i'm all in.

There were plenty of things that Dean had wanted to do at one point. Everything on that list had consisted of taking down the people responsible for him losing his parents. For Sam losing Jess. And surely, for others who had lost for no reason at all. The thought alone made a new wave of anger surge through Dean's veins but he had more to think about now. He didn't want to raise his child in the way that he had been raised. The hunting life, it wasn't meant for kids in any sense of the word. He couldn't let harm come to his son. Even if it was the hardest thing that he ever did, Dean was left wondering if it would be best to walk away from the life. It wouldn't be easy and Dean would be left to look over his shoulder at every turn for the rest of his life but if that meant keeping Bailey and his wife safe, so be it. He would do it without second thought.

That was a conversation for tomorrow though. Dean wasn't naive and hell, he thought he might know Bailey better than he knew himself. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her at the moment. No, needed her. Dean needed something to anchor him to the world that he was living in instead of the purgatory he'd been forced to endure for the last year.

Dean reached out, his fingers digging into Bailey's hips. He pulled her flush against him, letting out a soft sigh as he leaned his forehead against hers. He cleared his throat, suddenly unsure of himself. It wasn't the first time he'd felt this way. Since he'd managed to make it out of purgatory, his confidence had dwindled. Maybe Bailey would be better off without him, maybe it would be better if he didn't find Sam. Maybe they would both be better off without him in their lives.

Dean swallowed, pressing a delicate kiss to Bailey's lips. "Are you sure about this, sweetheart?"

Bailey wrapped her arms around Dean’s neck and she nodded her head. “I’m sure love,” she whispered against his lips before she planted her lips flush against his. If there was anything in the world that Bailey was sure of and would remain sure of even after she died was that she loved Dean with everything. He was her person, Bailey would go anywhere and do anything if it meant them being together. And the only person in the entire world that she cared for more than Dean was their son. Honestly, even as scary as it was to think of raising her son as hunter she would to keep her family together. Of course, she would find a way to do things much differently than how they had. Because even if her son became a hunter she still wanted a long and happy life for him.

Having Dean back was going to throw things out of wack, that much she knew. Because over the last year without him she’d gotten into a rhythm with John and with Sam. They’d gotten into a habit of taking turns caring for the baby while the other one slept, or Sam and his girlfriend had been a godsend and would watch John while Bailey was at work. And it always worked out. But Dean was back now and there were things that would have to change now which was going to throw them all out of their routine. But Bailey was fine with Dean being why.

“Being near you again makes my heart more happy than it’s been in a long time,” she said when she pulled away from the kiss. “And I don’t want this feeling to go away,” she added gently tracing circles into his neck with her fingers.

“I love you so much,”

Dean wondered just how much this year apart had changed Bailey; how had it changed Sam? So long apart under such conditions... it would be foolish to think that they wouldn't have changed. But the way that Bailey was acting at the moment made him hopeful that she was still the same woman at the end of the day. She could change but as long as she still was her, then.. then it was okay, he thought. He swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat at the thought. He didn't want Bailey or Sam changing because of his absence. They deserved so much more. So, so much more and he hoped that he would be able to provide that.

He knew that Bailey was probably expecting himt o sleep with her in the moment but all that he cared about was holding her in his arms. Keeping her happy and safe. Even if that meant staying away from the hunter life. The thought made his stomach roll but he knew that he had to. There was no choice. Not when he had a son. His life wasn't his own now. It was his son's. Period. He swallowed thickly before choosing to speak, still holding Bailey close to him.

"I'm not going back," Dean paused to take another deep breathe. "To hunting, I mean," he clarified. "Can't with our son," he spoke. He frowned as he pulled back slightly so that he could look down at her. He cupped the back of her head, brushing his thumb over her cheek. "I don't want to leave you alone like I did.. not again. Not ever. I won't be like.." eh trailed off, realizing he couldn't bring himself to say it. Like his own father. "I swear to you, Bailey. Okay?"

Bailey looked up at Dean as he spoke before simply resting her head on his chest. She nodded her head understand that what Dean was saying was he was giving up everything he’d ever known to be with her and their son. He was giving up the only life he’d ever known for them, and he didn’t want to be like his own father who put revenged and fighting monsters above raising his boys. It was clear that Dean didn’t want to put them in danger, he also clearly didn’t want to raise a child the way he was raised. Not that Bailey blamed him. She hated the thought of her son growing up the way Dean had. And not that hunters couldn’t have normal lives, but Bailey truly wanted their son to get to grow up in one place, make a lot of friends, fall in love, and get married himself one day.

“It’s okay,” she said softly, “I understand,” she added. Bailey knew that Dean loved his father, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind of that. But just because you love and respect someone doesn’t mean you also have to agree with everything they do or say. And Bailey knew that the way his father had raised him made his life complicated and clearly Dean didn’t want the same thing for his own children.

Bailey was happy that he was safe and sound there with her. There wouldn’t be any more nights wondering where he was or if she’d ever see him again. No more being worried that he was suffering or dying somewhere alone. But she also knew that this had to be hard for him, a lot had changed since she’d even seen him last. “Dean I want you to be happy. And I know that we’ve never really had a discussion about kids or marriage even. Mostly because of the life you guys live and I know you’ve never seen yourself living that kind of life so if you don’t want this you can tell me. Or if you’re overwhelmed you can tell me. I love you, I don’t want to be with anyone else, and I love that you seem so willing to give up hunting for us. Which I’m also thankful for because I want more for our son than we had. But I also need you to be totally sure that you’re okay with all of this. Because it’s a huge responsibility that I don’t want to force on you, I don’t want to make you feel pressured into anything either,”

@ castle.

The life of a hunter wasn't something that Dean wanted for his family. Certainly not Bailey and sure as hell not his son. There was no way in hell he would let anything happen to either of them. He didn't want his son having to move from motel to motel, from school to school without being able to really make any friends. None that would remember him - none that would mean anything at all to him in the long run. The hunter life was lonely and tiring on the best of days. On the worst, it threatened your livelihood and everything that could possibly matter to you. Just the thought of his son having to go through anything like the last year of his life had Dean's stomach turning.

He let out a shaky exhale as Bailey leaned into his chest. His arms wrapped around her waist and he was content to just stand beneath the spray of water until it ran cold. Dean's fingers worked their way through Bailey's hair, reveling in the reality that he was finally home. That he didn't have to watch his back so vehemently now. That he could relax and enjoy the company he held. Benny had been a good companion but had been nothing compared to Bailey's warmth in his arms.

Dean tensed at Bailey's prompting. He was overwhelmed, he knew that, but he couldn't just admit it to Bailey. He didn't want her to spend any more time worrying about him. Not when he was safe - he was here and there wasn't an immediate threat looming over him. There was no reason for him to be concerned at the moment. "I'm not abandoning you. Or our son, Bailey. Not unless you told me to," Dean added in a voice that was barely above a whisper. There was nothing on this Earth that could make Dean walk away from Bailley; not unless she told him she didn't want to see hima gain. That would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do but Bailey had Dean wrapped around her fingers.

"I just want us to be able to live a normal life.. to be happy so we don't have to be afraid of what's coming next. I want normal problems. Like bills and going to a deadend job that I hate," Dean said as he let out a dry laugh. He took a small step backward eventually, reaching over to lift up Bailey's bottle of shampoo.

"Turn around, let me wash your hair, angel."

Bailey turned around and let herself relax. She couldn’t imagine ever telling Dean to leave her and their son, she simply loved him too much. After the last year Bailey had gone through she knew that she would be able to make it alone if Dean weren’t around for whatever reason. That didn’t mean she wanted to live a life without him. Bailey wanted Dean with her, she wanted him to watch their son grow up, she wanted to a bright future to look forward to. And hopefully there would be a lot more nights like this where they could talk things over and be together emotionally. Because expressing emotions with each other, being open and vulnerable about everything with each other was just as important to her as the physical.

“I want normal problems to worry about too. I want to worry about teaching John how to ride a bike, or drive, and I want to watch him go on first dates and experience the joys life can offer. But most importantly I want us to be together as a family,” she told Dean understanding what Dean wanted because she had very similar desires.

Bailey leaned her head back unsure of how to exactly express the feeling she had knowing that Dean was standing in the shower with her washing her hair. “If that’s really what you want you should talk to Sam. We’ve both built some pretty serious relationships with some of the people around here. And so Sam would for sure be able to set you up with a job somewhere I’m sure. But no pressure. If you wanna take a few days to readjust or figure things out that’s fine,”

Dean didn't think he could ever handle going to an office from nine to five. He was ready to give up the hunter lifestyle if it meant keeping his little family safe. It would mean that he never got the chance to get revenge for his parents' deaths but ultimately... Dean hoped that they would be happy if they knew. That if Dean somehow managed to successfully do this... then his family could live on. They could thrive and be happy and not just living the hunter lifestyle.

He knew in his heart that his father wouldn't understand. John's entire life had revolved around getting revenge for Mary's death. Dean didn't remember a whole lot about her but he remembered how loving she was. He was sure that if Mary had a say in what he did, she would be happy. If he was successful, it was everything that she hadn't been able to do herself.

Dean was careful as he turned Bailey around so he could start to wash the shampoo from her hair. His smile grew slightly as he played with her hair. It was such a relief to know that he was here and he had Bailey safe.. and happy. That his son would be as well. There was nothing that Dean would hesitate to do if it meant keeping them safe. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Dean leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'll do it. I'm not going anywhere, Bailey," he paused, shaking his head. "I won't do it. You could tell me to and I still wouldn't. You know how stubborn I can be," Dean teased as he finished washing her hair. Dean reached over, grabbing the loofah from the hook.

Dean squeezed some bodywash onto it before he started to help wash Bailey's body. His smile only continued to grow. Dean couldn't believe that he was actually here - feeling Bailey's skin beneath his fingers was a stark reminder of that reality.