I Hate That I Need You

@Im.JB

I looked down at the text message from my girlfriend asking me where I was and why I wasn't at the restaurant for our date. I was currently heading over to Alyssa's house. I took off after the light switched to green, driving a few more blocks and pulling up in front of her house. I shut the car off as my phone started ringing. I looked down at my phone and saw Sabrina's name flash up. I frowned. I quickly shut my phone off, taking the keys from the ignition and getting out. I walked up the drive after locking my door and to her door. I knocked on it almost instantly, waiting for her to answer. She answered wearing only a robe. Alyssa pulled me into the house and kissed me hard on the lips.

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I look in the mirror as I was scared out of my mind. Chris and I had only been dating a little over a year and definitely haven't talked about anything serious. I wasn't ready for anything serious and I've saw some of his interviews. He doesn't want marriage or kids but here I was just having peed on a stick to see if I was about to fuck his life up. I couldn't bare the thought of losing him over this. I love him with my whole heart but he wasn't wanting a family. I didn't either, not yet anyways. I jumped slightly when I heard a knock on the bathroom door. "Aleyah? You okay, hun?" I heard Sabrina ask. I looked again in the mirror. "I'll be out in a second." I say and looked at the test. I sighed in relief when the test came back negative. I quickly wrapped the test up and threw it away. I washed my hands and sighed again. Thank god!

@ mitty xx felix

I sighed sadly when Ryan's phone went straight to his voicemail after calling him for the third time. I had been waiting for over an hour for Ryan to meet me here for our date that we had planned about a week ago, but once again he stood me up. I took a sip from my glass of water and looked up when the waitress came back to check on me, giving me a sorry look. She has witnessed me being stood up by my boyfriend a few times and it was now to the point that I hated the way she looked at me. Letting out another sigh, "I'm sorry for wasting your time again..."I started as I reached into my purse and pulled out a twenty dollar bill from my wallet to give her a tip although I only ordered a water which is free. "For your troubles. Keep the change." I told her with a weak smile and got up from my seat and left the restaurant to go home.

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I was out getting a few items for Aleyah, but had also made a couple stops to get some items for myself since I was already out and about. It's been a few weeks since I've been home from the last tour my band was in and it's been great, especially since I am able to have my girlfriend back in my arms again. I love being in a band and touring, but ever since Aleyah and I were officially together and not just best friends, I started to feel home sick because I missed her so much. There has been times when Aleyah would be able to go on tour with me, but that was before we were dating and things were different then. A soft smile was now placed on my lips as I thought about my beautiful girlfriend and I couldn't wait to go back home to her. I picked up the items I needed and paid for them before going to my car and drove back home.

@Im.JB

I turned over in Alyssa's bed and heard birds chirping. fuck I don't normally sleep over at her house but she was challenging last night. I grabbed my clothes and pulled them off. She rolled over and sat up. "See you next week." She said. I looked at her and shrugged. "I don't know yet." I said grabbing my phone and keys from the nightstand. I walked to her door, looking back at her as she blew me a kiss and I walked out of her house and to my car. I started my car and sprayed cologne on me. I drove straight to Sabrina's house. I know I should swing by my place to shower but I knew I was in deep shit with my girlfriend. I pulled him her drive and walked to the door. I knocked lightly on it and tried to enter but it was locked. I knocked a bit heavier until I heard the door unlock. "Babe, I'm so sorry...." I step inside when she opened the door but she stopped me.

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I was laying out on the couch when I heard the door open and close. Sabrina had left about ten minutes ago and I told her about the scare. I told her it had to be our secret that I even had this scare. I heard Chris talk to Gizmo, my cat. He always greets Chris when he get here. I sat up on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. I wasn't feeling the best so I had called in today. Chris went out to get me a few things for my stomach. He would of been here as my best friend or not but now I can say boyfriend or not. I missed him a lot while he was on tour but I would never make him choose between touring and me. I greeted him at the doorway with a hug. "You are best boyfriend ever, babe." I say as I watch him smile wide.

@ mitty xx felix

I didn't get much sleep last night after everything that happened, between Ryan standing me up and the whole pregnancy scare with Aleya. I honestly don't remember falling asleep last night, especially not on the couch until I woken up by knocking on my front door. I got out of the couch rubbing my hands down my shirt to rid of the wrinkle, which I was really wearing one of Ryan's t-shirt that was long enough to cover the supple of my ass. I got to the door and opened it to reveal Ryan on the other side. Seeing him there looking rough, I felt my emotions from last night returning. "Where were you? You didn't call me and you ignored all of my calls. Not only that, this is the 5th time that you stood me up." I said, feeling tears brimming my eyes.

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I chuckled as my free arm wrapped around Aleyah's waist as she gave me a hug. "Of course, love. I'd do anything for you." I smiled and place a soft kiss onto her lips before stepping back slightly to give her the bag with her items. My smile grew bigger when she told me that I was the best boyfriend ever. I loved hearing her call me her boyfriend and not her best friend. I know we only have been dating for a year, but I feel like the luckiest man in the world because I have her as my girl, the one who I go home to, the one who is sleeping in my bed.

@Im.JB

I rubbed my eyes and saw the tears starting in her eyes. I didn't say anything at first. I just pulled her into a hug and held her close as she cried. "I'm really sorry. We just were working on this new album and you know how Ricky wants a song perfected before we all headed out. You know how my phone has been acting up." I said kissing her head and rubbing her back. I knew we were going to fight a little because we always did. I didn't want to this time. I just wanted to go to bed and fall asleep holding my girlfriend. "Come on, babe. I'll make it up to you." I say but she pulls back and looks at me with hurtful eyes.

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"Are we still going to cuddle on the couch tonight and watch horror movies?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen to make me a tea. I'm sure my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying I did when he was gone for a few hours. I felt his arms wrap around me from behind and he pressed light kisses on my neck. I love him so much. He always treated me so well. "I love you handsome."

@ mitty xx felix

As soon as Ryan pulled me into his chest, I began to cry, slightly hating myself for being so weak around him. "You promised me that you would make time for me when you got back home. Why didn't you use the guy's phone to call me? I was at the restaurant waiting for you for over an hour." I sniffled, the hurt in my eyes is present. Maybe I should've called Ricky to check if Ryan was with him. I know he can be anal he can be when it comes to practice and working on new material, but Ricky is my best friend and he would have let Ryan go to meet up with me. I sighed as I wiped my eyes. "You keep telling me that you're going to make it up to me, but you haven't." I looked away and went to walk back to the couch, but my arm was tugged gently by him, making me stop in place.

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I smiled as I listened to Aleyah asking me about our plans, watching her come back into the living room with her tea in one hand. "Of course babe. I'm all yours tonight and we'll do whatever you want." I told her as I stood behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist. I used my free hand to gently swoop her hair to the side and placed my lips on to her neck, leaving a trail of small kisses down to her shoulder blade. "And I love you too beautiful. More than anything in this world."

@ Im.JB

"Baby, I promise I will. How about tomorrow night? I take you out to see a movie." I said grabbing her arm gently and pulled her back into me. "How about we go take a nap together, beautiful." I said pulling back from her and leading her upstairs to the bedroom. She stops in her tracks again. "What is it?" I asked looking back at her worried face.

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I closed my eyes and let him trail kisses up and down my neck. I blushed lightly when he tells me he loves me. I've never had any guy make me feel the way he does. I truly love him and I do believe we will be together for a long time. "Mm okay. Lets watch our movie." I said laughing a bit as his breath tickled my neck a little. I heard him chuckle a little and squeezed my hips. I walked over to the couch and sat down, tucking my feet underneath me and cradled my cup.

@ mitty xx felix

I let out a quiet sigh and let Ryan pull me back into him and lead us to my bedroom. However, something still didnt feel right about Ryan but I cant pin point it. I stop and look at him to see if something was off with him, but I couldn't see anything. "Let's just go to sleep" I say softly and walk inside my room and climb onto my side of the bed.

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I smiled and followed Aleyah into the livingroom and sat down on the couch. I gently pulled her onto my lap without her spilling her tea. "I love being home, with you in my arms and also in my bed with me." I say and kissed her cheek, then nuzzle my face against her shoulder as we began watching the movie.

@ Im.JB

"No, babe. What is it?" I asked as we walked into her bedroom and we laid down together. She didn't cuddle up to me like she normally did. I scooted over to her and wrapped my arms around her. I buried my face in her neck and kissed her neck softly. "I promise I'll keep this date tomorrow night. I'll message Ricky as soon as my phone is charged." I whispered softly against her ear.

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I placed my cup on the table beside the couch and scooted in closer to Chris. I loved being close with him. I zoned out as I started thinking about maybe I could change his mind about a family one day. I really wanted kids and I love Chris so much. "Hey Chris, can we talk about like the future when the movie is over with?" I asked turning a bit in his arms so see his face. He closed his eyes but never said anything. I turned back around and finished watching the movie.

@ mitty xx felix

"Please, dont make promises you can't keep, Ry." I say softly, still not looking at him although I was facing his chest. "I love you Ryan, but I just feel like I'm just a second thought to you, lately." I say sadly and osel my eyes, hoping to keep the tears away from falling.

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I rubbed my hand up and down her thigh through out the movies and I would place a few kisses on her neck every here and there. Although I was slightly confused about her question about the future, but I agreed to have the conversation. An hour later, the movie was over and i turned off the tv and gave Aleyah my attention. "What did you want to talk about, babe?"

@ Im.JB

"Rina, come on. You know I love you but we are just trying to get this album out." I say. I felt my stomach twist slightly but I felt her shake her head. She didn't say much then I heard her breathing even out so I knew she was sleeping. I crawled out of bed quietly and covered her up before what downstairs after grabbing my phone from the nightstand. I unlocked it and scrolled through my phone for Ricky's number. I waited for a few seconds before he picked up on the other end. "Were you sleeping?"

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I scooted away from him because I'm sure this would start a little fight. "Do you see a future with me? I mean, I know you say you love me and you prove it to me so much but like could you see yourself with me for the rest of your life?" I looked down at my hands. My stomach doing flips with how nervous I am. "I'm not talking marriage, you know." I asked looking up at him but not really seeing any facial expressions on his face. I stood up and shook my head. "I'm sorry. Just please forget I said anything." I head upstairs quickly slightly embarrassed.

@ mitty xx felix

Ricky sighed as he saw that Ryan had called him. "Yeah...late night in the studio." He said with a yawn. "What's up man? I know you didnt call me just to chat about guitar and music." He said as he sat up, knowing he wont be able to go back to sleep anytime soon.

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I sighed as I ran a frustrated hand into my hair. She knows how I feel about marriage and having kids. Although she didnt mention a child, I know it would've been brought up. "Babe I love you, you know I do. Why cant that be enough?" I say, my voice starting to rise towards the end. "Marriage is not what I want. It's just a stupid piece of paper." I continue but then got up as my anger starts to flare and I do not want it to out of hand. "I'm going out for a bit." I say and leave the apartment, not giving Aleyah time to say anything back.

@ mitty xx felix

Ricky sighed as he saw that Ryan had called him. "Yeah...late night in the studio." He said with a yawn. "What's up man? I know you didnt call me just to chat about guitar and music." He said as he sat up, knowing he wont be able to go back to sleep anytime soon.

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I sighed as I ran a frustrated hand into my hair. She knows how I feel about marriage and having kids. Although she didnt mention a child, I know it would've been brought up. "Babe I love you, you know I do. Why cant that be enough?" I say, my voice starting to rise towards the end. "Marriage is not what I want. It's just a stupid piece of paper." I continue but then got up as my anger starts to flare and I do not want it to out of hand. "I'm going out for a bit." I say and leave the apartment, not giving Aleyah time to say anything back.

@ Im.JB

"Rina pissed at me again. I need your advice to make things better. I missed our date night last night. I told her I was with you working late on the album but I was out with some other guys I know." I sighed. I didn't want him to know I was cheating on Sabrina. I didn't want to be dump and get the shit beaten out of me. Ricky was protected of Sabrina but he is also saving my ass. I heard him mumble something. "I'm trying to get her to go out tomorrow night with me."

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I stood at the end of the hallway and saw Chris walk out of our apartment. I stood there for about five minutes then ran the rest of the way to our room, crying. I fell on the bed and curled into a ball. I cried and cried. I knew I should of kept my mouth shut. I told him I wasn't looking for anything too serious and here I was asking him about the future with me and everything. How could I be so stupid? I sent him a quick text to apologize for fucking everything up. I got out of our bed, grabbing some fresh clothes and walked to the bathroom for a showet. I got into the shower after stripping off my clothes. I couldn't help but cry more. I hope he can forgive me.

@ mitty xx felix

Ricky sighs as he listens to Ryan. "Rina has every right to be pissed at you man. You're putting everyone first and her second." He then sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. "Why couldn't you have told her the truth instead of using me? You know I hate lying to her." He says, feeling a little irate that his band member is hurting his best friend. "Look man, if you want to make it up to her, spend time with her, doing whatever she wants. But dont do this for one day and think she will forgive you. You need to get back on her good side. But the first thing you can do is take her to the Zoo. You know how much she likes going." Ricky suggested.

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I was out strolling down the town trying to get rid of my anger. Normally I would go to Ricky's place and work on music, but I didnt want to bother him with my relationship drama. I honestly do love Aleyah with everything, but I just dont see the point of getting married when more people end up divorcing over a stupid piece of paper that is suppose to make them official. She has also told me that she was okay with that, so why is she having a problem with it now? At the same time maybe I'm not giving her enough. I shook my head away from the thoughts and continued to stroll around for another hour before returning home.

@ Im.JB

"I couldn't tell her the truth. She can't find out anything. Just cover for me, okay?" I asked, looking up at the clock and yawning. I needed to stop my affair with Alyssa. Sabrina couldn't find out about anything. I heard some noises from upstairs and said goodbye to Ricky and hung up. I walked upstairs back into her room. Sabrina was sitting up in bed, looking confused. "I called Ricky to see if he wanted to join us tomorrow for our trip to the zoo." I sit down on the bed and waited for her reaction.

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I let the water run down my body. I place a hand over my stomach and wonder what it would be like but I knew it would never happen. I didn't want to lose Chris over something like this. I turned the shower off and stepped out of the shower as I heard the front door open and close. "Chris?!" I hollered, quickly wrapping the towel around me and walking out of the bathroom and meeting him at the end of the hall. I looked at him, biting my lip. I didn't know what to say so I just waited for him to say something.

@ mitty xx felix

I looked at Ryan with a confused look when he mentioned Ricky and going to the Zoo. I just shrugged my shoulders and looked at him. "I already told you Ryan, dont make promises that you cant keep." I say sadly, fiddling with my thumbs underneath the blanket, not looking at my boyfriend. I dont think I can take him bailing on our plans another time.

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I walked back inside the apartment and was taking my shoes off, when I saw Aleyah approaching me only in a towel. I could tell that she just got out of the shower. I look at her and smile sadly. "Am I not doing enough for you?" I asked, feeling a little vulnerable. "I love you Aleyah and I want to be with you until the day we die...isnt that enough?" He asked.

@ Im.JB

"I'm going to show you that I'm for real this time, Rina. Come on! Say you'll go." I say pouting at her and giving her my puppy eyes. I reach up and cupped her cheek in my hands. I lean in and pecked her lips softly as I waited for answer. I was going to be here this time. I just had to text Alyssa sometime to let her know I wouldn't be over.

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Tears well in my eyes. I never wanted him to feel that way. I walked over to him and hugged him. "You are more then enough for me, Chris. I'm so sorry for making you feel that way." I looked up at him with my arms still wrapped around him. I rest my head against his chest and stayed silent. I pulled away after awhile and held the towel closer to me. "I love you, Chris."

@ mitty xx felix

I look back at my boyfriend, seeing his pleading eyes when I do. He looks remorseful and I dont have the heart to say no. "Okay, I'll go. Only because I love going to the zoo." I agree to his offer. "Just please dont stand me up again. " I say softly, holding the blanket closer to me, feeling a little vulnerable.

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I held Aleyah close to me when she hugged me, afraid that she was going to disappear if I didnt keep her close. "You promise?" I asked when she told me that I was enough for her. And when I saw her confirm, I rest my chin on top of her head, still keeper her close to my chest. "I love you too baby and I'm sorry."