Homosexuality (and Everything Else)

@ sheepcat;
I've been pondering that lately. I talk to other people in my life who have had relationships and hookups but I just. . .can't empathize. I haven't had any instance in my life where I was so romantically attracted to someone that it consumed much of my time and whatnot. I'm quite a sensitive person, but to me it's worth noting that I was more sad about my mother driving over a cat (I burst into tears) than a boy saying he just liked me as a friend. I'm not sure how to explain it, really.

She was fine with it. I really don't think my dad would be accepting because he's very much against the LGBTA+ community. It irritates me when I constantly defend my hairdresser from his snarky comments after we leave the salon because she isn't a biological female. To him, gender & sex are the same thing. To him, it's "disgusting" that there were two guys on campus holding hands. To him, a lesbian needs to "get a man in her life" because that's the way it's "supposed to be."

I just don't want that look given to me if I bring it up again.

The problem with todays generation is people have a name for everythink for example if you like the couler black then your a goth if you don't like meat your a vegetairian and its the same for people who like the same sex, there labelled as gays and lesbians but at the end of it all its just love.

Love is love and it shouldn't matter to anyone who you fall in love with.

Its all the same love.

@ kitsch
Oh yikes. I live in a religious area as well so I empathize.

YAY for relationships!

IDK, I think it's partially because people are so interested in titles and categories. A lot of the time everyone wants everyone else to fit into a nice, neat categorical box that they can immediately pull up ideas about. People have notions about what it means when someone says they're straight or bi or pan or gay or even asexual. When I say I'm 'straight...ish' or that on a Kinsey scale I fall into a 1 or 2 level range, people usually just kind of stare at me. Like a lot of the time I'm just treated like if I ever even wanted to be part of the crowd that I'd be seen as just some attention seeker since I'm not gay or something.

I've also gone back and forth on whether I want to identify as bisexual or not and I'm still not 100% sure about being like, a 2 instead of a 3 on the Kinsey scale. And I'm not saying this is more difficult or less confusing or anything like that than people that are asexual or bisexual or gay to come to terms with it, but I don't know. This is going to sound horrible and I'm so so so so so so sorry if this comes across as offensive, but sometimes I wish I just had something definite to define myself as that I felt fully comfortable with using. Instead I just feel like I'm lost in this murky area.

@ kitsch
That's fair enough. Also, I get the whole not-being-sad over a boy not liking you than driving over an animal. It's a little bit ridiculous if you cry over a boy / potential partner just over them not liking you back imo. It's a little bit childish.

Wow. Your dad really needs to be a bit more open minded.

Fair enough, and I'm so sorry you have a look thrown at you regardless. You in no way deserve it.

@ CallusedSilk
It's awful.

That's very true---humans feel the need to compartmentalize everything, which, to me, makes things like the Kinsey scale seem too narrowly defined. Because there are so many variations these days that it seems odd to be fully one way or another way. I'm sorry people treat you that way just because they have things figured out/settled on something just to avoid conflict.

You don't have anything to apologize for, promise. You should feel comfortable identifying with whatever you wish, regardless of other people that would want to change it.

@ sheepcat;
Really though. I love my dad, but I disagree with the way he handles those issues. It's just like when he tries to police what I wear sometimes because it "draws the wrong attention from men." That's not my problem---it's theirs.

I'm guessing it's just something I have to endure. I don't think I even have it that bad as compared to people who live in places where homosexuality is illegal, for example.

@ kitsch
It's true. At the very least it leaves out asexuality, so it's not perfect. I know there's more of a grid system that includes asexuality as well, but I can never remember the name of it. Plus, more people have heard of Kinsey than the grid system way, so even if I did remember the name, I don't think a lot of people would know it either. I could be wrong though. DAMN HUMAN SEXUALITY FOR BEING SO COMPLICATED! *shakes fist at it*

D'aw. Thank you. And you shouldn't listen to the weirdos being mean to you about being asexual. You seem to be an intelligent, wonderful person and that's what matters. Hopefully more asexual representation happens in the media soon so people can have more exposure to it. Although currently the only confirmed asexual character that I know of is Voodoo from Sirens. There's mixed reactions to that character though so idk.

@ kitsch
Oh dear. I honestly hate the whole US schooling system and their policies about girls clothing. It's really not helping the matter. People (in general) just need to be yanked away from that viewpoint because it is a contributing factor to a whole lot of things.

I just cannot at that. That sickens me. There's one thing for gay / lesbian marriages to be illegal, but homosexuality itself? That's not on.
Although I think you can toe the fine line of just not experiencing sexual attraction -- there's nothing illegal about not having sex, I'm pretty sure. while it may not be a widely known / acceptable sexuality you may get away with just not having sexual preference, rather than being attracted to the same sex, you know?

@ sheepcat;
At least part of America has to apologize for some of the egregious laws occurring in different parts of the world. I say this, because in at least some of those locations, the laws would have never gotten through if it weren't for 'Christian missionaries' that went to those countries from America. Those people were usually a touch too extreme for current American politics to actually get change (don't get me wrong, they have a foothold, but still not a majority) and then start spewing vile lies. I can't remember off the top of my head which country, but one of the instances an American individual went to an African country and encouraged them to have homsexuality be much more strictly punished by claiming homosexuals are dangerous and immoral. Not only was it described as amoral, but during these presentations 'homosexual' and 'pedophile' and 'murderer' were frequently interchanged so that people ended up thinking they were the same thing. Like, we're talking horribly offensive and ridiculous lies were spewed and they terrified an entire country into making hate crimes go up significantly. This one might be the one I'm thinking about. I'm not entirely sure though.

@ cavalier youth.
It didn't seem like anyone responded to your post, so I hope you don't mind but I think I'm going to.

LGBTQIAP+ community is not just for sexualities. While primarily the identities discussed are sexual orientation identities, ideally the community is meant to include both sexuality and gender minorities. Of course, since we don't live in an ideal world, the acronym gets cut down, the focus gets put primarily on gays and lesbians, thus trans and intersex people, as well as bi, pan, ace, etc. end up being erased.

Because of this, other people have been trying to find another, more inclusive acronym that better represents the fact that the queer community is meant for both sexuality and gender minorities. I know GSRM is a popular alternative acronym, standing for Gender, Sexuality, and Romantic Minorities. MOGAI is another one, standing for Marginalized Orientations, Gender Identities, and Intersex. But they don't really seem to have gained much traction outside of blogging sites like Tumblr.

As for your other question, I've never actually heard or seen anybody answer that they're trans in response to somebody asking about their sexuality. What I do see is more along the lines of "what is your identity?" to which some people, if comfortable, will respond with both their sexual/romantic orientation as well as their gender identity.

I hope this helps a bit.

@ consulting detective
Time for me to start using the alternative acronyms then. That makes a whole lot if sense though.

Fair enough, I know a few people at my school who do it and it grinds my gears. It wasn't the question which was asked of you. There's also one guy specifically who makes everything about the fact that they are trans, which also gets on my nerves. I have no problem with it, but shut up about it if it isn't relevant to our conversation / general class discussions.

@ cavalier youth.
I'm sure there are others besides GSRM and MOGAI if you look into it, you may find one you like the best, those are just the two I've heard are the most popular. Some people just say "the queer community" too and take the term 'queer' as an umbrella for anybody non-cis and/or non-heterosexual. Just so you know

Oh yeah, I had a friend like that before too. Sometimes unfortunately people are just really self absorbed and can only talk about themselves. Being queer doesn't stop you from being an asshole lol! But I think that's more indicative of the personality of someone rather than the movement as a whole.

@ Maleficent A
I guess we shouldn't label anything then. Good luck finding clothes, food, cars, street names, etc.

Labels are important. They help people realize they aren't alone and find a community. I bled for my label. You don't get to take it from me.

The struggle of the heterosexual and gay community isn't the same and most of it isn't love.

@ consulting detective
What does the term "queer" mean? I've heard it numerous times but never actually bothered to look up the meaning and I don't use it myself in case it doesn't make sense. I'm not sure if it is just an umbrella term for "not straight" or something more specific.

Yeah, I just hear of a lot of people doing it (acquaintances of friends and such) and I think "really?" Also in my case you can't say anything back to him because then it's "oh you're transphobic / hating because I'm trans / insert similar meaning phrase here".
Anyway kind of off topic, but there you go.

@ cavalier youth.
Queer is a reclaimed slur that typically is used to mean existing outside of society's binary notions of gender and sexuality. People who use it typically define it for themselves, so there's not really one set definition for it. A good, relatively short resource that discusses the term can be found here. Obviously there's a little discomfort around the term's origins but honestly I haven't heard of it being used as a slur since like the 70s, and there was a lot of work done especially in the 90s surrounding queer theory that made the term empowering. It is of course up to you whether or not you wish to use it, but in my experience is acceptable especially since so many people nowadays (including myself) identify as it.

I guess, but like I said I feel like it's more indicative of an individual's personality than of trans people as a whole. Also I think it should be taken into account the prevalence of violence against trans individuals, as well as the fact that there's still rampant transphobia and cissexism even within the LGB+ community, some trans individuals may be more defensive about it out of fear of being rejected or attacked (either verbally or physically).

@ dru is beautiful.
All I'm saying is that nobody has the right to label love because at the end of all the arguing that's all it is, love.

@ consulting detective
Oh well fair enough. It's used as a slur around here, but now that I have more of an understanding I'm more than happy to apply it to the correct circumstances. Unfortunately I may think it is a cultural thing as to why I don't use it but if people do choose it as their preferred term of orientation, I can't go against their wishes.

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!

SAME SEX MARRIAGE IS LEGAL NATIONWIDE IN AMERICA!

I was gonna say I can get married now without being limited but then I remembered New York already had same sex marriage legalized?

@ cannibal.
that's true, my state also legalized marriage equality beforehand too. but i was still celebrating because regardless this means any potential future marriage of mine will be recognized in every single state? so i'm not limited in where i can live and receive my legal benefits. so it's still a huge win for everybody regardless of whether your state legalized it beforehand or not

I have found myself recently, and I am Genderqueer / Homoflexible / Aromantic. And I told my mom and she laughed and said I was making things up.