Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Schizophrenia

I was diagnosed with clinical manic depression and severe anxiety. All was well on meds. Then I went to college and decided that one tiny pill was doing nothing for me and I made it all up. Depression hit hard and I nearly failed my first semester. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, yet couldn't get out of bed. I contemplated every night just taking a few too many asprin. Thankfully, I was snapped out of it by my boyfriends mother and started taking my meds again. I've balanced out but it was still a scary time. I have a tattoo that says "love" on my inner wrist to remind me that I can deal with my demons. Depression is not a pleasant thing.

I didn't really know where else to post this, but I thought this would be best, even though it might not totally fit.

I'm only posting this because I've tried telling my parents and they think I'm making it up, my friends laugh at me or think I'm crazy and I don't really know who else to tell. But basically I'm freaking out, and I need some one else's opinion who will at least try to take me seriously.

I can't really put it any other way: I'm hearing voices. I don't know if they're in my head, or I'm actually hearing them.

Thing is, I've only heard them a couple of times. The first few times, they were just like breaths, and I put it off as something more logical: the wind, the heating pipes, a noise from somewhere else in the house.

But then, maybe a few months ago, I heard a definite sigh. There was no doubt about it that I heard it and what it was. I was alone in the house, no music on, no TV. Just sat in my room, straightening my hair. It wasn't my straighteners. It wasn't me....I'm 100% sure what the noise was. Just not where it came from.

Then tonight I heard my name. I know, I know how ridiculous and impossible and crazy it sounds, but I know I heard it. It scared me, real bad. I've never been so shaken in all my life, nothing this real has ever happened.

I've been hearing things for a while now, but nothings ever been so certain as this. And I really don't know what to do. I'm scared to tell anyone, because I've tried before and they won't believe me. And if they do, then they might think I'm insane...

Please, if anyone has any advice... it'd help me out a lot.

^^ I don't mean to sound like a smartass, and I am quite serious, but have you ever thought of the possibility of a spirit or ghost? I know this is offtopic, but I would try the paranormal thread. I don't think your crazy, if there were voices, they would make themselves known.

I, uh, have depression. I'm on my second trial drug. Citalopram or something like that. I've also been on Prozac. I have a permenant fear of addiction, even though they're one a day 20mg pills. I'm positive it half-stems from my mom's depression she had, but it also stems from very personal issues and some very serious issues. I'm constantly in councilling, and if my councillor can't come, for some unknown reason (she always makes sure she's in, unless something really bad has happened, like today), then I'm thrown totally off. I've only been on Citalopram for two days now and I already have some side-effects, e.g. nausea, headaches, tiredness. It really sucks having depression, but I have a huge support cricle. It's a pity I only talk to three people out of everyone.

I just want to ask because I figured maybe someone who has it may be able to tell me; what are the symptoms of depression?
I've looked around but I keep finding sites that say different things so I'm not sure.
My friend has a sister who had depression and she thinks that I have it...
So I was just wondering if someone could tell me or help explain it a little better?

I have depression/SAD. It sucks, I'm a totally different person in winter, and I always change when it turns November. It sucks, but it gets better around February. I go to see a therapist now and that helps too.

^ You're SAD (which they should do that test for to get you a light box if you are clinical, they really work) seems quite 'light' I don't mean like - how you feel- wise, but lengh wise. My mum starts to slip in late September and only really 'wakes up' again in April/May time. God why can't people just have nothing wrong with them, it would be sooo much easier.

Jane Doe:

^ You're SAD (which they should do that test for to get you a light box if you are clinical, they really work) seems quite 'light' I don't mean like - how you feel- wise, but lengh wise. My mum starts to slip in late September and only really 'wakes up' again in April/May time. God why can't people just have nothing wrong with them, it would be sooo much easier.

It depends on the climate just as much as the person. Here (I live in Romania, so we have a continental temperate climate) it starts to get really sunny and nice outside by the end of February, in some years even earlier.

I'm not sure if this the right area but I have been finding that I've been doing things, odd things, that...make no sense.

Like I'd get an idea in my head and regardless of how mental I think it is, I do whatever I think I should.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I was convinced that someone was coming to visit me. I tidied the house, made a meal, even dressed up nicely (cause usually IDGAF)...is that mad?

A good friend of mine has mild schizophrenia. He's heard voices.

I've had a lot of friends who've had depression issues.

Hell, I think I was depressed for awhile once.

So I went to a doctor. I am on citaralzopram or something.

I just feel like such a failure.

Depression is now a close, close friend of mine and I don't know what to do about it because there's so much other crap going on in my family now that I'd feel horrible asking for the money to go see a therapist. Plus, I'm pretty skeptical about therapy, so even if it was definitely an option, I'm not sure I'd give it a shot.

Crookshanks:

Depression is now a close, close friend of mine and I don't know what to do about it because there's so much other crap going on in my family now that I'd feel horrible asking for the money to go see a therapist. Plus, I'm pretty skeptical about therapy, so even if it was definitely an option, I'm not sure I'd give it a shot.

Cognitive behavioural therapy is proven to be the "better" therapy. It can be used by anyone so even if you're not clincally depressed, it can be useful. It basically makes you observe and question automatic actiosn and thoughts, that's all.

The Doctor:

So I went to a doctor. I am on citaralzopram or something.

I just feel like such a failure.

My best friend is on this, I think. It really helped her - she's actually been able to talk on the phone and even come out with us! (This was a major, major breakthrough). She's not a failure, neither are you

After reading through here, I predict I'm Bipolar II. It bothers me how my mom says I must be bipolar because of how quick my mood changes, but that's mood swings. I do have those periods of times though. Like for a week, I'm depressed, then it doesn't come around for a little while again. And it comes out of nowhere. I just feel... empty and alone. And this past year has been so hard, because I don't know if I'm sane or not. I convince myself that I'm just overreacting, and the next week, I'm bawling my eyes out, trying to convince myself to ask for some help.

But now I'm super pissed off (<-not a symptom) after going to therapy for about two months. It's because I can't cry the same anymore. Like, when I'm sad, it's there and then it's not. Two minutes of tears and its gone. Now I can't get it out. I used to feel better after I poured my heart out. But now I just feel empty.

It's disgusting. Or maybe the disgusting part is that that's what I think is natural, and maybe, it isn't.

How have any one of these mental illnesses touched your life?

Well, I suffer from clinical depression. It's kind of hard for me to be social. My boyfriend is getting tested Schizophrenia, and he also has ADD.

So we make a pretty odd couple. We struggle with each other a lot but I think in the end it's easier because we know how the other feels to a certain degree and we can tell when we're getting sick of being in public. By picking up on subtle signs that others don't notice, we can tell when it's time to get out a situation.
If you get what I mean

munchy;:

How have any one of these mental illnesses touched your life?

Well, I suffer from clinical depression. It's kind of hard for me to be social. My boyfriend is getting tested Schizophrenia, and he also has ADD.

So we make a pretty odd couple. We struggle with each other a lot but I think in the end it's easier because we know how the other feels to a certain degree and we can tell when we're getting sick of being in public. By picking up on subtle signs that others don't notice, we can tell when it's time to get out a situation.
If you get what I mean

But how do you manage to maintain a healthy relationship with somebody who is often more or less incapable of normal emotional response to things? I suppose it depends on the kind of schizophrenia your boyfriend is suspected of having.

kafka.:

But how do you manage to maintain a healthy relationship with somebody who is often more or less incapable of normal emotional response to things? I suppose it depends on the kind of schizophrenia your boyfriend is suspected of having.

We manage by something called Love. I'm not saying it's easy, but I haven't managed a healthy relationship with anyone else. But with him, we've lasted over two years.

And it's not a severe case, like the stuff most people know, it's more mild.

munchy;:

kafka.:

But how do you manage to maintain a healthy relationship with somebody who is often more or less incapable of normal emotional response to things? I suppose it depends on the kind of schizophrenia your boyfriend is suspected of having.

We manage by something called Love. I'm not saying it's easy, but I haven't managed a healthy relationship with anyone else. But with him, we've lasted over two years.

And it's not a severe case, like the stuff most people know, it's more mild.

I had heard that Love was rumored to be capable of conquering all before, I just knew how ... not-nice to deal with I am when I get all crazed up during a depressive episode. Beside the fact that I can't eat/sleep/talk/work/do things properly, I'm generally nervous, grumpy, oversensitive, slightly paranoid and viciously hateful. It takes somebody who is significantly more emotionally mature than me to manage with that and still not feel like I'm not worth the effort. I've also recently had somebody in my family diagnosed with mild paranoid schizophrenia and he's almost impossible to get along with because although sometimes he tries really hard to be nice, he ends up doing the craziest things (like stalking people and threatening them over the phone) and often he just can't process all the things that people around him are feeling. And I was curious how anybody could get a relationship to work... in those conditions.

I think my citalopram dosage will be going up. :(