Your Last Text

Sent: look at this perfection
Sent: *dies*
Received: he's perfect
Sent: he's ruined me for another man
Sent: sobs

Texting my dad

Me: Dad there is deals at the pizza place
Dad: do you want pizza?!?!
Me:IDK

Received: Just say naw thanks I'm going to Turkey with Karen because she's a real friend LOLLLL. Haha, that's awesome! Let me know if you're 100% or not because you'll have to talk to Çetin about letting you stay because that's where I'm staying.

Sent: Haha, "sorry I'm going to go on holiday with someone that I'm actually able to talk to BYE GUYS". I think I'm pretty much 100%, I'll find out next week though.

Received: Hahahaha "I'm actually going on holiday with someone I actually like, sorry that you're all assholes, bye now." That's cool, speak to Çetin, I already mentioned you were a possibility but you best let him know :)

I sent this to my friend:
1. I wrote to you on Skype and I look like a lonely psycho so don't be afraid when you see it.
2. Can't you pls name your future baby to Diamanda?

Sent: Good morning!

Received: Good night?

Sent: When have you ever known me to go to bed at 9pm? Seriously.

Sent: Can u even imagine winning 1 billion dollars

Sent: Exactly! I just wish you wouldn't have gotten involved because I don't want you to have to deal with his fuckery.

Yeah, there was drama going on, heh.

Sent: MATE I WON THE LOTTERY.

Received: Really? How much? That's amazing.

Sent: ...£11.40 or summet.

Received: You're a right royal cunt, you know that?

Received: True... How about tomorrow? I just want to curl up under this blanket and let the day roll over?

Sent: Tomorrow is perfectly fine. Take tonight to relax and be just for you... You deserve it. :)

Sent: I wish we could rent pizza themed hotel rooms. That give you free pizza and sleep on pizza bedding and have pizza on the ceiling.
Received: There isn't such a place.
Received: I looked it up.
Sent: Noooooooooooooooo

Received: Have you watched the news? Suicide bomber killed 10 in Istanbul. Çetin wants to know if we'd like to postpone our trip but I'm still definitely going, what about you?

Sent: Wouldn't miss seeing my Turks for the world, definitely still in. Is everybody okay?

Received: Glad you're still in! Çetin can always protect us if they arrive while we're there, hah. Yes, everyone's okay.

Sent: We won't need protecting, they'll hear our accents and instantly get scared that we'll knee them in the balls. Ever wondered why there hasn't been another terrorist attack in Scotland since Glasgow Airport? ;)

Received: The cat does not respond to Jedi mind tricks.

Sent: I don't know why you thought he would.

Received: Are you still in the bus station?

Sent: Yes. Send help. Tiny teenage hooligans are wreaking havoc and if I don't get out of here soon, I'm going to commit either commit aggravated battery or mass murder.

Received: Your mum's just back with the car. I'll be there in 5 minutes. Try not to murder anybody before I get there.

Sent: it's official: you should never be allowed to talk to any guys I'm trying to get involved with whenever you're drunk because all you do is spill my tea. SPILL TEA!

recieved 4:14pm: yup yup
Sent 4:16pm: so whatcha doooin?
Sent 6:39pm: Did you pass out?

Pretty sure he's passed out.

Received: Haha ok, I'll save them for another day.

Sent: Save them for when I'm tipsy and don't care

Received: When are you landing in Edinburgh?

Sent: ...now. We just landed. My bad, I meant to text you when we hit Schipol but we had to run to catch the connecting flight because KLM fucked up and security is ridiculous right now and I completely forgot.

Received: You're lucky we didn't leave the house today or you'd be screwed.

Received: LOL shutup

Sent: Like get some gold flakes in your food, drinks, AND birth control.

Sent: So I'm sitting somewhere around a level seven right now. Are you awake?

Received: Let me have a piss first.

Received: ...tomorrow for the gym for sure? :')

Sent: You're a knob, I'm sitting here in my gym gear :') But yes, okay.