn’t THINK. It was so sudden and surprising. And now here I am in this fucking situation where I’m scared out of my mind and dealing with all these insecure thoughts. God, talking to someone shouldn’t be this scary to me but it is. I told him about my asexuality and molestation and that still didn’t draw him away. Maybe he’s the “one”. My idealized self wants to believe in that shit. I wouldn’t mind having a little baby girl who’s dark brown and has almond eyes. But I can’t afford kids. But guys are how you make them. If I tell myself he can give me a baby, I don’t feel scared anymore. Which is crazy. It’s because I’ve always wanted to be a mother. That’s why I’m going into early childhood. But having a baby would require sex and more vulnerability and money. Anyway, whatever happens will happen. Que sera que sera. Whatever will be will be.
    December 30th, 2019 at 01:18am
  • Unown

    Unown (185)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    I need to get out, but first I need to somehow clean up the materialistic mess of privileged childhood gifts. I know it sounds super ungrateful, but I never wanted much of this stuff. Mum said today to dad: “the worst thing you can do is ask someone what they want; just give it to them.” It made me feel something bad... we’re so damn different, and I can’t stand her “I’m always right” attitude. I need to get out of this house, this country...
    Also, is it normal to sometimes wish you could grow a tash and beard... even if you identify as female? A tomboy, but nevertheless...
    January 1st, 2020 at 07:20pm
  • VixL

    VixL (100)

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    Task Manager
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    If this job doesn’t call me back this week, than I’m going to call them. I might have to look for another job, because it’s been a month and no one has reached out since the initial drug test. What’s happening. I don’t even really want to work with kids. I just want something to do with my life other than quit everything I start.
    They finally contacted me!! Everything is a go! Victory
    I think I like him but I don’t know about the whole sex thing. I told X that I am biromantic. And I think my mom found out too. I do consider myself bi. I know that I like women and men. I just wish my family would accept me. I can be biromantic and date a man. I can be asexual and still have sex. My mom always said, “You can be whoever you want to be”. She just forgot to remind herself that that means I can be me and not who SHE wants me to be. Why do I have such a family? All I want is to be accepted and loved. I’m not asking for much (just asking the wrong people as the saying goes). File
    I wore a dress in January and it felt right lmfao
    January 6th, 2020 at 01:42pm
  • Iron Man.

    Iron Man. (885)

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    Magazine Staff
    Gender:
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    United States
    TI feel like 2020 is gonna be a great year for writing, for me lol. The first week into the new year was a great one!
    January 9th, 2020 at 07:57am
  • Brittt

    Brittt (100)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    Part of me wants to watch the second season of You, while the other part of me is still so angry at how the first season ended. I'm mad at how Beck was oblivious to it all. I'm mad that Joe was such a creep.
    Image
    January 12th, 2020 at 01:31am
  • VixL

    VixL (100)

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    Task Manager
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    Orientation tomorrow. I feel like High School all over again. Except this time, I'm ready.
    January 12th, 2020 at 01:46pm
  • lady.bex

    lady.bex (250)

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    NaNoWriMo 2016
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    Netherlands
    I want to write more. I want to create more. I want to inspire.

    I feel stuck in my own head and on the verge of slipping into a depression.
    I've been feeling like this since December.
    Either come or don't come, depression. This is torture.
    January 12th, 2020 at 10:49pm
  • VixL

    VixL (100)

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    Task Manager
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    I rewrote my resolutions for 2020 - and I really feel like I can keep them.
    Almost died trying to drive in the rain to get to this orientation today Facepalm
    I don’t know how to interact with my half sister. She was supposed to move in here in July, but my grandma changed her mind. Honestly, I was relieved. But I feel guilty at the same time. Of course I love my little sister. But I also don’t know her. She’s coming down for the SITW festival. I know I can’t hang out with her or my twin when they do come, because they both like to smoke weed and drink. I’m going to the festival, but I think I’ll just be by myself. I don’t want to be their wet blanket. Even if going to a festival alone is lonely as crap.
    I’m feeling irritated at my grandma just like the time I wasn’t on medication. She did say some slick crap to me. Or thought she was being slick. What should I do? I don’t want to feel this way.
    January 12th, 2020 at 11:21pm
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    23
    Location:
    Antarctica
    was gonna leave mibba for good but damn, i miss making layouts so i'm back lmao
    January 16th, 2020 at 01:19am
  • lady.bex

    lady.bex (250)

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    NaNoWriMo 2016
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    Netherlands
    i feel like i'm not good at anything and it's eating away at me. but i also don't want to ask for validation from the people i care about so i just... sit here.
    January 16th, 2020 at 10:19pm
  • VixL

    VixL (100)

    :
    Task Manager
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    First day down! And almost first week of school down too Crazy
    I’m regretting getting this job. The staff seem unprofessional and the training period is way too long and nonexistant. I’m thinking to myself, “What have I gotten myself into?”. I don’t want to quit though because that would be so ME to do. But I really just want to pretend like I never walked into that building. My classes are also slipping away from me already. I feel like I can’t do this. The job or the classes for some reason. Why is my mind like this? I’m just scared. Scared of the people at my job, the workload, the time spent, etc. Scared of my classes. Scared that I’m going to allow myself to fail because my mind/heart is not in it. Scared that I’m not doing the right things for my life. Scared that I’m making the wrong choices. But if I tell anybody this irl they’ll just assume I’m up to my old ways. I want so badly to just know in my heart that I can accomplish things and trust myself to make the right choices and do it. But I feel like I have egg on my face.
    Decided to give myself until the end of this semester to make the final choice of if this job is for me or not. If I still feel the same about my coworkers unprofessionalism or things have gotten worse, I will give myself permission to look for something else. But right now this is the plan.
    Just when I thought he was gone...he texts me out the blue again. He wants to know why I stopped coming to the store and I can’t say, “Because of you...I’m nervous around you”. Is it a good nervous? Like butterflies? Or a throw up-asexual nervous? I can’t tell. He seems like a nice guy. But he never really talks about anything when he texts me and he has yet to ask me out on a date. Wherein, if he does, I would REALLY have to get in touch with my feminine side. I think I’m a mixture between the two: feminine and masculine. My biromantic energy is just too strong.
    My grandma is really starting to irritate me again. Kobe Bryant just died along side his daughter in a freak accident. I have to go to work tomorrow which I don’t want to do. And I still have school to do, which my mind is totally clocked out of. Yay. Rest in peace Kobe and GG. In Love
    January 17th, 2020 at 12:12am
  • lady.bex

    lady.bex (250)

    :
    NaNoWriMo 2016
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    Netherlands
    i'm beginning to feel irrelevant again. this is the millionth time i feel like this. i'm beginning to think it's me and not my friends, or my family. if the same stuff keeps happening, maybe it's me, right?
    January 28th, 2020 at 10:46am
  • Unown

    Unown (185)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    I just tried to help somebody feeling suicidal, but now I'm sat here wondering why. I guess it's 'human nature', but what does that mean exactly? Why do I want to stop somebody else from doing something I sometimes want to do? It's just... odd. Humans are weird.
    In other news, I just ordered a wildflower key and I'm so excited for it to arrive! I swear I get nerdier each year.
    January 29th, 2020 at 09:52pm
  • Sol.

    Sol. (105)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    United States
    He's flustered and that just tickles me pink. Cute
    January 30th, 2020 at 01:33am
  • VixL

    VixL (100)

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    Task Manager
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    Idk if I’m making friends at this job or not. Coffee
    February 1st, 2020 at 03:21am
  • ignis scientia

    ignis scientia (100)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    Great Britain (UK)
    college failed, i ended up in hospital twice and my medication is now on a weekly basis. 2020 isn't off to a good start. in other news though, my bloods came back fine except my blood cells are large and it means i have macrocythemia. easily treatable though. i'll take that as a silver lining.
    February 5th, 2020 at 11:14pm
  • VixL

    VixL (100)

    :
    Task Manager
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    I’m so tired of this job already and it’s only been a week. My coworkers, well, I feel like they don’t really want to help me learn sometimes. I wasn’t trained on shit despite having trainers who were supposed to teach me everything I need to know, and there’s literally no schedule besides feeding times for the kids even though I know it’s toddlers and they can’t have much of a schedule besides playing. I’ve only worked a week but it feels like years. Actually even today felt like eternity but I have four more days to go. I don’t like not knowing what I’m doing or what to expect. I wish I had more confidence but I don’t yet. Everything seems to be moving like molasses and going fast at the same time. I’m just drowning in the choice I made to do this job. I told them about my depression but everyone just looks at me like I’m crazy when I do as if they’ve never heard of the word “depression” before. There’s no one there that I trust or click with yet. It makes working there lonely as fuck and makes me feel lost even more. But if I quit I don’t know what to do next. Get a job at a store again. I mean this was supposed to be a better option. But it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. I quit school again. Fourth time now, I think. I need to figure out what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life. I want to keep working in the government. Maybe I’ll look for something else with them. Maybe this working with kids thing just isn’t for me and that’s OK. I don’t know because another part of me says to just try to stick it out. I think I’ll listen to the latter. I mean...I don’t know. I just wish to be stable.
    I need to quit this job. I hate it and the people are toxic. Need to find something else. Preferably still with the government. And hopefully the job and people will be better. Been feeling suicidal and that shit is NOT going to fly. File
    February 11th, 2020 at 02:24am
  • Unown

    Unown (185)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Nearly a week since my fur baby boy passed away and I miss him so much. Mum really hurt me with her words the other day, but I’m trying to forgive her because she only wants what she thinks will make me happy. I didn’t want to argue with her because we’re both still grieving. She made me feel like I’ll never please her or be good enough unless I magically become romantic and sexual. I think I need to let her know how hurtful that was, at some point in the future. It felt like being told to just open my legs, consent to something I have no desire to do, and be a lady. Fuck, I really hate that that’s how some people view women. We are not here to fucking please men. If that’s all I’m worth then I’d sooner die and join my baby boy.
    February 22nd, 2020 at 08:13am