Write a letter to yourself...

you are too inert for the hushed sadness that is coiled around your center, it is ok, you will either suffocate from its atomic complexities or you will breathe hot breaths and it will wither, it is ok, either method offers the bond of freedom ---- go to the doctor, drive recklessly, ease into a position of absolute & holiest vulnerability on the dirty maroon living room carpet of a complete stranger, gently touching your skin, your fingers - each finger, the entire length of bone and sinew and tissue and the softness of your palms, your nose, your collarbones, your fragments, breathe the soft air with a vigor that will give way to a multitude of tears, familiarize yourself with your arm span, go on walks in the sensuous heat and languor in the grass vaguely aware of fire ants, acknowledge the fleeting beauty of each moment, do not search for meaning, sift through moments shuddering with beauty, hike through the an unfamiliar forest and eat cold oranges at the base of a creek, stop aimlessly censoring and correcting your mistakes and typographical errors, trespass, appreciate with an unnamed fondness the smell of burning weed and tobacco, be an explorer, god, i hope you claw your way out of this haze and begin your exploration, start slowly and go on a road trip and do not take a map, dance through empty parking lots, learn to fire a fucking rifle, travel, visit small towns and walk their borders, contemplate ghosts, tangible events and their intangible scorch marks, emblazoned seedlings, devour orange popsicles on the steps of courthouses, allowing the juice to flow, unrestricted, down your thighs and calves and chest and chin, dress wildly, learn to play the banjo, laugh maniacally in the face of your insecurities, purchase fake tits anyway - because goddammit, you've always wanted them, memorize sensory perceptions, learn the names of flora, become a voyeur and listen intently to the rhythms of the universe, escape this listless boredom, escape your self induced monotony, do not yield a fuck for the insipid opinions of others, "sing, burn, flee, like a belfry at the hands of a madman" let things go, acknowledge the inevitability of loss, how it cannot be sundered from life, yearn wildly for things you will never own, do not yearn for beauty - man always wants to acquire and possess beauty in a way that is oppressive and terrible, live with echoes, live with a resonance, with furious intent, paint, collect, write, sing, dream, yes, dream, weep, lose, bray, wound and wonder, always wonder, do not let the years slip mindlessly and idly by, please, i will allow you your innate sorrow but i refuse a life wasted in the anticipation of marvels

Dear future self,

Did things look up? Are you still the person with a huge imagination? That has its cons and pros.

Did you lose that bit of weight you wanted to?

Did you dye your hair again? If so what colour? Are you still into your bands? Did you get into even more? You have to be!

Are you still a Mibbian, you better be or I'll be in a pretty bad mood. Are you still a vegetarian? Does your sister still really get to you? Has your temper and patience improved?

Did you ever form a band that you have been dreaming up in your head? Do you still play guitar? Let me hope you've improved.

Have you got a boyfriend? You probably don't, but I can hope a lot. Anyway he has to be a pretty good guy. Speaking of boys, are you over him yet? Did you and those friends ever become friends again? Did you get over them? Have you made great new friends? If so, what are they like? I bet they are great.

Did you get a letter back or not? If you did, what was it like? And also how did you react?

How is your family? Like cousins, parents etc. How is your dog?

Have you gained more confidence in yourself? Are you a happier person? I hope you are, you deserve happiness.

Have you gained more hobbies while kept old ones? Like are you still writing etc? Have you learned to play a new insturment? Or learnt a new language maybe?

Do you still get obsessive over your looks? Do you think you're pretty? I really want that situation to sort itself out because it is very bad.

Do you still laugh at ridiculous things? I mean apparently they are ridiculous but I think otherwise.

Do you still wear band t-shirts and skinny jeans?

Do you still love Harry Potter? I think that will remain a yes forever.

Do you still think Hayley Williams is beautiful and that you want to look like her?

Are you a stronger and smarter person? Are you changing for the better?

Remember that I love you and remember you should always believe in yourself.

Love
Your past self.

Dear future me,

I hope you are okay. I hope that you're happy.
When you get around to reading this, you'll be in Poland. Did you have a great time? Did you have an amazing experience and make new friends?

Did you get a good mark for your HSC? Did you get into the university you wanted to?

Are you still going to major in languages? Are you fluent in Japanese yet?

Have you travelled where you wanted to go? Do you have plans to?

Are your favourite bands still the same? Are you still in love with celebrities? do you still play guitar? Are you any good?

Have you grown up? have you gotten over your fear of the future? Have you gained confidence?

Have you found a best friend? Someone who knows you inside out? I hope that you have, cause I think that you need someone like that in your life.

Have you got a boyfriend? What's he like? I hope he isn't a jerk.

Do you still have no defining dress sense?

Do you still love your family? Has Fletcher gone to uni? Has Campbell done his HSC?

Are you still friends with Manisha, Izzy, Chloe, Amanda, Hayley and everyone you went to school with? Are you still going to share a house like you planned to?

I hope that by now, you have decided what you wanted to do with your life. I know you have so many ambitions, but you can't do them all.
I hope that you haven't changed too much. I like you now.
Still, I hope that you do what you love, and not what anyone else wants you to do.
You should always know that someone loves you, no matter what.

Sincerely yours,
Past self.

Dearest Me,

Today isn't eventful. Our life isn't special at all. I re-read the last letter I wrote to you, and realized nothing much has changed. Our life hasn't improved like we had hoped. Our dreams were not realized like everyone expected. In fact, we messed up so much, I'm stuck. We're stuck. In this endless path of pity. In this incomplete and uneventful life. I wish I knew how to remedy our situation. How to get out of his empty hole in the ground. But I don't know how. And I just pray, that you do. That future me has made a choice and hasn't let others make it for her. That you stood up and fought, because if you didn't... if you let yourself get beat by dad or mom yet again... stop trying to live your life the way you want it too. You're too sad and pathetic. You might as well get yourself a sweet job with dad, because if you keep letting him push you, you're gonna get nowhere in life.

In any case, you should know this by now future me, so let me blow you back into the past with what is going on now.

First of all, like I said, I'm still on standstill on a decision of what to do with my life. You by now, I hope, are preparing for college, wherever it is you're going. Me, on the other hand, are sitting on the couch watching Two and a Half Men while Mia sleeps on the corner, like she does. As far as I know, I have a couple options, but I don't know which one to take. I hope you do by now.

I can either, go work with dad for this semester. Stay here and loaf around. Stay here and work somehow someway. Or I don't know, you tell me. As far as I know, what I truly want to do is travel next semester.

I will never forgive you if you let yourself get pushed away from that idea. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror every morning and slap on that make-up, knowing well that you had your chance.

Don't. screw up. again.

I'm a tired girl, Lary. I'm a really tired girl. You know this. I know this. I have no reason to wake up in the morning. There is nothing pushing me forward. I feel completely alone. So at least tell you got it better than me. That you got your shit together. 'Cause so far I haven't.

Anyway, enough of this. I want to ask you a couple of questions.

1. Are you still seeing the therapist?

2. Did you stand up to dad?

3. Are you going to college?

4. Did you take the trip?

5. Any new friends? How are your high school friends?

6. Are you drawing again?

7. Did you make a decision that satisfied you?

8. Did you ever visit Veva's grave?

Idk if I'll add more questions later, but if anything, answer these.

Don't give up yet, okay?

I believe in you.

Icamane-Desolation:

Dear Future Self Jennie,

How are you? Because right now, your feet really hurt, but that's okay. It's from set day for Footloose. You practically got high off the spray paint for the siloh xD Speaking of Footloose, how did it go? Did you get into Rabbit Hole? How did Alice in Wonderland go? Did you get inducted to the troupe? What about the shows for next year, what are they? Did you get into the musical? Have you seen any new professional shows (Like American Idiot)? And most importantly... are you still the Jigsaw Queen?

Oh goodness, school, school, school... did you survive Calc? It's impossible right now D; What classes do you have for your awesome senior year? Do you miss Michaela and all your friends who are seniors now? Is Riley still your daughter? Who are your new friends?

Please, oh please tell me you saved up most of the money for your trip to Europe. You, Michael and Gabe are still going, RIGHT? You must have your passport by now, and did you ever pick a college? Right now, it seems like I'm looking at McGill, but I still don't know yet. Speaking of Michael, is his theatre doing Rocky Horror like Mrs. K wanted to? And are he, Gabe and Sydney going to come up and see it for Halloween like they were trying to this year? What are you going to be this year anyways? I still don't know right now.

I hope your Junior year was awesome. Oh! And are you president of CAC, or whatever the name got changed to? What's in the Book of Secrets? What are your new writing projects? How far are you on Music Girl, The Last Fight, and who's Diary are you working on right now? How's Mibba for you?

Finally... you still have the same iPod, right? What's your latest song obsession? Right now, it's Alejandro by Lady Gaga. Did you and Quinn ever get to go to a concert together, or at least see Murderdolls?

Everything right now is pretty weird. I'm going on Monday to get help with the soprano part for "I'm Free/Heaven Helps a Man," Calculus and Physics SUCK, but English is okay. I'm almost done with Under the Dome xD

HOW WERE THE LAST TWO HARRY POTTER MOVIES???? D: D: D:

Keep your chin up, you're almost out of high school and off to bigger and better things! Hopefully you and Michael can get into the same school, and have adventures in Europe! And maybe you'll get to see Rosie and Leisha and Pepper! :D

Love,
Past Self Jennie

Dear Past!Jennie,

I'm really tired, but that's not exactly new. Let's talk about theatre then, shall we? xD
FOOTLOOSE WAS AWESOME! You ended up getting a speaking role because WP bumped you up! You were Assistant Prop Manager for Rabbit Hole and Puppet Master for Alice. Alice was absolutely the most epic show ever. I can honestly say I learned so, so much from it, it's crazy. WP and Ford retired () but Mrs. Winchester and Mrs. Mook are really awesome, so that's okay. And over the summer, I worked on a show with WP and Ford called The Shape Of Things which was equally awesome. And of course I'm still the Jigsaw Queen Yes, I got inducted. Goal for this year is to get Honor Thespian. Our shows this year are Eurydice, The Importance of Being Ernest, and Cinderella. I'm auditioning for the Evil Stepmother for Cinderella, so wish me luck! OH! And I went and saw Wicked again, and it looks like this summer might be Book of Mormon!

Gods, I miss all my now-college friends. So, so much. But I've made new underclassman friends, and they're fantastic. Riley is still my daughter, and my family is ever-expanding. Calculus was impossible right through the end, but I got a 2 on the AP test instead of a 1, so that's good xD This year is APUSH, AP English, Orchestra, a bunch of TA's, acting classes, and French III. Oh, and college applications xD Don't forget about that!

Money for Europe... funny story about that... xD I don't know what's up with our trip. I need to write Michael more letters. Or call him... calling is required now. I'm fretting over college still. UNC looks good, but so do Ithaca and Yale xD But I DO know what I want to study, and that's scenic design. So I'm glad that's picked.

Junior year was so fun and weird xD I'm President! It's Creative Writing Adventure Club now, and WE HAD 20 PEOPLE AT THE LAST MEETING!!! I'm so stoked on my life about that. Not much is in the Book of Secrets, but Stasha, Taylor, and Heather are the new Officers, and Savanah's my VP. Writing-wise, Music Girl is 2/3rds the way finished. I'm GOING to finish the rough draft before I'm out of high school. I'm still working on Ginny's diary though... and now I'm into writing MCR fanfiction, so... but Mibba's good. I still love Mibba.

I actually have had the same iPod for over a year! It's crazy, right? Latest obessessions... well, My Chemical Romance, of course. And no, Quinn and I didn't go together, BUT I DID GO SEE MY CHEM AND BLINK-182 AND OMFG THEY WERE FANTASTIC

Oh yes, I hated that soprano part. Don't worry... you'll get it kind of xD Physics will get better, and Calculus... well, everyone has to suck at something, right?

They were jizz-tastic. I cried so, SO hard. I also refuse to believe Harry Potter is totally over.

Gods I hope so xD I just need a long weekend to apply to all my colleges and I'll be happy.

Love,
Present!Jennie

Dear future self,
I am so, so jealous of you. You know that, right? Take a moment to reflect on how much more awesome life is for you than it is for me.

That might be overly-optimistic. But hey, at least your sister...my sister...our sister? Whatever, she's definitely not getting married again this time next year, so that's cool for you.

I hope everything turned out okay, and I hope you're doing well. It's okay if you're not in grad school. We'll figure that out eventually. Remember that episode of Parks & Rec – "Telethon" – when Leslie calls herself and says "Hey Leslie, it's Leslie. Hang in there. I love you. Bye,"? That's what I feel like right now. But you've already hung in there, so you should really be saying it to me. OH HEY, how was Parks & Rec season 4? Magical? Wonderful? Hi-larious? Ugh, I'm jealous of all the TV you've watched. Is that bad? I mean, and the books you've read, too. HEY WE WANT TO RE-READ The Ariel Levy book and GGS, don't forget!

Hey so did you ever finish the sequel? I mean, I'm pretty close, so... Ha ha, but I've been pretty close for a while. It's cool if you didn't. I forgive you. What about the ice skating story? That one's coming out weird. I hope you finished the JTS one-shot, I feel like there's some potential there. Oh man, new BN album, y/n? In the works? Demos leaked? Anything?

Hey, remember that time Mom tried this new makeup that's supposed to magically match the shade of your skin but instead it unexpectedly turned her face orange? Yeah, that's today. It's like really, really, severely orange. She looks like John Boehner. Shit son, it's almost election time for you. That must be upsetting. Hey just remember: We're fucked either way. Yeah, positivity, yeah~.

BTW, you're skin feels kind of awesome right now. Really smooth. Keep it up girl~. I'm going to go find some kind of service that'll email me a link to this a year from now so I remember to check.

Hang in there. I love you. Bye.
Past self.

mr benzedrine.:

Dear Becky,

Well. I don't really know what to say. I just hope you're happy. Did you pass your GCSE's? Did you finally start college, start living your life? I wish I knew these answers. I wish you could reply to me, and tell me that I've started having the best life ever.

Have you seen MCR again? If you have, I bet they were amazing, just like before. Did you meet all the online friends you've gained from the years? Did you meet a celebrity? Are you on track?

But, most importantly, I hope you've been successful in school. I'd be disappointed in you if you ended up failing. You've worked so hard. I hope you did your best. And I hope you finally told Chris that you like him.

How was Florida? I hope it was amazing for you. Did you enjoy the last two Harry Potter films as much as you said you would? Has your writing improved? And I hope being 16 is good enough. I can't say I'm not excited to meeting you, but at the same time, remaining a year in the past is peaceful. To say I'm not scared of the future would be a lie. I'm more afraid than ever.

I just hope when I meet you, you'll be nice to me and karma won't bite you in the arse for all the times I've pissed everyone off. Just remember. You're amazing, and you shouldn't let anyone give you shit. You're beautiful the way you are. Love yourself, honey. You're all you've got.

I hope everything is well.
xo

It's been a year. And I have some of the answers, finally, to these. It's strange reading a message to myself in the past. Yes, I did pass my GCSEs and I started Sixth Form instead, not college. Yes, I saw MCR again, for a second time, and although they've recently dissolved from my interests, the concert will remain in my memory for as long as possible.

I haven't met any online friends, but I think it's fair to say that I am on track. Things are going brilliantly for me now. I did well in school, which I'm proud of, and it's going fantastically. I didn't tell Chris; I don't suppose I needed to, because I asked him to prom, and stopped liking him immediately after. But I am happy being single, somewhat. I don't need a man to complete me.

Florida was incredible, to say the least. I can't even describe how beautiful it was to me, and if I never get to go back then my life will have been left empty and hollow. Harry Potter was also incredible, even more so than I imagined, and the theme park in Florida was the most amazing experience of my life. I plan on returning very soon, this time with my good friends, because I honestly can't put it into words. 

I had every right to be afraid of the future. It is a scary place, and even my 16-year-old self is terrified of what is going to happen this coming year. But the past year was good, full of many ups and downs, but it taught me some things. I just hope I eventually learn how to apply them.

Thanks for the advice, past-me. It was insightful and inspiring. Xo

Jeffrey Dean Isbell:

I thought I wrote one already but apparently not. -_-

Grade ten big year.

So in a year have you.......

Seen Motley Crue when they came back to town?
Did Riley come up for Spring Break?
Still lovin' the 80's music?
Still Saul Hudson on the site?
Still Lovin' Mibba?
Dating Ben?
If not are you dating anyone else?
Did Sean get froshed on the first day of grade ten?
If he did do you know who did it?
Is Hags still principle at Fowler?
How are Jordan and Kohan? Still talking to them?
Still talk to Alex, Riley, Anna, Sara, Angie and Julie-Anne.
Is YME done?
Still writing 80s fan fiction?
Still love Mick Mars?
Hows grade eleven treating you?
Still hanging with Christina, Nancy, and Megan?
How's Tyler?
Still in IB LA/Social?
Hows Math?
Did you manage to get the Rutherford Scholarship?
I hope so.
Job yet?
Where?
New phone?
What kind and what happened to the old one?
Dakota still around?
How's Hannah doing? Is she still cute as ever?
Steve dating anyone?
Kris and Tara okay? Still together and happy?
Who from Fowler is at Bellerose?
Still going to YC
Miss Ixi and Red? If you even remember who they are.
How was Spring Break.
DID YOU GET YOUR LEARNERS?
Does Corbin know your name yet?
Chucky and Summer? Still together? I hope so.
What about Nancy and Jacob?
Christina and Nick?
Aerosmith? Remember them, are they still together? With Steven Tyler as the singer?
Any Guns N' Roses renunion yet?
Velvet Revolver how are they? Still on hiatus?
Miranda still in SA? She better be.
What about Alex, how's she?
Are you wearing your Iron Maiden shirt still?

From your past self.

-Hailey.

Grade eleven dude bigger year.

Didn't come back yes
She didn't come up
Course and the sexy men
Nope
Of course, after a little break of course ;)
Noope
Yes, his name's Connor, you'd love him. Dream come true almost.
I wish so hard.
I think so. I still want him to get hit by a train
Jordan's as bubbly as ever and Kohan actually made football, you should see how much he's grown.
Haven't recently, just got back on Mibbs
No.
Of course BEST NANO IDEA EVER MAN
Pshaw, ;)
Like a boss man
Nancy's boyfriend is a pain so no. Megan no. Christina yes.
I haven't talked to him in agees
Course
I'm in the 20-2 class ;)
No, I wish
Yes
Canadian Tire
Nah same one. It's nearly dead though
Yes damn dog ;)
greaat. There's another one on the way, and cuter then before :P
YES AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO KIM THE YOUTH WORKER :D
Yeees, there's gonna be a junioritis on Christmas though
Dumb hoe's no one super important. OH EXCEPT FOR MIRANDA
Course ;)
More then ever.
Boring as hell
Yeees
He knows more then that. I saved his but during math
Noope :(
Yeah -____-
No thank god.
YEEES I FUCKING LOVE THEM. And yes. Though he is on American Idol, I'm still waiting for that "new rock legend" he promised...
Noope, nominated for RnR hall of fame though
They're dead. :(
SHES AT BELLE :D
She's....bettter left unanswered
Funny thing... I can't really find it at the moment.

I haven't changed much.

More questions for next year.

Still dating Connor?
How's Carter and Vanessa & Christina
IB still?
Still at CT
DID YOU PASS MATH AND BIO AND CHEM?
Still on Mibba?
ARE NANCY AND JACOB STILL DATING?
Did Kelsey stand up for himself yet?
Sam got a girlfriend?
How's grade 12?
You still wanna be a teacher?

Hey,

Considering you're still here, here goes nothing. One year has passed... Well, the biggest question: are you still alive? Have you managed to cope with everything? Are you back in uni? That's the most important thing. I hope things are going okay at work. It should be better. Have meds helped or made things worse? I hope it's the former. Faith has never been a big part of your life, but make sure to make it a part. It will help you through so much. Faith in people and perhaps in what's beyond.

I hope Mibba changes into a positive place for you because lately it's been nothing but a source of negativity for you lately. Too many memories. The good have turned into the bad. You can't seem to connect with anyone.

Have you made any new friends? The answer is most likely 'no', but it's worth asking. Are you still with him? Do you still think of others? He's the best you'll find, y'know. And he loves you. Don't be stupid.

Don't hurt yourself any more. He won't stand for that and you'll be alone again. I can't convince you to not hurt yourself. I can only hope. Please try to get back in school. Please do everything you can to be happy. I want you to read this and I'm so scared you won't.

Sincerely,
Me.

Battery Violence:

Dear Future Liza,

How are things? I hope things get better I've a million questions to ask you.

Did you get to see My Chem, Avenged and Bullet? Did you meet Johnny Christ like you planed? Any other bands I should know about? Are you and Liam still together? I hope so. What's the family situation like? Has it got any better?
Did Julie move out? Did you move out? Are you working? Did you get any more tattoos? (You only have six at the mo) Did they let you re-enrol at art college?
Are you still wanting to move to New York? Have you been to visit your mum yet? Is Lindsey still with Gerard ? What's your new neice/nephew like? What's Ella like? Hope this last year's been a lot better than the past.
Liza.

Hello past me!

I saw My Chem, twice, didn't get to see Bullet or Avenged 'cause I was ill both times. I didn't and it broke my heart. Your love for the Kaisers is back. Also, Captain America. Me and Liam aren't together any more, after two years we called it splits. But, you have a nice new shiny boyfriend. JUlie moved out then moved back in, you too moved. You have two new tattoos, art college didn't re-enrol you. Lindsey and Gerard are still very much together. Your neice and nephews are all lovely, as is Ella. This year has been so much better.

Dear Future Abi,

How are things? Did you make it through? Are you still a Mibbian? Is your sister still a bully? Does your mum still drink? Did you ever move out of that crappy house you hate so much? Are you and Peter still together? Are you still friends with Molly? Is Emilio still your best friend despite the school issues? Has your depression got any better? How about the cutting and eating disorder? Do you feel like life's worth living yet? Do you feel like you've achieved anything in the past year? Did you ever join a band? How did the end of year 10 GCSE's go? Has anything else significant happened? Do you still love your Mibba family?

Do you still like MCR? Are there any more bands you've become obsessed with recently? Have you been to another concert yet? Did you ever make up your mind about your sexuality? How have things been with Sofia? Did you ever tell her how you felt before she left for uni? How's the whole singing thing going? Have you decided what you want to do with your life yet? Was Assassin's Creed: Revelations as amazing as it looks? Is AC3 out yet? Is your self-esteem still fucked up? Are you still a slutty virgin? Have Coral and Sophia still been bothering you, or have they given up now?

How was Winter? Did you end up suicidal again? Was it worse than before, or is it starting to get better? Did you keep the faith? Did you start writing again? Have you got snakebites yet? Have you decided whether or not you're going to college yet? Does it feel weird reading this? Do you look back to now (this is confusing me ) and remember? Do you remember how you were? Do you have any regrets? Anything you're proud of?

I want to be able to hear your reply to this, so I'm going to try and keep on living for you, as weird as that sounds. I hope things have got better for you. I hope life's easier now.

Love,
Past Abi.

PS, sorry about asking so many questions.

Double.

dear future Fatma,
please try to be happy, try to not forget everything you learned and love now, please don't forget who you are and try, please try, so hard not to cave in and be like them. i know you probably don't like yourself much, most of the time, but you know who you are and you know what you can do.
so be brave and i hope you're doing whatever the fuck you want.
please work for the money for that MA. please keep your eyes on the prize and you'll be able to go abroad and keep doing what you love: learning.

do you become less lonely?
does your English fade and your accent thicken?
are you reading?
have you finished a whole novel?
are you still a dork? a fangirl? a geek? a nerd? a socially inept loser?
are you better?

-from the 21-year-old jaded you.

paraclausithyron;:

Dear Meaghan,
Did you get your grades up?
Kind of.
Did you get to see any bands?
Yeah, none too good.
Did you make any solid friends?
Yes.
Are you still on Mibba?
Kind of.
Did you reach your goals?
No.
Did you work anything out?
Not really. Just made lots of shit worse.
Are you still struggling and failing?
Yes.
Did he move to Virginia?
Yeah, and back, and fuck why did I even care about her bullshit problems back then?
Did she die?
No, pretty close though.
Do you still walk everywhere?
No.
Have you grown a spine?
Haha, negatory.
Have you dated yet?
Nope.
Have you gotten in a fight?
Many.
Are you trying to get into a good college?
That would be the trying and failing bit.
Have you lost any weight?
And that.
Have you changed your hair color?
Nope.
Get any new piercings/tatttoos?
No.
Do you have a job?
Yes.
Are you still broke?
Yup.
Did you do any sports?
No.
Did you get anything published?
Yes.
Did you stargaze with anyone but yourself?
No.
Did you stop being blank?
No.

Kestral101:

Dear Simone

A whole year, huh? Seems like a really long time, and I sit here wondering what willl happen, will you still be the same person I am today?

It is scary to think that by the time you read this you will be matriculating. Have you achieved what we set out to? How has the year been? What were the ups and the downs? Do you still have the same friends?

there are so many things i want to ask you, i want to know. What is the future like? What will the past look like? I suppose though that i can only answer these questions when you read this and reply.

Somethings i want to know:

Right now our friends are held together by a fraying thread, has it snapped? Has everything fallen apart? Or are we all still friends?

Has life improved for Mel? and Miche? How about Tin-T and Nette? are you still their confidante (you better have done a counselling coruse by now, cuz seriously we need some advice at the moment on how to handle all our friends =D)

How has school been? Was Matric insane or could you handle it (i hope you got to grips with our little procrastination problem ;)

Did you find someone for matric dance (at the moment you're thinking about Chays) Or eprhaps you have a boyfriend (or is that a bit too optomistic? =)

Have you applied to university yet? Which one did you pick and what course did you finally decide on?

Were you elected SEC or not? and I'm sorry if you didn't make it, I know you really wnated to be one but hopefully you were able to move past it.

I hope you have managed to achieve everything you set out to do at the beginning of the year, such as come top in french and get good marks.

I am abit apprehensive of the future i am about to have and the past that you experienced. I hope life was not to bad and that everything turned out o.k. If not, please look back to this time and further to a point when you were happy and try take stregnth form that and believe that God is always with you.

P.S I hope you didn't forget about this letter, and one day finnally read it.

From Me (you?)

Wow, a whole year and a bit. I almost forgot about this.

You couldn't even begin to fathom the kind of year you were about to have. This year, life got real, it has opened your eyes to unfairness of life.

I don't think I am the same person, not after this year. Then again in some ways I am still the same.

Here goes.

One of your best friend's mom died in a car crash. It has been tough. A week before her Birthday, just before she turned 18. two weeks before final exams.
She also attempted suicide.

Granny passed away.

Someone you know's mom has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She has been given three months. You realised that you actually like her.

You could handle matric...just. I never leanrt to solve my procrastination problem. I didn't get SEC, its fine. Our friends didn't fall apart the way you expected, but it did change, the group did drift.

I did achieve top ten and get that french trophy, but then again you knew we would. I have infact finnished school completely, and after freaking out the whole year about it, you have finally accepted where life is going and are ok with moving across the country to UCT, BA french.

Matric dance was AMAZING, best night ever =) you went with Jarom, now that wasn't a turn of events you couls see coming.

This year has been trying in all sorts of ways, but you came out stonger. For the future I can only say this: Never forget about God, when times get tough you will need him. You were once scared about the future, but after this year you know that you will be o.k. you will cope. So Good luck.

Dear Em,

It's been a difficult few months, lots of big changes...but this time next year it'll be nearly Christmas again, and everything should be okay...I hope :). I don't know, it's just...tiredness. And sadness. I went to the drop in a couple of weeks ago...I hope you went back for the second appointment. I keep saying I will, but I'm not sure that I actually will. I wonder if you actually moved in with Fiona, Harriet and Becca in the end? Are you still friends with Hannah and Jamie? I hope we don't grow apart. And I kinda hope I've made a few more friends by this time next year...it's been lonely.

So I split up from Andy again a few weeks ago, and I'm feeling better for it. I don't really know why we tried again...Michael was right. Nothing had changed, so it was never going to work...I just didn't really want to believe him. And I'm sorry for that, because it would've saved all of us a lot of heartache. But...you live and learn. I'm still sort of grappling with the aloneness...I hope that's better :)

Some questions for you :) how is everyone? Are you still enjoying the course? More's to the point, did you pass your first year exams?! Haha I'm bloody terrified about them already. Are you still on Mibba? What's happening with the whole Michael/Andy thing? I hope you guys are still friends. It'd tear me up to know that I helped you drift apart. Is there anything that you regret, or wish you'd done? I hope you're okay. I know you'll be okay, in the end.

Love, love, love,
you.

Dear Me,
I believe in you. More than I should.
xoxo,
Me

I love you.
Stop changing your mind like you change your dress, love.

Dear Janie, Did you marry Jimmy Page like you swore you would on December 4th 2011? I bet you didn't but it was worth asking. Is mom still worried about you the most out of her six children? Probably. Prove me wrong-please. Are you the worlds most famous movie producer? I sure as hell hope so. Did you finaly lose those six rotten pounds that you gained after Michael left? You know those six stinkin little pounds that everyone keeps pointing out? See you in th future kid, Janie S. P.S. If your not a virgin I'm gonna kick your ass.

Writing a new letter

Hey Lizz,

Ah, how are you? It's been a while, I guess. You don't really talk to yourself much.

By this time next year, I'm hoping you will be graduated and moving onto something bigger than high school. Did you end up starting on your Bachelor of Arts, or did mom convince you to stay at home with the kiddo? Did you get into the psychology program or did you convince yourself you aren't good enough for that?

Did you go to graduation? Did you meet Jo, Rob, David, Noah, Abi, and Aaron? I sute hope so. I really want to go, so I hope you managed to.

How was Europe? Was it as amazing as you thought it was going to be? Did you hang out with Janelle and Steve and have an awesome time?

Still working at the studio or did you get a different job? I hope if you got a diferent job it pays better and you like it more, because I'm not a big fan of working at the studio. Especially with my sister there.

How's it feel to be 18? Did you do anything awesome to celebrate it? You probably just stayed at home waiting to see if anyone wished you a happy birthday, didn't you? Of course.

Did you get your driver's licence? You should have gotten that in July. You need to be able to drive around by yourself, this is getting ridiculous.

Did you end up losing all that weight? I just wanted to lose 10, I hope you did that.

I hope I see you in the future, dear. The world is supposed to end a year and a day after I write this, so I guess we'll see, yeah?

Love,
past you.

Dear future Kayleigh,

I know this is a long shot because one year isn't that long but have you got over your hatred for going out? Do you have more friends than before? Do you have friends? Did you get into sixth form and dear god, did you pass your GCSEs? I'm actually afraid for that answer. Are you still friends with Ray? Did you ever tell Marcie that you like her? I doubt it but hey it's a year.

The main question is are you happy? Have you finally got help for your depression? And did you actually talk to someone about being suicidal nearly all the time? Do you still get the urges to kill yourself? Are you still into MCR? If yes have you seen them again and are they as amazing as they were the first time? Did you finally see Blessed by a Burden? What about MSI?

Is your dad living back with you? How is your nephew and niece? Is your nephew still with his mother or did your mum get custody? Have you finally improved your self confidence? Do you at least like yourself or do you still hate yourself? Are you still a Mibbian? And I know this is a dumb question because if it's a yes then you'd be dead, but did you follow up with your summer plan?

I half hope that you do read this but then I also hope that you're not around to read this. I hate myself for writing this letter but hey, if you're there tell me whether you hate yourself for writing this one year ago. I'd really like to know.

From,
Past Kayleigh.