Write a letter to yourself...

I've never done this before that I can recall, but I want to give it a try.

---

Dear Future Caitallo,

First off, I know odds are good that you will forget all about this and never check this, and that's okay, I guess, we've had memory issues for our entire life after all. I don't expect that to ever really change. For the record, since I know you'll definitely forget this detail, the date is 1/30/2017.

Things have been difficult for you lately. Student teaching has been difficult. You recently faced a major setback that I won't get into here. How did all of that ever resolve? Are you still in the teaching field or trying to find a job in it, or did you decide to do something else?

I know you want a kid, but that you're uncertain of when to go about trying to have one. Are you still childless or has the time come? (Or has it happened regardless of the time? lol)

How is Bear? How are Maranda, Chris, and their lovely children? How is the rest of your family and friends? How are the dogs? How about Watson? Is Britney still alive?

How are your creative projects going? Did you finish The Impossible Children yet? How is the MonsterMASH series going? Or that Glee zombie apocalypse one? Did you ever post any of that Quantum Leap fic? Have you worked on any original projects? Have you started anything new of interest, original or fanfic?

Anyway, I hope I got through things this year in a way that you can be reasonably proud of. I hope that you are a better and stronger person than me. I know that I am a better and stronger person than the me of years past, and I wish to continue growing positively as a person.

Sincerely,

Caitallo (circa 2017)

louis tomlinson.:

Dear Past Kara,

Wow, I can't believe I remembered to check this! I'll be honest, this letter made me smile. We're doing so well compared to how we were the first 2 years of high school and I'm so proud of you.

Senior year isn't as great as junior year, I'm sorry to tell you. AP Literature is nothing like AP Lang. Ms. Miller is just as much of a she-devil as everyone says. College apps are stressful and difficult, but you're basically done, so it's not bad. I'm just trying my best right now and it's okay. I'm surviving.

Cheer is going well. Bridget quit, amazingly, so it'll just be you. You and Carly are basing together again, and it's great. You're gonna feel so much closer to your team this year compared to the years past. Even Hannah is starting to grow on me. Yes, it sucks sometimes, but overall you love it. Don't even lie.

Football just ended. Senior night was emotional but nice. Danny will be your football player, and he'll ask for chocolate chip cookies every single week. He'll never tell you this to your face, but apparently they're the best things he's ever eaten. Remember when you first saw him freshman year and you had study hall with him every Friday? He's so nice and lovely (and TALL) but he's never attempted to move beyond friends and we all know I'm too scared to so that's how it shall be.

Oh, and other Danny? He's here in the back of my mind. You'll go to ring with him, by the way, and it will be fun except Maria will come with you guys everywhere and basically hijack your night. You and her stop being friends, too. It doesn't matter anymore, and I mean that. She was willing to throw away your friendship over something dumb and trivial and that says more than enough.

Back to Danny. He's got another girlfriend, of course. I'm trying to get over him by writing a lot of poems and convincing myself we'd never work, but honestly, I think he's just gonna be one of those people I'll never ever get over. And that's okay. He's been in your life for as long as you can remember, and he's always cared about you. Be thankful that you have someone like him on your side in the first place.

Also, over the summer you'll go to London and Paris with the rest of the fam. It is amazing. I don't think I'll ever be happier than the time I was in London. It was just as beautiful and fucking magical as we always dreamed it would be.

We're okay, overall. Sometimes I feel like everyone else is growing up and I'm staying exactly the same, but deep down I know it's not true. I'm doing so much better than when I first entered high school. I have a job and a car and good friends and it's a good life. You'll see it soon enough.

Love,

Future Kara

P.S. Zayn leaves on March 25. Unstan immediately. Save yourself.

Dear Past Kara,

Well, it's been over a year, but it's okay. You're in college now, woohoo. UConn of all places, can you believe that? You got into BU, of course, but at $60,000 a year, it just didn't work out. It's okay though, this is a good alternative.

I'll admit it, I wasn't happy here at first. Ashley was going out a lot and making lots of other friends and she was different for a while, and it felt like I stayed exactly the same and had nobody. It didn't help that my roommate is kind of a homebody too and never went out much either. On top of that, I wasn't taking my meds. Smart, I know. So yeah, for the first month or so I was pretty depressed and whatever.

But then Ashley's roommate ended up being a complete psycho and she moved out, and Ashley realized how much she needed me, which was cool. So we're good now and we're a lot closer than we were before. I joined a lot of clubs and made new friends and everything is good. I haven't talked to Lauren since October, and I don't feel like I need to. But it's good to know that if I want to, I can.

Classes are good. It's hard sometimes and there are definitely a lot of late nights and struggling, but in the end I did pretty well last semester. I like my classes this semester too and I've made a lot of friends in them than I did last semester.

Brian graduated in December but he's still living up here. I visit him sometimes and we get along a lot better than we did when he was at home. I'm lucky to have him to go to when I need help or just want to get away from my room for a while. He might be moving to DC, so I know I'll miss him next year.

What else, what else. I turned 18 back in December and FINALLY pierced my nose. Mom was not happy. Dad didn't care that much. Everyone made a couple comments, but it's fine because I love the way I look. It's something I've wanted for a long, long time and I'm happy I got to do it.

Danny is fine. He's in New Hampshire, and still with Grace. Part of me wants to give up but I know I never will. He makes it very, very hard.

Anyway, that's really all I can think of right now. We're doing pretty good.

Lots of love,

Future Kara

-

Dear You,

I know shit seems bleak right now, but I know it'll get better. I hope you were able to move past this horrible break up. Don't think back to him, I know he felt like the love of your life...but those types don't make you feel like he made you feel. I hope by the time you read this in a year or two, that you'll be steadier, making more money, and enjoying time with your family.

If there's a man in your life, he better be a man who doesn't keep asking for money from you, I hope you didn't tell him too much of your past -- don't make that mistake anymore, let him see you and not your past. Your past does not define you, at all. I hope this new man makes you feel like a goddess, if he doesn't don't waste your time.

I hope that you're writing creativity got better, I hope you've got a new laptop and working on photoshop again, and I just really hope you're somewhere better. I tried to look back to see if I wrote myself a letter when you were still with him, but thankfully no. I really hope you got rid of those photos of him too. I know I have them saved on the laptop right now, but I hope you deleted them by the time you read this. I know he's handsome and one of the most handsome you ever got to call your own. I know.

I hope you and Carmen are on better speaking terms. I hope she eases the fuck up on you and let's the chip on her shoulder fall off. If not, don't worry about it. I hope you someday get to travel to Cali or even NC to see Patents and Sonny, I hope you get to do more.

Please try harder in loving yourself. Right now I'm gaining weight again, I hope future you looks better than what I look now. Either way you're beautiful but I know how I get. So I hope you're happy mama.

P. S. If the ex comes back into our life somehow...be level-headed. Let him know how horribly he treated you. Don't let him off the hook for fear of losing him again. He's not worth it.

exploding boy.:

2016 Victoria,

You better have lost the weight we promised to lose. I swear, if I read this back again and you've gone up another dress size, I'll be so disappointed / sad. You need to get healthy, and you need to do it now. No more Dominos every month and McDonalds every other week. Cut out the sugary drinks. Yes, Irn Bru too. Moderation is key.

Also, learn to drive. You're 22 now and if you can't drive, that'd be pretty lame. Get your finances in order and become more of an organised person (I loathe to use the world adult) because you're going to regret being a stupid idiot in the future. Are you organised? You'd better be or I'm leaping through this screen and slapping you full across the face.

Did you get to Turkey? I really hope so because your friends from Verbs are some of the most incredible people you ever met and you'd better be keeping in touch. Have you organised any further trips? Get saving for America, too. You'll need the money so you can go crazy at Harry Potter World.

You're (hopefully) a graduate now, too, how does that feel? Did you get anywhere? Have you gone onto further education or are you taking a gap year to save up money? Either of those is cool, just as long as you've managed to find a job that isn't in that call centre because it's draining your soul. I hope you got to do something in the field that you trained in, though. That'd be awesome.

I also hope you're saving like hell for that little townhouse life in Quebec or Nova Scotia. Also, how's the French coming along? I hope you've been able to actually learn another language instead of falling into the ignorant Brit stereotype of not being able to speak another language. Did you ever try out Russian? That'd be cool.

Again, I hope most of all that you're a lot happier than I am right now. That would make me so happy, if you were getting on well in the future and had gotten rid of the issues that I have right now. That's all I want for you, to not feel like I do. ]

Speak to you in a year, future me,

Victoria of 14 December, 2015.

---

2015 Victoria,

A year late, I'm 2017 Victoria. Still never managed to get the hang of not being a complete scatterbrain. Such is life.

Weight isn't off, but weight isn't on either. No more dress sizes, but not down any. That's the goal over the next year -- down at least one. Same every year, but maybe I'll actually do it. Still not driving, and we're no longer going to America. Saving up for Spain, though, which is great. Turkey was amazing, and I'm keeping in touch with my faves. Sina now messages me in German to help me out, which is lovely. Karen's getting a little bitchy about the time we had away, but I definitely still miss Verbs as much as I did last year.

Graduate, yes. Out of the call centre, no. Going up in that place though. Next stop, business trainer. Honestly, it's just a stop-gap. Saving up money for going abroad, but not to Canada. It ended up being too expensive. Munich / Dresden is the new plan and it will happen. I'm determined. German is coming along okay. Not speakable by any means, but more than rudimentary, which isn't bad. Hopefully by the time 2018 Victoria materialises, she'll be fluent.

I don't think I'm where I want to be, but I'm happier. That's gotta be good.

Yours,
2017 Victoria

---

2018 Victoria (or 2019, probably),

Your. Dress. Size. Better. Be. Lower. Than. A. 16. I swear if it isn't I'll be madder than a mad thing. Get healthy. Keep eating loads of fruit and stop it with the Irn Bru. Yes, it is a life force but it's probably rotting your intestines. Cycle more. Live instead of sitting in front of a games console.

Learn to drive. Seriously, just do it. Even if you never drive, it's a handy skill to have. Also keep at the German. If you're not at least semi-fluent by now then you're doing something wrong. OH and stop swearing. You'll get yourself into trouble sometime because of it. If you've not already moved to Germany, I hope like hell you're either promoted in that place or not there anymore. Don't waste your life away at the bottom rung when you've got a degree. You're better than sitting content. Push your way up if you have to. Also if you're in Germany you had better have gone and watched Bayern play live because if you haven't I'm going to actually destroy your life.

Get a tattoo. Be happy. Keep the gardening up -- it's therapeutic and it's definitely keeping you sane. By this point Felix'll be literally superstar on FIFA so if he's not then you're a loser.

Catch you soon,
2017 Victoria

the reverend.:

Dear past past past 'Sami'.

Sorry it's been two years, sweetheart. I forgot all about you.

Let me know how you're getting on.
Much love,
Samantha (yep, you go by this now.)
Written April 22nd at around 5am. Get to sleep.

Dear Samantha,

I removed so much of your past letter from the quote without even reading over it again.

All of it was just bad. And I knew if you'd read over it you'd spend the rest of today crying.

So, my dear, we'll rewind back to last July. You moved 100+ miles from your hometown, and everything seemed to get better. Yeno, you just felt better. You were lost back there without your Grandmother. And when your relationship ended, your choice, because he was a complete ....words fail me (we don't want to talk about this), you knew you had to get out of this place.

And for a while it was going really well. You found a job, you were happy. Happy being just you, for the first time in months you didn't have to ask if how you were dressed would hurt feelings. You didn't have to walk on eggshells. You didn't have to edit yourself in any way. Most importantly, you realised that you had to wait for someone special before you'd ever open your heart again. You'd been vulnerable before and it all went wrong. No matter how lonely you get without the company, just remember.. That someone will come along. Eventually.

You're bobbing along, enjoying life. I mean, you miss your sister and the kids, but you're happy. And you have plans to see them every holiday. So it's okay. Being happy and being you is the main thing.

You're enjoying work, and not much else in your life is going on. So we'll skip forward a bit.

You go on dates. Not many, but a few. You realise that you need to get yourself out there. But you don't rush it, instead take your time dating. Get to know them, and have fun.

Now is around the time you meet J. He invites you to the cinema for your first date, and afterwards you have a very romantic meal @ KFC. This was your idea, simply because you'd never eaten there... and I highly doubt you'll ever go back. But the time with J was nice all the same. Before the date you had both agreed that neither were wanting something serious straight off, however, from that first date you were completely inseparable. Every weekend spent together. And you knew that you were starting to like him far more than you wanted to, but it was unavoidable - here he was, someone so gentle, sweet and generous. He's patient, and willing to listen to every word you have to say. And wipes the tears from your cheeks every time you cry (which, for the record, has been many times now). He's different from every other guy you've ever been involved with. You don't feel as though he's trying to own you or control you, he lets you be you. Which is the way it should always be.

At this point I feel you are slowly growing to love him, you're scared, but slowly you're letting go of that fear.

So, I'm hoping by the next letter you'll have something even better to say about this. I have a good feeling it'll work out.

There has been a few other bad things in 2017. Your cousin passed away and honestly, we'll skim over that in this letter because right now it doesn't feel real. Even a few months later you still question how this could've happened.

You also lost your job, cos guess what, your boss was a mad creep and you suspect he got jealous of your boyfriend.

That brings me pretty much up to now. What are you doing right now, as you read this?
Current you is watching Rick & Morty and eating your body weight in Jaffa Cakes.

Until next time.
Much love,
Samantha
written April 11 at 2:35pm.

P.S stop eating so much junk food xox

florence:

Dear past Amanda,

The world hasn't ended... yet. Mom and dad are good. Pretty much the same. Jack is as loud as ever. He's a lot taller and a lot bigger now. He just bought a 140 lb workout vest and he is addicted to video games too. We're still friends with Grant, he's got a job and goes to school part time now, and they're moving to a new house! Jessie and Derick are away at college most of the time. I see Kayla maybe twice or so a year... I think we are cool that way, and we'll probably always be comfortable as friends. Izek has been MIA for a long time.

I have a new friend named Andre who is one of the most amazing people I've ever known. A lot of new friends, actually. I'm working 3rd shift at a store now, and my feelings seem to be changing and growing all the time. It's weird how much time changes things.

Since this last letter, I went to public school for the first time and graduated high school. Those four years were tough. But I learned a lot and I am much less shy about the world now.

I recently posted a bit more on Mibba... my main addictions now are YouTube and Netflix and Minecraft. I started learning guitar. And Swedish. I'm pretty fluent in Spanish now too! I traveled to Costa Rica one summer, then Mexico two summers later... you probably wouldn't believe that! But I swear it's true, and traveling is honestly so eye opening and amazing.

I still write sometimes. Maybe not as often or in the same ways but I think writing is a way to put my feeling into words and get rid of any frustration with creative expression. That'll always be there for me, I think.

I'm not really religious. My views are agnostic mostly. I feel older for sure, and I keep feeling older every year. I still have SO much to learn... I feel like a baby sometimes still. My main thing is staying in the present moment and realizing that all things must pass, then using my time to my advantage and achieving goals that I set for myself to keep motivated in life.

I am MUCH more happy now than I ever was, and I am glad to be me. I want to keep improving all the time though, and you inspire me more than you know. Thank you.

Much love from me,
Future Amanda
PS yes I have a snake now. His name is Haku

~~~

NOW

Dear future Amanda,

How's the family? Have any new additions been added to that?

Who are your main friends now? Any lovers yet? Pets?
How is guitar going? Swedish?

How's your health doing?

Tell me about yourself now, if you've been any new places or seen anything really new or interesting or crazy!

Do you still feel like you are changing all the time?

xx
Past Amanda

~~~

2018

The family is well. Jack went to college, lived in a dorm for one whole semester, but now he's back home. I've lived in an apartment with 2 roommates for almost a year now. No new additions to the family yet. Mom and dad are alright, don't see them all as much anymore but when I do it's nice.

My main friends now are probably online ones... boyfriend too. We've only been together 1 month but I love him and we feel so close to each other and like we truly improve each other in many ways. I've started eating better, working out every day, doing more homework... I'm at the college I always wanted to go to, don't have a job currently just a full time student. I spent one year at community college and that went well. Honestly liked it better there, but here I can do botany which makes it worth.

No new pets. Guitar stopped, Swedish stopped, I've been doing a lot more yoyo but not lately. I mostly play League and other video games in my free time. I'm getting really good at it. Taking a passion seriously makes it better in a lot of ways, I've found. I recently also removed many friends from my life that I felt were toxic and didn't care for me much. It's been fresh and taken a weight off of me that I did not notice was even there. My health is alright, though, overall.

I've been to Texas... that was interesting, I'm sure you will remember that trip. Did some drugs and drank some alcohol, but not planning to do that anymore.

I do feel like I am changing still, but not nearly as much as before. I feel more myself now, and I don't really know how much that will continue to change. It's a good thing. Of course I still learn new things all the time though.

Much love,
Past Amanda

NOW

Amanda of the future,

How's that relationship going? Move anywhere yet? How's the fam? New friends?

What have you learned about life since we last wrote? What's new in the world?
What are the craziest experiences you've had these past years?

Did you meet any of your goals? I hope so. What are the new ones?

Tell me about what you are doing to become a better me!

Love and best wishes always,
Past Amanda

swell:

Dear 2017 Alex,
I hope you have a full time job by now or you're travelling or you're getting your grad dip / masters. It'd be nice if you met someone but it's not a priority, you being your best self is who you should continue to be without letting anyone threaten that or get in the way. I really hope you haven't fallen off the wagon in terms of gym or work or boys (you know the boy I'm talking about, THE BOY - notice how I say boy and not man ok). 2016 Alex has thought of dark shit, yes, but 2016 Alex is also the happiest that I've ever been. I don't think I knew what true happiness was until this year. Cliche? Yes. Would you take it back? Hell no. Continue being your badass, unapologetic, true to yourself girl.

Don't ever let anyone determine your self-worth or make you feel any less of the sexy self that you are. YOU GOT THIS.

Dear 2018 Alex,
Oops on the full time job, oops on the travelling but yay for the masters? No I haven't met anyone and even though you want to be dating, for the most part you are so happy being single so you know girl. KEEP ON KEEPING ON. HAHAHAHA I LOVE HOW I KNOW exactly who the boy is and guess what 2k16 alex, you fucked him off and then brought him back and then came to a healthy medium with him and then dated his friend and well lol that didn't end well but you've moved on (after successfully deleting him off everything) so no more boys that pretend to be nice but aren't really 2k18.

GOD @ 2K16 ALEX. YOU THOUGHT 2016 WAS THE HAPPIEST YOU COULD BE? bc 2017 ok was a mad ride but I wouldn't take any of it back for the world and 2018 is going to be the best year yet. IT IS AMAZING what life is like when YOU CONTINUE TO BE YOUR BASASS, UNAPOLOGETIC & TRUE TO YOURSELF WOMAN.

Sidenote I don't think anyone loves themselves as much as I love myself HAHA.

In all seriousness though, I want to see that hot bod. I want to see you in a full time job so you can afford those gym sessions. I want you to put your 100% into everything instead of just floating through life bc gd woman you are more than that. YOU ARE MORE THAN THAT. And also, only see guys that physically make u ache ok bye love u xxxx

Dear Gatsby 2k19,

Look at you, here you are. It isn't where you'd thought you'd be, not by a long shot. You still have a long way to go, but you're trying. Recovery is hard, but you're pushing forward and I cannot wait to see where you go.

You bought yourself a shirt that says "Love yourself". I can't wait to see you wear it proudly; to let the message really sink in until you truly do.

You've started letting yourself like the things you want to, to listen to music you've always enjoyed with a tinge of fear and guilt, to watch television that you never would have dared mention, to learn a language that would get you thrown out of your house because you adore the way it sounds. Baby steps, baby, how far can you take this? Is the moon too far? I don't think so. You shoot for that moon.

On top of that, you're finally coming into your identity. Those pieces of you that were missing, bothering away at the base of your mind that were all but taboo in that ugly house, with those toxic people. Let me tell you something, those people are not your family. You will make your family, just like you have made yourself.

You have come so far in these six months, keep going. Don't look back, even if you fall.

Love,

Gatsby 2k18

Dear 2019 Me,

I hope this letter finds you well and happy. I hope you have achieved the following:

1. First and foremost, happiness. I hope that whatever you do in life, it brings you happiness and purpose. Not only happiness to yourself, but also to those around you. I hope that you are continuing living happily with your partner and family. Money comes and goes, but people do not. I hope you have cherished them as much as you could and made the most of what you have. Your father isn't really well right now, and I know your mother misses you terribly. When you read this, please tell me you visited them as often as you can or, at least called them more than 2018 me. I know life gets busy, but sometimes when we are so busy growing up, we forget our parents are growing old. Remember them and cherish them. And that includes your siblings.

2. I hope you are well and healthy. Or, as healthy as you could be. Like happiness, health cannot be bought. I hope you continued your 5AM gym and walking/running Patches schedule. I know 2018 me is gotten into this routine, I hope you have gotten into a routine. I know once upon a time we had abs, but now that time has passed... I am quite satisfied with just being "healthy" and I hope you maintained it!

3. Purpose. This is closely listed under "happiness", but 2018 me wanted to elaborate. Are you doing med? 2018 me is struggling. Everyday. And I'm questioning myself. I want to do this, but it's so hard and exhausting. I hope you still are. If not, that's okay. It's not the end of the road. Maybe it wasn't for you. I hope you have a better grip in life. Just because you aren't doing it doesn't that you are a failure. 2018 Me is still coming into terms with this. Maybe this isn't for us? If you are doing it, congratulations. I am so proud of you. If you aren't, I hope that whatever you are doing gives you purpose. And still, I am so proud of you.

P.S Here are some questions I want you to answer when you read this:
- Did you try your absolute hardest? Why/why not?
- Did you finish a story here on Mibba? (This is a continuous challenge for me, lol) WHY NOT, DAMMIT.
- Have you saved enough money? What did you spend it on?
- Are you in a better place now?

Yours truly,
❤

-

-

nearly witches.:

---

2018 Victoria (or 2019, probably),

Your. Dress. Size. Better. Be. Lower. Than. A. 16. I swear if it isn't I'll be madder than a mad thing. Get healthy. Keep eating loads of fruit and stop it with the Irn Bru. Yes, it is a life force but it's probably rotting your intestines. Cycle more. Live instead of sitting in front of a games console.

Learn to drive. Seriously, just do it. Even if you never drive, it's a handy skill to have. Also keep at the German. If you're not at least semi-fluent by now then you're doing something wrong. OH and stop swearing. You'll get yourself into trouble sometime because of it. If you've not already moved to Germany, I hope like hell you're either promoted in that place or not there anymore. Don't waste your life away at the bottom rung when you've got a degree. You're better than sitting content. Push your way up if you have to. Also if you're in Germany you had better have gone and watched Bayern play live because if you haven't I'm going to actually destroy your life.

Get a tattoo. Be happy. Keep the gardening up -- it's therapeutic and it's definitely keeping you sane. By this point Felix'll be literally superstar on FIFA so if he's not then you're a loser.

Catch you soon,
2017 Victoria

Hi 2017. It's 2020 now. I'm terrible at this.

It's not. It's getting there, but it's not. Irn Bru addiction is basically gone and because of this lockdown, so's the caffeine addiction. You might actually kick it this year. Cycling is a no-go just now, at least until the new inner tube arrives. Hopefully soon, cycling is the only thing keeping me sane in this lockdown. The games console thing... eh, it's not the worst thing. I could be doing worse.

Still can't drive lmao. Not that I really care. It isn't a priority. And the German - yeah, I'd say semi-fluent. Dithering on the whole moving thing but we'll see what the next few years bring. The swearing hasn't stopped and probably never will. Still on the bottom rung, but the second the lockdown is over it's time for job hunting. Hopefully 2021 brings good things seeing as 2020 is out the window. And yeah, you went to see Bayern. 2018. Great fun even if we did draw 3 each with Fortuna, of all teams.

Tattoo has happened, many more planned. Happier than I've ever been and thinking that maybe relationships don't sound as bad as they did before. Maybe something will have happened with him by the time you get to whatever year we're actually allowed out the house in. Garden is lovely, and I haven't placed FIFA 17 in years.

Goals for whatever year it is now: be healthier, happier, move the fuck out of here and into your own space. And maybe learn to drive idk.

See you in a few years,
Quarintine Vic

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