Your Last Text

Sent: Tell your boy Jeff I'll ride his dick if he brings me Miyako's.
I seen him creeping all up on the snapchat. I know he still want it.

Received: You're exchanging sexual favors for food. Pretty sure that's rock bottom XD XD XD

Sent: You shoulda seen me last night, all up on the Pinterest like it was porn. Oh, I would eat the fuck outta dat.

Received: Your lines are crossed.

Sent: Lines are definitely crossed.

Sent: You're my dad. You're supposed to come home and make me mushroom soup to make me feel better.

Received: Make your own soup. That's what adults do.

Sent: Bawbag

Received: Scrounging layabout

(me and my dad actually have a good relationship, we just choose to show it by insulting one another all day)

Sent: Okay, Aar. Whatever you say. At least your nan loves you, right?

Received: Don't bring me nan into this, you Manc wank.

Sent: Yeah, go post your Norn Iron nonsense to Twitter.

Sent: Do everything and decide on a path later. Or do nothing and f around.

Received: Decide on a path and f around? Huh?

Sent:I was trying to give inspirational advice but it didn't work out hahaha oops

Received: I feel like there should be a subreddit for well intentioned shitty motivational advice. You can start it if you like.

Received:
HOLY

Sent:
!!!!!!!!!!!
ISN'T IT EXCITING
I LOVE ART

Sent: Can we like kick her out of prom weekend

Received: Rain can be romantic lol

Received (person 1): Shit, sorry, I slept in, I'll be there soon. Studio 2?

Sent: I think I'll leave you guys to finish off the manly task of mixing this thing. Also, I can't be bothered moving.

Received (person 2): You're both so fucking lazy.

Sent: Lazy, but genius.

Sent: Are you watching this? This yellow card party has turned into a total nightmare in the last twenty minutes and I need to rant to you about it.

Received: I am! Germany better score. I'm sick to the back of my teeth of penalties. This tournament has stressed me out

Sent: I saw this pin in the shape of a cat on Etsy that says 'Don't stress meowt' and I need it in t-shirt form.

Received: Only you would find something like that

Update to this convo: Received: Ah fuck me it's gone to penalties!!

Sent: But are you seeing him be flawless and beautiful and all other glorious things. He needs to just be prime minister of the universe.

Received: He's let a goal in though. Defeated and all that. No longer the best.

Sent: Idgaf, he's beautiful. He could let in as many goals as he wanted as long as he keeps looking precious.
Sent: Actually as an afterthought, he can't let in as many goals as he wants because that would ruin my entire life. He's attractive, but he's not that attractive. Football trumps good looking-ness. Only just, tho.

Received: Why am I even friends with you.

Sent: Ok word we'll form a search party if things go awry

Received: thank ya I think we will be good but ya know better safe than sorry

Sent: BUT LIKE I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS ?!?!
Received: BBY G U ARE

Received: FRANCE ARE THROUGH. HAHAHAHA. BET YOU'RE GUTTED.

Sent: I'm deleting your number, you prick.

Received: Ted reprimanded me today for a bullshit reason, I'll explain it next time we're on the phone but it's so stupid I'm so mad

Sent: Wanna FaceTime? I feel like butthole and I need distractions

Sent: It cost me a dollar XD

Received: XD that's not too bad.
What else did you buy?

I'm pretty bad about responding most of the time.

Sent: I AM SUCH A RAGING FEMINIST, SEND HELP
Received: DON'T SEND HELP BE A FUCKING RAGING FEMINIST

Received: maybe he's just trying to be a good christian boy

Sent: yikes

Sent:
But leave it to me to find inspiration in morbid characters with an affinity for the dead.

Received:
Hey it is still worth being happy about that you are getting back into a flow. I am proud of you for writing again Babygirl :D

Sent: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING
Received: You do what you gotta do to channel the gay angst vibes tho

Received: your brother's goin out tonight ;)
Sent: PLEASE tell me you didn't swipe right