Write a letter to yourself...

  • LovesNocturne

    LovesNocturne (100)

    United States
    Dear Jessica,

    The first question I have to ask is, are you still alive? In the moment, current moment, I, you're not doing so well. You break into tears any moment you get, not like you can help it. Things haven't been okay for a while and it has finally caught up to you, huh? I wonder if you were still alive would you still be feeling this way. Things can change, right? Maybe for others and not for you, but a lot of weirder things have happened.

    If you're still as miserable as you always felt, then... just do it. Obviously things haven't gotten better if you're still feeling this way and things haven't changed for the better. It would be easier that way.

    I guess I should set three goals for you to sulk over because you haven't completed them. I bet a hundred bucks you haven't at least completed one.

    1.) Figure out what you want to do with your life, even if it's temporary.
    2.) Make some friends.
    3.) And get a fucking job.

    Those three are the most crucial for you, as you know.
    And if you haven't completed any of the goals, I have lost all faith in you. I already did, but let the disappointment ferment a bit heavily in your chest, yeah?

    Wish you all the best,

    Your miserable self from the past.
    December 17th, 2013 at 08:04pm
  • moxie;

    moxie; (100)

    August 19th, 2011

    Dearest Me,

    Today isn't eventful. Our life isn't special at all. I re-read the last letter I wrote to you, and realized nothing much has changed. Our life hasn't improved like we had hoped. Our dreams were not realized like everyone expected. In fact, we messed up so much, I'm stuck. We're stuck. In this endless path of pity. In this incomplete and uneventful life. I wish I knew how to remedy our situation. How to get out of his empty hole in the ground. But I don't know how. And I just pray, that you do. That future me has made a choice and hasn't let others make it for her. That you stood up and fought, because if you didn't... if you let yourself get beat by dad or mom yet again... stop trying to live your life the way you want it too. You're too sad and pathetic. You might as well get yourself a sweet job with dad, because if you keep letting him push you, you're gonna get nowhere in life.

    In any case, you should know this by now future me, so let me blow you back into the past with what is going on now.

    First of all, like I said, I'm still on standstill on a decision of what to do with my life. You by now, I hope, are preparing for college, wherever it is you're going. Me, on the other hand, are sitting on the couch watching Two and a Half Men while Mia sleeps on the corner, like she does. As far as I know, I have a couple options, but I don't know which one to take. I hope you do by now.

    I can either, go work with dad for this semester. Stay here and loaf around. Stay here and work somehow someway. Or I don't know, you tell me. As far as I know, what I truly want to do is travel next semester.

    I will never forgive you if you let yourself get pushed away from that idea. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror every morning and slap on that make-up, knowing well that you had your chance.

    Don't. screw up. again.

    I'm a tired girl, Lary. I'm a really tired girl. You know this. I know this. I have no reason to wake up in the morning. There is nothing pushing me forward. I feel completely alone. So at least tell you got it better than me. That you got your shit together. 'Cause so far I haven't.

    Anyway, enough of this. I want to ask you a couple of questions.

    1. Are you still seeing the therapist?

    2. Did you stand up to dad?

    3. Are you going to college?

    4. Did you take the trip?

    5. Any new friends? How are your high school friends?

    6. Are you drawing again?

    7. Did you make a decision that satisfied you?

    8. Did you ever visit Veva's grave?

    Idk if I'll add more questions later, but if anything, answer these.

    Don't give up yet, okay?

    I believe in you.

    Ah, it's been more than two years, has it?
    I guess I should reply now that I remember.

    January 11th, 2014

    Dear me,

    I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I have let you down in ways that I am sure you didn't even think I could ever do. I have lived the life you have for the past two years in permanent detainment. Nothing has changed. I haven't moved. It's almost ironic that as I lie in my bed now, watching Two and a Half Men sans Mia who is lying next to our sleeping mother, I am the same person I am two years ago. Except now, I am blonde.

    Your questions all have answers that should come obvious from the first paragraph. But I think it's only appropriate to answer them.

    1. I am not. Whether it is the female therapist or the male one, I haven't gone in a month. We can't afford it.

    2. Of course not. I haven't spoken to him in more than six months.

    3. Was supposed to. Am not.

    4. I am not even sure which trip you are talking about, I gave up on every trip. So nope.

    5. Online friends who I am close with. I have one friend in rea life and she is good.

    6. Kind of. This is good news I guess. I have drawn this week and it felt good.

    7. Not at all.

    8. Nope.


    I will not write any questions for you to answer. Because this might be the last letter I ever write to you. You were right. From the start, you were right.

    This might really be it for me. For us. This is too hard. This is simply too hard.

    You were right.

    January 11th, 2014 at 04:11pm
  • ironically1234

    ironically1234 (100)

    United States
    Dear Roni,
    Congrats youre 15 almost 16. I never thought id get there. Do you feel old as I always thought it would feel?
    I'm really confused right now. Did you figure it out? Am I less confused?
    Have I changed? Am I the same person?
    How about school? Are you in the new school? Is it tough? Are you still in tough with old friends? Are you truly happy? Hows the Bagruit? If you're not getting straight As in the best school in the city I swear I'll toss my iPod out the window since its obviously the cause for the lack of studying. Omg you still have your iPod right?
    Are you training for the marathon? You better be!!!! How's the working out in general? You haven't given up right? You can do it!! How's the six pack and biceps? Still sour like now? I hope so!
    What's going on with you and ******? Do you still love each other? Have you finally gotten the guts to say the truth you coward?
    Do my wrists look the same? I'm really scared to read that answer. But at least you've made it to 15 and a half. Only 2 and a half years till freedom right? Smile. Stop being so depressed and hard on yourself. You are awesome and beautiful!
    Speaking of looks did you due your hair purple and get that earring like I want? What are you wearing? Knowing me I'm still in jeans, a sweatshirt and my high combat boot right? You're still against make up right?
    How's the photography going? Did you get your amazing new camera? Is it everything you dreamed of? Did you finish the commercial and get filming with the short film?
    Im willing to bet music is still a big part of your life but what are you listening to? Last year I was obssessed with panic! Now I love them still but I'm less obssesed. Is it the same with All Time Low? How's somewhere in neverlands music video? Is jack Wendy and Alex peter pan? Please yes!! And did you get to meet them somehow? Do you still love blink and jimmy eat world?
    Did you get ride of the braces and asthma? Did you finally get a growth spurt? Is everything ok what with liat being in the army and everything? Is unwind and harry potter still your fav books? How's unsouled or untitled or whatever it's name is? Is it as good as its predecessors? Do you still over think everything? Have you finally found a place you belong? Do you still want to be a psychologist or something to do with films? Do you still curse endlessly in your mind? You've found a way to continue acting? Right? Are you and Dafna still friends? Did you get angry and punch Karen? I know it'll happen one day and I'm dreading and waiting for it at the same time. How did everyone react when they saw you're leaving(if you're leaving of course)? Are you satisfied with your life? Will you even go to mibba and read this? Do you still write? Did you finish your first fanfic? Have you found true love (not likely but still)?
    Sorry for the long rant. Ive always been talkative. Are you? ;) have a awesome life. Roni 8.2.13 I think.Dear Roni,
    I feel awkward answering this, I guess thats the truth. I feel like you're a stranger, like you're this person who knows all about me but doesn't know me. I feel like you're this stalker whos been spying on me and is here to taunt me. These feelings don't make sense. I know they don't, but when have my feelings ever made sense? I want to hate you and make fun of you and be cruel and say the things that will hurt you. Who knows, maybe in some alternative universe you will be able to read this. I doubt it but I guess I don't care. I wonder if you could read my answers would you act differently?

    Ok I'll get over it and answer the questions. I'm just feeling unbelievably angsty today. I never thought I'd be 15 either. It feels ridiculous. Have we really lived 15 aand half years? I can't even imagine living 20 years. I don't feel old. I do feel more relaxed though. My mind feels clearer, like I see better. I feel like I can read the world better.

    This literally broke my heart. I want to tell you everything will be ok, that the confusion will go away. But thats a lie, and a really suckish one at that. I'm as confused as always. I want to scream at the world. I want to break apart. But I won't. Maybe if you knew how to deal with anger I wouldn't be who I am right now.

    Oh god you changed but you're still the same girl with the mind of the 40 year old and the attitude of a 6 year old aren't you? Remember when Aba said it and meant it as a insult? It still remains one of the best compliments I've ever gotten, after the anon who said I remind him of Alex Gaskarth. Anyway (as usual I get off topic), you did some pretty awesome things this year, and I say awesome because some of them aren't good. You directed a opera which taught you how to be a leader, how to create. You are learing some pretty intense things in school (I'll talk about that later) and its taught you how to argue, how to see the world. You've learned your worth and you're not afraid anymore. You don't need people anymore.

    Ok school. I'm not sure if you know this or not right now but you got into the two schools you wanted. You did it. You picked one, after Liat told you "In B its obvious you'll suceed. You already have friends there, and the studies won't be too hard. Y on the other hand is a risk. It could blow over or it could be the best thing for you." You picked Y. You chose art over science and I really hope future us won't regret it. Then again, I don't believe in regret so it doesn't exist in my world. Anyway I think Y was the right choice. Its hard, I'm not going to lie. On the first day of sketching class the teacher was so nasty and cruel you felt like you were nothing, like every praise you ever recieved for you art didn't exist. It taught us that my art is what I see it, critism doesn't matter. Yet you worked hard in sketch class and 2 days ago he told you how good it was and what a amazing jump you've made. The thing was, even after loads of classmates compliemented you, you didn't feel proud. I guess I've made us so deaf to negativity, I can't hear positivity anymore. You're keeping in touch with Y and I. It's funny, you're better friends with Y now than you ever were. I haven't had a Bagruit yet, Roni next year will answer that. I'm not happy. I doubt I'll ever be. But I'm satisfied. You can't ask for more. Not straight As, not yet. You're getting Bs. It sucks but I will be better. This is just another challenge for me to win. My average this semester was 87. Next one it will be higher. I am sure. I will not accept anything else.

    Yes, I still have my ipod. Its cracked from tripping while running and from the caravan throwing it in the summer but it works so thats cool. I lost all my library which means I have to get everything again ugh. Always. My lower body hurts from yesterdays workout. I ran 17km a few weeks ago (I was sick and it was project week and ugh I'm running again today) and you once ran 1:40 mins. You're training for the 10km this year because you're too young to run the half marathon. Next year though ;)

    Who's ******? I'm trying to remember bad crushes from last year so here goes: O is a jerk. You got really close in the show but he's a ass, Y (very unlikely but idk) left the school for drug use and it drove you insane you couldnt help him, E (he fits with the stars but he was never really a crush) is good, cynical as ever. If he doesn't end up in a ditch, I'm sure he'll do amazing things. I really really really hope you're not talking about M. It's fun being shallow, talking about boy friends and imagining who you'll be with when you know it'll never happen but M is offlimits. He means more than that and I hope you know that. He's your closest friend and like 3 months after you wrote this you discovered hes gay. I don't want a bf. I think I'm asexual, no labels though. I mean sure some boys are cute but I don't want to get close with anyone. Love sucks. I don't need to try it to know.

    Erm this is going to suck, writing this. My wrists are great but my thighs aren't. To put it nicely, around three or four months after you wrote this you hada pretty dark time and now you can't wear shorts. I'd like to say it was a mistake that'll never repeat itself but thats a lie. I still want to cut and starve and die. But I won't. I've learned how to control it most of the time. Drawing, wriitng and running never ceases to save your life. And I'm sorry. Then again in 2.5 years this won't matter. I even have a date. I'm not beautiful. I'm ok with it. But don't lie to me. I am smart, I am talented, I am funny but I am not beautiful. Stop making beauty a ideal! Instead of convincing people they're beautiful, tell them it doesn't matter. It really doesn't.

    Nope and nope. I'm too lazy for both and I like how I look right now. But yes team jeans and sweatshirts for life! You don't wear the boots too much though, idk why. I should wear them more. Not against makeup on other people, just against makeuo for me and against the belief girls need makeup.

    Kind of. You got a new digital camera for the europe trip but its not THE camera. I'm still not sure between film or digital. And yes I still love photography. The schools photography teacher is the best!

    I still love atl but yeah, a bit less. No I didn't meet them (You knew it wouldn't happen). I'm not sure if I'd want to, it would ruin who they are in my mind. Wow this year was the year I discovered so many good bands (I wonder if I'll say that next year too). Bmth, brand new, marianas trench, ymas, mayday parade, more fob, and goo goo dolls to say a few.

    I really need to go study for my history test tomorrow (aw yeah poland and greece independence). So I'll answer all the other questions really quickly;

    Did you get ride of the braces and asthma? Asthma kind of, I still get it when I have bad colds, and braces in two weeks maybe.
    Did you finally get a growth spurt? Ha. Ha. Ha. Thats a good one. Team 5'2 for life proabably.
    Is everything ok what with liat being in the army and everything? She goes on thursday but I'm not worried.
    Is unwind and harry potter still your fav books? Yep.
    How's unsouled or untitled or whatever it's name is? OMFG ITS SO GOOD.
    Is it as good as its predecessors? yES IT IS! AND A NEW ONE COMES OUT NEXT SUMMER YES
    Do you still over think everything? Yep but I'm learning philosophy and like 20 hours of art so at least I'm putting my thoughts to good use.
    Have you finally found a place you belong? I hope so but I don't think so.
    Do you still want to be a psychologist or something to do with films? Yep. Or a artist.
    Do you still curse endlessly in your mind? Fucking hell damn right
    You've found a way to continue acting? Right? Kind of. You're directing a opera this year too and you volunteer in a thingie where you teach "acting" to unprivilaged kids but its not the same as being on stage. Then again, I made my choices.
    Are you and Dafna still friends? No. She ruined your life. Don't lie to yourself, when you wrote this you weren't friends with her. Old friends don't always mean good friends.
    Did you get angry and punch Karen? I know it'll happen one day and I'm dreading and waiting for it at the same time. Nope but you did realize it doesn't matter. You have like 60 more IQ points than her and it really bothers you her stupidity? Stop taunting her, you're better than that. She doesn't realize what her words can do but you and only you give them that power.
    How did everyone react when they saw you're leaving(if you're leaving of course)? Idan and Shahar just started hugging me and saying no way and everything. Idk it had to happen and I'm sure I'll be in touch.
    Are you satisfied with your life? Yep more or less.
    Will you even go to mibba and read this? No I don't think I will. Ha.
    Do you still write? A bit here and there, I want to write more but I don't have the time or focus. I will finish Audras story though.
    Did you finish your first fanfic? Yes I did and I even wrote a sequel and we're in the middle of the third one (FUCKING UPDATE ALREADY).
    Have you found true love (not likely but still)?No and I don't want to anymore.

    Yes I am. I don't shut my mouth when it comes to writing. A few months after doing this, I've started writing monthly letters to future me so I don't think I'll be writing here again but who knows? Just in case here are some question:
    1. Are you happy?
    2. Whats up with your life now?
    3. Whats changed this year?
    4. Hows school and running and everything?
    5. What do you believe in?
    6. What do you think about me?
    7. Hows the family and friends etc?
    8. What did I get in History?

    Thats it for now, hello history test stress (i think my mom just made chocolate cake ^-^) Have a amazing year, don't do drugs (unless you really want to I guess), stay in school (unless it becomes too much), and be you because you're the best you can be (that made no sense but it sounds inspirational so ok).

    Roni 8.2.14 (I suspect this wasn't the date I wrote the original one but ok)
    February 8th, 2014 at 05:42pm
  • Letterbombx723

    Letterbombx723 (100)

    United States
    And the fifth letter to myself....

    So, we meet again for the fifth year in a row. I'm so proud that you've kept this up! Hopefully, you will continue to do so for a LONG time. It's so great to see how much you've grown over a year's time. I'm very proud of you thus far. :)

    Onto the questions!

    Wow...I just realized you're going to be almost 21 when you're reading this. You'll be old enough to drink legally! But I know you won't. ;) Are you excited?: Actually, yes!
    As I'm sitting here, typing this, I am on the phone with my boyfriend, Ron. We've been dating since November 30 of 2012. Are you still with him?: I AM! We have actually lasted over a year. I can't believe it, either.
    If so, how are things with him?: Things are very well. He's about to take a work trip to Morgantown without me -_-, but we are still together and seem like we're headed in the right direction.
    Just so you know, he's a VERY important part of your life right now.: And still is. ;)
    Has Tommy tried to contact you?: Nope.
    Do you ever talk to Jeremy Saunders?: Yes, and I still work with him! Things aren't awkward at all anymore, and I greatly enjoy his presence as a friend.
    How are things at the Hot Cup?!: WE MOVED MK I! Omg. A LOT has happened, but I'm sure you probably remember most of the details if you're reading this 0.o.
    Do you still work there?: Yep! And two other jobs. And 12 credit hours. -_-
    Are you still really unsure about your future?: In a way...
    Does English still interest you the most?: Yes, and right now I plan to be an English teacher at the secondary, if not postsecondary, level.
    "Let us go then, you and I...": "...when the evening is spread out against the sky." ;)
    How are your grades in college?: 4.0 GPA and an associate degree!
    Is your favorite singer still Sara Bareilles?: YES AND OMG I MET HER BACK IN OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!
    Is your favorite drink still English Toffee?: Meh, I've KIND OF moved on from it, but I still like it a great deal.
    ¿Entiendes esta pregunta?: Sí, yo entiendo.
    For the fifth year running, is David Archuleta still your only hope for teenage guys?: Hell yes.
    Is your boss still, in all reality, one of your best friends?: Kind of. We're not as close as we used to be, but he's still the shit.
    How'd that physics class ever turn out? Shew, you're having a time right now...: I got an A in it!!!
    Does T. S. Eliot still rock your literary socks?: I am still obsessed. I also now have a t-shirt with my favorite Eliot quote on it, and Ron got me a coffee spoon necklace. :)
    It's spring break at Southern right now! Is it the same this year? XD: ACTUALLY, YES! lol!
    Does Ashley still post pictures of herself in the same freaking pose?: She doesn't post NEARLY as much as she used to! lol
    Do you still have over $8,000 in the bank?: ...no, but close...
    Are you happy you decided to date someone ten years older than yourself?: Absolutely.

    Alright, that's enough for this year. Remember to be who you are, always, because you're shaping up to be a great young woman. Don't get drunk on your 21st birthday. Shoot, who am I kidding? You can't even get past the smell of alcohol to try it. ;)

    You A Whole Year Ago
    March 19th, 2014 at 02:16am
  • Letterbombx723

    Letterbombx723 (100)

    United States
    I can't believe this is your SIXTH letter to yourself! I hope you continue to keep this up until the day you keel over and die. :) Let's get on with it, shall we?

    You are almost 22 now. Heck, I'm just about to turn 21, and I'm pretty excited about it. How is 22 looking?!:
    As I'm sitting here, typing this, I am Skyping with my boyfriend, Ron. We've been dating since November 30, 2012. Are you still with him?:
    If so, how are things with him?:
    You're both about to embark on the journey of earning your bachelor's degrees…:
    How are the Hot Cup, financial aid office at Southern, and Gear Up offices looking?!:
    How many jobs do you have now?:
    Did you cry on your last day(s) of your job(s)? I bet financial aid killed you…:
    What kind, if you have one?:
    Did you end up going to WV State?:
    How are your grades?:
    How did that MT 130 class ever turn out? I think you don't give yourself enough credit with it now…:
    Are you still obsessed with iced coffee?:
    Um…how is your sex life…:
    Did you end up going on a vacation with Ron over last summer?:
    Have you been able to see Sara Bareilles live for a third time?!:
    What did you do for your 21st birthday?:
    Do you drink any? I bet you like that Spumante stuff…:
    Did you get out of Southern with a 4.0 GPA?:
    Did you take on any other jobs since you wrote this?:
    Did Ron out-do himself for Valentine's Day, providing you're still together like I think you will be?:
    Do you still take care of your Lindsey Wilson kids on Friday evenings at the Hot Cup?:
    …honestly, do you see yourself marrying Ron?:

    I just got done working a 12+ hour shift for Gear Up, so I apologize for the stringiness in the above letter. However, I'm sure you've got a lot more on your plate now, so you're probably just as stringy in your mind while reading this. 

    Good luck, Rachel! Get your degree and begin your life. 

    You A Whole Year Ago
    March 19th, 2014 at 03:21am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

    Great Britain (UK)

    Wow. You're twenty now. That's weird. Scary. Old. Time to start growing up. If you've done what you were supposed to do then you'll be close to getting your degree now. One year left and you're heading out into the big wide world. Jobs, friendships, the works.

    Did you ever move out of mum and dad's house and get a flat with Karen like you talked about? I hope so. I don't want to live with them for the rest of my life.

    How was the rest of second year and the majority of third year? Was RFM as difficult as you thought it was? Did you even bother learning to mix a drum kit properly? Are you still with the same group of friends? Do you still consider Karen your best friend? I hope you do. She's a good friend.

    Did you learn to drive? Do you have your own car? Are Scotland independent?

    Did you grow up at all in the past year? Have you found a new job? Have you managed to stop dressing like an absolute twat all of the time?

    Did you manage to clear your skin up at all? And your weight. Oh, your weight. Did you lose anything at all? Are you still struggling to fit into your jeans? I hope not. I know how awful that feels and I don't want to be feeling like that for years to come. Did you ever go back to the gym? Have the stretch marks on your stomach faded? Did you ditch the bingo wings? Did you finally manage to nab a steady boyfriend? Probably not. You've probably still not managed to get over those ridiculous commitment fears.

    Most of all, are you happier than I am just now? Is life stable?

    I hope so.

    All the best,

    Victoria of March 19th, 2014.
    March 19th, 2014 at 09:58pm
  • sirius amory.

    sirius amory. (105)

    Faroe Islands
    sirius amory.:
    Dear Future!Elise,

    I'm not gonna lie, I've never done anything quite like this before, so forgive me if I happen to be a little rusty at this... but all feelings of "mehh" aside, how are you doing? I hope life is treating you well, as I want it to. I'll be twenty in a few months... my goodness, I'm almost an adult.

    Either way, how's school been going? I know college is stressful, are your grades looking alright? I hope you're getting a decent amount of sleep as well; you're known to stay up until midnight.
    How's the career with Vilas? You know, the band you started with Trevor? Please tell me it's still going strong; you've dreamed of this for so long that I'd hate to see it all go to waste. You're still into metal music too, right? It'd honestly be quite a shock if you weren't...
    Is the love life looking up for you, too? I know guys haven't always looked your way, but has it changed somewhat throughout the year? You deserve to be happy, so I hope they aren't brushing you off and giving you the cold shoulder. You're still friends with Sean, right? Have you tried making a move of any kind to try something out?

    I hope this reaches you and you write back to me. I'd love to hear from you when the time is right.

    All my love,
    ~Past!Elise. xoxo
    Dear Past!Elise,

    My goodness. It's been so long I almost forgot I wrote this. Haven't been on the site in seven months since everything has gotten so busy. But as of writing back to you, I have had my generous share of ups and downs throughout the year, but at the moment, I'm the happiest I've been in quite some time. And in the same amount of months as before, I'll be twenty-one. Scary, yet exciting. I'm already dreading the dares from Dean and Derek about making me drink shots of Everclear... *shudders*

    School has been rough, to be honest. The high-schoolish environment of college caught up quicker than I wish it did, and I've sadly dropped out for the time being. However, I don't plan on keeping that reputation under my belt. Once I save up some more money to pay for my classes and such, I'll probably choose to go to Technical School or something along those lines. My original goal of a Bachelor's Degree probably won't end up being what I accomplish, but the world works like that sometimes.

    Vilas has actually kind of fallen apart, but in its place, Trevor and I have formed a band with our friends John and Cal, and we're now called Ominous Apocalypse. At the moment, we're working on lyrics and basic rhythms and such for putting our songs together. We've already got several ideas for some, and I can't wait to see where it leads us.
    And of course I'm still into metal music. If I wasn't I'd probably shoot myself in a mercy killing. Aha, but yes, I am still the lovable metalhead I've been since the tender age of thirteen. That doesn't plan on changing anytime soon.

    To answer the second and third questions first (just to get them out of the way), yes, Sean and I are still very good friends, but a romance between us just won't be able to work. Too many things would get in the way, but that doesn't change the fact that he and I still goof off from time to time. He's still a sweetie.
    As for the love life? You wouldn't believe the surprise that popped up just recently! - You remember Aaron, right? Vic Ferrari's keyboardist who you and I have known (and crushed on fervently) since we were sixteen? Well, to make a long story short, he and I are together now! Turns out he had the same feelings for me as I had for him- he just knew he had to wait before making a move, since I've only been a legal adult for two years and there's still that twelve-year age difference between us. But honestly? I've been feeling the long-awaited sensation of Cloud Nine Euphoria for the past two weeks. Everything's going so well, and I really feel like this is what I've been waiting my whole life for.
    (Also, to answer the questions you're probably wondering- Yes, he smells amazing. Yes, his hugs are nothing short of incredible. Yes, he's a fucking amazing kisser. And yes, mom knows. And she approves.)

    All is well. And I'm sure it will continue to be, at this rate. The wait was worth it. In Love

    Yours always,
    ~Future/Present!Elise. xoxo
    April 22nd, 2014 at 09:57pm
  • BringMeTheFuentes

    BringMeTheFuentes (125)

    Ghoul of 2016
    United States
    Dear Richy (Richard),
    Dude, you've got to control your anger or you're going to end up in prison, or worse, dead. You don't want that, so ignore jerks, and don't let it bother you.
    Did you keep the faith?
    Did you get to meet them?
    Did you get to give him KTF?

    Did you see Maroon 5, JT, and Incubus?
    What other bands came here?

    Got to work on The Nothing Room yet?
    Are you still a Mibbian?
    Did you get to meet a Mibbian?
    Did you ever get to finish Matters, Have Kids, etc?
    Are the top 6 still the top 6?

    Did you go with Mon and Estachia?

    Did you cry in graduation?
    Did we push through with the grad song?

    How was college?
    Which one did you go to?
    Is it hard? Do you wanna give up?

    Do you still see people from the batch?
    Is Mara still your best friend?
    Did you go to foundation day?
    Whatever happened to everyone?

    Has your belief in God gotten stronger, or did it waver?

    Did everything work out the way you wanted it to be?
    Of course not.

    I wish you well.
    -Richy (Richard)
    April 23rd, 2014 at 11:37am
  • Jack Donaghy

    Jack Donaghy (450)

    United States
    2011 | 2012 | 2013
    Dear 2013 self,
    First of all, zeroing out the text because this is long as hell.

    BIG NEWS: I GOT A JOB, MOTHERFUCKER. Sorry for calling you a motherfucker but reading your letter to me reminded me how exciting this is. (Fun fact: as I write at least this part of the letter, I AM ACTUALLY AT WORK. I'm the only one in the library so I'm using covering the desk as an excuse to write this.)

    Here's what happened: In December I started working here part-time as a library assistant and then in March (on St. Patrick's Day!) my boss was like "Oh hey do you want to work here full-time as a full-fledged librarian when you graduate, nbd" and I was like "UM, ABSOLUTELY I DO" and then it HAPPENED and I WORK HERE NOW and they pay me MONEY even for holidays and vacation days and sick days! I can NOT GO IN TO WORK AND STILL GET PAID AS IF I DID IT'S INCREDIBLE. Clearly I am living in the best possible universe. Let's take a moment to mourn the self that never found any kind of job and spends all day crying etc.

    Anyway. Let's get TV out of the way. Is it sad that talking to myself about television is a major part of my yearly self-reflection letters? Probably, but let's just ignore that. Don't even worry about Breaking Bad, it's amazing. I'm kind of jealous of you that you're about to experience the final episodes for the first time. K-Dramas are still all up in my life. There was a new one with Kim Soo-hyun (I think you've watched Dream High by now? I forget but regardless you do/will love him) and a new one with Bang Sung-joon so, you know, tears of joy etc. Taking a break from them for now because I accidentally started watching Downton Abbey. Only just started season two. Many unexpected feels. Am all about the Irish chauffer right now, hopefully he turns out all right. Also finally finished the first three ASoIaF books, will read the rest of the series in earnest when I'm through some re-reading that is occupying me now. The problem with working in a library is that a) you're constantly reminded of cool stuff you want to read/re-read and b) you feel no pressure to grab books because you're surrounded by them every day.

    re: BABIES: ESL STUDENT DID INDEED JUST HAVE A BABY, ARE YOU PSYCHIC OR WHAT. Actually a really amazing thing happened: the doctors called her husband because his English is better on a Friday afternoon to tell him, and then he called her while she was with you so you were with her when she found out and it was really exciting and emotional and special and great. The baby is a girl and everything's good. I haven't met her yet – haven't seen ESL student since July – which is a bummer but am so happy for her who even cares.

    Family stuff: Not as good as everything else. Sister still hasn't had a baby but is probably waiting to get her clinical license. Brother moved down to Baltimore and became a police officer, but is actually back home for the month of September because he's shipping out sometime in October or November. He'll be overseas for nine months after that. He should be safe. Also he just started dating someone who I'm going to meet on Sunday – which is the All-Ireland, Donegal v Kerry (LOL I KNOW). Dad's going over tomorrow. Really hoping they win. Major drama on mom's side of the family. Much worried for the kids. Sad Just found out about this on Sunday. Uncle John was here and Mom had to awkwardly freak out without him knowing.

    Good family thing: One of your cousins just got married in May! I think she started dating him like right then so yes it was quick but they are super cutes so that's nice.

    Oh, and I stepped down from being a board mod. Sad I just couldn't keep up with it anymore. Still sad about it. I'd like to get back to Mibba but I just can't manage my time at the moment.

    Off the psychopharmaceuticals. No change. I feel kind of disconnected from it all, TBH. Still seeing Rae; she's still lovely. A lot of stuff happened to you in terms of Big Career Milestones, but really shit's still pretty much the same. Which is not bad. It was not a bad year like the one you're coming out of.

    Thank you so much for throwing caution to the wind and applying around in October. I don't know what possessed you to do it but I'm so glad it did. You made what could have been a really shitty situation into a really great one.

    2014 self.

    Dear 2015 self,
    Obligatory: HOVER BOARDS?! ARE THERE?? (Isn't it weird though? You live in TWO THOUSAND FIFTEEN. Even though it's only a year away it somehow still feels like a distant, futuristic year.)

    Actual big question: Have you moved out yet? Recently, perhaps? Soon? Just last night I figured out that I should be able to save up enough for a three-month emergency fund, two cheapish trips abroad, and moving expenses by the end of August 2015. Really hope so, especially since that would mean no terrible financial emergencies happened.

    Speaking of which: Did you need to take that second trip abroad? ie for the wedding of a certain cousin? eh? eh? Or just to visit 'cause you know, Spain.

    Oh and new (to me) car? eh? eh? Hoping to buy soon. Should technically have the money by tomorrow (!) and in reality (ie all October bills ready to be paid) by October 3.

    Job: Everything okay? Still working in the same place, I assume (hope). Thinking right now about how I'd already like a raise so you must be really thinking about it. Seems doubtful that that'll ever happen, but maybe. Oh man, you've done part 2 beta training! (the software told you to stop ordering graphic novels and documentaries, didn't it? TOO BAD, CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP for now.) Just had part 1 last week. Oh and is the big boss gone? He must be, right? WEIRD.

    Family: Babies? eh? eh? (with the "eh? eh?"s – once again, can't stop won't stop.) And Brother must be back. Did he re-enlist? I really hope not. And I hope things with various cousins are good. Oh and the All-Ireland is this Sunday, what happened there??

    I don't want to bring up the dog because it's too emotional but obviously here I am, bringing up the dog.

    Are you still seeing Rae? I really wonder what to do about that. I just saw her today and we basically had the same conversation we always do. I hope you are still seeing her though. I don't think I'll be able to leave in a good way for a long time.

    I don't know what I want for you. Everything feels so settled now and it's all right. I think I'll feel the same inside next year because I think I've always felt the same, but I can't tell if that's a feeling or misremembering or an accurate memory. I will try to write down how I feel right now but as you know that's difficult for me. I remember feeling a great deal of fondness when writing these letters before but I don't really connect with that right now.

    Will still close the same way.

    I love you. Hang in there.
    2014 self.
    September 19th, 2014 at 03:05am
  • the optimist.

    the optimist. (100)

    United States
    September 19th, 2014

    Dear Serena,

    Did you ever think that you would come so far? I hope you've done a lot more and stressed a lot less over the course of the year. It'll do you a world of good. Little by little I learned these sorts of things. Kind of the beauty of humanity in a way. Was Anathema great? That's a stupid question, of course they were. I'll save you the trouble. How about ProgPower USA? You did go right? Did you find any new bands this year?

    Getting a little more personal here. How about that guy you met, did anything happen with him? Did you get over it? Still think kids aren't for you? Or have you got baby rabies again? What about your job? Are you still letting everyone walk all over you? Or do you just generally not give a toss about what they think? I hope the latter honestly.

    How are you doing anyway? You didn't feel worthless again did you? You know that smug confident way you get? It comes across bitchy but honestly, that's what you need. Rinse and repeat more often, love. It'll get you places. How about the flat? Did you move after all? How's the weight loss going? Did you finally get back into those cargo pants I wanted to wear? Whatever you do, don't eat at work! If you've started again, stop! You'll thank me.

    Did you enjoy your dream vacation? I sure hope the answer is yes. I've wanted to go there since I was small. Plus my favourite band will be there. It better have been the time of your life like I always imagined and dreamed it would be. Never once did I think it would come true. Tell me how it was sometime?

    Keep your head high and when you get low, remember, don't lose sight of the music. Whatever you do, don't let that go. It helped me more than you might remember earlier this year. And I have faith it will keep you going the same as it always has.

    Take care of yourself for another year, love. You can do it. You've come this far.
    September 19th, 2014 at 05:27am
  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

    Ghoul of 2016
    United States
    September 18th, 2014

    Dear 2015 Fae,

    You're twenty now. Have you settled into that age yet? Did nineteen ever stop feeling weird? Is twenty even weirder than eighteen was? It probably is. I still have about eleven months to go and I already feel weird. But god, I hope not because it took us almost a year to settle into being eighteen. You're not a teenager anymore. I hope it's easier to deal with that than eighteen. At least you were still a teenager then. Now you're "growing up" and well, fuck, I hope you're doing something with your life.

    How was Halloween? Did you get that DSLR camera finally? I hope you're pursuing your photography dream better than I am right now. I hope you've taken bigger steps. Did you go to that workshop in NC in February?

    Did you stop being such a fucking coward like I am right now?

    Things are kind of twisted right now, where I am, and I'm not sure when it's going to change but all I can hope is that at some point, it does change from now to next year. I have fear induced commitment issues and I can't give a girl that's always there unconditionally what she wants and deep down, I want it, too, but I am so scared. I am so terrified. I hope you aren't. I hope you overcame these fears and I hope you're with her or you at least tried again because she deserves it and so do you, but I don't. Nothing is right and I play pretend a lot. Some days are better than others, but I hope that for you, good days are more than few and far between.

    I don't know what's to come of you or for you, but I hope things are so much better than they are right now. I hope you bounce back from this like we bounced back from 2012 and 2013, and in comparison to those times, this time isn't nearly as bad so surely you bounced back. I hope things are just better. I hope everything got better.

    Also: Did you cry when you watched The Hobbit: There and Back Again? I hope you got to see it in theaters like you did this/last year.

    But despite everything, I love you. You can only improve, take from this and learn, and if I can love myself right now in all the bullshit, then I love you, too. I hope you aren't disappointed in me when you read this. I'm trying so hard for you.

    With much love,
    2014 Fae
    September 19th, 2014 at 05:35am
  • poison and blood

    poison and blood (100)

    United States
    September 20th, 2014

    Dear Rianna,

    Let me begin with the fact that I love you so much. You're strong, lovable, caring and smart. You're so, so smart, even though you doubt yourself. Well, we doubt ourselves, I suppose.

    I don't know what things are like out there, as I'm just living it day-by-day here, but I can tell you that I'm feeling okay. If things go down again, remember what it was like to feel okay. Keep that in your heart and know that it's possible to be content. I'm struggling. I'm manic, depressed, hyperactive, delayed, anxious and generally disorder-ridden, but I'm okay. Did you hear me? I am okay. We're one tough cookie, y'know. We thought we would crumple under the pressure, but look at us, still going strong . . . even stronger than before. It doesn't even matter if you've changed since I wrote this, we'll always know to do what is right for us. I'm doing the right things for me currently, as will you. What we are diagnosed with does not define us, and even though they aren't to be cured, they can be treated and handled, and we'll do so well with that. I can feel it.

    So, did you go to prom? Did that cutie ever ask you? I know he is a bit antsy right now, so I hope he does it soon. HOW WAS FLORIDA? WAS THE NEW HARRY POTTER RIDE SICK? WHAT WAS DIAGON ALLEY LIKE? WHAT ABOUT THE TRANSFORMER RIDE? TELL ME TELL ME!!

    Did you get cheer captain? I can see you getting that. You're so peppy, at least, I think you are. I can't see you NOT being peppy. . . Anyway. I hope that you finished that dress. Maybe make some more? I know Kay would really like one, too. She wants to go to that Tea Party-thing next year. Perhaps you'll sew her something?

    I don't know about you, but this whole social anxiety thing is getting easier. I hope you kept it up! It's really nice to be afraid of things, and it's okay to be like everyone else. I learned that recently, and I'm praying you haven't forgotten.

    And if that boy didn't go for it, did the girl? Did you? I hope you don't have a thing with both.

    Finally, did you find Christ? I'm in the process, and just thinking about it makes me feel so loved. But my Wiccanism soothes me, too. What path did you decide to travel? Did you stay in the comfort of Wicca or did you embrace Him? I can't wait to find out. Religion of some sort is really good for us. It gives us a reason. Don't revert back to indifference if you can. It creates a void and a lack of purpose. At least we would be driven by energy or His Love. Heck, be a buddhist if you want! Just find something and commit your heart to it. It will help us, I promise.

    I love you and see you soon!

    September 20th, 2014 at 07:49pm
  • The Real Mitt Romney

    The Real Mitt Romney (250)

    Hong Kong
    The Real Mitt Romney:
    10/15/2013 07:05 PM on a Tuesday.

    Dear Elizabeth,
    By the time you're reading this you should be a senior. How are things going? How did junior year go? Did you pass all classes with at least an 85 like you hoped for? Have you made any friends? Lose any weight? Do you know what you want to major in? Right now I am thinking history. Not sure what I'm actually looking for, but I like history. Do you still feel the same way? How is Miri? Do you still live in the same house? Are you well? How has Buddhism gone? Did you visit the place in the city? Have you gotten your license yet? Do you still like kpop? Right now I'm really only for VIXX and B.A.P, has anything changed? What about Avenge Sevenfold? Do you even like them anymore?

    How is life? The family? Do you still get along? And your friends? Who are they? Have you done anything you regretted since the day I've written this?

    Do you still live by Hunter's words? Buy the ticket, take the ride? Do you?

    Did you ever tell HER how you feel?

    Are you still closeted about most things? Right now few know.

    I hope things are fine.

    - 16 year old Eliabeth at 7:15.
    Dear 2013 self,
    First off you don't even go by Elizabeth anymore. You generally tell people to call you Spencer, unless they're already so used to calling you Liz. Things are fine so far. Junior year was interesting I guess. You failed both of your AP exams, APUSH + AP Language and Composition 2's. Yes, you passed all of your classes with an 85. But you withdrew from college French and you actually got a 79 in Trig. Yes, you became friends with Morgan. You did lose weight actually, you went from 164 to 139. Yes, you do know what you want to major in, you're thinking of archaeology or anthropology, you like both. Miri's fine~ and yes, you never moved. Right now I have a cold but I've generally been fine. Buddhism is slow, I don't think you've made much progress. You've gone out of your way to better read up on it but you're not there yet. No, you did not visit the place in the city because you haven't gotten your license. Yes you still like kpop but you're more into khiphop! Wow, yeah, you rarely listen to kpop anymore. You really haven't touched Avenged. Yes, you still like them though.

    Life is good. You have things under control you guess. Yes, we all still get along. Your friends are Sarah and Morgan, that's about it. No you haven't had a regret yet.

    Yes, HST is still your idol.

    SHE doesn't matter anymore. No one matters. Chase dreams, not people.

    You actually got drunk off your ass and told your mom you were bisexual and Buddhist. And the next morning you told your brother like it wasn't a big deal because you assumed he knew anyway. So, yeah, you're getting there. Everything is fine right now.

    Dear 2015 self, (9/20/14 at 5:40 PM)
    Did you go to Trent? Better yet, did you even get into Trent? Are you stuck in America? Have you gotten a significant other yet? What are you majoring in? What kind of car do you have? How much do you weigh? Currently I weight 139.8. Maybe you went to Algonquin for a starter? Are you still shitty in math? Have you broken out of your shy shell? Do you still like khiphop? Who are your friends? And the family, how are they? And Miri? Right now things are fine. No one has been fighting for a good year now, money issues aren't so bad. I don't have a lot to say because we all know you prefer answering rather than listening lmfao
    September 20th, 2014 at 11:42pm
  • louis tomlinson.

    louis tomlinson. (100)

    United States
    louis tomlinson.:
    Oh, lovely girl, why were you under the impression I'd be in college by the time I replied?

    Dear Future Kara,

    Howdy, partner. How are you? You've just turned fifteen, and it was quite shit, sorry. It snowed like hell and Bails and Carolyn couldn't come have cake, and Brian wanted to go out but Mom wouldn't let him so they started to fight and then Mom and Dad started to fight and it turned into a big screaming match and you cried. So, it kinda ruined everything.

    Anyways, how are you? You doing okay? Sleeping is still not an option most nights, but I don't get anxious much anymore. Just sad. Sometimes I think I should stay after and talk to Mr. Connor (not that idiot Ms. Unrad, she couldn't help me if she tried) but whenever I think I'm gonna do it he's either not at school or something comes up and I can't stay after.

    Danny actually did talk to me the other day, at a party. We hung out the whole night, and he told me he missed me, and he wished me a happy birthday the other day. He said we should hang out over break, and I said yeah, we should. He's got a girlfriend though, the same one he had back in 8th grade. She's okay. Just a tad bitchy. I'm trying to sort out what he and I are, because sometimes he'll be all jokey and laughing like my best friend, and then other times it's very different, like when they play a slow song and he asks me to dance. But whatever.

    School is shit as usual. 80% of the people suck, and Mr. Connor and Mrs. K are the only good teachers that I actually like. I'm shit at math and Civics is just stupid because she doesn't tell us anything and then expects us to know what we're doing. Science is ok. Mrs. Cline likes me, and says I'm one of the only sane people in the class. I agree.

    I did some weed the other day with Bailey and Kyle and Carolyn. It made me feel good, so I did it again.

    Carolyn and Bailey make me feel like I'm not drowning anymore, more like treading. It feels different than when I'm with Bridget and Amanda and Alex. It feels better.

    Amanda and I are going to see Kings of Leon in February, Imagine Dragons in March, and Jess and I are going to see One Direction in August. I'm excited. Let me know how that goes.

    One Direction continues to be the only reason why I decide to wake up in the morning. I'm kind of afraid of what will happen when they break up.

    You're doing all right. Only 4 more days of school and then it's break and you're in the clear.


    Past Kara xxxxxx
    Dear Past Kara,

    Hello. How are you? This isn't a year later, it's 9 months, but I figure that's enough. I'm a junior in high school, as you've probably figured out by now, and it's going fairly well. I'm also on the varsity cheer team, which is crazy, I know. It's pretty awesome, and I feel really happy about it. You worked hard and now you deserve to be here. I promise.

    So, Mom and Dad secretly sign you up to go see a therapist again and then drag you against your will. There's lots of screaming (mostly from you) but then you meet her and realize she's cool. Her name is Lauren and she's really funny and nice. Jyll was okay, but she was for a different purpose. Anyways, so Lauren decided to put me back on anti-depressants, which I can't say I was too pleased about, but they work, so it's okay.

    What you need to realize is that there's nothing wrong with you. You're not crazy or fucked-up and you need to stop telling yourself that. You're just sad. And you know what? Grandma was depressed, too, for a while, and she never got to go to therapy or take medicine to make her feel better, so you're lucky. And guess what else? Aunt Beth takes the same anti-depressants as you. And even Dad has had a history with depression.

    You know what that means, kid? It's genetic. Just like alcoholism runs in some people's family, depression runs in ours. It would've surfaced at some point in your life, it just happened to come out a little early due to the circumstances. It's not your fault. You were twelve.

    Also, you will learn to stop feeling threatened and insecure by other girls. In fact, a good 99% of your closest friends are girls, and they're amazing. Ashley, Bridget, Paulina, Ewelina, Isabelle, Carolyn, Bailey, Lauren, Olivia, Lexi, etc., are all awesome as fuck and I have no idea where I'd be without their guidance and support.

    Oh yeah, and One Direction will be the best night of your life. Seriously. I can't remember a time when I felt more happy or content. Louis was beautiful, but you knew that. But yeah, it was incredible and wonderful and wow, it's been three years and we're still up that band's ass. Oh well.

    School is decent. We're in a Level 1 math class now, but it's fine. You're not stupid. It just goes at a slower pace and you're doing pretty well in it, so it works. Being a junior is so much easier than being a sophomore or a freshman. Don't sweat it.

    I'm feeling pretty happy right now, for the first time in about three years, and that's pretty great. So yeah. Just hang it there. It gets better and I'm living proof.

    Love you,

    Future Kara
    September 21st, 2014 at 03:44am
  • liam payne.

    liam payne. (250)

    United States
    liam payne.:
    Wow, Cassie.

    You were a completely different person almost two years ago.
    To answer your question -yes, you did meet them. Not all of them.
    But you've met Matt countless times. So often that he recognizes you
    at the barricades at shows. That's right -he recognizes you/
    You would've flipped if you knew that two years ago, huh? He throws
    you setlists and even called you out at one show. You've met
    Johnny a lot too. He likes your new haircut. You cut all your hair
    off, you know. You've met Arin, the new drummer, about three times.
    He's nice. That's right, new drummer. Jimmy died, you know.
    You've met them, Cassie. Not yet Zacky or Syn, but you've met them.

    But now, you're so much older. Things have changed so much.
    You're not a carefree, A7X-obsessed teen anymore. You're not
    in the slightest. You have real things happening to you. Things
    aren't good in the slightest. You are unhappy. Not even music can
    help you anymore. Right now, things aren't good. You don't think
    they ever will be. Here's a new set of questions. Answer them later.

    Are you over him? Or are you back together? Bennett, that is.
    How's everything going? Get accepted into any other colleges
    you'd like to dabble in? How're the twins? Are they happy?
    Do they know you? Are you happy yet? Have you found
    inspiration? Are you and Roshni still best friends? Are she
    and Erik still together? Have you made any new friends?
    Get anymore lead roles in musicals? Still involved in plays?
    How's your relationship with your family? Any better?
    Have you talked to your sister often like you want to?
    Are she and Brandan still together? How's Derek? How's
    Tehya? What music do you like now? Have you figured
    out your future? Are you still lost and alone?

    No, but really. how's Bennett? Is he okay? Do you still
    love him? Would you still die for him in a heartbeat?
    Does he love you back anymore? Did he ever? Are you
    still in touch? Please tell me it works out. Please.
    I need to know. Don't give up on him. I know you want to
    at times, but this is love, Cassie. It's real. Don't give up.

    I hope life is good. I hope you're happy.
    Treat yourself well. I'll see you in one year.

    You don't even listen to A7X at all anymore, how funny is that? All the t-shirts are long gone, the songs deleted off your phone, etc. You moved on completely shortly after you wrote this past letter.

    Now you love One Direction and you have for a few years... Ridiculous, I know.

    You aren't with Bennett and you are SO okay with that. He's... alright, I guess. You've seen him twice in the past few months because he dropped out of college and moved back into your hometown. Thank you for moving on from him. You didn't "give up", you grew up and realized your self-worth. You know now that men don't define you. Significant others don't define your worth.

    Roshni and Erik broke up years ago, haha. Thankfully. She dated another boy named Brandon and now she's dating a douchebag named Nick who you hate. He doesn't treat her right. Yes, you're still her over-protective best friend. But she lives about an hour away now, so you don't see her much. But your bond with her will never fade, trust me. You found a lifelong companion.

    Your relationship with your family is growing to be wonderful. You and your mom are leagues better. You're even growing to love listening to her annoying stories, haha. Derek is your best friend. Liz is no longer in your life. She is a toxic person and it's hard because you wanted so badly to be a better sister to her, but she's vile. Tehya is an amazingly beautiful first grader. Now you have another younger sibling: Benjamin. He is your world.

    Musical theatre is still an important part of your life, you should've known the answer to that.

    But Cassie... you still aren't happy. You hate where your life is. You're stuck. Your anxiety is suffocating and you never leave the house anymore. You quit you job, quit going to school, quit talking to your friends. You can't get out.

    So here are a few questions for you the next time you read this:

    Have you started back at college? Are you chasing your dreams? Have you moved out of mom's house? Have you got your social life back?

    Please tell me you're safe and happy. Please tell me you haven't stopped fighting.
    October 1st, 2014 at 03:29am
  • Nyctophilia.

    Nyctophilia. (100)

    United States
    Dear Future Lynai,

    How was the journey of beauty school? Did you get your cosmetology license? If so, what salon are you working at? Did you do something really insane this year? How many more friends did you make? Did mom actually move to Kentucky? If so, how is she doing? What are you up to now, and what new hobbies have you adapted? Did things work out between you and Ethan? If not, do you have someone else in your life at the moment? Can you say this year was pretty good?

    -Lynai of 2013
    Dear Past Lynai,

    Well life certainly took an interesting turn, at least on my part.

    To start off, we graduated beauty school October 23rd of last year. As much as I want to say I'm a stylist, unfortunately I did not get my license. Turns out practical is harder than we thought. It's been a tiring process and I honestly don't know what to make of it, or if I will continue to pursue cosmetology. It's just not what I thought it would be. Sounds like a bummer, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm meant something much better. As far as doing something insane, I think so...I'm definitely trying to get myself to try new things. Gotta keep the memories alive ya know? I've met a couple more people or the course of the year but I mostly still talk to the same people, luckily Merary & Nova are still the main besties.

    Mom did in fact move to Kentucky believe or not. Also if you can believe, we joined her out there for a month...after we sort of had a mini breakdown and thought a change of scenery would be good for us, even start beauty school over. Unfortunately they wanted me to start totally over and I didn't want to, so I moved back to PR to finish school. Of course mom got lonely once again a month after I moved back and decided to move back to California as well. It was nice I admit, fresh fresh air in KY, but not the life for me. Mom is of course fine, because like usual she has James to keep her occupied and fortunately for your past self, future self kind of popped off at the mouth against him and I refuse to acknowledge him now a days.

    I'm not up to too many things to be honest, and it's crappy. I thought we'd be advanced by now, successful as a stylist but once again I'm stuck deciding what to do with my life. I still want to make something that makes ME happy. It's very hard as I'm now 20 years old and decisions like my career actually matter. I don't know where I'll be in the next year, but hopefully the next future self has even more interesting stories to tell you.

    Hobbies? Meh, I think the only thing I'm happy to say is that I'm getting back into dancing, a person of which I met while working at a make up store. His name is Matt and he's a dancer, he offered to train me in some more moves and I'm thinking about it. I really want to get back into full time like the good ole days when I wasn't afraid to drop it like it's hot. BUT, I do have to say I've practiced braiding a lot more on dolly and I can honestly I'm proud of progress i've made, by myself! I can do waterfall, fishtail, headband, french, three strand & dutch braids. So much for not knowing squat about braiding huh?

    Ethan huh? Ohhhh him, yeah. I really want to say things magically worked out and we're a couple and stuff, but that did not happen at all. He turned out to be a jerk as usual and well...things just fell apart completely. I tried to say how I felt and he crushed me. absolutely crushed me and it's still having an effect on me. Sadly past feelings remain the same for future feelings. We stopped talking for a year completely, it was rough. Interestingly enough, remember the dude we met on Halloween night who was scary looking and didn't talk much? Well who would've thought that...he's your boyfriend now. Your first legit relationship and you've been together for almost a year and a half now. Crazy right?? Well due to certain events, you guys ended up hanging out and well...he fell for you. HARD. So because of that you guys decided to get together and I have to say, he was a good choice. He takes care of you you'll be glad to know. He fixes your car, spoils you, calls you beautiful and how to put up with your crazy mood swings. He even survived living with your mom...that's a story for another letter trust me. But trust also when I say things are good with that situation. And because of those events, somehow Ethan talks to you occasionally. Don't ask me why, that was HIS doing. Oh, and no he hasn't changed, big whoop.

    So to answer your last question, this year was both good and bad. Mostly bad, but there was so many good memories that it doesn't even matter honestly. I'm certain things will up and maybe 2015 will be amazing. I think we deserve, both past and future. You're not as brave as you wanted to be, but you've definitely made some progress and should be happy about that. Wish me luck on the next part of our journey, may the odds ever be in your favor.

    Love, Future L.
    October 1st, 2014 at 06:14am
  • Nyctophilia.

    Nyctophilia. (100)

    United States
    Dear Future Lynai of 2015.

    I really hope you're going to tell me a bunch of awesome news because 2014 was definitely lacking. Please tell me we've figured out what to do with our life? Cause I'm tired of sitting here feeling like a moron because I can't make myself stick to something. Please say we've made progress.

    Well to start off, are you and D still together? How's the relationship going? Did he become a c.o or do something else? I really hope by now you have you guys have your own place and are happy. I better see you writing me that we finally got a pug or yorkie dog.

    Did me meet anymore friends? Did we do something crazy? Did we have a melt down? Anything, anything exciting please let me know. I hope we created more memories to never forget and living the way we want to.

    well...I guess here's to waiting another year.

    love, past L.
    October 1st, 2014 at 06:34am
  • Alsoldey

    Alsoldey (230)

    United States
    Dear Deyla,

    Yo ass does not need to worry about a good lookin' russet colored Salvadorian man, okay? What you need to worry about is losing weight, to look hella fierce, and make these fuuuck boys see that they cannot approach you. Worry about getting a freakin' driver's license, and being able to drive wherever the hell you want from then on, and if you don't go back to college, it's all you, baby! Don't let anyone guilt trip you into thinking that it is vital...like don't. If you gain residency, your ass better be on a flight to Mexico, and you better go drinking with your cousins, and shower your grandmothers with love, and make sure to bewitch some hella fine lookin' Mexican men.

    Just don't let them know you're a resident of the USA, because y'know...they'll only use you and shit. But yeah, go over there, and then find a trustworthy Salvadorian friend that was born in El Salvador, and bring them with you to see the country so you can stop obsessing over their scenery and men.

    So, I hope to God you're over Rude Boy, y'know, the one that you felt like you had a two year long off/on relationship with. You better be because, as I said, a fuuuck boy cannot approach you. You still rockin' the gorgeous shades of red lipstick? Good, keep on slaying with it. Is your hair longer and thicker now? Again, keep slaying with those curls.

    Have you left the hotel job, or are you still there? Has anything changed for you? Have you had at least more than an exchange of questions with that brown beauty on tumblr? Lord knows future me will still think about it.

    All in all, love yourself some more, and remember. Fuck boys cannot approach you, and you do not need any scrubs in your life, as TLC once sang and shook their beautiful hips to.

    yours forever, Vicious Vargas.
    October 3rd, 2014 at 06:43pm
  • Heartswell.

    Heartswell. (400)

    dear future fatma,
    i'm gonna make this a little bit shorter than your older letters.
    are you someone important?
    and are you happy? (i hope you are, as in real happiness, not just fake-whatever-happy that we've had going on for the longest time.)

    i wish you all the best and hang on. and remember that you're stronger than you think.
    you'll be okay.
    i promise.

    November 19th, 2014 at 05:59am
  • ToxicInsanity

    ToxicInsanity (100)

    Okay, let's give this a shot.

    Hey, Holly. Sorry, I'm not sure how to start this. This is less than a week after I got my hair cut to shoulder length. I love it, so hopefully you have something similar now. You'll be finished with grade 10 when you read this. Wow. I hope it's not too tricky. I hope you're okay; I actually feel happy and pretty. Though, the depression is taking its toll in different ways.

    I can't listen to a song for very long before changing it. I have trouble deciding whether it's worth eating or not. I don't know what to do. Trinity has been ignoring me a little bit more, Amr is still a good friend, so is Piper. Miku is also really nice. I'm living with dad next year, like I planned. I'm with David, still. Have been for about a year and 4 months. I hope we're still together. He's a good guy.

    My sexuality is confusing the hell out of me. Every single girl is pretty??? What's up with that. I don't know if I love Trinity like a best friend or romantically. And I don't know how she feels about me.

    Anyway, here are my questions:
    1. What is my hair like?
    2. How was grade 10? As easy as Trinity thinks?
    3. Is your depression better?
    4. How was Soundwave?
    5. Did you do any presentations or did the anxiety stop you?
    6. Are Trinity and I still friends?
    7. Do Trinity and I still plan to live together?
    8. Do I still see Amr and Piper?
    9. How is living with dad?
    10. Has Dad met anyone?
    11. Is mum okay? Do I see her a couple of times a week like I planned?
    12. Are David and I together?
    13. Did we ever skype?
    14. Am I still friends with Katherine?
    15.What about Caitlin?
    16. Is Nan okay?
    17. Are you happier?

    Sorry that there's heaps of questions. I'm just nervous about the future, or if I even have a future. I'll see you in a year, I guess.

    I loves you. Good luck xx
    December 9th, 2014 at 03:59pm