Being Able to Choose the Sex of Your Child

pierrot the clown.:

To decide whether something should be legal or not, we have to go through all the what if's. If not, nobody would discuss anything.

What ifs are apart of everyday life though.... And it's already legal...

pierrot the clown.:

I don't understand how that's a response to what I said. In fact, I don't think I understand what you're trying to say at all. I was explaining why I didn't think it was wrong when done for medical reasons, that's all.

I'm just saying that there would still be that gender issue if the baby's sex was chosen for medical reasons. (In that hypothetical situation.)

pierrot the clown.:

So if a teenager is thrown out of his house for being gay, I shouldn't care because it's not my family. And if a man commits a hate crime against someone of color, I shouldn't care because the man's different, who am I to tell him he can't? And if a woman is raped, I shouldn't care because it's not my life. Ok, I didn't know things worked that way.

Those are situations that do with hate, racism and violence, which this issue has nothing to do with, so?

Jewel Nicole:

Everyone's different, people want different things, and that's okay, though. Who are we to tell them that they can't? Y'know? I mean, it's not our place to put our two cents, it's not our life, family, or baby.

pierrot the clown.:

So if a teenager is thrown out of his house for being gay, I shouldn't care because it's not my family. And if a man commits a hate crime against someone of color, I shouldn't care because the man's different, who am I to tell him he can't? And if a woman is raped, I shouldn't care because it's not my life. Ok, I didn't know things worked that way.

It was a response to what you said, about me basically interfering with other people's business when I shouldn't. I'm telling you that maybe it isn't entirely the family's business, but society's, and I belong in that society. And if I can do something to make that society see that men and women are not as different as it makes them out to be, I'll feel better.

And I'm not going to address that specific issue anymore, because, as I first stated, it belongs in another thread and wasn't the main focus of my post.

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What ifs are apart of everyday life though.... And it's already legal...

It's not legal everywhere in the world, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought in the U.S. and the U.K. it was only legal for medical reasons.

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I'm just saying that there would still be that gender issue if the baby's sex was chosen for medical reasons. (In that hypothetical situation.)

Maybe, but isn't that better than maybe dying at age 15 because of a disease that could've been prevented? That's why I said that, for the most part, the diseases that choosing a baby's sex prevents would be more problematic than gender issues.

^It's legal, in the US, as far as I know, it just costs a great deal of money. Source.

"In the United States, IVF with PGD can cost up to $19,000, which is why many Americans find themselves seeking fertility treatment in places like Mexico, Costa Rica and other nearby countries."

Jewel Nicole:

Everyone's different, people want different things, and that's okay, though. Who are we to tell them that they can't? Y'know? I mean, it's not our place to put our two cents, it's not our life, family, or baby.

The issue isn't about telling people what they should or shouldn't do, it's more about deconstructing the issue of why parent(s) would choose one sex over the other. Why would parents choose a female baby over a male baby? Why would parents choose a male baby over a female baby? There are complex societal issues behind those choices, and not everybody sees that as healthy and good. If someone wants to fork out thousands of dollars for this procedure just so they can choose the sex of their child, that's their prerogative if it's legal. But there are issues that should be talked about and discussed, and this is one of them.

If a couple of parents choose a girl over a boy because they don't want to raise boys, or visa versa, that can be seen as problematic. It's a social issue.

However, there are people who use this procedure to 'balance out' the sexes in their family. So there are a number of reasons why people would choose to use this procedure.

^Why is it anyone's business?

When someone adopts a baby they can choose rather or not the baby be a boy or a girl, right? So, what's the difference?

Jewel Nicole:

^Why is it anyone's business?

When someone adopts a baby they can choose rather or not the baby be a boy or a girl, right? So, what's the difference?

Why isn't it anyone's business?

Personally, I'm not about to campaign against this - if it's legal in certain parts of the world then I'm not going to personally counter it. But there are some issues that are raised with this procedure that some people find worth discussing. And why is that bad? Discussion on issues is good. Abortion is a hot discussion topic in almost any nation on earth, as is adoption and gay marriage and the like. All of those things raise certain issues that some feel are important. And this is no different.

I'm not making anything personal. It's a general discussion about the issue of why some parents would choose one sex over the other. It's not about it "not being anyone's business". It is people's business if they feel there is an issue that can be discussed openly.

I personally feel it would be unethical of me to find a couple who have used this procedure and then pry into their life, harassing them and asking them to give me reasons for why they chose a boy over a girl.

But having a general discussion about why some parents choose to do this? That's up for anyone to put their two cents in if they wish.

veronika:

Jewel Nicole:

^Why is it anyone's business?

When someone adopts a baby they can choose rather or not the baby be a boy or a girl, right? So, what's the difference?

Why isn't it anyone's business?

Personally, I'm not about to campaign against this - if it's legal in certain parts of the world then I'm not going to personally counter it. But there are some issues that are raised with this procedure that some people find worth discussing. And why is that bad? Discussion on issues is good. Abortion is a hot discussion topic in almost any nation on earth, as is adoption and gay marriage and the like. All of those things raise certain issues that some feel are important. And this is no different.

I'm not making anything personal. It's a general discussion about the issue of why some parents would choose one sex over the other. It's not about it "not being anyone's business". It is people's business if they feel there is an issue that can be discussed openly.

I personally feel it would be unethical of me to find a couple who have used this procedure and then pry into their life, harassing them and asking them to give me reasons for why they chose a boy over a girl.

But having a general discussion about why some parents choose to do this? That's up for anyone to put their two cents in if they wish.

^ This. Thank you.

Personally, this isn't even something I feel strongly about, I just brought up points that to me seemed valid and the ones that make me feel uncomfortable with this. I'm not attacking one family in specific, and if I met parents who chose the sex of their baby, I wouldn't think less of them. It wouldn't be my place to tell them how to raise their kids. But, as a whole, I can have an opinion on parenting in society.

People can already choose whether or not they wish to raise male or female children. They can always give the unwanted child to adoption, and raise only the preferred gender, if they're so hard on differentiating between gender that they'll pay big bucks for it.

You also have to realise that if people make a difference in their head on whether they like males or females, changing the law against them choosing their child's gender, wont change anything.

So ultimately, I don't understand the issue here. The gender preference problem will always be there. Children will sometimes be sent to adoption homes, will be aborted or something to that end, if their parents decide so. Those cases seem to be not so common though.

People who would undertake the procedure aren't common, and among them only a percentage are the folks who discriminate against their child's gender.

For instance, if I was certain that me choosing my child's gender or eye colour or whatever, wouldn't harm my child, I would do it. Not many people would, but I think I would. Not because I prefer one gender over another, but because I know what a perfect family would be for me. (I want 4 children, the oldest a daughter, two twins, boy and a girl, and the youngest boy). It's ridiculous that I have this wanting, but I do, and if I could influence the future in a way that my silly wish would come true, I'd do it. That doesn't mean I would love my children any less if they didn't work out the way I want them to.

All the parents have some sort of wish on how they want their children to grow up. My father wanted me to be something I didn't turn out to be. Does that mean he discriminated against me? That he loves me less? Possible. I don't see that as a problem that law should be meddling with though, and I'm puzzled why you do.

Ahh. Tough issue.

I think that the less people meddle with the natural course of things, the better. I understand the point about how medicine can be an interference in the natural course of things as well, but I feel like being able to change the gender of fetuses
(and eventually the issue of 'designer' babies) dives into deeper ethical issues. You start to lose parts of humanity when messing with the very things that make us human.

I don't really think it matters to most parents what gender their baby is, because it is theirs. How can a parent love their kid more or less depending on their gender? My dad always wanted boys, but he got two daughters instead. And he loves us with everything he has. It wasn't until years later that my two little brothers came along that he got boys and yet, he still treats my sister and me the exact same. He even spoiled us more. He would have loved us either way.

Xsoteria:

So ultimately, I don't understand the issue here.

It's about questioning WHY some people make the choices they do. It isn't a pointing-fingers, naming-and-shaming of parents who choose this over the other. It's about dissecting and questioning the motive(s) behind choosing, say, a boy over a girl or a girl over a boy. That choice has to come from somewhere, and some people feel it's something that can be discussed. The way people have preferences for one thing and not another can sometimes be fascinating or interesting to some.

^I think some people just have a preference; I honestly don't believe it's about favoritism or being sexist; at all.

Jewel Nicole:

^Why is it anyone's business?

When someone adopts a baby they can choose rather or not the baby be a boy or a girl, right? So, what's the difference?

Actually that's not true. Parents can't choose the sex of the child they adopt.

When we adopted my younger brother, we weren't even expecting him. We were about to go on holidays and the agency rang and said...we have this baby boy available for adoption [We'd been waiting for over two years to adopt another sibling for me boy or girl we didn't mind].

EDIT:

@freudian slip I have to say that there are a minority of people who would rather one gender over the other. And I have heard of real cases where parents resent having boys over girls or vice versa.l It's usually a preference for a male child than a female, and it is sad. And it does happen. Favouritism is often sexism.

veronika:

It's about questioning WHY some people make the choices they do. It isn't a pointing-fingers, naming-and-shaming of parents who choose this over the other. It's about dissecting and questioning the motive(s) behind choosing, say, a boy over a girl or a girl over a boy. That choice has to come from somewhere, and some people feel it's something that can be discussed. The way people have preferences for one thing and not another can sometimes be fascinating or interesting to some.

Well how should we act once we do find out why some people have certain preferences? If people want boys rather than girls because they are sexist, what do we do? Do we stop them from raising girls, do we stop them from raising children altogether? Do we not let them choose (if it's possible) and let them gamble with what child they'll get, potentially ending in some less than desirable consequences?

I'm just not sure how does this translate into lets allow/not allow people to choose the gender of their baby, that's all. It doesn't have to be gender, what about stuff like physical appearance, hair and eye colour, stuff like that?

Xsoteria:

Well how should we act once we do find out why some people have certain preferences? If people want boys rather than girls because they are sexist, what do we do? Do we stop them from raising girls, do we stop them from raising children altogether? Do we not let them choose (if it's possible) and let them gamble with what child they'll get, potentially ending in some less than desirable consequences?

I'm just not sure how does this translate into lets allow/not allow people to choose the gender of their baby, that's all. It doesn't have to be gender, what about stuff like physical appearance, hair and eye colour, stuff like that?

Who said anything about stopping anyone doing anything? I'm not against this procedure. If someone wants to choose a boy over a girl or a girl over a boy, or choose their child to have blue eyes instead of brown, then that's the parents prerogative if they can pay for it.

All I suggested, however, was that it's interesting how some people pick one over the other, and the reasons behind the decision. I don't know how you managed to pick up that this discussion related to allowing or not allowing people to choose certain features of their children.

Jewel Nicole:

^I think some people just have a preference; I honestly don't believe it's about favoritism or being sexist; at all.

Who said anything about favouritism or sexism? I didn't.

Lol. It's quite amusing how people seem to be reading things in my posts I'm not actually saying. Suddenly mentioning how it's interesting to some how people have preferences over one thing or the other turns into "sexism" and "favouritism". Like, how did that happen?

veronika:

Who said anything about stopping anyone doing anything? I'm not against this procedure. If someone wants to choose a boy over a girl or a girl over a boy, or choose their child to have blue eyes instead of brown, then that's the parents prerogative if they can pay for it.

All I suggested, however, was that it's interesting how some people pick one over the other, and the reasons behind the decision. I don't know how you managed to pick up that this discussion related to allowing or not allowing people to choose certain features of their children.

Oh I apologise, I read a lot of posts at once and answered to the general impression of the thread instead to your post specifically.

veronika:

Who said anything about favouritism or sexism? I didn't.

Lol. It's quite amusing how people seem to be reading things in my posts I'm not actually saying. Suddenly mentioning how it's interesting to some how people have preferences over one thing or the other turns into "sexism" and "favouritism". Like, how did that happen?

I was just adding to the conversation; I wasn't really pointing fingers or anything.

the mice endure:

Actually that's not true. Parents can't choose the sex of the child they adopt.

I've done some reading online; when you fill out adoption forms you can specify that you're only interested in a boy or a girl; it usually means a longer wait but they can still allow you to adopt the preferred gender. There are some agencies that don't allow you to choose the gender, but there are some that will. So, it's a possibility.

Double post, sorry.

It is scientifically possible to do this, in fact genetic screening is used to prevent genetic diseases. The main problem is that several embryos have to be destroyed in the process.

So in order to decide the sex of your child you have to be willing to destroy other embryos that have the potentiality to form a human life, it seems a big sacrifice just for something as petty as gender

lookingatstars:

So in order to decide the sex of your child you have to be willing to destroy other embryos that have the potentiality to form a human life, it seems a big sacrifice just for something as petty as gender

That's a matter of opinion though. I don't think it's a big sacrifice considering the fetus isn't developed yet and I don't think choosing gender is "petty"...