Feminism

I'm feeling really stupid because I'm experiencing some mild sexual harassment at work and I feel like I will be pegged as a troublemaker or not get promoted if I say anything. He isn't touching me but today he made vague comments about my sex life and referred to what would happen to another girl's "titties" if she got pregnant. I also feel bad because he's a decent guy going through some major family issues right now.

As a feminist, I feel stupid because I know what I should do I just don't think it will actually help. Plus training is over in a week. I feel dumb...

I hate how because I'm a feminist people have to automatic right to turn everything I do into some sort of weird man hating act. Like, when I say it's completely uncalled for men to hit woman and woman to hit man everyone who opposes gets this giant uproar and says stupid stuff like "Why on earth are you such a man hater?! If you're all for equality, let people do what they want! Shut up you male hating scum, go back to your cult."

Another common question or issue is when people ask "why" I'm a feminist. The lovely Laci Green explains that perfectly right here.

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I'm really worried about starting college.

I'm a physics major, and it's a field made up of 75% males, and I've heard a lot of the guys can be pretty sexist and kind of assholes (especially in the sciences). I've never had an issue of people thinking I'm less capable intellectually because of a girl I'm just worried that I'm not going to be able to handle it if it does come up as a problem.

I guess I'll have to work on beating them at their own game, right?

I mean they had 50 people going into physics take a scholarship test, and only 10 scholarships went out. One was to me and I was the only girl who got one, so that's at least something to tell myself if anyone tries to tell me otherwise.

I shouldn't even be worrying about this though, it's too soon to tell whether or not it will be a problem.

@ theory of relativity
It happens and I'm not going to tell you it's too easy to worry, because everyone worries about things at their own pace. Plus, I'm the person that definitely should never criticize anyone over worrying too soon. I'm practically a professional worrier. Although I will say that the best way to handle it is to beat them at their own game. Tell them to step up or shut up and then show you're just as good, if not better than they are. When I've been in male dominated classes and done better than the guys, there is always that satisfaction when they realize that I'm doing better. It was also fun when a couple of the worst offenders had to ask me for help. It's not always easy to deal with and sometimes it sucks, but totally use that as fuel to stay awesome.

@ CallusedSilk
Thank you so much for that advice!

I was just worried because, like, I've never exactly dealt with it before and I tend to easily get angry about that sort of stuff. But I guess I'll just have to try to take things one day at a time and see what happens. No use getting too worked up over it.

@ theory of relativity
I won't lie to you. Sometimes it's infuriating. Even just with minor things in my life. There will be days when you possibly just don't want to deal with it, and that's okay. However, I will say that it's a fabulous fuel to get even better than before. Kind of like listening to pump up music when you're exercising? Picturing the look on their face when you one up them in that class or that subject or whatever? It can push you to go further and keep going in general.

@ CallusedSilk
I will keep that all in mind! But yes I think proving people wrong is honestly the best way to get back at them. I don't know if you've ever seen the show The Hour but one of my favorite quotes is "Success is the best revenge" or something along those lines.

@ theory of relativity
I haven't seen the show, but I have heard the saying. It's true though. Good news is that not all guys are douchebags, so there will be at least some guys that will see you as the equal (or possibly superior in some cases) that you are, and will treat you as such.

It's ridiculous, so many saying "I don't need feminism because I can stand for myself" or, "I'm not oppressed" maybe you don't need feminism, but it isn't just about you, there are women and girls out there who do need it, because they are raped, sold for sex, beaten, sold as child brides and refused an education all due to gender, why diss a movement that tries to give girls in worse places a chance in life?

And the Tumblr Justice blogs are honestly terrifying because even if you're new to the community and want to learn about feminism you get attacked for asking questions. There shouldn't be a "hate on the questioners" vibe going on and sadly there is. Instead, sit down and kindly explain to them what it is. Extremists are just completely in an over the top. They bubble over the edges of the pot and mess up your entire stove top.

Most the time, feminism in action doesn't explicitly call itself feminism. I'm talking about things like campaigning for sex ed, same sex marriage, equal pay, maternity leave, reproductive health access, transgender health care, representation, implementing sexual assault/harassment policies, getting women into stem, etc. I think this confused void about what feminists *actually do and believe in* allows the space to be sensationalized by a loud, extreme minority and predatory media sources who see a "hot story". Onlookers who don't know their history or what feminism is (and don't take the time to learn...) naturally take the bait and then end up railing against something that isn't even an accurate representation of feminism in the first place. Then feminists are pissed, and anti-feminists are pissed (though misogynists are usually quite happy) and we've whipped ourselves up a nice divisive shitstorm of "whose side are you on"?

I understand it's unpopular amongst some feminists to concede that there are extremists; "there's nothing wrong with radical action" and "they're a part of the movement too"! I think those are valid points, but I also think we have to admit that it can really alienate people from the cause, and perhaps that one trend #WomenAgainstFeminism is proof.

@ theory of relativity
First of all, wow, congrats on getting that physics scholarship!!

Secondly, I'm also a female scientist (currently pursuing my bachelor's in Biological Sciences) and in my experience it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be? I'm not saying you won't encounter elitist assholes, because you will, and I've known a handful of guys like that, but honestly I feel like college is completely different than what I was expecting and the people are a lot more open minded. And that you should be fine when people realize you're serious about the subject matter and succeed in your classes. :)

At least, that's been my experience, and I guess that also depends on where you go - I attend the University of Delaware, and from my experience so far it's a pretty open minded place in general.

Try not to worry too much so soon, I'm sure things will end up just fine!! Good luck

It saddens me to hear that when most people hear "feminism" they think, "Oh, they hate men." Like, NO. That is not feminism! It is equal rights for both men and women! The people who talk about feminism being "hating men" are really bringing the feminism community down. I'd at least understand if they weren't educated on it, but even when people are taught what true feminism is, they still don't change their minds about it. I take pride in being a feminist, and every female should, too.

@ soft skeletons.
I hate that. I feel like it also has a lot to do with misogyny and the idea that women are over-emotional, therefore movements to further the rights for women are being degraded into a gross "generalization" (that isn't even true) of this perceived emotionality. Therefore rather than addressing the issues at hand, the feminist movement can instead just be written off as "eh, they're just man haters, they're probably PMSing".

What saddens me the most is when other women perpetuate these ideas, without even realizing just how deeply ingrained their internalized misogyny is. I mean, I could understand if someone was hesitant to label themselves a "feminist" due to the problematic nature some parts of the movement has been, when it comes to racism and transphobia (which I feel is getting better, especially given how prominent people like Laverne Cox and Janet Mock have become, but it might just be the feminist circles I tend to run in personally, so I can't say for sure about the more mainstream parts of the movement), but usually it's boiled down to "I'm not a man-hater, I care about equal rights." And it's sad and frustrating because that is precisely what feminism is about.

@ consulting detective
You put everything into words perfectly and I don't even know how to write back a good response that'll sound so well-put together.

I agree with you, the circles which we both run in are definitely pointed towards which "type" of feminists we are — even though our type is a normal feminist. I have maybe one or two friends who are feminist and who share my ideals, but I'm not as open about it as I wish I was because of the bad labeling. If I could talk as freely in public as I could here, I'd be a completely different person than I am now.

I asked my mom if she was a feminist and what she thought about equal rights for men and women, and I was so ashamed when she said, "Women already have equal rights, don't they?" I found it so disheartening to have to inform my own mother of things going on in the world. It's not so much that I was ashamed of her, just the world in general. It shouldn't be a common idea that we naturally have equal share and pay to men, because we just don't. And then my mom wondered how I was aware of some of these facts, and I couldn't tell her tumblr because she views tumblr as false information on all things. Yes, not everything you read on the internet is true, I'm aware, but my parents seem to think EVERYTHING on the internet is false.

I'm appreciative that more popular female artists nowadays are starting to spread an awareness of feminism. While I wasn't a fan of Beyonce's act at the VMA's simply because I don't like her more recent music, I was very pleased to see her showcase a huge feminist sign to over half the world, and even have the right mind to define what a real feminist believes in. I think we're on our way to spreading awareness, even if it's taking slower than we'd like it to happen.

@ soft skeletons.
I think you did just fine ;D

Yes, I didn't mean to label feminism into "types" or anything, but I guess more of distinguishing between social networking and more homegrown feminist movements that tend to be more accepting versus mainstream feminism that is still fraught with these problems especially with larger scale protests. I really like this tumblr post that sums it all up brilliantly. I have the same issue, not being as open about discussing this topic because of the perceptions of "feminist" that the latter half of the post touch on. Plus I think just debating it can be difficult at times particularly with cis men because I tend to get very emotional discussing certain feminist topics because they've affected me so greatly and yet because they don't have the same set of experiences that I've had during my life, they can remain detached and then they start to see themselves as the "logical" and therefore "right" side of the debate. And it can become infuriating to me at times, so often I just stay out of the conversation altogether.

There have actually been plenty of times my mom and my friends have come to ask me questions about feminism or queer rights, if they ever see anything in the news they're not 100% certain they understand or not. My mom is well aware of sexism still existing particularly because of her own experiences as a teenager/young adult in Japan but I think sometimes because of that she doesn't realize how rampant it is in still in the United States. So I kind of understand where you're coming from in that. I feel that way particularly when other females are caught up in anti-feminist movements like the "I don't need feminist because..." one.

So was I! I'm not really into Beyonce's music personally, but I really appreciated a lot of the themes within her lyrics in her most recent album and especially of her act in the VMA's. This is also how I feel about Nicki Minaj. Like I really wish I liked their music more so I could really support them because I adore their celebrity personas (since I feel kinda weird saying I like them as people when I don't really know them, but I figure you get my meaning). Also, have you ever listened to Janelle Monae? I love her music and she's one of my biggest feminist idols right now. Here is her song "Q.U.E.E.N." which is amazing but then Electric Lady as a whole album is just...

I'm definitely a feminist. Helping marginalized groups was actually my job last year, and I want to make a difference in the world. I'm sick of living in a toxic society where people can't be themselves.

soft skeletons.:

It saddens me to hear that when most people hear "feminism" they think, "Oh, they hate men." Like, NO. That is not feminism! It is equal rights for both men and women! The people who talk about feminism being "hating men" are really bringing the feminism community down. I'd at least understand if they weren't educated on it, but even when people are taught what true feminism is, they still don't change their minds about it. I take pride in being a feminist, and every female should, too.

This
I wish more people understood what the term "extremist" means. It irks me how a lot of girls want equal rights but refuse to call themselves feminists because of the bad rep it's got. It also makes me sad that the only time my guy friend really speaks about feminism is to defend the male gender when it's being attacked by extreme feminists because for starters, sexism against men isn't going to solve sexism against women and these "feminists" are taking attention away from the real issues and making a mockery of the cause.

@ vallora.
Sadly, it's not just in extremists that I see issues. Then again, I also have an issue with terminology in general. It's a fact that academics in research pretty much consider the term 'sexism' to mean men treating women badly. Power is always taken into account when deeming whether something is sexist, and I don't actually think that's a truly fair way to look at it, especially since it's then also considered that women are never truly in power over men, so women can never truly be sexist to men. They can show discrimination and bigotry, but the big bad term 'sexism' or 'sexist' can't be labeled on it. And I find that odd, and maybe it's just the amount of power we've all put into words like feminism, sexism and other things that gets me annoyed when it can't just flat out be one person treating another person badly or making assumptions about someone simply because of their gender or just flat out be about equality.

I also dislike this idea that there's 'true' feminism, as if there's some central body of feminists that all 100% agree on what it means to be a feminist. If I asked every single person a list of questions about what did or did not qualify as sexist, I seriously doubt that we'd all agree on them, or even potentially all agree upon what steps feminists need to take. Arguments that have happened already have proven that.

@ CallusedSilk
There are people out there who actually think girls can't be sexist? That's stupid, but I think you're right about putting to much power into the meaning of words.

I don't think there is any solid definition of what it means to be a 'true' feminist, it just annoys me that so many women don't want to be associated with the term because of the bad rep feminism has.

@ vallora.
Fair enough. I'm still cautious about calling myself feminist, because I'm not sure if it helps or hinders my conversations to label it upfront and bring any and all perceptions about that term with it. So if I do call myself a feminist, it's usually toward the end of a lengthy conversation.