Best/Worst/Stupidest Reviews You've Received

On Fuck Money:

this

Oh damn. This was written so incredibly well. I loved this. I find it difficult to find well written smut (some are just terrible) but this was perfect. I loved the fact that you always referred to the other boy as 'his' boy. So adorable.

Absolutely fantastic. Thanks so much for gracing me with this lovely gift. <3

On Presumption;

Best:
Oy, I'm so glad I found this. It's only two chapters in, and I'm already addicted. :D
You've introduced the characters well so far, and I can't wait to see more of Carden and if Jayson will ever get him. The way you've written the dialogue is very natural and they sound like real high school kids talking.
I can't wait for it all to come together. I'm definitely subscribing. :D

I really like this. I love Darcy, she seems like such a great character and a really amazing friend, and Carden seems like a sweetheart. I like that you haven't demonised his girlfriend, too, because that is seriously one of my biggest pet peeves in stories. I'm interested to see why Jayson likes Carden since all the interaction they've had so far is the exchange of glances in that one class, and I'd really like to see what Carden's feelings towards Jayson are, but I'm assuming all that's coming since this is just an intro. But yeah, like bonfirefighter. said, I'd love to see how it all comes together. :D

Worst/Stupidest:(Though it's not really that bad, it's just... Odd.)
interesting.

One of my favorites for The Coronation:

This was beautiful, strong, and the best piece of writing I have ever read. I'm going to critique every line. For narration, figurative language, and such, for your grammar was excellent.

I aspire to be beautiful in death. I want to be gorgeous in your last memory of me.

I am just about speechless. That is such a beautiful, strong, line. Especially the aspiration to be beautiful in death. Oh my.

My dying day will be my coronation. Make me royal. Crown me a queen when I pass. Bury me in silks and satins and velvets. Smother me in rubies and emeralds and diamonds, and then bury me and my treasure chest six feet deep.

"Make my royal." This is so beautiful. I like how you give references to jewels, royalty, luxuries.

Death is infinite; there is no coming back, there is no necromancy. I’ll float away in a dank nothingness between time and space, like everyone before me. It's almost elegant, really.

I like the nonchalance of "It's almost elegant, really." And I admire your description of floating away into nothingness.

Death is the greatest poem I will ever write, and I want to look beautiful when I read it to you.

The metaphor. That metaphor, oh lord, is so exquisite.

This is the best example of figurative language I have ever set eyes upon. And the layout is an added bonus, with the simplicity but the grand, magnificent feel.

This is going on my profile as a suggestion to read.

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I was so flattered.

For Die My Darling:

FunGhoul:

(lol I'm just gonna say that after reading the pouty lips-description of Gerard I was thinking that he does have pretty lips, right before Frank said it to him, and then he actually said it and I was facepalming a little at myself because I kinda felt like a creep. But what else is new.)

Okay. Not facepalming at this story though. Mikey totally scared me at the first appearance. Like, you have this horror movie or something where there's one character who just keeps talking like nothing's even happened (hi, Frank), but everybody else (Gerard + us readers) can see that's something's definitely wrong. And then there's Mikey’s creepy smile and you’re just like… D:

I like the additional sentence in the parenthesis, which was disturbing, followed by the innocence that is Frank. Like, AND FRANK KEEPS GRINNING. lol what the hell, how dense is he, you just wanna jump in there and beat some sense into him. And it's so great because you have Mikey, who I'm just plain scared of; Frank, who is blissfully oblivious; and Gerard, who actually seems to be terrified - and you get it across very well. I'm buying it, it's also all very fitting, in a strange way.

The room fell into a deceptive peacefulness - yikes. I get this atmosphere.

Ohmygod. Okay. Taking Gerard's cigarette out of his mouth like that was a very… dominant move. I love it, because it was a very likely move as well. It just goes well with the way he's actually behaving and the general vibe he's giving off. On a sidenote, he would make a great bad guy in a thriller/horror, come to think of it. He can pull off evil. *nods*

Not sure why I'm smiling right now though; I think it's because I can imagine hysterical Gerard and psycho Mikey all too well. It's this horror mixed with delight kind of feeling. I also really love that Mikey goes from ”Go-get-it-Gerard” scary to ”Compassionate-but-the-rest-of-us-aren't-buying-it” scary - and also for the fact that I actually understand how Gerard can agree. "I won't make you watch this time if you go get it." I mean, the "If you do this for me, I'll let you off easy" fake compromise thing, added a weak personality like Gerard's here - I can see how that would work.

Mikey merely smiled and patted him on the shoulder - "There's a good boy". Haha, I like that a lot. Also, he had two options: sleeping with someone else as revenge for getting cheated on, or just kill the cheater. It's not like you can even compare the two, which just goes to show Mikey's fucked up reasoning. Great job :) I can also sense this need to protect his brother, and Gerard being the somewhat unwilling recipient of that protection.

I love that last line! Scary as hell, funny when taken out of context, but perfectly believable in this story. And it's great when you can finally use a line you've been itching to use it for ages, isn't it? Haha XD Okay, I've already written half an essay and it's not exactly constructive… Anyway, I'm subscribed because I def want to know how this ends. Nicely done!

She makes me smile. :D

^^^

For Snow Angels

fun ghoul psycho.:

When I saw the link for this in the Pimping thread, I immediately clicked on it, for two reasons. One: it was by you. Second: the summary just sounded so interesting. It was so poetic and just sounded so beautiful, right off of the bat. I liked the layout too; the colors all went together very well. (:

Right from the beginning, this was wonderfully done. I could tell that it wasn't going to just be a typical romance story; the image of Frank watching Gerard in the park was heartbreaking, in a simple sort of way. It's definitely something I can relate to as well. At first, I thought that the child was Gerard's but I really liked that it was Mikey's; I barely ever read stories where Mikey has any children and I think that Gerard would be a great uncle.

One thing I really like about your writing, specifically in this piece, is that you add physical details about both Gerard and Frank. Speaking from personal experience, I know that a lot of people don't really add in those details because we already know what the character's look like but it just makes the character development that much more stronger. Your descriptions are beautiful, to add. The image of his eyes being glossy from the cold? Sheerly beautiful.

The emotion you convey through your dialogue is wonderful. I felt so, so sorry for Frank as he talked to Gerard. Especially the fact that Gerard doesn't even know how many years it has been. I could feel his pain there, although I can definitely see how Gerard feels as well. That's actually who I'd probably relate to more in this particular situation.

“But for the past years… Let’s just say, if I can fit all that into one sentence then I’m a fucking wizard.” And then there's the burst of organic humor. :D I loved that line and I can just imagine Gerard kind of going "-facepalm'" after realizing what he truly asked. xD

“The last time you used the word ‘stop’ it was so you could tell me not to.” I loved that line. It was so suggestive and it really revealed so much about their past relationship. I love how you're giving us so much detail without actually coming out and saying it. The dialogue still sounds completely organic and real. That moment where Frank's mood completely changes was done so well, by the way. I just love this entire confrontation between them, where seven years of anger and pain is coming out in the snow.

“Daddy?” Oh my God. After saying what I said earlier, about Gerard not being the one having kids... that was a shock to the system and it gave this story a whole new emotional depth. It almost seems like the ultimate betrayal, if that makes sense. The child's personality seemed very real as well; even though she's only around for a few paragraphs, it didn't seem out of place or anything.

That ending, with the ultimate picture of innocence, was wonderful. Frank's just been completely shattered and everything he thought he knew is destroyed and then there's children... just being children. It's such a contrast but it really was the perfect way to end it, just so simply. Honestly, I believed that this worked perfectly as a oneshot; I can see it being a chaptered story but I think that you really condensed it to its main elements as it was. I really enjoyed reading this; as usual, your writing is stellar and the emotion conveyed in this piece was just beautiful. This fully demonstrates why you are one of my favorite authors on Mibba. <3

*rolls around in happiness*
Gah, this was amazing

For Wildfires;

(I think I have some of the best feedback on this one; they still give me
an adrenaline rush when I re-read these lovely comments.)

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This is seriously the most amazing thing I've ever read on here.
If this were published, it would definitely enter my list of top 5 favorite books.

I could've happy danced at this point.

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For the most part, to be honest, I'm not a big fan of the entire "Ana" sort of stories. There's quite a few. But yours, I don't know, yours is just so different. I love the way that you've constructed it in this sort of... poetic way, that really compliments the whole Ana ordeal in a way where everything short and choppy but it gets the story across. And it sort of gives it this disorganized what-the-hell-is-happening sort of feel to it, and you mentioend in your story that it just happened. I don't know, I really liked it. The thoughts are just so real.

The struggle to be skinny isn't a pretty one, and you really show that.

I love how she calls them jealous of her, and how she's just so consumed by her twisted thoughts it's like there's nothing that can affect her. And the fact that Mia's been hanging around really makes me wonder, the suicide note too. This is an amazing story, seriously.
I didn't have time for people like that. Those people never made time for me.
One of my favourite quotes from the entire story.
This is beautiful, aha. :D

It means a lot when amazing writers onsite say this type of stuff. Ah.

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I loved reading this. It's weird because it's about something I would never, ever watch in movie or series form. The writing just kept me hooked, my eyes following every line and space, every italics and underline and bold letters, every detail and every word.

I loved it. It's good. You can expect one more subscriber in your subscription box.

Chocolate strawberries and kiwi dolls,
Luna.

She's a sweetheart.

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i would like to say, this is such a moving story. i want to print it and make it into a mini book (crediting you of course) i just love this. well done

Extremely motivational. I have never had this said to me until now.

I've never really gotten a bad review with bashing and such. Most of mine are the common 'it was good please update'

I have gotten a few good ones though.

I Only Wanted You (a Jimmy Sullivan fiveshot I wrote)
SO SAD! I cried, really I did. Amazing style and the way it flowed made it a pleasure to read. The only other story I have ever been in tears over is 'Tilly' by Frank Peretti. So sad also. Any road, so well written and would make a wonderful book if published. You would be able to guarentee tears with this one. You should sell each copy with a complementary tissue box :) Again, wonderful. Keep writing like this, you're really good at it :) x

these next two were from a comment swapping thread, and they wer from the same person.

Okay, so, I'm honestly not a fan of fanfics - especially A7X - but this was very good. The way you wrote this was much, much different than alot of the other fanfics that I've claimed in the past; this isn't one of those "omfgfuckingarockstar" kind of fanfics. It's elegant and I like the chemistry that Grace and Jimmy have. It's mutual, somehow, but very cute. Anyways, I really like what you have here. It's definitely not something that I'd read on a regular basis, but I enjoyed it overall. Lovely job <3

In an odd twist of fate, I can say that I'm glad that I claimed this again. It doesn't read like a fanfic and honestly, I can sort of imagine it as an original fic, haha! Anyways, the second chapter was so illegally cute and sugary that it gave me a freakin' cavity. I'm not usually comfortable with sex scenes - like the horrible ones in those stupid paperbacks that they sell for $2 at the airport - but this one wasn't as graphic as I expected it to be. You describe just enough to know what's going on (though it's pretty obvious what's going on), but you don't go into the gross details, haha! Also, I like the ending and how he asked her to marry him. That's so sweet (:
Lovely job! <3

This was really amazing, probably one of the best Jimmy short stories I've ever read. Jimmy and Grace were perfect together in my eyes, and it's very rare I say that about a story couple. This was also beautifully written, and your word choice is just amazing. This flows very well, unlike most stories that seem to skip around too much. Jimmy was so sweet in this, I had to aww a few times, and the ending definitely brought tears to my eyes. Not to mention how you closed it was so very different, and I thought it was a great idea! Very very nice job, I absolutely loved it, and I think you're a very talented writer. :)

^^ this one honestly made me smile XD

I have gotten a million lovely reviews from Haven recently but this is one of my favourites, for The End Where I Begin:

Haven.:

First off, I’m a sucker for sob stories. I read them, I write them, I live them. This one is no different. Right from the very beginning, you made my heart ache. Throughout the actual break up scene, I was literally tearing up. WHY WHY WHYYYYY!?!? I was literally just begging the screen (AKA Mike) not to break up with that poor, sweet, darling boy. :( It didn’t work. But, as you progressed with how Mike “moved on” with his life, I was glad to see some funny parts here and there. It fit so well to make me laugh in a oneshot that originally had me bawling my eyes out. I love soooo much how Mike keeps trying to tell himself that he did the right thing, but he doesn’t really believe it. My insides are twisting again. I’m seriously crying over this. And I was thinking that maybe, maybe in the end you’d have them get back together, but I knew that if you did it would be terrible and just ruin – no, not ruin, but mess up – the entire thing. :(((((((((((( Ahhhh, I’m crying so hard right now.

I know I said that the witch oneshot was my favorite, but it has again been replaced. I’m subscribing to this one so I can cry over it again sometime in the near future.

<3 Haven

And this comment on Adventures in Solitude kind of made my actual life:

fun ghoul tardis.:

If you just heard a really high pitched squeal, that was me going mad with happiness when I saw this. There's seriously nothing wrong with your summary or layout (and that banner; mmph!) and I'm going to read this now and do a lot more squealing and flailing.

I seriously don't know how to express how much I love your writing. That first paragraph, you set the scene up perfectly; poor tired Rory and then the Doctor, just being awkward across the road. I could definitely see this happening on the show. But then, right after that, you just slammed on the emotion, with the seven year old girl dying and that was just so brutally real. I don't think that I could ever be a nurse to be honest; too much stress. But it was great to see that reflected in Rory; poor man.

(He looks the same age as Rory, maybe even younger with his soft, childlike features, but when he smiles like that he could be nine hundred years old.) That line! That bit was just so clever because we both know that the Doctor really is that old but Rory doesn't; it's just a lucky guess.

The man’s outside his house again the next day. Rory walks straight to his car and doesn’t turn his head to look. I like how this bit was its own paragraph. This definitely seemed appropriate; I can only imagine how creeped out I would be if there was a strange man just sitting outside of my house.

The relationship between Rory and Amy in this is great. I like how you mention that they're broken up because I otherwise wouldn't have known. But the exchange between them was definitely genuine, especially Amy asking about the man's looks. Classic! I can definitely see these two staying friends if they broke up as well; I don't think Amy would let Rory not be her friend!

The internet angle was great! I wasn't expecting that at all but it makes total sense that the Doctor would be all over the internet; I mean, I'm sure some of his past companions have blabbed about him. :P He’s just a nurse from Leadworth, this is too much. That line made me feel oddly sad and I'm not sure why. But I really loved it.

“I’m just a nurse,” Rory repeats, helpless.

“And I’m just a doctor,” the Doctor says, taking him by the hand. “What a wonderful pair we make.”
-insert heart skipping a beat here because that was just too freaking sweet and mmph-

That ending! My God, why couldn't the show have actually happened like this? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Amy as a companion but Rory, poor sweet innocent Rory, that would have been the sweetest thing ever. I seriously completely and utterly adored this; Rory's character was just so wonderful and sweet and sad and the Doctor was wonderfully awkward, of course. This is further fueling my Rory/Eleven love and I think I might want to marry you. xD
Seriously though. You're like King Midas; everything you (write) turns to gold.

I am ridiculously lucky when it comes to comments, seriously.

My one-shot Ghosts has been fairly well received, however I got his comment and I just had to come and revive this thread just to post it. It's one of the greatest comments I've ever received and honestly, it blew me away; I couldn't refuse it's worthiness of being captured here forever.

DirrtyFkunk:

Any compliment I could give you for this won't be nearly as amazing as the ones you've given me or the ones you really deserve. I'll try though...

This is simply stunning Rachel. You've constructed a plot that's so delicately sombre without the slightest hint of hyperbole, irony or over-earnestness. Believe me that is hard to do. Your manipulation and exploration of vocabularly is nothing short of professional, without being misplaced or absurd. Your writing style is intoxicating- through your use of tone and plot construction you've managed to keep the reader gripped until the very last line (which I wil come to soon). You've used tone brilliantly in this, suggesting guilt and regret from the very offset of the piece without being too explicit. The whole layout, and unfolding of truths so to speak, flows efficiently and beautifully, making it a joy to read really.

Even your style of characterism highlights how much you have grown as a writer. Your protagonist shows all the traditional signs of torment and guilt without being self-rigtheous. Even through denying him absolution you've really broken the mould of how a typical writer usually portrays tragedy. The story has a perfect balance of present and past, where the present horror brings alive the horror from the characters past. You should be really proud of the way you've incorporated imagery and symbolism aswell: the dreary Scottish weather symbolising the protagonist's inner turmoil, and his choice to stay remained in the flat which keeps him linked to the terrible circumstances in his life.

I'm rambling, I know. Basically Rachel this is a piece that you've really taken a risk with. You've stripped away plot twists and traditional concepts to leave a skeleton which shows your true talent as a writer. And it has payed off. A simple and beautiful piece like this is a true refection of your enigmatic creativity, complex vocabularly and artistic flair. In short, it's really just a piece of your genius, the tip of the iceberg on what I know you are able to produce. And indeed what I know you will produce in the future.

All of this is encapsulated by your closing line. Which I read about 300 times over and over before leaving this comment. Even by the 300th time, it still gave me chills. So strikingly beautiful without being too contrived and too forced. It speaks for the whole piece wonderfully and I don't think it will ever stop ringing in my ears.

You are an amazing writer, this is just pure art in it's finest. No pretences and no cliches, exactly like yourself. I'm so proud of this, and of you. I'm excited for your future work.

xo.

This comment made me go, "...what?"

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There are about 6.7 billion people in the world already.

Um... again, what? The story this was one is about 120 years in the future, and it's stated that the current population at the time is only 1.2 billion, so... what?

All from And She Smiles.

Isadora Pierce:

Wow! What a blow at the end. Definitely interesting to me. I'm guessing the main girl doesn't realize her sister's feelings for this man or else she wouldn't be going. How soap opera-y and dramatic! I love it. The only thing that threw me off was how often you say "the young woman." Call the younger sister the young woman, and then don't call anyone else that. It's very confusing.

The young woman, the other's sister, Other's should be other, and here is where the "younger" thing comes in. Just say the young woman's sister or something. :3

Very good for a start! Subscribing!

Nanner:

All I could think when I looked at this was how lovely it looked. The picture you used, the floral background, the font and colors... all of it was absolutely beautiful, really.

The prologue was awesome. I could feel her worry as she had to choose a decision; to run away with the man of her dreams but leave her sister and family behind, or stay with them but miss a world of opportunities. What a tough decision and in such a short prologue, you got a lot of meaning and emotion. I thought it was a wonderful way to open the story.

Chapter one, I loved as well. I actually just came home from my grandma's coincidentally, haha. Your writing style is so unique and really like I said before, the whole thing was absolutely beautiful. :)

Going to have to subscribe! <3

Both just made me smile.

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Subscribed! update please! :D

I don't like comments like this because I don't know what the reader thinks about the story. What they like, what I could change; it just isn't told in these types of comments. And I also don't like the comments that just repeat please a million times, ending with the word update.

Well, I've gotten fantastic reviews from some very lovely people. So I thought I'd show you guys. (:

These are the best from my story Ode to the Hummingbird :

This one's from Caravaggio

" I loved the method you chose in telling this story. How, while I was reading it, I almost felt as though someone was telling me about it; like it was happening in my community. The way people are always like, "Did you hear what happened to Mrs. Mitchell?" It was a great method, and I think it really made this hit closer to home. The fact that anorexia is a very serious mental illness, that can happen to anyone.

The only part that seemed unrealistic is that he was nine; although I could just be misinformed. I have to admit, I haven't really extensively researched the disease. I've never looked at age statistics. Still, it can happen to anyone with a functioning brain, so I suppose nine could happen.

Anyway - sorry for all the rambling - I thought that end line was immense. The story would've been great without it, but that last line blew it out of the water. It was very well written, and it was a very good read. I'm sad that I'm the first commenter on it. "

This one's from Tiffany Danielle :

" Gorgeous. That is the first word that wiggled into my mind when I opened this story up. Well, actually, that's a lie, aha. That was the first word in my mind when I saw the title, gigglys. Really, if I was going on appearances, you could tell this story will be absolutely beautiful. The layout is elegant, adorable - just plain stunning, and readable - which is an amazing feat on it's own. c: I'm sure the only thing that can rival such a beautiful set up would be your story itself. c: <3

Eeeeeep. That summary? Art. Is their a word more amazing? I wish I knew one because I would definitely apply it here. Really, that was so stunning in such few words. It makes me want to speak with a hummingbird, you know. Just opens up my imagination time capsule and my mind and I just adore it. <3 Fabulous job. I'm amped and I haven't really read much, yet, aha. .////. <3 That's the sign of an epic author right there, yes ma'am. (:

One

You made me get snot on my hoodie, missy. ): This was so heartbreaking it made me tear up on the reals. It kind of feels like it was ripped out of my chest in such a beautiful manner. I can't tell if I want to sit here in awe of your writing skills or jump into this story and hug the poor boy. <3

Really, my heart goes out to him, but the awe I have your writing is paramount. You'd think that some of the words or the style of your writing would get even the slightest bit repeatitive - but it never did. I sat here, reading, absolutely riveted and I don't think I blinked. Not once.<3 It was like you hit some kind of writing groove, here. I could just ride the flow of this it was so smooth, so perfect. <3

You're like my writing idol right now, woman. :) <3 I am subscribing, for sure. <33 I need to know what happens to Timmy. I really hope he turns out okay. <33 "

This one's from GhostieWinchester :

" This is so darkly touching and wonderful. Not that he does these things to himself, of course, but the emotion you put into the words and behind the story. It made me cry the entire time I was reading the first chapter. To think of anyone, especially someone so young, feeling that they need to hurt themself so horridly...

And contrary to what others have said, it's quite believable that a nine-year-old would go through something like this. The DSRM in psychological diagnosis has many outlines of disorders such as this that may manifest themselves as early as six. So I applaud your accuracy as well as the risk you took in choosing this age.

The workings of TImothy's mind as he remembers the incident with the cookie sheet are quite interesting. Again, your accuracy in portraying his mental disorder is shining through, making me feel all the more for him and wish that he could have a happy ending, even if that happy ending is him getting what he so seems to want. "

--

These next ones are from my story Oh, Moon :

GhostieWinchester
" You are such a talented writer. And I say this with complete and utter honesty. This is the second piece of yours that captured my attention and held it completely all the way through. I wish my skill was anything equal to yours. :)

The prologue is so very powerful, yet so abstract at the same time. The use of disjointedness and your vivid emotive/descriptive writing made it all the more interesting and I was compelled to read on to the next chapter. I had planned on reading all three chapters from the outset, but even if I hadn't, this prologue would have spurred me on.

The memory at the start of the first chapter made my heart ache as I read it. I kid you not, the emotion and the feeling of pain and loss touched me very deeply. And it transitions so perfectly into the next part of the chapter.
The conversation between them is so normal. So natural. So everyday.
It's wonderful. And such a deep contrast to the prologue.
Your ability to always keep the reader guessing and use so many different hooks is so very impressive.
And the end was oddly suspenseful to me. I had to know more about the fire. About what happens.

Chapter two's memory was so sweet. So very lovely. Another perfectly placed contrast, not only to previous chapters, but to the rest of this chapter as well.
Her pain is just so very real. So palpable. I wish I could help her, in some way. It's as if I'm reading about a real person. Watching them go through all this.

Because his body was mixed with the soil and burned trees now.
Johnny was the wildflowers and the soil. Johnny was the trees and the wind. But Johnny didn't have any vocal chords. Johnny didn't even have a smile.

These lines were so beautiful. So powerful.

Once again, you have me in tears.
And hooked to your work.
*subscribed* "

(:

For Shutterbug & Not Promised Tomorrow

Caravaggio:

Alright, I've got until 2:15 until my next class, so I should FINALLY get your stories read and commented on. I've been browsing through your stuff, but I've always been too tired or haven't had enough time to comment. For that, I apologize. Back to school time is outrageous for time management.

Layout: Absolutely gorgeous. Everything fits together so well, and it puts the reader in the perfect mood to read the story (in my opinion). I love the photo, I love the color scheme, and I love how you were able to fit that Polaroid camera image right into everything else.

Summary: Very gripping. I like how you can put together a summary that gives a sufficient amount of information without overloading on us. Sometimes you get those summaries that are like half of the story. I end up not even reading them, because they’re so long, and then the story doesn’t make any sense to me. XD Anyway, I thought it was a great set up to get the reader ready for the story. You find out what sort of person she is, and how her life is supposed to be. And then you get to see where she is currently. It gives you that sense that everything is falling apart, before you even read the story, and it creates so many questions that need to be answered, it’s sure to make anyone click through to the next page.

Content: Your first two paragraphs were beautiful! It flowed amazingly, and it added a touch of a poetic feel to the story. I like how you’ve opened with that, rather than just going straight into the setting. Sometimes setting first is great, but this pulled me right into the characters head, and made me feel like I was right there with her, trying to piece my life back together.

I also love how smoothly you move from thoughts, to actions, and then back to thoughts again. It’s like everything in this is real but dreamlike at the same time. It’s a sort of feel in a story that I’ve never been able to accomplish (at least in my own opinion), but I wish desperately to master. When I started getting to the end of it, I was like, “Is that it? Oh, come on! I was just getting into it!” And then I saw the ‘To be continued’ link, and I was happy again.

This is absolutely wonderful. You have a great grasp of words. You make them work for you perfectly, and keep the reader enchanted in the world you create for them. I can’t wait to read the second part!

Layout: You ca tell straight out with this one, before you even read the summary, that this story is going to be darker. In the other one, it was dreamlike and blissfully ignorant. Throughout the story there were tones of sadness, but never enough to really make a big impact on you. With this one however, even the layout screams that something horribly sad has happened.

Summary: HE DIED!? Are you kidding me. She was so confused, and there was so much hope! Now Logan gets a story, and you say he died!? That’s so sad!

But, still, a brilliant summary. The parallelism really pulls it all together. And you get into the pattern of, “He almost died, but he didn’t,” over and over, and then BAM! You get to the last one, and that’s what it says.

Content: Wow. This is just brilliant. There’s so many layers to sift through while reading this. First you piece together his death through metaphors, then you get the hints of spirituality, and have to solve his beliefs (or I suppose realizations, since he’s dead and has seen it all now), and on top of that, you’re getting these little side comments alluding to why his life has turned out like this. In Shutterbug, all you see is how happy they were together, and immediately in this one, you hear about how remorseful he is to have hurt her, and yet, he believes so strongly in the damnation of his own life.

It’s a very beautiful, tragic story, and the way it’s written only adds to that.

I’m guessing that was God (or a god) he was speaking with? One who has been looking over him this whole time, trying to make him see the beauty that we saw in Faye’s story? It was kind of funny how he argues with Him like an annoying friend rather than a deity that controls what happens to him next.

And waking up in Faye’s room. It’s all so confusing and great. I love how we follow him through it, learning from actions and observations, rather than having it spoon fed to us through narrative.

You are truly a very talented writer. I love your flow and the style that you use with your writing. It’s truly unlike anything else I’ve seen in an online writer. It was a pleasure to read this story.

For Rabbit Hole:

colibri:

Oh my god. The very summary got me so excited to read this. It's fantastically interesting, you have no idea how f-cking great that is. I LOVE IT. L O V E L O V E L O V E L O V E.

Okay. I'll calm down and read on now.

I loved your first chapter. Holy shit, it was so cool! The narrative and everything, it's so unique. I loved it. I loved how you worded it and how you made the narrator seem sinister in a way. It's so cool. It's a neat introduction, really, because I've never seen it before, and it sounds like the story will be good.

The second chapter was even better. I loved the way you introduced the main characters, and how they ended up together. I like how you made it real. Like you now what it's like to be in the second floor girl's bathroom while ten gunmen are running about the school, shooting people. I like the diverse characters. Oh! You've read The Book Thief?! I love that book! It's my mum's favourite. I thought the narrator seemed a bit Book Thief-ish. But all the same, you gave it your own style. And I like it.

Okay, okay, I checked your character descriptions and: All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. I FREAKING LOVE MAD WORLD. I love the R.E.M. version the very best.

Also, I noticed the Alice in Wonderland undertones, and found them quite awesome. Lovely, lovely, lovely!

This has been one of the best stories I've read on here a while. And just the story idea alone is wonderful! How do you get such interesting ideas? All of my stories are boring because I don't have good inspiration. Fantastic job, on everything. Really!

I've gotten loads of lovely comments for Come Out of the Shade but this one is probably my favourite:

belikov.:

I must admit, whatever I thought I was going to read, it wasn't this.
This story was something completely different to everything I thought it would be it just blew me away.

First of all, I'd like to start by saying how well this is written. You're narration and overall feel and tone of this story is brilliant because it has a personality. Even though it's third person. You really create the feeling of Torch's attitude coming through in the narration. And your use of brackets to separate from the story - just amazing. I've never seen that done well before, so I admire the way you pull it off.

Your character development is beautiful, and the thing that I love most is that Evie and Torch are such contrasting characters. They just seem so completely different to each other and you've done really well to show the audience that throughout the story rather than just saying it.

My favourite parts of this piece of writing was your ability to use long sentences well. Even though some of them ran on for five or so lines, they fitted so well with that 'stream of consciousness' type of writing.

I think this does well as a oneshot, but I can also see how it can be continued, and I think it would work well either way. You've done such a fantastic job and this is definitely a piece that I could read over and over again.

And I got this lovely comment on LJ for The Morning Afterlife:

venivincere:

It's an experiment that worked. :-) So much heartwrenching pain here, so viscerally real. I liked the happy resolution, too. Well done!

It was kind of a relief because this fic is really weird and I needed to know it worked, so.

Ah, I'm jealous of you all for the lovely, long reviews you guys get on your stories. I don't get reviews, though I'm not completely surprised, based on all the cheesy one-shots I put out.

I must say, though, that the best comment I ever recieved was this one:

Moonlit.Memories:

Wow. Very, very good job. I have a lot to say about this! :)

Good For You!: I play the flute in band as well! I know how emotional it could be to leave band...when I left middle school for high school it was emotional, but I think you had more emotion. I love how you gave the speech; the words you used, like "squeak", were good, and it helped me picture the scene a lot better. I also like how the "class clown" made the poster; it was emotional and probably something you weren't expecting from someone who cracks jokes. I bet that teacher felt very proud of all of you during that concert. I'm glad that you played your heart out on the last songs; that's what I would've done in your shoes!

Critique: I would've liked it better if you explained your surroundings as well...I know you were on the stage at a concert, but how were other people feeling? Like how you explained your teacher's watery eyes, and the class clown...was anyone else sad?

Questions: Are you going to be in band next year, or is it just that you're going to miss your current band teacher? :)

Overall, great job! :)

Monsieur Fox:

I've never been one to be involved in pageants or anywhere near them, but I feel like... as Alexander Bernadotte said, you hit the nail right on the head. I've seen the ideals of pageants on movies, and the whole idea of just being perfect in them, and it bums me out that people think like that - and it bummed me out that Andrea now has that mentality. I think the summary contributes greatly to the actual story, where she's in the audience watching and aspires to be like her cousin. It sets the mood sort of - and with a big hint hint.

After I finished reading, it kind of reminded me of the movie Black Swan. It's kind of creepy, that mindset, and I think you really did display atelophobia perfectly. You'd think you can easily snap someone out of that way of thinking, but here you portrayed how one thinks in that situation and how it's not so simple. I really did enjoy reading this, it's quite interesting. Wonderful job with this piece :')

I was so happy with this one because I did worked hard on that piece. I've never been in pageants but I understand the need to feel perfect. I'm just so happy that I managed to show that. Not only that but I wrote this before the movie had been released and the comparison is like, wow. Definitely my favorite review I've received.

For Come Out of the Shade

The Way:

lmao i want to cry. you did more than okay. i want to put this on my kindle.
i love that you didn't make anyone the bad guy - because sometimes it isn't people we're up against but circumstances. we're not competing with anything but life, and timing, and sometimes we don't take the chances we're given so we have to live with it. you did such a beautiful job of illustrating that.
there's so much humanity, and so much longing, so many little details... and something very akin to love. it left me feeling so warm in that wrapped-up-in-a-blanket way, but also like something's been taken from me and the wound is still open so it stings a little bit. am i even making sense anymore? haha.
i adored this to bits, you have to know. i don't think i've left you many comments but i have been reading some of your work, but this is my favorite. <3

Isa always gives the best comments.

I would have to say my worst review was when I got chewed out for making a story with a hermaphrodite male who got pregnant. Someone yelled at me and told me I needed sex ed because 'males can't get pregnant'. The only reason I say that this is the worst one is because its like I was being chewed out for writing something that was 'Different.' Needless to say that they didn't even read my story in which it explained exactly how he got pregnant.

^ I hate getting those types of comments: the ones where the person clearly hasn't read your story

I got this comment on The Crumbling Pyramid the other day and just

Quote

I read this story and ihrgeiughnioerhgioerjghrg. I loved the plot. The way that Anette decreased from the top of the food chain to the bottom at such an alarming pace was so dramatic, but amazing.
The message of this story. The message is so inspiring. That you don't need to be popular to be liked. That even if you're unpopular, you can still rule the school.

I can't say anything but thank you.